I am in a wonderful, formal FLR that is perfect for me because my wife enthusiastic control over our sex life and personal life liberates me from the "alpha male" role I play at work. I love her and trust her and am at total peace when I am in her space.
When I was in my 20s I think I naturally thought I was supposed to be the alpha all the time. For several years I was in a serious relationship with a wonderful, smart, beatutiful, sexy woman, and she would literally do anything for me, inside or outside the bedroom. She was endlessly kind, compassionate, and giving. She was even fantastically rich. I don't mean upper-middle class, comfortable rich. I mean, "Let's fly to Paris for brunch" rich. She even told me that if we got married, her father would galdly pay off my three years of private law school debt.
And, everything was about me. She would fly across the country to suprise me on a dull business trip. After one meeiting, on a whim, we rented a convertable Jaguar to drive US 1 up the California coast to Napa Valley where we staying in a B&B and toured wine country for a week. When I would come to pick her up at the airport, she would blow me in the car on the way home. She was so turned on by me, I actaully gave her an orgasm once just by playing with her breasts. But, everything we did had to be exactly what I wanted. Even if I couldn't care less about what we did, or where we went, we still had to do whatever I decided.
It was so awful, I actually broke up with her. For years, I would ask myself what the hell I was thinking. Beautiful, brilliant (MBA), horny, rich, into me, giving, loved my family (and was loved back). Did I need to have my head examined?
It has only been recently, more than 30 years later, that I realized somewhere in the back of my brain I knew that she wasn't what I needed. It is only now that I am deleriously happy in an FLR, that I have finally figured it out. It was exhausting being in charge of everything. Even then, all day everyday was high-pressure to keep everything in control. There was no liberation in letting go of all that when I stepped in to my personal life or the bedroom.
At the same time, there was no challenge. If I wanted to fuck in the bathroom of a jetliner flying at 30,000 feet, her answer would be, "Let's go" and she would call me a genius for thinking of it. One time, we were walking hand in hand on a beautiful deserted beach in the Bahamas (where her parents had a place) and I mentioned how romantic it was. She pulled off her top, lay down on the sand and let me screw her right there on the beach in broad daylight. When I told her I wanted to see her masturbate for me in public at the busiest shopping center in Washington, D.C., she found a way to do it as I stood there and watched her make herself cum in front 20 people within 50 feet of her.
I was obviously in a Male Led Relationship. I didn't think of it a such at the time, and it never occurred to me that what I needed was a Female Led Relationship. It took years of experience to figure that out. Although, I do think it is ironic that the thing that drives me to needing an FLR, being an alpha by day, is what attracted a woman who assumed I was like that all day long and would have been happy to be my sub.
My wife and I got to reconnect yesterday. She has been burning the candle and both ends for weeks due to her brother’s surgery and the expansion of our business. We have not been able to spend more than one night together a week this month.
We got married a month ago, and there are many things we needed to make final decisions about, like where we were going to live. There is no need to go through the litany of worries she has been facing recently. Suffice it to say, she is not used to having a partner who is hard-wired to work together to address challenges. It still surprises her, to a certain extent, that I really mean it when I say that putting her happiness first is my greatest priority.
Last night was the first night we have spent together at her house since we got married before Christmas. Yesterday, we made the final decision that I will be moving to her house until the real estate market settles out. We went through her place room by room to see what we could do to make space for the things will need to bring over. We both felt great about the decision and how we were able to assuage her feeling of anxiety.
Each time we are forced to spend some time apart, her inhibitions tend to reassert themselves a little bit. She loves our FLR and being the one in control inside and outside the bedroom. But, she is loving and compassionate, and it seems that she needs reassurance from me, after we have been apart for a while, I really do prefer being her submissive.
We woke up together this morning and she was very gentle in asserting her control. For example, after saying good morning to each other, I asked her if she wanted her morning coffee (I prepared the coffee maker last night before we went to bed).
She said, “Yes, I do. You stay here. I’ll go make it.”
I immediately put my hand on her and said, “Please don’t. That is my job. I want to do it.” Then I popped out of bed and took my stiff erection down to the kitchen to make the coffee. I don’t think she really wanted to go make the coffee. I think it was a gentle test to see if I was really still prepared to get up and make her coffee every day now that we are married.
After our first cup, she took another gentle step by asking me to do some things for her, not telling me. “Will you get me a Kleenex, get me another pillow, and take off your shirt?” she asked.
“Of course,” I replied.
Once we were both naked and kissing, I could tell that she was very aroused. But instead of instructing me on what to do to bring her pleasure, she asked me, “What way do you like most to give me pleasure?”
We have had the conversation that I enjoy putting her first and giving her what she wants, when she wants it, dozens of times. I know she was testing again, but I answered in a different way this time.
“You know I like it all and that I like putting you and your pleasure first. But, honestly, if you are asking me what gives me the most pleasure, it is having you use me for your pleasure like a sex-object. Of course, I enjoy giving you pleasure. But what turns me on the most is when you take total control and use me like a sex toy.”
