My journey has been accelerating

Posted by: @allabouther

What is not understood or appreciated by the "regular" man is that I like it too.  I actually long for it.

I long for it too, which is how we evolved (see what I did there?) to a WLM couple where the husband only has a full-on orgasm 3-4 times a year.  It's not at all uncommon for me to beg her not to allow/make me cum.  Weird huh?

Congratulations on the engagement!

OK, requesting in advance forbearance please if I missed it, but it was 12 pages after all. Please point it out to me. Consent and intent are everything. My intent is ALWAYS to ensure consent.

I am squicked out that for 12 pages and a better part of year, I wasn't able to find "My Queen" gave consent for "AllAboutHer" to share this story or text messages with a group of strangers.

It feels weird and voyeuristic to read about this hitherto vanilla gal without knowing that she gave permission BEFORE the first post on 2/13/2022 for people to read (and probably much more than that) about her Journey.

As a matter-of-fact, it would sit better with me to learn that this is some subby "happily ever after" serial fanfic than a non-consensual "frick and tell"

Like I said, if I missed the post about "My Queen" consent in this thread, thanks in advance for pointing it out.

@subhubphx and I recently exchanged thoughts in this forum on “longing” to be denied.  I wanted to expand on how I feel about this. 

Before my fiancé and I settled in an FLR in real life, concepts like surrendering control of my sex and personal life to a woman, chastity, and tease and denial lived exclusively in the world of fantasy.  In my mind where these ideas dwelt, I perceived them as desirable DESPITE the negative consequences I associated with them because I fantasized that those negatives would be outweighed by the positive effects of surrendering control to a woman I love and trust.  For example, I thought denial would be awful, but worth it because of the thrill of being under her control.  I thought that giving up masturbation would be arduous but necessary to obtain the psychological satisfaction of fulfilling my devotion to the woman I love.  I worried I would not be a good submissive because I would be constantly tempted to top from the bottom to obtain more frequent orgasms.

Now I find that my fantasy was completely wrong.  In fact, I find that reality has turned out to be WAY better than what I fantasized this life would be like.  I have now gone more than seven months without solo masturbation and during that time I have only cum with my Queen’s express consent.  She is 100% invested in the understanding and reality that I only have orgasms for her pleasures.  Not only has my Queen gotten over the “guilt” and “feeling of selfishness” associated with depriving me of orgasms, she actually gets indescribable peace from not feeling like she must reciprocate when she is given sexual pleasure.  In fact, she positively gets off on teasing me to the bleeding edge and making me beg only to deny me any orgasm.

And instead of anguish and frustration, I only feel extraordinary pleasure.  I don’t mean a little pleasure.  I truly mean extraordinary pleasure.  I find virtually no temptation to take matters into my own hands.  This is mostly because I found from the few times, many months ago, that I was given permission to masturbate solo, my orgasms were almost totally lacking in satisfaction.  They did relieve some stress.  But they provided virtually no emotional or sexual satisfaction.  In fact, they only reduced the pleasure of the next orgasm that I did receive at the hands of my Queen.  Instead of frustration and anguish, I find that she pushes me up to an extremely enhanced level of arousal that continues indefinitely rather than dissipates immediately with the refractory period.

Consequently, like last weekend, after my Queen had had her orgasms and had decided to turn her attention to me, I actually found myself doing something that is happening more and more often.  Instead of longing for the sexual release of an orgasm, I found myself longing for the opportunity to keep that heightened level of sexual arousal that I get from her teasing the hell out of me and denying me an orgasm.  I actually hoped that she would not let me cum.

I just didn’t get it a year ago.  And I find myself at a loss to explain how satisfying it is to any man who has not gone over the hump.  But, it is a real thing.  And it is delicious.

I got an interesting “reality check” on how my life has changed since my fiancé and I started our FLR.  At first, having her lead was the result of conscious action.  For both of us.  But, over time, having the focus of our personal and sex life being on her has become so normal that it really isn’t even remarkable any more.

For example, we have had plans for several weeks to take another couple out for shooting and dinner at our club on Friday night. But on Friday my fiancé had a nasty migraine headache.  It never occurred to either of us that she should bow out leaving me to entertain these old friends on my own.  When I learned she didn’t feel well, I had my assistant call our friends to cancel and I started making plans to pamper my fiancé for the evening with soup and hot tea.

By Saturday morning she was feeling much better and was back on her game.  But she had a full day of things to get done to make up for the time she lost on Friday.  She woke me up early and told me to go make her coffee.  I got up and went to the kitchen and soon returned with a hot cup of coffee with a splash of Bailey’s Irish Cream (her favorite way to start the day on weekends).  I rested my head on her shoulder while she sipped her coffee and talked through her plans for the day.  She was a woman on a mission and it was obvious that she was not interested in having me give her any sexual pleasure.

