Thoughts on cuckolding

@mstara

Thanks so much mstara.  

I read a theory recently that human beings are not monogamous creatures, or at least not physically. But we are very much emotionally monogamous, which is where the lines get blurred with many people having a hard time separating sex from emotional feelings.

Most people who you end up having sex with initially, you have no emotional connection with. That first time is often fairly soon after you have met and real emotional bonds haven't had a chance to form yet.  Men know this better than women, but I think all people know this deep down.

So early sexual encounters are really based on lust, physical attractions and the high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine that are released during attraction. These chemicals make us giddy, energetic, and euphoric, which can mean you can actually feel as though you are in love. The reality is though that there isn't an emotional bond, this comes much later as you get to know someone. 

So when someone is physically unfaithful, if the partner finds out then they feel betrayed because they somehow feel that they are no longer loved or that they were not good enough.

When it comes to having sex with another partner within an established relationship, where there is a strong emotional bond between the partners, this can be difficult to navigate as the chemical release can make it seem like the one having the extra relationship is more 'in love' with the new partner than the original one. 

However if both the partners recognise the process that initially attraction engenders then it becomes understandable and can be managed. My husband recognised this in me when I first started seeing someone else. He knew, and so did I, that the initial infatuation was due to the chemical release and that it would settle, which it has. 
 

@mstara

Very interesting and well written. Thank you

So I completely disappeared off this website after forgetting the password. TL;DR Recovered it by fluke and am glad to be back.

That Friday, we did invite her friend for a sleepover but we couldn't take the bold step. We tried a few times more but it never got beyond a sleepover as we keep dropping the idea at the last minute. It's now off our list as we are both nervous about affecting our relationship with this person. Dating scene is heavily affected by covid so there is little possibility of meeting someone new.

Posted by: @goldilocks

So I completely disappeared off this website after forgetting the password. TL;DR Recovered it by fluke and am glad to be back.

That Friday, we did invite her friend for a sleepover but we couldn't take the bold step. We tried a few times more but it never got beyond a sleepover as we keep dropping the idea at the last minute. It's now off our list as we are both nervous about affecting our relationship with this person. Dating scene is heavily affected by covid so there is little possibility of meeting someone new.

We are glad to have you back! To your point, tinder and the whole casual sex hookup culture is certainly on a pause right now. Who would have thought that part of our lives would ever have to be on hold?

What a great thread!  So many interesting ideas.  I wish I wasn’t so late coming to it.