Growing up in a FLR household

Hi William,
I hope this is true.  That the demonstration of a FLR during impressionable years positively influences children, speaking strictly for my situation of two young girls.  I can't say the same for boys and might have a different opinion.  
Our girls are at the beginning of dating ages and when things get real I can guess that a good example of courtship in the house will predicate the girls expectations.  I have my expectations of a boy treating them the best possible, and those same qualities I better be demonstrating with their mother.  Many of those same examples are very inline with a FLR and the attention, care, devotion and respect that is increased in that scenario.  

I enjoy the situations that come up between me and the kids that I can use to promote the head of household position of my wife.  Subtly showing that I, as well as the kids answer to her.  Lately we've really ramped up the date nights and have always been open with physical affection, one of these times they're going to catch us kissing while I'm on my knees.  

Great question!  I was raised in a matriarchal household—my mom was the leader of the household, breadwinner, emotional support leader, involved in everyone’s life and even our faith formation.  My father, conversely was an alcoholic,harsh and not a strong model.  As a result, I found myself playing a supporting role to my mother, attempting to ‘lighten her load’—I was the housekeeper, landscaper and pool guy in our house. Through that role, I experienced her gratitude and appreciation for the help/assistance she received.  My siblings, one brother and one sister, checked out and did their own thing.  So, this begs the question of birth order and personality, not to mention individual’s experience within the family dynamics—I was the ‘baby’, so I feel I got a lot more ‘grace’ and freedom.  Based upon those early experiences, I have always been a ‘gentle man’, and as I matured I further developed into a gentleman.

In our family, married 20 years with 3 girls, in their teens and twenties, my wife is clearly the matriarch, and once more, I find myself in a supporting role, because this is what gives me joy and how I demonstrate my love for Her.  There have been times where we have experienced challenges—she stayed home for 10 years with the girls when they were younger(maybe I should’ve stayed home)—and I increased my work hours to financially support our family—but compromised other aspects of our relationship due to demands of work and family.  I will say, once she returned to the work force, and my business evolved, we are now in a much better place for me to play the supporting role and accept her leadership—which has led to greater emotional and physical intimacy. 

In terms of our girls, they are all different in terms of personality.  However, I do see that they are beautiful, confident, intelligent(emotionally and academically) and possess strength to lead should they choose. They’ve benefitted from observing their mother in a leadership role, and their father in a supportive role—in fact, they’ve also received and continue to receive my support.  So, hopefully, they’ve observed and experienced this model and received, observed and experienced the benefits and rewards of such an arrangement.   Our eldest has been in a relationship for 5 years—they are both in grad school, and she has just started to inquire about our relationship/marriage.  I’m happy to share my experience and perspective with her (and her boyfriend), because, I’ve experienced nothing but positivity in our relationship and marriage and family.

In conclusion, I feel the answer is there are many factors that influence growth, development and maturation.  Birth order, personality, family dynamics and experience within the family—observation and experience within the family and outside the family, as you mentioned—all play a role.  Our hope is that our young ladies benefit from the experience and model that we’ve provided, and that they find the same satisfaction, and quality of life and love that we now experience.