When her coffee was gone she pushed me to my back and reached between my legs.  She grabbed my balls firmly and told me to remove the metal ring that was around my twig and berries.  Once I was free she quickly stroked me to the edge.  She reminded that I was not to cum and that I was to tell her when I was getting close.  She doesn’t need to do this as I am not permitted to have an orgasm without her express permission.  But I think she gets a thrill out of reminding me that she is in control. 

It had been so long since my last orgasm, so I was on the edge in no time.  I told her I was already close.  She stopped stroking but held my erect penis in her hand.  Since it doesn’t feel right for me to have a release unless she has come first, I asked her for permission to make her cum.  She said, “No,” and gave me half a stroke to bring me back to the edge.  I asked for permission to cum myself.  She didn’t say anything.  She just looked me in the eye and gave me a couple of short strokes; just enough to cause an excruciating ruined orgasm.  I literally whimpered as a small stream of semen slowly leaked from the head of my penis.   She held me until the string reached my belly. 

I groaned in frustration.  She simply said, “Sorry!”  She gave me a quick kiss and climbed out of bed leaving me frustrated and denied.

All of this is just normal for us now.

She came back to town today to meet my family for brunch.   We were getting together with my older brother and his wife who are in town for a short visit.  They have only met my fiancé once at my father’s funeral almost five years ago.  They were anxious to get to know her better.  My brother is ten years older than me, and he met his wife met in middle school.  So, they have both known me and my personality for my entire life.

The whole family was sharing stories and at one point both my fiancé and I started to tell a story at the same time.  My fiancé turned to me and said pleasantly, “Put a pin in that,” and continued with her story.  I immediately stopped talking.

My sister-in-law was so shocked, she actually exclaimed, “What?!  That works?!”  Everyone in the family laughed including me because I have to admit that it is usually pretty hard to keep me quiet.  Actually, I didn’t even think about it. My fiancé made it clear that she wanted to speak, so I just naturally stopped talking.  My sister-in-law went on, “We’ve been trying to figure out how to do that for 60 years, and you did it just like that?” snapping her fingers.

All afternoon I have been thinking about how all these things happened without any thinking on my part.  Cancelling long-held plans with friends to take care of her, being grateful for being teased, ruined, and denied, and being quiet without a second’s hesitation so my fiancé could speak, come to me now as naturally as breathing.  But it took the reaction of my sister-in-law, who has not seen me for five years to realize how thoroughly my life has been changed by our FLR.

I am a happy boy today.  My fiancé and I have been up to our eyes with the real world for the last couple of weeks.  Work has been crazy because we are starting a new business and on top of that my fiancé has been putting in extra duty to help her disabled brother prepare for an upcoming major surgery.

Consequently, for about two weeks it has been difficult for us to make time to get into our own private space and shut out the rest of the world.  We have had a few opportunities for a little intimacy, but I have missed the feeling of being regularly and completely under her control for an extended period of time.

We got a break in the stress last night.  We finished a project late and got home at about 10:30. Even though it was late, we started decompressing quickly because we knew that today would be a relatively light day and the weekend was just around the corner.

We got into bed to snuggle and shared a couple of popsicles.  There was no “action,” just reconnecting.  Before long my fiancé was asleep with her head on my shoulder.  It was wonderful to hold her close even with no expectations.

When she woke up this morning she was in the mood for some adoration.  She rolled over to embrace me and proceeded to wake me with gentle kisses.  The gentle kisses turned into a heavy make-out session with her lying over me in a superior position.  The only words spoken were when she paused to say, “You’re going to make me coffee.”  It was a statement, not a question.

I replied, “Would you like your coffee now?”

“No,” she said.  “I have something else in mind first.”

She resumed kissing me.  Then she said, “I have other places than just my lips that need kissing.”

I took that as a hint to go down on her, so I started kissing my way past her breasts toward her pussy.  She stopped me and said, “Oh no.  I mean all the other places.” 

I was treated to a kissing tour over her entire body.  I tried to kiss every inch, front and back.  I lingered on her toes, fingers, and her beautiful ass.  I even ventured to place a gentle kiss on her rosebud which (kind of surprisingly) resulted in no objection.  I was quick and stealthy, just trying to plant a marker for the future.

She was lying on her stomach when I finished my tour of her body with a soft kiss to the back of her neck.  She told me, “You may lick my pussy now.”  As she was lying face down, it was an unusual and exciting position that gave me a chance to lick and kiss places that I don’t usually get to see.  She had her first orgasm as she lay on her side with my head between her legs and one knee pulled up toward her chest.

After a couple of orgasms, she tapped my head indicating that I should return to her side.  I used my fingers to give her a powerful orgasm and after resting for about 30 seconds she told me, “More!”  After her next orgasm, she told me, “I want you inside me.”

Entering her brought me to heaven.  After she had several climaxes, she instructed me, “I want you to come with me on my next one.” 

Once I felt her next orgasm starting, I asked, “May I have permission to cum?”

She responded, “Yes, you have permission.  Cum inside me.”

It has been more than six weeks since I have been allowed to enter her and cum inside her.  I thoroughly enjoyed the rare gift and have been on cloud nine all day.

