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Allabouther
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My girlfriend and I enjoyed a nice day together yesterday.  Her hometown, Winchester, Virginia, was having its big “Apple Blossom Festival” for the first time since 2019.  The whole community was out in force, almost as if it was a collective declaration of victory over COVID-19.  The weather was perfect, the parade was spectacular, and watching the people “out and about” the historic downtown area was delightful.  We had no special plans.  We just wanted to relax and enjoy each other’s company amid the great local celebration.

We had a few drinks throughout the day.  We enjoyed watching the parade, walking around town, and doing some barhopping as well.  There was a lot of time for holding hands, sneaking kisses, and talking.  We shared lots of affection.

The whole experience was wonderful, and we had some great personal conversations during the day.  Recently it has become just as natural for us to discuss our new lifestyle as it is the weather or our plans for dinner.  I attribute my girlfriend’s willingness to keep pushing her limits to these honest, personal, and frequent conversations.

Of course, I am always listening for signs that she has taken another step through the doorway into this female-led relationship that I have initiated.  I thought I’d share a few things that show that our journey is still evolving.

At one point we were talking about how much she is enjoying the dynamic of being in 100% control of our sexlife and personal relationship.  She commented on how easy it is for us to move from the professional world where I am in control to our personal world where she is in control.  She marveled about how it seems so natural for us and how she has absolutely never heard of any other couple living the same way. 

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Talking about strong women made her think about another couple we know where the woman, a doctor, is clearly the one in control.  This doctor has told us that she wants to change the way she practices.  My girlfriend asked me if I knew what her husband thought about her plans.  I told her that the husband has mentioned to me that he didn’t think her plan was a good idea, but I didn’t think he was allowed to share his opinion with his wife. 

We laughed and a thought suddenly crossed my mind.  “I wonder if she owns all his orgasms, too?” I said.  My GF did a double-take and responded, “It might be.  I guess that isn’t the kind of thing you advertise to other people.  But now that you mention it and I know at least one man who is willing to do it, who knows?”

As we walked around town, we ran into people she knew.  Twice she playfully, but honestly, introduced me as her “love slave.”  All the people she introduced me to laughed as if she were being a kook, but I loved it.  I felt myself stiffen in my shorts each time.

Late in the afternoon, we were sitting at an outside table at a pub along the downtown walking mall where we were sharing drinks, holding hands, and people watching.  I leaned over and whispered in her ear, “I have an idea.  Let me show you my devotion to you.  I think the bathrooms here are private.  Why don’t you give me 15 seconds and follow me back?  I will pull down your yoga pants and lick your pussy.”

She replied, “45 seconds!  Then we come straight back.”

I nodded and left the table.  A few seconds later, she followed me to the bathroom.  No one was the wiser.

After we returned to her house and retired to her candle-lit bedroom, we got more intimate and continued our conversations.  I asked her to share her feelings about our agreement that all sex is for her pleasure and that she owns all of my orgasms.

She was very comfortable answering the question.  She told me that she thought the ideas were weird when I first brought them up.  “Not wrong,” she said.  “Just totally unusual.”

She talked about listening to me talk about these ideas, learning to see things from my perspective, and how her mindset has changed.

“It makes me feel powerful, loved, trusted, and sexy,” she explained.  She gave me the example of how sometimes when she is at work, she thinks about the fact that she has total control over when I can cum and it makes her wet.  “You are on my mind a lot!” she said.

When I asked her if she would like to continue making all sex about her pleasure and owning my orgasms.  She told me she loves it and she is not interested in giving up her control.

This intimacy is improving our sexlife, too.  She described our sex last night as “mind-blowing.”  I am the same man, but she is definitely enjoying it more.

 
Posted : 01/05/2022 2:34 pm
Headtrip, subhubphx, Headtrip and 3 people reacted
Allabouther
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My girlfriend and I have been intentionally pushing the bounds of her inhibitions.  There are many that are just about hardwired by this point.  But there she says there are many others that she feels are unduly limiting that she has because of her upbringing and the expectations imposed on her by others in prior relationships. 

In Emma’s last blog on being your husband’s ultimate fantasy, she urges couples to push their sexual limits.  One way she recommends that they can identify new things is by taking online quizzes on sexuality.  Well, that was timely advice, wasn’t it?  Always keen for a dare, I suggested to my girlfriend that we take the mojoupgrade quiz last night.

Our results revealed a couple of no-brainers, a distinct theme, and one surprise for both of us.

