[Solved] My journey has been accelerating
What is not understood or appreciated by the "regular" man is that I like it too. I actually long for it.
I long for it too, which is how we evolved (see what I did there?) to a WLM couple where the husband only has a full-on orgasm 3-4 times a year. It's not at all uncommon for me to beg her not to allow/make me cum. Weird huh?
Congratulations on the engagement!
OK, requesting in advance forbearance please if I missed it, but it was 12 pages after all. Please point it out to me. Consent and intent are everything. My intent is ALWAYS to ensure consent.
I am squicked out that for 12 pages and a better part of year, I wasn't able to find "My Queen" gave consent for "AllAboutHer" to share this story or text messages with a group of strangers.
It feels weird and voyeuristic to read about this hitherto vanilla gal without knowing that she gave permission BEFORE the first post on 2/13/2022 for people to read (and probably much more than that) about her Journey.
As a matter-of-fact, it would sit better with me to learn that this is some subby "happily ever after" serial fanfic than a non-consensual "frick and tell"
Like I said, if I missed the post about "My Queen" consent in this thread, thanks in advance for pointing it out.
@subhubphx and I recently exchanged thoughts in this forum on “longing” to be denied. I wanted to expand on how I feel about this.
Before my fiancé and I settled in an FLR in real life, concepts like surrendering control of my sex and personal life to a woman, chastity, and tease and denial lived exclusively in the world of fantasy. In my mind where these ideas dwelt, I perceived them as desirable DESPITE the negative consequences I associated with them because I fantasized that those negatives would be outweighed by the positive effects of surrendering control to a woman I love and trust. For example, I thought denial would be awful, but worth it because of the thrill of being under her control. I thought that giving up masturbation would be arduous but necessary to obtain the psychological satisfaction of fulfilling my devotion to the woman I love. I worried I would not be a good submissive because I would be constantly tempted to top from the bottom to obtain more frequent orgasms.
Now I find that my fantasy was completely wrong. In fact, I find that reality has turned out to be WAY better than what I fantasized this life would be like. I have now gone more than seven months without solo masturbation and during that time I have only cum with my Queen’s express consent. She is 100% invested in the understanding and reality that I only have orgasms for her pleasures. Not only has my Queen gotten over the “guilt” and “feeling of selfishness” associated with depriving me of orgasms, she actually gets indescribable peace from not feeling like she must reciprocate when she is given sexual pleasure. In fact, she positively gets off on teasing me to the bleeding edge and making me beg only to deny me any orgasm.
And instead of anguish and frustration, I only feel extraordinary pleasure. I don’t mean a little pleasure. I truly mean extraordinary pleasure. I find virtually no temptation to take matters into my own hands. This is mostly because I found from the few times, many months ago, that I was given permission to masturbate solo, my orgasms were almost totally lacking in satisfaction. They did relieve some stress. But they provided virtually no emotional or sexual satisfaction. In fact, they only reduced the pleasure of the next orgasm that I did receive at the hands of my Queen. Instead of frustration and anguish, I find that she pushes me up to an extremely enhanced level of arousal that continues indefinitely rather than dissipates immediately with the refractory period.
Consequently, like last weekend, after my Queen had had her orgasms and had decided to turn her attention to me, I actually found myself doing something that is happening more and more often. Instead of longing for the sexual release of an orgasm, I found myself longing for the opportunity to keep that heightened level of sexual arousal that I get from her teasing the hell out of me and denying me an orgasm. I actually hoped that she would not let me cum.
I just didn’t get it a year ago. And I find myself at a loss to explain how satisfying it is to any man who has not gone over the hump. But, it is a real thing. And it is delicious.
I got an interesting “reality check” on how my life has changed since my fiancé and I started our FLR. At first, having her lead was the result of conscious action. For both of us. But, over time, having the focus of our personal and sex life being on her has become so normal that it really isn’t even remarkable any more.
For example, we have had plans for several weeks to take another couple out for shooting and dinner at our club on Friday night. But on Friday my fiancé had a nasty migraine headache. It never occurred to either of us that she should bow out leaving me to entertain these old friends on my own. When I learned she didn’t feel well, I had my assistant call our friends to cancel and I started making plans to pamper my fiancé for the evening with soup and hot tea.