Posted by: @allabouther

“Yes, you have permission.  Cum inside me.”

A beautiful collection of words.

They are indeed.  And she’s learning to play with them for her fun and to keep me true to my commitment that she owns my orgasms and I will only cum with her express permission.

She has a few rules that keep me attentive to her specific desires.  For example, it is not enough for me to ask for permission to orgasm before we begin making love.  I must ask when the issue is critical and the event is impending.  But I am also required to warn her when I am simply starting to get close, but well before I am approaching the point of no return.

So, for example, one way she will have fun with me is that she will play her usual teasing games to get me to the point that I tell her I am close.  From this point on, there are usually numerous times that I ask for permission and she will say “no,’ only to stop stimulating me for bit and then resume.  In the past couple of months she has gotten good at saying “No” to a full orgasm, but continuing with just enough stimulation that she ruins the orgasm.  Since my fiance doesn’t view a ruined orgasm as a pleasurable gift to me, she does not require that I seek permission before she makes it happen.  A ruin is her way of forcing me to tip barely over the line while I am struggling to hold back.  Sometimes after the ruin she will resume and ultimately allow me to have a full orgasm.  Other times, she stops altogether and leaves me denied and frustrated.

A recent trick of hers to take the teasing up another notch is to play coy.  If she has edged me and denied me permission a number of times, the next time I am at the edge I might simply say, “May I have permission?”  But instead of giving me an outright “yes” or “no,” she may keep me fighting to hold back while she continues stimulating me by saying, “Permission for what?”  It adds just a few more seconds of delicious anguish.

@allabouther They are delicious tormentors, aren't they?  Our girls seem very similar in their styles.  Ms. K. does not want (allow) me to ask for permission to cum before having sex.  It's always a wonderful mystery if it will even be considered.  The only time I am allowed to ask permission is when I am close to    1. stop without ejaculating - denial;  2.  Be close enough for her to ruin my orgasm, or;   3.  Allow me to have a full orgasm.   One of those happens a lot more than the other 2, and one of those happens VERY infrequently.

Our journey continues to accelerate.

I have been sorely missing intimate time with my fiancé this month.  She has been in overdrive the entire time for several different reasons.   And I have been stressed to the max with launching my new business.

It isn’t just that we have had too little time together.  When we have been able to find some time for ourselves, the periods have been all too brief.  There has been enough time for us to focus on her enough for her to relax and decompress.  But not enough time for us to have any deep conversations or for me to really worship her the way either of us likes.

I have been able to pleasure her several times.  But to be honest, until today, I have just been providing her enough releases to keep her going.  She hasn’t felt free to spread her dominating wings, and while I have been doing my duty, I haven’t really felt the liberation of being in sub-space.

This weekend we finally had an opportunity to get into our safe space together and focus on strengthening our connection.  We made plans for me to join her at her house yesterday.  After I arrived, we spent some time kissing like teenagers before heading to town.  We went to the historic, downtown pedestrian mall and strolled hand in hand.  We were not headed anywhere in particular.  We were just enjoying each other’s company.  We bought a few things and found some beautiful strawberries to share after dinner.   Afternoon became evening and we found a nice restaurant to share excellent Italian meal.

We have both been worn so ragged recently, we were back home in bed by 8:30.  We turned the lights down low and snuggled while we shared our strawberries and told each other stories of some of our favorite memories.  By 9:30, my fiancé was asleep with her head on my shoulder.  With her tucked under my arm, I could feel the stress draining the from her body.

We both slept the best we have in over two weeks and woke up refreshed.  I went downstairs to make coffee and brought it back to her in bed.  Having time to share coffee in bed together seemed like an incredible luxury.  We talked and snuggled and stopped every once in a while to do some serious kissing. 

Eventually, she told me to touch her.  I got to make slow, passionate love to her for over an hour. It was sublime.  In fact, we were able to accomplish a first.  She had the first g-spot orgasms she has ever had.  She told me they were mind-blowing, and they only made her more horny. 

Once she had all the orgasms she wanted, she relaxed into her state of bliss.  As she lay with her head on my shoulder, I felt like the king of the world.  Before we found each other, she never knew that she was multi-orgasmic.  I am proud that I helped her unleash that sexual power.  To help her discover powerful orgasms from her g-spot, that she had never felt before, was also incredibly satisfying.  She rewarded me with a wonderful hand job.

She asked me to get her more coffee.  When I returned, I asked her how she felt.  She answered, “Wonderful.”

Then her face got serious, and she looked me in the eye.  She said, “No, not just wonderful.  You make me feel positively adored.”

Of course, it is my goal for her to feel adored every day of her life.  After feeling that I have not been able to serve her adequately for two weeks, her words were music to my ears.  The feeling was so powerful that I immediately became erect.  She noticed.

“Oh, you’re still horny, are you?”

I admitted that I was.   She just smiled and gave me permission to jerk off for her.  “Shoot your load on me and give me my first shower of the day.”