The no-brainers were that we both like listening to romantic music during sex and enjoy being woken up for sex in the morning. 

Then there were a bunch of very similar ideas.  See if you can spot the theme:

  1. All About Her masturbates for Queen
  2. Queen talks dirtier to All About Her
  3. Queen restrains All About Her
  4. Queen sits on All About Her’s face for oral sex
  5. Longer teasing
  6. Rougher sex towards All About Her
  7. Queen dominant, All About Her submissive
  8. Queen blindfolds All About her

We laughed out loud.  Of course, we both know that we both like her being in control, but she found it kind of comforting to see the ideas were normalized in an online quiz.

The surprise:  Apparently, we both fantasize about me titty fucking her and giving her a pearl necklace.  Most surprising?  It came out at the top of the list!  Who’dda thunk it?

Well, taking the quiz and talking about it was inspiring.  My GF had had a very hard day.  While she loved our session of “making love” and talking, she said she was tired, perfectly content, and did not want any sexual attention herself.  But she did say that she wanted me to masturbate for her.  She got into it very quickly and started talking dirty to me.  I mean really dirty.  She supervised me strictly and brought me to the edge so many times I can’t remember.  I even had a ruined orgasm along the way. She loved the feel of my semen dripping from my twitching cock.

The whole scene made her so hot that she became dripping wet.  My brain had become mush by this time, and when she dipped her fingers into her wet snatch and made me lick them, I started babbling and begging her to let me lick her pussy.  She teased me for a while but eventually consented.  I stopped stroking for her and went down on her.  My favorite thing in the world!  I ate her through several orgasms, then she pulled me back up to her side to begin directly teasing me with her hand.  Finally, she instructed me to take over again and make myself cum for her.  After I confirmed I had permission, I shot my load all over both of us.  A good time was had by all.

There is no real convenient way to save your quiz results, so I typed them up today so that I could keep them handy.  I know.  Once a lawyer . . .  

Thanks, Emma!  Great advice.

 
Posted : 06/05/2022 4:41 pm
TinCup, TinCup and TinCup reacted
Allabouther
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Both my girlfriend and I have been surprised about how easy it is for us to have a relationship where we are both “alphas.”  In the sphere of our personal lives, she is the alpha.  She is in control and calls the shots.  Outside that sphere, I am the alpha. 

We talked about this last night.  She explained to me how happy she is with our relationship and feels that we have something very rare.  The “rarity,” we have agreed, is in my desire to submit to her control of our personal and sex lives given my basic nature as an alpha male.  She is aware that there are dominating women out there with submissive men in their lives.  But in those relationships, the woman seems to be dominating in all aspects of their lives.  The woman is the breadwinner, the extrovert, the business owner.  The man usually seems to be a “beta” male and needs someone to lead him in all aspects of his life.

My girlfriend says that she would not be attracted to a beta male in the least.  She says she is only attracted to “strong men.”  No wimps for her.  She is drawn to the fact that I run a successful and complex business, serve on numerous boards, have very strong personal opinions, fly airplanes, shoot guns, and am competitive about virtually everything.

On the other hand, what really lights my fire about my girlfriend’s control over our personal and sex lives is not that she is good at playing a role that satisfies my “kinks.”  It is that she genuinely gets off on being in control.  She really is in charge, and she does it with authority.  She needs it and I love giving her what she needs.

I think I would tire of a woman who just played along to satisfy me.  In fact, I know I would.  When I was in law school, I dated a woman who would do absolutely anything I wanted.  Frankly, it got annoying.  I had to make every decision about everything.  I actually broke up with her because she lived to be subservient to me in every way.  It was fun for a while and briefly appealed to my alpha nature.  But, in the end, the relationship was not fulfilling, and I became totally bored.

My girlfriend said that she was amazed at how fast I can go from one mode to the other.  Almost like flipping a switch.  She can make the transition pretty fast herself.  But she sometimes needs me to lead her into the changeover.  We have recently found a way to help speed up the change in the dynamic.

My GF finds our dynamic as fulfilling as I do.  In fact, a major benefit for both of us comes from knowing in advance that we will be making the switch.  It can bring us both peace of mind when we are stressed in “regular life” that we will be transferring the baton of control.  We have found a way that we can remind each other that we have that safe, intimate place that we will go to as soon as we can.

We decided to pick a “safe for work” code phrase that either of us can use to tell the other that we will be ready to change the dynamic as soon as possible.  We got the idea from another code phrase we agreed I use when we were at work or out with friends (and therefore in my “alpha” space).  We agreed that wherever we were, regardless of the situation, if I mentioned wishing I had some “sparkling water” my girlfriend would excuse herself from the room as soon as possible, go the ladies’ room, remove her panties, and bring them to me without anyone seeing. 

