Poly-Friending yes, but no cuckolding

Posted by: @happycuckold

Your statement about that 5 period period is in the past tense.  Is that because the “no limits thing” wasn’t indefinitely sustainable?

Hi Happy 🙂 Love saying that 🙂

Sustainability wasn't the issue. Unfortunately she passed from cancer 🙁

I'll share how it was for us. Might be useful in some way.

We both come from a long string of failed relationships including a 20 year marriage for me. She was married prior as well for 10 years.

We got together, played around and decided we wanted to make a go of it. That said, we where both all to aware of relationship problems so decided we would figure out what went wrong for us in the past and come up with a way of doing it better.

In past relationships, it seemed like we would get with people, would be awesome at first and slowly decay. The issues seemed to stem from basic incompatibilities compounded by little frustrations creating cracks that would drain emotional reserves as well as undermined creativity making it easy for boredom to cool the relationship too much.

We played around with different things for about 3 years and came to the conclusion the frustrations which we where experiencing at this point where the result of equality. Us both feeling equal, inevitably one or the other of us would feel they weren't getting heard enough, or the other was getting their way more often or or or. I'm sure you get the point.

Have you ever seen one of those Japanese paintings with just a white background and a circle or a simple line. I like that. I like clarity. So we decided if equality was the problem lets introduce a power imbalance and that is what we did.

Like the painting, we did it simply. One of us would have the last word. We tried me for a few months, then we tried her. Then me and then her and decided we liked it being her.

It worked well for me because taking a sub mind set stopped me from fighting to get a point across or feeling like I wasn't getting my way enough. Basically it removed compromise which in my experience leads to a well, compromised life. It also removed complications arising from poor communication because one of the things she asked for was that I tell her what on my mind unvarnished when she asked which she did a lot. She having the last word would also share hers more freely because she felt secure.

As for my needs getting met, they did and they did because we where both happy and surprise surprise, happy people more naturally fulfil each others needs. Its all those little frustrations that turn people into assholes.

Chastity and orgasm retention came into it not just because it was a kink we both enjoyed, but also because it served as a tool to manipulate my hormones to benefit our relationship and both of us being on the extreme end of things let it run for a year several times 🙂

So you can see, while I've left volumes of nuisance unsaid, having a safe word would have ballsed things up because it would have been a way where she wouldn't have had the last word. It would have been a way for me to take a semi sub mind set. That said, and its kind of confusing, but I was dom most of the time and she liked that. She liked that I was dominant in most things except then she didn't want me to be. She liked having a switch she could flic to right the ship as it where.

What if she asked me to do something I really didn't want to? What about that you might be thinking? I look at it this way. If its not going to kill me or someone else quite literally, I'll try pretty much anything and I'll do it because I've often discovered thing I like doing through things I don't. Doing things that are hard not just physically but also mentality also gives one strength, more resilience, more confidence which plays well into having a great life.

So yea. We where together 9 ish years . 3 years figuring things out and 5 or 6 living it and it looked like it was indefinitely sustainable because the relationship never felt stale and we where both getting our needs met.

I'm sure this is a pretty convoluted read but there you go 🙂

Posted by: @happycuckold

@williamportor I believe that in the vast majority of FLR’s involving cuckolding, the husband doesn’t just “get used to it”, he wants it.  If the guy is turned on by humiliation play, the fantasy of nonconsent makes cuckolding more exciting.  But it would be potentially harmful to make women believe that FLR means they could cuckold an unwilling husband without putting the marriage at risk.  Cuckolding is a specific kink.  Many men are submissive in other ways without having that kink.  

I believe that in the vast majority of FLR’s involving cuckolding, the husband doesn’t just “get used to it”, he wants it.

I agree - up to a point.  Not convinced about  the "vast majority" part though.

I've said my peace on this subject, so it's back to the chessboard and books. Tournaments coming later this year, and I have battles to wage on the 64 squares. ? 

@brian I am sorry for your loss, Brian.  It sounds like you and your wife had a great relationship.  It probably worked well because you and she were both adventurous and willing to experiment.  I totally get what you say about introducing a power imbalance to simplify things.  It is true that a relationship of equals can be complicated because of the competing need of both partners to be heard.  I introduced my wife to the idea of FLR for erotic reasons. We used to argue, but our agreement that the last word would always be hers helped me to let go of my pride and stop arguing.  That was liberating for me and empowering for my wife. I don’t know whether I could have endured the extremes of chastity that you did, but it’s great that you and your wife were so compatible in your desire to go to extremes.  Thank you for your detailed response.

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  I’m thinking this site needs a verification process.  Not one to question anyone’s validity, but it’s not unheard of for a man to pose as a woman, which was where Nika was going I’m fairly certain.  That’s up to Emma, as she’s the Head Mistress, for lack of a proper term.

Humiliation of a submissive man is related to Cuckolding. Poly-Friending doesn’t have to be humiliating. A dominant woman can have sex with other men without humiliating her submissive partner. I advocate such a relationship. My husband supports my sex with others, and I don't do it in a way that will humiliate him. 

@suzzana

Fascinating discussion. Everybody have made good points.

Our fantasy had stalled at wearing the cage when we’re with other people. But, recently we reunited with an old friend of hers. Her friend has a younger boyfriend.

It wasn’t long before they saw my cage. I was surprised by their lack of “shock”. No humiliation.

So, the 4 of us have spent a lot of time in the spa. Me caged and the other 3 raw.

Our FLR is also developing in line with the 2 girls sharing “knowing smiles”.