I had a wonderful FLR Thanksgiving being of service to my fiancé.

She had been stressed to the maximum recently between work and being the primary person helping her paralyzed brother prepare for a major spinal surgery.  One of her daughters came to visit for a month (and brought her two dogs).  Even though she is 30 years old and married, she often acts like she is still a college student.  It simply doesn’t cross her mind that it might not be OK to “come home” any time she likes and stay for as long as she wants.  To top it all off, my fiancé’s mother would not hear of not hosting Thanksgiving for their large group of family and friends.  But because she is 85 years old, this really means that her daughter, my fiancé, is really responsible for doing it all for her.  Her mother is a difficult person on a good day, and she exasperates my fiancé virtually every time they are together.  My fiancé just gives, and gives, and gives.

Knowing my fiancé the way I do, I know that the best thing I can do is stand back, let her take charge, and be there to support her by following her orders.

I tried to do what I could in advance by shopping for as many things as she would allow me to get.  In addition, I was charged with bringing the wine and champagne, making a fancy salad, and baking the pies for dessert (my pecan pie is pretty f***ing awesome, imho).  I baked the pies this morning at my house and then drove to her mother’s house to help get things ready for the party. 

It was great watching my fiancé’s stress level decrease as the day progressed and she turned over more and more of the chores to me.   I set the table, put out the food, and carved the turkey (there are some things she still thinks are a “man’s” job).  After dinner, while she relaxed and enjoyed conversation with her family and friends, I did all the dishes.

By the time dessert was finished, my fiancé was as mellow as could be, reclining on the sofa curled up under my arm.  The best part of the day for me, and the best proof that I had helped her overcome her stress, was when she away from the group and to back bedroom where she had me lick her pussy.  As we came back into the family room where the rest of the family was talking, she had a grin on her face like the cat who ate the canary.  I had to untuck my shirt to cover my unsatisfied erection.

I hope everyone has something to be as thankful for as I do.

My fiancé had quite a lot of unusual stress in her life over the month of November.  The stress had a definite impact on our dynamic.  We had fewer sessions of sex and spent much less time making love than in any month since I have been keeping track of our activity.

She is so thoughtful and compassionate, and she made sure not to ignore me.  She granted me about two releases each week, which is what she generally allows.  But there was a huge difference in the number of her orgasms.  She had way less than one-half her usual number of climaxes.  And the ratio was skewed way downward with her only have two orgasms for every one of mine.

I would say that the pressure of all the things going on in her life forced her back into old habits.  Either that, or the stress made her feel less confident and comfortable in giving free reign to her dominant side.  I really missed being under her control.  Of course, I didn’t bring it up because I was doing everything I could to support her and help relieve her stress.

As the month went on, however, when we did have opportunities to be intimate, I encouraged her to not restrain herself.  I urged her to let go, focus on her own pleasure, and feel completely free to take charge in those times we could be together. 

Things did change as the month progressed.  While she didn’t want to indulge in longer love-making sessions, she was more free in asserting her dominance.

As I mentioned in a previous post, at Thanksgiving dinner at her mother’s house, she took me to a back bedroom and had me lick her pussy.  The next Monday, she reach out to me to initiate some phone sex.  After playing for about 45 minutes, she ordered me to make myself cum for her and gave me 15 seconds to do it.  The thrill of listening to her counting down pushed me over the edge and I made it with 4 seconds to spare. 

Finally, a week later we were going to be able to spend two nights in a row together.  She was extremely horny the first night and exercised total control over me.  I was surprised that she wanted to talk in detail about the sensations I feel when she ruins my orgasms.  She had several powerful orgasms that were a wonderful pleasure to share.  And while she teased me extensively, mercifully, she did give me a release with her hand.  It is hard to explain how her dominance was comforting to me. 

The next night, I hoped that we would make love again.  But instead, she instructed me to give her a pedicure.  When I finished, she wanted to cuddle and we both fell asleep with her head on my shoulder.  The next morning, she woke me early to make out.  After kissing me for 20 minutes, she confirmed that I was going to make her coffee.  I said, “Of course.  That is my job every morning.”

She nodded in agreement, and said, “Good.  I want just a splash of Bailey’s.”  Then she reached for my erect penis.  There was no teasing, she just started stroking with purpose.  It didn’t take long for me to be quickly approaching the edge.  I begged her to let me lick her pussy, but she refused.  She brought me straight to the brink and suddenly let go of my hard cock, leaving me with a perfectly ruined orgasm.  There was not even a single spurt.  There was only a long, slow leak of semen that formed a large pool on my stomach.

The only thing she said to me was, “Go make my coffee.”

My queen is back and with a twist.

After a long and stressful month, my fiancé and I were finally able to clear out almost a full 24 hours for us to be alone.  Until a few days ago, we thought her paralyzed brother would be having his spinal reconstructive surgery yesterday.  So, my fiancé had planned to be off work so she could be his advocate during the procedure and throughout the weekend as he began recovery.  The insurance company dropped the ball and his surgery got put off for several weeks.  So, all of a sudden on Thursday afternoon, her calendar for the next three days was wiped totally clean.