The code phrase we use to signal that a change in the control dynamic is desired by one of us or needs to happen ASAP is for one of us to make a reference to the “box.”  It could be used in a number of ways:  “You’ll be boxed in” or, “We can put that in a box,” if someone can overhear.  Or, if we are alone, “I’m looking forward to getting in our box after work.”  Or, “I can tell you need me to take you to our box tonight.”  The “box” is an oblique reference to the box of “Intimacy” cards we got from Caitlyn V that always help us quickly close out the rest of the world and focus on each other.

Using the code phrase primes the pump, so to speak, and gets us ready to make the switch in our dynamic as soon as we are able to do so and at the same time.

My girlfriend used the code phrase yesterday afternoon.  We spent the afternoon with her mother and other family members for Mother’s Day.  My GF does not have a great relationship with her mother who is a very difficult person.  Halfway through the afternoon, she pulled me aside and told me she couldn’t wait to “get in our box” when we left her mother’s house.  By the time we got home, she was working on a killer headache and just needed to simplify everything.  She didn’t even ask what I wanted to do.  We went directly to our bedroom where she changed into comfy clothes, climbed into bed, and shut her eyes.  While she decompressed, I caught up on some sewing and mending I had been putting off.  Her headache started to recede a bit, so we did a few questions from our “Intimacy” box.  Before long she was asleep on my shoulder.  No sex was offered or expected.

I was surprised and pleased to be awakened at 4:00 this morning by my girlfriend who told me she wanted to fool around.  We began cuddling and talking.  I am thinking that she had some of the topics on her mind last night but didn’t have the energy to talk about them.  She told me how helpful it was to start her shift in mindset early by being able to easily warn me that she was going to take control as soon as we left her mother’s house.  It put me on notice to be ready to be supportive right away.

This led her to a broader conversation about the nature and extent of our flr and how we move so easily between our alpha roles.  She told me that she has never had such a fulfilling relationship before and that it is now on her mind at just about any hour of the day.  I mentioned that I feel our relationship is getting stronger by the day.  I pointed out that it has been two full months since she has taken ownership of all of my orgasms.  I asked her if her feelings about that ownership has changed any during that time.  She told me it still feels weird, but that she is getting more used to the idea.  I asked if it was a burden to her and wanted to give control back.  She replied with an emphatic, “NO!”  She told me how warm and powerful it made her feel on Friday when I had the day off and she was at work.  I sent her a text telling her that I was so preoccupied with having her on my mind that I was finding it difficult to get to the things I had planned for the day.  I asked her for permission to make myself cum while thinking of her and she granted it.

While we were cuddling this morning, she asked me to tell her about what I did (I stroked myself in our bed), what I was thinking about (licking and smelling her pussy), and tell her whether I edged myself in the process (I did).  I didn’t feel humiliated to have to tell her about my masturbation session.  It just seemed open and natural.

She told me to touch her and feel how wet she had become listening to my story about how she had control over my masturbation and was present in my mind while I did it on Friday.  She was extremely warm and wet.  She told me to use my fingers to give her a “big one.”  She had her big one after I took her through several plateaus.  She had me give her three more orgasms by hand.  As she was approaching the last of them, she told me that as soon as she had her next orgasm, I was to get inside of her. 

I mounted her and she came again almost instantly.   Because my cock had not yet been touched, I had enough stamina to bring her to three more orgasms through penetration.  While she caught her breath, I took the opportunity to move between her legs and start worshiping her with my tongue. She was definitely in the mood to be serviced as she allowed me to bring her to six more orgasms with my mouth.

This left her in her “state of bliss” where she lays still and lets the good feeling wash over her body.  I thanked her for sharing all those orgasms with me and reminded her how I enjoy hers as much as, or even more than, my own.  She lay there in that state of bliss in my arms for more than 30 minutes.  Of course, I was naked, too.  The whole time that I held her, I was hard as a rock even though neither of us touched my erection.

Eventually, she started to rouse herself.  I took the opportunity to bring her to one more orgasm with my hand.  With that, she had had enough.