By Saturday morning she was feeling much better and was back on her game. But she had a full day of things to get done to make up for the time she lost on Friday. She woke me up early and told me to go make her coffee. I got up and went to the kitchen and soon returned with a hot cup of coffee with a splash of Bailey’s Irish Cream (her favorite way to start the day on weekends). I rested my head on her shoulder while she sipped her coffee and talked through her plans for the day. She was a woman on a mission and it was obvious that she was not interested in having me give her any sexual pleasure.
When her coffee was gone she pushed me to my back and reached between my legs. She grabbed my balls firmly and told me to remove the metal ring that was around my twig and berries. Once I was free she quickly stroked me to the edge. She reminded that I was not to cum and that I was to tell her when I was getting close. She doesn’t need to do this as I am not permitted to have an orgasm without her express permission. But I think she gets a thrill out of reminding me that she is in control.
It had been so long since my last orgasm, so I was on the edge in no time. I told her I was already close. She stopped stroking but held my erect penis in her hand. Since it doesn’t feel right for me to have a release unless she has come first, I asked her for permission to make her cum. She said, “No,” and gave me half a stroke to bring me back to the edge. I asked for permission to cum myself. She didn’t say anything. She just looked me in the eye and gave me a couple of short strokes; just enough to cause an excruciating ruined orgasm. I literally whimpered as a small stream of semen slowly leaked from the head of my penis. She held me until the string reached my belly.
I groaned in frustration. She simply said, “Sorry!” She gave me a quick kiss and climbed out of bed leaving me frustrated and denied.
All of this is just normal for us now.
She came back to town today to meet my family for brunch. We were getting together with my older brother and his wife who are in town for a short visit. They have only met my fiancé once at my father’s funeral almost five years ago. They were anxious to get to know her better. My brother is ten years older than me, and he met his wife met in middle school. So, they have both known me and my personality for my entire life.
The whole family was sharing stories and at one point both my fiancé and I started to tell a story at the same time. My fiancé turned to me and said pleasantly, “Put a pin in that,” and continued with her story. I immediately stopped talking.
My sister-in-law was so shocked, she actually exclaimed, “What?! That works?!” Everyone in the family laughed including me because I have to admit that it is usually pretty hard to keep me quiet. Actually, I didn’t even think about it. My fiancé made it clear that she wanted to speak, so I just naturally stopped talking. My sister-in-law went on, “We’ve been trying to figure out how to do that for 60 years, and you did it just like that?” snapping her fingers.
All afternoon I have been thinking about how all these things happened without any thinking on my part. Cancelling long-held plans with friends to take care of her, being grateful for being teased, ruined, and denied, and being quiet without a second’s hesitation so my fiancé could speak, come to me now as naturally as breathing. But it took the reaction of my sister-in-law, who has not seen me for five years to realize how thoroughly my life has been changed by our FLR.
I am a happy boy today. My fiancé and I have been up to our eyes with the real world for the last couple of weeks. Work has been crazy because we are starting a new business and on top of that my fiancé has been putting in extra duty to help her disabled brother prepare for an upcoming major surgery.
Consequently, for about two weeks it has been difficult for us to make time to get into our own private space and shut out the rest of the world. We have had a few opportunities for a little intimacy, but I have missed the feeling of being regularly and completely under her control for an extended period of time.
We got a break in the stress last night. We finished a project late and got home at about 10:30. Even though it was late, we started decompressing quickly because we knew that today would be a relatively light day and the weekend was just around the corner.
We got into bed to snuggle and shared a couple of popsicles. There was no “action,” just reconnecting. Before long my fiancé was asleep with her head on my shoulder. It was wonderful to hold her close even with no expectations.
When she woke up this morning she was in the mood for some adoration. She rolled over to embrace me and proceeded to wake me with gentle kisses. The gentle kisses turned into a heavy make-out session with her lying over me in a superior position. The only words spoken were when she paused to say, “You’re going to make me coffee.” It was a statement, not a question.
I replied, “Would you like your coffee now?”
“No,” she said. “I have something else in mind first.”
She resumed kissing me. Then she said, “I have other places than just my lips that need kissing.”
I took that as a hint to go down on her, so I started kissing my way past her breasts toward her pussy. She stopped me and said, “Oh no. I mean all the other places.”
I was treated to a kissing tour over her entire body. I tried to kiss every inch, front and back. I lingered on her toes, fingers, and her beautiful ass. I even ventured to place a gentle kiss on her rosebud which (kind of surprisingly) resulted in no objection. I was quick and stealthy, just trying to plant a marker for the future.