After she gave me the news about the rescheduled surgery, she told me she was going to come to work on Friday to begin work on her next project for my new business.  I told her I wanted her to stay away from the office and take time for herself.  We agreed that I would come out to her house after work on Friday and stay until Saturday afternoon.  So, we got almost a full 24 hours together with no distractions.

The time together was wonderful.   We did a lot of talking, kissing, and reconnecting.  I reiterated my point about her giving to everyone else in her life and encouraged her to reassert her control and just be herself.  I did tell her how much I had missed being under her control regularly.  The first sign that she was getting back in her groove was when we were headed to dinner.  She announced that she was taking me to dinner. 

I told her I was happy to take her.  But she said she had looked at her December 1 pay stub she got on Thursday.  She told me that it blew her mind how her life with me had changed things for her.  She told me she had never made six figures in a year before.  We headed out to the restaurant she had chosen, but before we got there she exercised her prerogative to change her mind and announced that she was feeling adventurous and we were going to try a new upscale restaurant that had opened downtown.

After we returned to her house, she told me I might want to set the coffee machine up before we went to bed to save myself trouble in the morning.  I smiled to myself and went to grind the beans as she went upstairs to get comfortable.  I joined her in bed, and we continued talking.  Of course, I was a horn dog and she knew it.  But, as usual, I initiated nothing.  We snuggled and before long she was asleep on my shoulder.

Saturday morning was the best.  We made love for five and a half hours.  I don’t mean we had sex that long.  I mean, we focused on being as intimate with each other as we could.  At six o’clock, she told me she was ready for her coffee.  So, I got out of bed and padded off downstairs to the kitchen.  I returned with the coffee, and we resumed talking.  She told me how nice it was to fall asleep in my arms, feeling no pressure to have sex if she just wanted to relax.  I told her how powerful it makes me feel to create such a safe and comfortable space for her. 

She went on and on, praising me for the things I do for her, how I make her feel special, the ways I support her, and the “way” I love her, meaning my commitment to our FLR and allowing her to be in control.  She often says very lovey-dovey things.  But this profuse praise was unusual.  It was nice to hear, but it actually made me feel a bit self-conscious.  All I could do was tell her that I was glad she felt the way she did because obviously, my plans to make her feel that way were working.

She sent me back to the kitchen several times for more coffee and we spent a bit of time looking for a new house online.  There was lots of cuddling and gentle kissing.

Finally, at about 9:30, after some especially personal conversation, she became amorous.  She took off her top and told me to take off mine.  Then she took a superior position over me and started kissing me with purpose.  Eventually, she climbed up my body and planted a kiss on my mouth with her other lips.  I was thrilled that she was going to queen me, and I told her, “Thank you.”

“For what,” she asked.

“For queening me.  You don’t know how much I want you to sit on my face and pin me between your legs,” I answered.

She pulled her pussy away and said, “Well, maybe I will, and maybe I won’t.”

I struggled to reach her pussy lips with my tongue.  She made me beg her to queen me for several minutes before she settled down on my face.

I luxuriated under her and took my time to bring her to three powerful orgasms.  As the third one receded, she pulled off and said, “I want a REALLY big one.”  She rolled over onto her back next to me a spread her legs.

I followed her instructions and worked to build the big one she was looking for her.  She came in a massive explosion that built up like an earthquake.  At the peak, her screams were so loud and I have no doubt that the neighbors heard her.  I kind of figured that her orgasm would wipe her out, but I was wrong.  No sooner had she caught her breath, than she said, “Again!”  I had my orders and I went right back to work.

By the time she had her last orgasm, she was totally limp and was in what she calls her state of bliss.  She pushed me onto my back and curled up next to me with her head on my shoulder and her thigh across my legs, just touching my erect penis.

I held her close as she slept for about 30 minutes.  I patiently waited for her to wake up.  I tried to not move at all so that I wouldn’t disturb her.  I just focused on the softness of her hair and the warmth of her body against mine.  Of course, the smell of her pussy was all over my face and I got to enjoy her scent while she snoozed.

She woke with a start and said, “I fell asleep.”

“You sure did,” a replied.  “You were pretty wiped out.”

She immediately reached between my legs, and said, “You know, I am going to give you permission to cum this morning.  You’ve been a very good boy.”

I couldn’t help but smile to myself.  I felt like I was in one of the Mommy Dom stories I have read online.  She is always affectionate.  But the praise she gave me yesterday morning was very unusual.  And when she called me a “good boy,” I almost couldn’t believe it.  I have no doubt that she has never heard of the phrase, “Mommy Dom.”  She was saying what came naturally to her.  But it gave me a glimpse into the gentle femdom dynamic that some people love.