Almost immediately, she pushed me onto my back and started stroking me. “You are not to come!” she told me. It was not long before I warned her that I was getting close to orgasm. She took turns pausing and bringing me to the edge four or five times. Then she let go and rolled onto her back.
She spread her legs and said, “Now, my turn.” She supervised me as she had me bring her to two successive earth-shattering orgasms with my fingers.
She turned toward me again and said, “OK, now some pleasure for you.”
I have been wanting to introduce her to something new for us, and this seemed like the chance. I said, “You know what I would enjoy? Have you ever heard of soaking? I’d like to get inside of you. I promise I won’t cum. But I’d like to just be inside you and give you the pleasure of me filling you up.”
She replied, “OK,” and she lay back on the bed. I climbed on top of her and entered her. I didn’t make any particular motions. I just kissed her gently while my penis swelled inside of her.
She loved it. Eventually, she started moving in very gentle and subtle motions. I could tell she was close to orgasm. I didn’t do anything more than reciprocate her gentle motions and encouraged her to cum. She had six consecutive orgasms with me inside her doing nothing more than gently rolling my hips. She dug her fingernails into my back deeper with each successive orgasm.
Each orgasm was stronger than the last until finally, she collapsed in my arms. I withdrew, rolled beside her, and held her in my arms while she came down. She slipped into a twilight state, not quite asleep, but not fully awake. I held her in my arms with a bear hug, kissing her ear, neck, and shoulder. After almost 15 minutes, she told me her toes were still tingling and that tiny waves of pleasure were still rolling over her body.
I touched her again with my fingers. She quickly came and screamed as another orgasm overtook her.
After that orgasm, she returned to edging me. Finally, she gave me permission to cum and gave me an incredible release with her hand. I came so much that my neck, chest, and belly were covered with semen. She gave me a minute or two to recover and then had me go get her more coffee.
We snuggled and talked in bed while we finished our second cups of coffee. Before we got up to start the day, she took my flaccid penis back in her hand and said, “I am going to tease you and deny you, so you are thinking about me until we are together again tomorrow night.”
She was as good as her word. She brought me to the edge four more times and had me begging to be allowed to give her more orgasms. Finally, I begged for permission to cum again. She told me, “No,” and gave my balls a firm squeeze. “Time for a shower,” she said.
It seems that she has accepted that teasing and denying me is not “mean,” and I find it as pleasurable as she does. After several stressful weeks, it feels like we have fallen into the groove again.
January by the numbers.
About 10 months ago, back when we were just girlfriend and boyfriend and starting to refer to our relationship as a female-led relationship openly, I started keeping track of our sexual activity. I thought keeping accurate data would help me be sure she was taking control and asserting her dominance because she preferred it and wanted things that way, and not because she was trying to make me happy.
That is not a question to worry about anymore. We got engaged over the summer and the terms of the proposal (a formal FLR with her in complete charge of our private and sex lives) were set out in writing. Our relationship only improved and became more intimate. We got married in December with me in my Mature Metal rings of commitment and the celebrant making explicit reference to the terms from my proposal. My wife knows I record our activity and was blown away by a chart I made for her comparing the number of our respective orgasms.
I have continued to keep track for two reasons. First, it is a way of channeling my sexual energy now that I am permitted dramatically fewer orgasms than I used to enjoy. Second, it keeps me focused on our commitment that our sex is solely for her pleasure.
There is always plenty of interesting information in the data at the end of each month. But there are two main takeaways from the numbers for January 2023.
My focus continues to be consistent with the ratio between our orgasms continuing to be strong with her having 5 for everyone that I have. PIV releases for me continue to be rare. I was allowed to cum inside her twice last month and both times were at her specific direction. Nothing new in these stats.
What is exciting to me is that her comfort in asserting her dominance continues to grow. January is the first time there has been parity between instances of her teasing and denying me or ruining my orgasm, on the one hand, and permitting me a full orgasm, on the other hand (no pun intended). I am expecting (hoping) that I will be permitted a release tomorrow, a full seven days since my last release. But she has enjoyed two different tease and denial sessions with me in the meantime, with multiple edges and a ruined orgasm.
The heightened arousal feels like electricity coursing through my veins.
My wife has had too much stress this month. We both looked forward to Valentine’s Day because it required her to set some time aside for the two of us. I was determined to give her an evening where all the focus was on her so she could relax and be herself.
Because we have a formal FLR, she didn’t hesitate to tell me what she wanted for our first Valentine’s Day as a married couple. She told me several days in advance that she wanted me to serve her dinner in our Jacuzzi tub. I planned a simple meal of steamed shrimp, chilled champagne, and fresh strawberries. I set the mood by lighting the room with candles and playing soft jazz on the stereo.
While the tub was filling, we disrobed and slow danced naked to the romantic voice of Nat King Cole. By the time the song came to an end, the water was just right. We climbed in and lingered in the tub for over an hour while we nibbled and finished two bottles of champagne. Because we sat facing each other, I was able to rub and kiss her feet while we soaked.