She was lying on her stomach when I finished my tour of her body with a soft kiss to the back of her neck. She told me, “You may lick my pussy now.” As she was lying face down, it was an unusual and exciting position that gave me a chance to lick and kiss places that I don’t usually get to see. She had her first orgasm as she lay on her side with my head between her legs and one knee pulled up toward her chest.
After a couple of orgasms, she tapped my head indicating that I should return to her side. I used my fingers to give her a powerful orgasm and after resting for about 30 seconds she told me, “More!” After her next orgasm, she told me, “I want you inside me.”
Entering her brought me to heaven. After she had several climaxes, she instructed me, “I want you to come with me on my next one.”
Once I felt her next orgasm starting, I asked, “May I have permission to cum?”
She responded, “Yes, you have permission. Cum inside me.”
It has been more than six weeks since I have been allowed to enter her and cum inside her. I thoroughly enjoyed the rare gift and have been on cloud nine all day.
“Yes, you have permission. Cum inside me.”
A beautiful collection of words.
They are indeed. And she’s learning to play with them for her fun and to keep me true to my commitment that she owns my orgasms and I will only cum with her express permission.
She has a few rules that keep me attentive to her specific desires. For example, it is not enough for me to ask for permission to orgasm before we begin making love. I must ask when the issue is critical and the event is impending. But I am also required to warn her when I am simply starting to get close, but well before I am approaching the point of no return.
So, for example, one way she will have fun with me is that she will play her usual teasing games to get me to the point that I tell her I am close. From this point on, there are usually numerous times that I ask for permission and she will say “no,’ only to stop stimulating me for bit and then resume. In the past couple of months she has gotten good at saying “No” to a full orgasm, but continuing with just enough stimulation that she ruins the orgasm. Since my fiance doesn’t view a ruined orgasm as a pleasurable gift to me, she does not require that I seek permission before she makes it happen. A ruin is her way of forcing me to tip barely over the line while I am struggling to hold back. Sometimes after the ruin she will resume and ultimately allow me to have a full orgasm. Other times, she stops altogether and leaves me denied and frustrated.
A recent trick of hers to take the teasing up another notch is to play coy. If she has edged me and denied me permission a number of times, the next time I am at the edge I might simply say, “May I have permission?” But instead of giving me an outright “yes” or “no,” she may keep me fighting to hold back while she continues stimulating me by saying, “Permission for what?” It adds just a few more seconds of delicious anguish.
@allabouther They are delicious tormentors, aren't they? Our girls seem very similar in their styles. Ms. K. does not want (allow) me to ask for permission to cum before having sex. It's always a wonderful mystery if it will even be considered. The only time I am allowed to ask permission is when I am close to 1. stop without ejaculating - denial; 2. Be close enough for her to ruin my orgasm, or; 3. Allow me to have a full orgasm. One of those happens a lot more than the other 2, and one of those happens VERY infrequently.
October by the numbers.
I have been using the Sex Tracker by Nice for six months to track how my fiancé chooses to take her sexual pleasure.
Not surprisingly, the changes were pretty big after we adopted our FLR. While it would not be correct, at all, to say that things are becoming routine, it would be fair to say that new patterns are continuing to emerge.
The ratio of orgasms between us continues to increase in her favor. In October, she had even five orgasms for every one I was permitted to have. Like September I was allowed to cum about twice per week. But her tease and denial has increased. Overall, in October I was teased and denied orgasm more than one-third of the times we had sex; at least once per week.
Her favorite way to receive pleasure continues to be with my tongue, followed closely by having me use my fingers. She is increasingly comfortable queening me and enjoys it more than ever. PIV became much rarer in October. In the previous month, she allowed me to penetrate her about one-half the times we had sex. In October, I was only permitted to enter her twice and I was only allowed to have a release inside of her one of those times.
One dramatic change over the months is in the way she permits me to cum (if/when she allows it). As she was first developing her skills at dominating me last winter, she was fond of having me masturbate for her while she supervised my efforts. Now, it is very different. Last month, only two of my orgasms were not by her hand. And not all of them were full orgasms. She is not only quite masterful at bringing me to the edge (without giving over it) repeatedly and extending her teasing, she is flawless at administering ruined orgasms. She did take me into her mouth a few times but never brought me close to orgasm. She hasn’t said it, but it is clear that I am not allowed to cum in her mouth. It has been well over two years since she last allowed that to happen.
Our journey continues to accelerate.
I have been sorely missing intimate time with my fiancé this month. She has been in overdrive the entire time for several different reasons. And I have been stressed to the max with launching my new business.