I didn’t get to think about it too long, however.  She went immediately back into tease mode.  “But, you will have to ask for that permission before you get it.  You’ll be visiting the edge first.”  She edged me a few times, then told me to jerk off for her.  When I told her I was getting close, she told me to stop.

Then she went down on me and brought me to the edge with her mouth.  Finally, she resumed stroking me.  I was dripping precum like crazy.  I told her I was close, but she kept on stroking.  I asked for permission to cum.  She said nothing but kept stroking.  I fought to hold my orgasm back and begged urgently for permission to cum.  Again, she said nothing but just kept stroking.

I was squirming and trying to pull away, repeating, “Please, please, please, please may I have permission to cum.  At last, she gave me permission and stroked out my load all over my chest.

It has been so long since we spent such a long intimate time together.  I feel like I am totally refreshed.  We are going to have to go back into hunker-down mode as her brother’s surgery is coming back up.  But we will get through it together.

We had a new first in our FLR yesterday.  I have mentioned on this forum before that my fiancé was so overwhelmed with responsibilities during the month of November that it was hard for us to spend time together where I could pamper her and help her regenerate strength.  I just tried to be as supportive as I could be while she was in hunker-down mode.

The pressure let up some about ten days ago, and we were able to have a bit more time for ourselves and to reengage in our normal lifestyle.  In that time, I have been able to give her a pedicure, serve her a picnic in bed, and spend more nights just cuddling and kissing.  She has also been reasserting her control in the bedroom.  She has had the inclination for sexual intimacy four times.  Over that period, she has queened me, pinned me on my back and gone wild cowgirl on me, and teased and denied me twice.

Yesterday we got together so that we could do some Christmas shopping and I could take her out on a date.  We had a great afternoon shopping and we both checked a lot of gifts off our Christmas lists.  She was a woman on a mission, I spent most of my time following around behind her with a smile and carrying her bags as well as mine.  By 7:00 she had had enough, so we headed over to our club to relax for the rest of the evening, have a few drinks, and enjoy a nice dinner.

While we were waiting for dinner to be served we took our drinks to the pool room.  We played a game of Eight Ball and I was proud of her when she beat me.  I gave her a kiss to congratulate her and she said she hoped she hadn’t embarrassed me in front of the other club members.  I told her I was thrilled that she played so hard and didn’t feel like she had to let me win to protect my fragile male ego.

At Dinner, she brought up our FLR.  She said, “I continue to be amazed that you are such a take-charge kind of man.  You run a multi-million dollar business with 15 employees, you just started a second business on top.  You are launching two sons at the same time.  And still, you want me. . .”  She paused for a few seconds to search for the right phrase.

“To be my Domme?” I offered.

“Yes,” she said while nodding her head.  “You are a very special man,” she said.  “What do you get out of this?” she asked.

“You liberate me.  And it has been the most rewarding feeling of my life helping you show your self-confidence and power and watching you spread your wings,” I answered.

She nodded again because she has heard me say these things many times before.  “Well, I love the way you love me.  And I don’t like to say unkind things about your ex, but she was a fool.”

After we finished dinner, she asked me if I wanted to go 2 out of 3 at pool.  I said, “If you're asking me what I want, I’d rather go home and lick your pussy.  It has been almost 5 days and I have missed it.”

“OK,” she replied. “Let’s go home then.”

On the way home, she said, “Would you get the coffee ready for the morning.  I am looking forward to coffee in bed.”

“Of course,” I said.  “But, you know I will do that, and you don’t have to ask.”

“I know,” she said.  “I just don’t want to be rude.”

“That’s nice,” I replied.  “And I don’t mind you being polite.  That is sweet.  But it doesn’t feel right when you ask.  That suggests that won’t automatically get what you want.  You could just say ‘Please.’”

“Please get the coffee ready for the morning when we get home” she said.  “Yeah.  You’re right.  That sounds much better.

We got home I ground the coffee beans and set up the coffee machine while she went upstairs and got into something more comfortable.  I came up with a little light dessert and we got into bed.  We ate our treats quickly and I was already erect before she even put her head onto my shoulder to snuggle.  I got one quick kiss and knew immediately that I was going to be deprived of the pleasure of licking her pussy last night.  She nuzzled her head into my neck and was quickly snoozing.  I willed my hard-on to go down and hoped that I would have better luck this morning.

This morning we woke up at the same time.  I got up immediately to start the coffee, put the dog out, and make him breakfast.  When the coffee was ready, I added a splash of Bailey’s Irish Cream to our cups and returned to the bedroom.  We sipped our coffee and talked about finishing the turkey soup we were going to serve the family tonight after we trimmed the tree.

Then, she said, “Speaking of trimming, I like you to use the trimmer to trim up my pussy.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” I smiled from ear to ear.

“But, you need to get me more coffee first,” she said.

I got her a fresh cup of coffee and brought out a towel to place under her bum.  I got the hand trimmer and nestled down between her legs.  The smell was divine.  I know I am biased, but she has the most beautiful pussy I have ever seen in my life.