She then warned me that I was going to masturbate for her but she was going to tease me more than she ever has before.  She made me stroke myself and tell her how it felt.  She made me tell her when I was getting close to orgasm.  She brought me to the edge at least ten times.  At the last edge, her order to stop came so late that I knew I would ejaculate in a ruined orgasm.  I told her what was happening, and we both watched as several spurts of cum erupted from my twitching hard-on.  She gasped with pleasure.  After I had settled down a bit, she wiped up my cum with her fingers and used it to lubricate my cock.  She then started stroking me in earnest with her own hand.

I felt the point of no return approaching and I begged for permission to cum.  She hesitated just one second, to make me wonder, then gave me permission to cum for her.  It was a most amazing orgasm.  Even though I had just ejaculated a large amount when I had the ruined orgasm, I came so hard that it splattered across my face, filled my right ear, and hit the pillow over my head.

I simply cannot find the words to express how happy I am that I found the courage to suggest this flr to my girlfriend.

 
Posted : 09/05/2022 2:36 pm
TinCup, TinCup and TinCup reacted
Tincup
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I an so glad that you have found a balance and dynamic that works so well for you both!  I think that is the key. Labels are meaningless when you are physically and emotionally fulfilled. Find your path together without hesitation or judgement.

 
Posted : 09/05/2022 3:08 pm
Allabouther
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This morning I rolled over in bed to find my girlfriend sipping coffee.

“Good morning,” I said.

”Good morning, lover.  Thanks for setting the coffee up to be ready for me this morning,” she replied.  She put down her cup and snuggled down to give me a hug and a kiss.

After a few moments she started to get out of bed, saying “I need to get going.”  Then she hesitated and rolled back into my arms in a spoon position.  “We’ll, in five minutes.”

I kissed her ear and said, “I five minutes I can give you a great start to your day.”

‘You’ve got five minutes,” she replied as she rolled onto her back.

I kissed her and asked, “Fingers or tongue?”

‘I thinks fingers will be quicker,” she said, spreading her legs.

{Four minutes later}

“That was wonderful.  You were right!  What a great way to start the day,” she said through her heavy panting.

“Now, that leaves you one minute to give me the first shower of my day.  Better get a move-on.”

Her wish is my command.

This post was modified 7 months ago by AllAboutHer
 
Posted : 10/05/2022 5:04 pm
Allabouther
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I have had a technical problem posting to this thread.   Trying a shorter post to see if I have the same problem.

 

 
Posted : 19/05/2022 3:06 am
Allabouther
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I’ll try the post in pieces and see if it works.

My girlfriend teased and denied me again Sunday morning.  The experience sent me on an emotional roller coaster for the rest of the day.

I had been retaining since the last time I was allowed a release early last week.  My girlfriend threw a surprise 60th birthday party for me on Saturday afternoon.  I had no idea she was planning anything.  All my best friends and just about everyone from the firm got together for the celebration.  It was a wonderful party; great food, music, and a lot of fun.

Since she went to all that effort for my benefit, I felt pretty confident I was going to get lucky on Saturday night.  It was not to be.  Not surprisingly, she was exhausted by the time we got home from the party.  She just wanted to relax and get into our “box.”  We did play some cards from our Intimacy game.  We snuggled and talked for several hours before she fell asleep on my shoulder. There was not even a hint of sex, but it was peaceful and very loving.  I fell to sleep feeling very content.

In the morning she was in a mood.  We have a busy week ahead of us at work that she wanted to prepare for.  That meant running a long list of errands.  We also had plans to meet her daughter and her boyfriend for lunch, drinks, and an art show.  When she brought me coffee in bed at about 8 o’clock, I could see the gears turning in her head.  She was agitated and was obviously struggling to construct a “to-do” list in her mind.

This was a shame because the main event of the day was to spend time hanging out with her daughter and her boyfriend.  The errands were not a big deal, but she was letting them overwhelm her.  I encouraged her to come back into our “box.”  I held her and urged her to step back and look at our day, set her priorities, and simply take control of the situation.

She realized that intimate time with me was her first priority.  Fun with the daughter was priority number two.  We could fit all the errands in before and after our time with her daughter.

Gradually, as she took control of the situation, she started feeling better and calmed down.  We snuggled as we talked about how she could organize our day.  We even had time to do a few more questions from our Intimacy box.  Realizing she had the power to be in control and then acting on that control was all she needed to get her back on her game again.

 
Posted : 19/05/2022 3:24 am
Allabouther
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2/3

It also solidified my subordinate position.  She was feeling good about being in control and I was feeling good about supporting her in her authority.  The next thing I knew, I found myself once again confronting the fine line between encouraging her to freely exercise her authority and me topping from the bottom.