Once the water started to cool, I climbed out of the Jacuzzi and retrieved her bath sheet from the towel warmer. After toweling her dry, she led me by the hand to our king-size bed. We lay side by side and kissed passionately. Gradually she rolled me onto my back and took the superior position over me to continue making out.
She eventually climbed up to my shoulders, straddled my face, and queened me. Her taste was divine, and I loved being pinned beneath her pussy. When she had enough she moved between my legs and took me into her mouth. She wasn’t trying to get me off. She was simply making sure that I was sufficiently hard for her to mount me.
She gave herself two orgasms while riding me. Then she told me she wanted to try something. She took me by the hand and pulled me out of bed. She led me to a sturdy chair and sat on my lap with me inside her. She controlled the motion, but I was able to reach around her waist and give her three orgasms with my fingers.
Next, we returned to the bed and she reclined on her back. She pulled my face between her legs, and I eagerly ate her through three more orgasms. The climaxes wore her out and she gently drifted into a slumber in my arms while I kissed her face, neck, and shoulders.
After about 15 minutes, she woke up and began leisurely running her fingers through the hair on my chest. I generally wait for her to initiate all sexual activity, but I was so horny I asked for permission to masturbate while I looked at her sexy naked body. Of course, I promised not to cum.
She gave me her permission and gently pinched my nipples while I stroked myself. When she heard my breathing change, she began supervising my masturbation telling me how fast to stroke myself and when to stop. She watched me intently and told me my jerking off for her was making her hot.
She instructed me to stop masturbating and turn my attention back to her. So, I held her close with my left arm while I brought her to another orgasm with my right hand.
After she came down, she instructed me to resume jerking off for her. She reminded me that I was not allowed to cum without her permission. I brought myself to the edge half a dozen times and was instructed to stop each time.
With each edge, I had to take deeper and deeper breaths to calm myself down. When the precum was finally dripping down over the head of my penis and my thumb, she replaced my hand with hers and took direct control.
While she slowly continued to edge me masterfully, she stopped giving me instructions and started talking to me in a conversational tone. She told me she was torn. “On the one hand,” she said, “I love the feeling I get by making you cum. But on the other hand,” she continued, “I get a really wicked pleasure from denying you permission to cum after I have edged you repeatedly. I love the idea of you thinking about me constantly and the power I have over you.” She said, “I am really not sure what to do.”
I reminded her that under the rules of our FLR, sex is for her pleasure and that when and if I get to cum should be determined solely by what gives her the most pleasure. I told her, “I want to cum desperately, but I can wait if it would give you more pleasure to deny me.”
She hesitated while she was thinking and edged me several more times while she talked about not being sure which option she would enjoy most.
Finally, she decided that she would enjoy bringing me to orgasm more than denying me because it was Valentine’s Day. She resumed stroking in earnest and admonished me to ask for permission if I wanted to cum. She said “no” a few more times, but eventually, she said “yes.” The orgasm she gave me was so explosive orgasm that my cum splashed across my face.
As I tried to catch my breath, she kissed me on the lips, put her head back on my shoulder, and promptly fell back to sleep.
This has got to be one of the hottest threads on this site! Thanks for sharing.
This has got to be one of the hottest threads on this site! Thanks for sharing.
I am glad you enjoy the thread. Writing about our journey has really helped me get my head around, and embrace, the meaning of our FLR desires.
It was another tough month for my wife because of stress and personal obligations. She is the primary advocate for her quadriplegic brother who had five major spinal surgeries in a four-week period from mid-January to mid-February. She did not have time to play. She didn’t even have time for me to give her a pedicure or a message on her new message table.
The good news is that the FLR worked as it should with pretty much zero conscious effort by either of us. She got lots of support and pampering as far as time would allow. It is obvious that she truly embraces our FLR. Her expectation have been firmly set and I am proud to say those expectations were met.
On the bedroom, she was on the mood for sex fewer times than in a normal month. But pattern was true to form. I was permitted to give her many more orgasms that I was permitted to have myself. Her favorite way for me to pleasure her was with my mouth and tongue followed by my fingers and PIV sex.
I was permitted six orgasms during the month and only one of those times was I given the now-rare pleasure of cumming inside her. Once each week she either teased and denied me or gave me ruined orgasm.
We will be moving in together in March. I cannot help but wonder if being together every night will result in a change in her desires. I will post an update and let everyone know.
"I was permitted six orgasms during the month ...."
My goodness. You little slut. Congratulations. ?
Change the word 'month' to year and that is usually what I am allowed, and loving every minute of it.
@allabouther Please let me know if you need help with becoming multi orgasmic.
I do this. (or more accurately my wife/KH does this to me).
It takes lots and lots of front kegal strengthening. In my case it's all about tensing the muscle you use to stop pee flowing. Tensing exercises daily until its strong enough to hold the cum back. Then building stamina up.
being able to hold this muscle while in an orgasm takes a quite a bit out of you.
C gave me an edging session like this last week and it left me totally exhausted. I hardly had the energy to lock back up afterwards.
I'm no coach so not offering advice on this, I'm just confirming yes it's a real thing.
I got my info from multi orgasmic man, but I belive there is better info/programs out there.