I started to trim her bush down and made a suggestion.  “Since we are going to get married this month, how about I trim your bush into the shape of a heart?” I asked.

She grinned and said, “That sounds romantic.  Please do.”

After trimming her pussy and cleaning up, I climbed back into bed to finish my coffee.

She finished hers and said, “Well, we’ve got to get going.  We both have things to do before the party this afternoon.  With that, she rolled over onto her side, put her arm across my chest, and said, “I want you to jerk off for me.”

“Oh.  May I please lick your pussy?”  I asked.

“No.  You are to jerk off for me.  But make sure you tell me when you get close,” she said.

“Baby, you know I don’t feel right cumming until you’ve been satisfied,” I told her.

“Oh, I promise.  You won’t cum,” she said sternly.

I did as she asked and told her when I got close.  She said, “Then you have to stop.”  She kissed me and about 15 seconds later, she said “Resume.”

This time, as I got to the edge, I begged, “May I please have permission to cum?”

“No,” she said without hesitation.  “You’d better stop.”

Then she took me into her own hand and edged me several times.  Finally, I as I was dripping pre-cum, I was breathlessly begging for permission to cum, or permission to lick her pussy, or permission to do anything to get some relief.

“No,” she said.  “You’ll have to wait a few more hours.”  And she hopped out of bed.

Having her be her usual dominating self over the last ten days has been great, to be sure.  But this is the first time either of us has ever openly referred to her as my Domme or to what she does as dominating me.  I thought she might balk at the strong language, but no.  She just matter-of-factly acknowledged that that is who she is and what she does.

Merry Christmas to me.

The combination of being pulled away from regularly being in our zone where she is in control and I am serving her and thinking about the fact that our wedding is fast approaching, put her in the mood to take stock of the benefits, and formality, of our FLR, has made her more serious about it.  Here is the story of how this manifested itself in the last day.

Over the past couple of weeks, the stress has moved from her to me.  The number of details that have to be attended to with our new business is endless.  We had plans for her to spend the night at my house last night.  As we got to the end of the day at work yesterday, she came to my office and asked me, “What are we doing for dinner?”

  I try to deflect these attempts to be courteous and deferential by offering her options.  Of course, I had been thinking of options that I thought she might like, so I was ready for her question.  I told her the truth, “I am so stressed out from work today, I cannot wait to get out of here into your space.”  (Her space is where she is the alpha and in total control.  I am liberated from having to be in charge and can just submit to her control.

I continued, “You have a choice.  I have double-cut pork chops at home that we could put on the grill.  Or I could take you to the Club where we could have a few drinks and smoke cigars.  We could either eat at the club or combine the two by going home afterward to have the pork chops.”

“Ooh, I could kick your ass at pool again,” she said.

I replied, “You probably would.”

“Or,” she said, “we could go for Tex-Mex and have Carne Asada.”

“Absolutely,” I agreed.  “Which do you prefer.”

Then she said, “I am so burned out, I don’t want to have to think about it.  What do you want?”

I stood my ground (which is to say, I tried to stay in my submissive role), and pushed back a little to try to help get her back into “automatic” control mode.

“Well, we’re in your space now, so we do what you want.  Remember there is nothing to think about.  You don’t have to do any calculations about what I would prefer.  Just answer the question off the top of your head.  What would make you happiest right now? And we are done.”

She took my push back well and nodded.  “Carne Asada.  I’ll meet you there.”  She turned around and left.

As they were clearing the plates from our dinner, I asked if she would like dessert.  She said, “I want to go home and get into bed.  I want you to bring me a glass of Bailey’s Irish Cream on the rocks.  That’s what I want for dessert.”

“You’ve got it.  Just let me get the check,” I said.

We got home and she went upstairs to get comfortable.  I attended to the dog, cleaned up a few things in the kitchen and started the dishwasher, and filled a brandy snifter with crushed ice and Bailey’s.  By the time I got to the bedroom, my fiancé was already in bed wearing one of my dress shirts (super sexy).  I changed into the T-shirt I sleep in and joined her.  It was early, and my spidey sense told me she wanted to have a talk.  So, I suggested we do a few questions from one of our Caitlin V “Intimacy” boxes.  She readily agreed.

As always, the cards sparked some wonderful conversations.  One question she drew was, “Which relationship of yours has taught you the most about sex?”

She immediately answered, “You.  This one.”

“How is that?  What have I taught you?” I asked.

She replied, “You have taught me that sex is for my pleasure and all about me.  You have taught me I don’t need to feel guilty about wanting to be in control.  You have made me feel totally comfortable about not feeling like should ‘put out’ even when I know you are horny.”

I just smiled a satisfied smile.  There was a lot more to this conversation, but she summed up her feeling by saying she has come realize that she could not be happier about the focus on her and understands, more than ever, that she is not being selfish when she revels in it.  She knows she is giving me something that I deeply desire by allowing me to focus on making her happy.  She wants me to be happy.