It isn’t just that we have had too little time together. When we have been able to find some time for ourselves, the periods have been all too brief. There has been enough time for us to focus on her enough for her to relax and decompress. But not enough time for us to have any deep conversations or for me to really worship her the way either of us likes.
I have been able to pleasure her several times. But to be honest, until today, I have just been providing her enough releases to keep her going. She hasn’t felt free to spread her dominating wings, and while I have been doing my duty, I haven’t really felt the liberation of being in sub-space.
This weekend we finally had an opportunity to get into our safe space together and focus on strengthening our connection. We made plans for me to join her at her house yesterday. After I arrived, we spent some time kissing like teenagers before heading to town. We went to the historic, downtown pedestrian mall and strolled hand in hand. We were not headed anywhere in particular. We were just enjoying each other’s company. We bought a few things and found some beautiful strawberries to share after dinner. Afternoon became evening and we found a nice restaurant to share excellent Italian meal.
We have both been worn so ragged recently, we were back home in bed by 8:30. We turned the lights down low and snuggled while we shared our strawberries and told each other stories of some of our favorite memories. By 9:30, my fiancé was asleep with her head on my shoulder. With her tucked under my arm, I could feel the stress draining the from her body.
We both slept the best we have in over two weeks and woke up refreshed. I went downstairs to make coffee and brought it back to her in bed. Having time to share coffee in bed together seemed like an incredible luxury. We talked and snuggled and stopped every once in a while to do some serious kissing.
Eventually, she told me to touch her. I got to make slow, passionate love to her for over an hour. It was sublime. In fact, we were able to accomplish a first. She had the first g-spot orgasms she has ever had. She told me they were mind-blowing, and they only made her more horny.
Once she had all the orgasms she wanted, she relaxed into her state of bliss. As she lay with her head on my shoulder, I felt like the king of the world. Before we found each other, she never knew that she was multi-orgasmic. I am proud that I helped her unleash that sexual power. To help her discover powerful orgasms from her g-spot, that she had never felt before, was also incredibly satisfying. She rewarded me with a wonderful hand job.
She asked me to get her more coffee. When I returned, I asked her how she felt. She answered, “Wonderful.”
Then her face got serious, and she looked me in the eye. She said, “No, not just wonderful. You make me feel positively adored.”
Of course, it is my goal for her to feel adored every day of her life. After feeling that I have not been able to serve her adequately for two weeks, her words were music to my ears. The feeling was so powerful that I immediately became erect. She noticed.
“Oh, you’re still horny, are you?”
I admitted that I was. She just smiled and gave me permission to jerk off for her. “Shoot your load on me and give me my first shower of the day.”
I had a wonderful FLR Thanksgiving being of service to my fiancé.
She had been stressed to the maximum recently between work and being the primary person helping her paralyzed brother prepare for a major spinal surgery. One of her daughters came to visit for a month (and brought her two dogs). Even though she is 30 years old and married, she often acts like she is still a college student. It simply doesn’t cross her mind that it might not be OK to “come home” any time she likes and stay for as long as she wants. To top it all off, my fiancé’s mother would not hear of not hosting Thanksgiving for their large group of family and friends. But because she is 85 years old, this really means that her daughter, my fiancé, is really responsible for doing it all for her. Her mother is a difficult person on a good day, and she exasperates my fiancé virtually every time they are together. My fiancé just gives, and gives, and gives.
Knowing my fiancé the way I do, I know that the best thing I can do is stand back, let her take charge, and be there to support her by following her orders.
I tried to do what I could in advance by shopping for as many things as she would allow me to get. In addition, I was charged with bringing the wine and champagne, making a fancy salad, and baking the pies for dessert (my pecan pie is pretty f***ing awesome, imho). I baked the pies this morning at my house and then drove to her mother’s house to help get things ready for the party.
It was great watching my fiancé’s stress level decrease as the day progressed and she turned over more and more of the chores to me. I set the table, put out the food, and carved the turkey (there are some things she still thinks are a “man’s” job). After dinner, while she relaxed and enjoyed conversation with her family and friends, I did all the dishes.
By the time dessert was finished, my fiancé was as mellow as could be, reclining on the sofa curled up under my arm. The best part of the day for me, and the best proof that I had helped her overcome her stress, was when she away from the group and to back bedroom where she had me lick her pussy. As we came back into the family room where the rest of the family was talking, she had a grin on her face like the cat who ate the canary. I had to untuck my shirt to cover my unsatisfied erection.
I hope everyone has something to be as thankful for as I do.