She really appreciated the help I gave her in getting out of her sour mood by reminding her that she was in control of the day and had the power to resolve everything to her total satisfaction.  I also suspect that she was feeling a little sorry for me because I didn’t get any sex after my birthday party.   Her compassion for me was once again taking precedence over her personal pleasure.

She told me that she loved our intimate time together during the morning.  But she wanted us to get started on our errands and, therefore, she wanted me to cum for her.

I know that sex is for her pleasure and that she calls the shots, but sometimes I just know that she is really putting my pleasure first because of her compassion and passing it off as what she wants.  It is one of the ways she avoids the feeling of being “selfish” caused by her natural inhibitions.  Of course, I enjoy having orgasms.  But what I want most, for the enjoyment of both of us, is to see her fully embrace her control.

I knew I might come across as topping from the bottom, but I decided I needed to push her on this issue of her inhibitions/compassion versus her pleasure.

 
Posted : 19/05/2022 3:26 am
Allabouther
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3/3

I asked her, “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course,” she said.

I told her, “I really don’t think you want me to cum for your pleasure.  I think you feel you should let me cum.”

“Since you saw that taking control of our messy day made your mood so much better and totally changed your outlook for the day,” I continued, “why don’t you just go all in and exercise your control over my orgasm, too, and make no compromises?”

My girlfriend immediately smiled and said, “OK.  You asked for it.”  She then crawled between my legs and took my erect penis into her mouth.  She proceeded to give me a spectacular blowjob and brought me to the edge of orgasm.  As I got close to cumming, she stopped and crawled up my body to kiss me passionately.  Then, to my surprise, she straddled me and took me deep inside of her.

She was so hot and wet that I slid balls-deep on the first thrust.  She stared me straight in the eyes and started fucking me with a purpose.  Soon I was approaching the edge of orgasm again.  

She asked me, “Are you getting ready to cum, Lover?”

“Yes,” I gasped.  “Please may I have permission to cum for you?”

“No!” she said, as she suddenly popped off of my hard cock.  She immediately climbed out of the bed and said, “It’s time for us to get moving.”

I groaned as I looked at my red, wet, throbbing penis.  It felt like high voltage electricity was running through my entire body.  I was so close!

As she walked around the end of the bed, I jumped in front of her and stopped her.  I pulled her close to me and pressed my rock-hard erection into her belly as I begged, “Please let me lick your pussy!  I promise it will give you a mind-blowing orgasm!”

“No, my love,” she said.  “I told you, we have errands to run.”

And that was it.  Denied.  Period.  She left my brain marinating in my hormones for the rest of the day as we went about our business. 

 
Posted : 19/05/2022 3:27 am
Allabouther
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More baby steps this week in the right direction.

My girlfriend and I had a conversation on some very intimate matters that I thought was pretty important.  We had long talk while holding each other in bed on Thursday night when we were in that safe space we call her "box" where she is in control.  Such conversations always wind me up.  And even though she could see our conversation aroused me and made me hard, she denied me any sexual release without even so much as a word.  

She was not interested in any sexual activity even though I obviously was.  She just gave me some wonderful kisses and held me close as she fell asleep.  She is becoming more comfortable with denying me when she does not desire the pleasure of seeing me cum for her, even when she knows I desire it very much.  It makes me feel very powerful that I can make her so comfortable that sex is only for her pleasure.

The other baby step involved some things she said during our conversation.  She told me that she wanted us both to stop referring to facts that (i) she is in control of our sex life, (ii) sex is solely for her pleasure, and (iii) she owns all my orgasms as "weird."  She said that these things may be different than in other people's relationships, but she doesn't care about anybody else's relationships and what works for us and is right for us is all that matters.  She said that the word "weird" implies more that just "different."  It implies "wrong," "unhealthy," or "inappropriate."  

She told me that she doesn't think our relationship is any of these things and she doesn't want to use any words that even suggests that either of maybe should feel guilty or embarrassed about how we live.  She told me she couldn't care less if how we live our lives is different that what other poeple may do.  Honestly expressly our love and developing the deepest possible intimacy are the only things that are imporant.

She also said, "The fact that how we love is different is probably proof that we are doing it right not wrong.  Think about all the other people who have no idea what they are missing."

Our journey continues to pick up speed and move in the right direction.

This post was modified 6 months ago by AllAboutHer
 
Posted : 22/05/2022 6:52 pm
true42, subhubphx, true42 and 3 people reacted
Allabouther
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Maybe some of the ladies here at EYM who occupy the driver’s seat in their relationships have some words of wisdom to share with me.  I would welcome hearing them.