This led to a conversation about how my stress is managed now that I have given up solo masturbation and she controls all of my orgasms.  She asked, “Doesn’t having fewer orgasms make you feel more stressed?”

I explained that since we started our formal FLR and I surrendered all my orgasms to her, that old sense of pleasure and stress relief that I used to associate with orgasms has been totally transferred.  I said, “I don’t long for orgasms anymore.  I long for sexual intimacy.  I get the same feeling of closeness and emotional release when we have a session that ends in an orgasm for me, as I do when you have me masturbate for you under your supervision, or when you tease me and deny me on orgasm altogether.”

She replied, “I think you mean it.  I used to assume that you would be cranky all day if I teased and denied you.  But the truth is you only get more lovey-dovey.”

During our talk, she told me to go get her another glass of Bailey’s.  So, I got out of bed, put on some shorts (my son and his girlfriend were in the house), and got her a refill.  When I returned, we talked about how we both felt that the openness and willingness to be vulnerable with each other was going to put us in very good stead for the long run once we are married.

The conversation morphed into us making out.  My fiancé wanted to kiss, and it continued for over 45 minutes.  As we made out, she settled down into her place of bliss and she told me that was happening.  I concluded that another evening would end with her asleep on my shoulder.  But I was wrong.  She reached for my erection and started to stroke me.  She told me to take off her shirt and mine, too.  She asked me how it felt, and did I feel the stress abating. 

I told her, “This whole evening has been a great stress reducer.  And right now, being under your control and in your hand, stress is the farthest thing from my mind.”  She told me she wanted me to cum for her.  I protested that I don’t feel right cumming before she has her pleasure. 

She said, “I get what I want, remember?  I don’t want to disturb my feeling of bliss and I want you to cum.”  She went on, “I want you to lie back and close your eyes.  Tell me when you are getting close.”

To make a long story short, she stroked me to a ruined orgasm and started kissing me again.  After several minutes, she instructed me to jerk off for her.  As I approached the peak, I asked for permission to cum, as I always do, and she said, “Yes, you have my permission.”  She was lying right beside and holding me as she supervised my stroking.  My orgasm was so powerful I hit us both in the face.  I am constantly amazed that the strength of my orgasms at the age of 60 are way beyond any I have had for over 30 years.

I thanked her.  While she held me asked me to tell her about the experience and tell her how I felt now that I had cum.  Of course, I obliged.  I am an open book to her now.   We fell asleep in each other’s arms.

This morning, my fiancé woke up before me ready to tackle the day.  She woke me from a sound sleep and said, “I need coffee.”  I kissed her for a minute and got up to go make her coffee.

I brought it back to her and said, “Thank you for waking me to make your coffee.”

“You’re welcome,” she smiled.

Instead of going back to sleep, I put my head on her should while she drank her coffee.  We talked about the day ahead.  When she finished her cup and put it on the bedside table, she noticed my erection.   She reached out to me and started giving me a most exquisite hand job.    As she got me closer, I offered to pleasure her.  She said, “No.  I am having my fun now."  She gave my hard-on a firm squeeze.  "I am going to deny your orgasm.”

After a couple of edges and denials, I said, “You really are having fun, aren’t you?”

“Oh, yes I am,” she said as she smiled from ear to ear.

"May I please lick your pussy?" I implored.

"No, but you can have this," she said.  She dipped her finger into her wet pussy and fed the nectar to me.  

She brought me to the edge more than five times and fed me her pussy juice several more times.  I groaned but sucked her fingers dry.  She commented on how I was “leaking.”  She put her finger in the precum on my belly and spread it around my stomach.  Then she scooped up a bit and fed it to me, too.  The combination of my sweet precum and her tangy pussy juice was intoxicating.  After so many edges that I had lost count, she brought me especially close.  I pleaded for permission to cum for her.

“No,” she said.  She let go and rolled out of bed.  I closed my eyes and worked on getting my breathing under control.  She got some clothes from her suitcase and eventually came around to my side of the bed.  She sat down on the bed while my eyes were closed and reached for my still-hard erection.  I opened my eyes to see my beautiful fiancé in my dress still in my shirt wearing and now wearing her librarian glasses.  Oh, my God! The sight was hot.  My erection swelled.

She reached out and took me in her hand again.  She stroked me toward the edge one more time and I was there in less than a minute.  She could tell I was approaching fast and asked, “Are you getting ready to cum?”

“Yes, yes!  May I please have permission to cum?” I pleaded.

“No.  No cumming for you today.” She let go and my penis slapped against my belly.  She gave my balls a firm squeeze, got up, and headed to the bathroom for a shower.

My fiancé has gotten into teasing me and denying me with some regularity and I know she has always gotten a wicked pleasure from doing it.  But this morning, she was downright having fun.  It was the best tease and denial session she has ever given.  Now I can do nothing other than look forward to Saturday night when I will get to spend the night with her again.

Am I cranky?  No.  I stopped by the florist on the way to work to buy her flowers and thank her for the awesome tease and denial.