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Are we right for FLR & chastity?

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Lockedforlynn
(@lockedforlynn)
Posts: 39
Trusted Member
Topic starter
 

Preface: at any point In time I feel like a different emotion is intercepting my thoughts.  Chastity is a rollercoaster of incapacitating thoughts and feelings. (Some people say they think more clearly and get more done; quite the opposite for me)

 

Blitzed with the aforementioned emotions I am currently struggling with the big picture question. Is chastity, FLR, retention, level 1-4 right for us?  We started where many couples do with a poor sex life and infrequent quality communication.  One sided sexual engagement eventually leads to giving up and the double edge sword of hating the situation and immensely loving a person not doing it for you.

Introduce FLR, chastity and submission to change the game. Lots of interest on her part and fully committed submission still isn’t quite working. Nearly zero tease, a ton of household chores, daily orgasms for her, kneeling, massages, foot rubs, head of the table, etc.   She still asks me if I want my potatoes peeled or skin on. 

Her career is in a place where leadership is the next step and she’s taken the highest level of training.  We’ve discussed the desired state of our relationship and FLR is it. Level 3-4.   She’s read a bit of this site, others, and a few books. I can’t/shouldn’t suggest any more influences to be disguised as a top from bottom. 

So what do I do?  There’s a real sad & empty feeling waiting for a long time to see this change, or do I toss the cage, take some learnings and try our best vanilla life?

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Posted : 10/11/2020 11:41 am
Pchorus
(@pchorus)
Posts: 2
New Member
 

did you communicate her properly, opening your feelings?

 
Posted : 11/11/2020 5:13 am
Mstara
(@mstara)
Posts: 162
Honorable Member
 
Posted by: @pchorus

did you communicate her properly, opening your feelings?

@lockedforlynn pchorus is right, she can't be expected to just slip into the mode you want her to without fully understanding what it is you think she should be doing. Even once you've explained don't expect her to ben dover backwards to accommodate your wishes.

Firstly she sounds like a very busy woman who is probably knackered by the end of the working day. The last thing she needs is to have to put lots of effort into fulfilling your needs - which is possibly why you vanilla sex life has dwindled anyway.

Secondly, if this is to be a true FLR then it is her who calls the shots not you! Sorry but that's how it works.

 
Posted : 11/11/2020 2:04 pm
spinpole2001, pchorus, subhubphx and 6 people reacted
Subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Posts: 1053
Member
 
Posted by: @mstara

Secondly, if this is to be a true FLR then it is her who calls the shots not you! Sorry but that's how it works.

I completely agree with MsTara.  Often when a husband hopes to enter into a WLM, there is disappointment at the amount of engagement (or lack thereof) from his wife.  I know that for me, and for many other couples, it takes time.  

AN essential question she will need to ask herself and answer herself is, "how does this benefit me?"  She needs to be able to experience how a WLM is a benefit to her, meaning it actually has to be a benefit to her.  In the end, that means that whatever expectations or hopes YOU have in how she should behave need to completely yield to whatever her reality is and is going to be.  You can help that process along by actually showing her and not just telling her.  AS she begins to experience the joys of being a well-served and pampered wife, then and only then can she begin to develop her style of leadership.  In other words, it has to actually be about her, and NOT about you.  

I get it.  Being ignored and denied is not at all the same and being teased and denied.  In fact, it's awful, but never forget that being a Woman in Charge is for work for her and if all she gets out of a husband's idea of a submissive, chaste husband is more work, and she can't see or feel the joy of it for her, it won't happen.

 

Communicate !!!  Do that without topping from the bottom.  

 

Good luck my friend!

 
Posted : 12/11/2020 6:58 am
Lockedforlynn
(@lockedforlynn)
Posts: 39
Trusted Member
Topic starter
 

Haha, thanks for the tip on communication.  It's certainly not the issue here and nor the time invested.  Perhaps two years is not enough but a person in any situation has the obligation to evaluate the cost/benefit of their choices.  

I think many of the comments and outlook this group have such a one sided benefit for the woman, and I get that but it's silly to enter into a relationship or subsequent arrangement without positive outcome, realistic expectations, and improved life for both parties.  Perhaps an issue but I view myself with high self worth and contribution to the team.

As for current efforts and status.  I'm locked, usually weekly release, I follow guidelines she's laid out, and am in the good books.  Never bad behaviour, or punishments in memory.

Per the preface on my OP.  A release was that evening so from then and to today the emotional turmoil has subsided.  This is an example of emotional cost to the man which isn't light.  For 10 personal things that I can see as negative aspects I have 5 shared positives.  It begs the evaluation of my choices.  (I can hear you yelling communicate your feelings... I've been there and though the clouds and concerns are not coherent thoughts.  Or the same whining, complaining, "I'm in chastity and having a hard time".  To see my FLR succeed, I've tried to quiet the noise she hears because it's non stop.)  

So a more constructive ask of the forum; for the men.  What do you get out of a moderate and perhaps inconsistent FLR?  Is it 'just right', fulfilling, is it a positive impact on your identity and character?  Do you see the benefit to you?           (I know she certainly sees benefit to her!)

 
Posted : 12/11/2020 8:45 am
Subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Posts: 1053
Member
 
Posted by: @lockedforlynn

So a more constructive ask of the forum; for the men.  What do you get out of a moderate and perhaps inconsistent FLR?  Is it 'just right', fulfilling, is it a positive impact on your identity and character?  Do you see the benefit to you?           (I know she certainly sees benefit to her!)

Like any relationship, there has to be balance and mutual benefit. If you haven't already, take a look at a blog I like to follow called Femdom Think Tank.  It's run by a lovely woman in an established WLM named MzKaylee,  and it is geared toward ALL of the aspects of a successful WLM, including what we are talking about here.  When I turned my Wife on to the blog, she felt like she had just come across something that she knew would help her in her role as Mistress Wife.  She blogs regularly on the importance of a well motivated, well loved and well respected submissive husband.  I think you'll like 

 
Posted : 12/11/2020 9:03 am
spinpole2001, lockedforlynn, spinpole2001 and 3 people reacted
Lockedforlynn
(@lockedforlynn)
Posts: 39
Trusted Member
Topic starter
 

I believe I've come to a conclusion on our (my) trouble this week.  (We've attempted FLR and used chastity 50% for about two years, and when it's optimum; it's more firm and more characteristics of femdom are in play.)  Since October we've agreed to practice FLR but have been working into it with bi-weekly full orgasms.  I'm sure a few experience people here can identify the issue and evidence with my posts.  Rollercoaster, or stop & go chastity is a recipe for volatility with my emotions.  Give me a week minimum and then the pieces fall into place, we discussed thoroughly the issues I was having, and strategy forward.

 
Posted : 15/11/2020 4:04 pm
Emma, spinpole2001, Emma and 3 people reacted

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