I would say that the female led relationship which my girlfriend and I lead in our private lives is in the rock-solid, no-chance-of-ever-going-back, permanent stage of progress.  We discuss it openly, accept it fully, and care less and less if others get a glimpse of it.  We have both totally embraced the benefits we see in living our lives this way.  Her control is a given.  I literally cannot remember that last time either of us even did a “check-in” to see if we both still comfortable with her being in control of our personal relationship and sex life, treating sex as solely for her pleasure, and her owning all of my orgasms.  It would be like asking one another if we were sure we still wanted air to breathe.  For example, we had a conversation about tease and denial at the dinner table in a public restaurant the other night that was as normal and innocuous as any conversation you have ever heard about the weather.

We still have work to do in confronting and dispelling of some of her inhibitions.  It isn’t a matter of desire.  It is really just about her resisting old habits.  I would also say that we are still slowly exploring the extent and limits, if any, of her comfort with exercising her control and authority.  My feeling is that both of these things will come in a matter of time as they become more second nature.

She has said something twice recently that I have never heard before and I find curious. I’ll share what she said and then add my opinion as to why I think I have never heard her say anything like it before.

The other night we were eating out at a favorite restaurant.  This was a terrible week at work and one of the things that helped us get through it successfully was knowing we each respect, and count on, the other’s “alpha” authority.  We each feel totally safe when the other is exercising his or her “alpha” authority, but we also know how good it will feel to rebalance and recharge when the roles are reversed.  My girlfriend was talking quite openly about how much we both like it, and how much strength we both draw from her taking control and calling the shots.  She went on to say that feels a level of happiness that is a bit unsettling for her because she has never experienced anything like it before.  She described it as almost too good to be true.  She knows it is real and sincere.  It is just unbelievable. 

When she said it, however, I could see the slightest hint of hesitation.  I asked her what was on her mind, and she said, “I just hope I won’t disappoint you.” 

Obviously, this concerned me.  So, I asked, “Am I getting ahead of you? Am I asking you to do things you are uncomfortable with?”

“No.  Not at all,” she said.  “I don’t have experience with anything like this and I just don’t know what to expect.”

“Well, I don’t think you should worry about it.  Since I am only asking you to do what you truly want to do, how can you go wrong?”

She nodded in agreement and changed the subject. 

I don’t think she has a serious concern.  I take her statement as indicating that she simply has a little bit of insecurity about what is happening ot, at least, how far it may go.  I think she loves the control she is now freely experiencing, but is kind of mentally pinching herself to see if what is happening is real or just a dream.  I think our new relationship is surpassing her wildest dreams.  I think the thought has occurred to her that my wildest dreams may be even wilder.  And if my dreams aren’t satisfied, it is possible that she might lose hers.

I don’t know.  It is just a theory.  Do any of you have any similar experiences?  Any advice about how to help her?

 
Posted : 28/05/2022 1:28 pm
Allabouther
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My girlfriend says that she thinks I tend to over think things.   And there is some truth to that.  I am a lawyer after all.  I suggested the same thing might be at play with her concern that she doesn’t want to disappoint me.  

“Since we have had our breakthrough and we know we are both absolutely fulfilled by you being in control and calling the shots, I think the serious questions are behind us.  There is nothing that could happen in terms of our further progress that could disappoint me,” I told her.  “Literally, the only question left is how far you want to take your control.  I just want your happiness.  So wherever you want to go from here is going to be fine by me.  Since sex is about your pleasure, I am happiest when you are exploring.  I have no other objective in mind.”

Then I said, “I have an idea.  You say I sometimes overthink things.  You might be doing the same thing here.  How about this?  As we progress, how about you spend less time being guided by your thoughts and try to let your feelings guide you more.”

My GF said she liked the idea.  I think she took the advice to heart.

She initiated no sex once we got home and got into bed.  We snuggled and fell asleep in a warm embrace.  At about 4 o’clock in the morning she got up to use the bathroom.  This woke me up too, so I used the bathroom after she was finished.  As I was getting back into bed, she said, “Come over here and put your head on my chest.”

She lay back on the bed opening her body to me.  I snuggled up next to her with my head on her right breast.  This is a great position because it allows me to use my hand to stroke the beautiful curves on her body; her waist and her hips, her shoulder, that small bump on her belly.

She enjoyed my strokes for a while before I opened her shirt (one of my dress shirts) and began to suckle at her right breast.  At this point, she took complete control.  She rolled me over, lay in a superior position over me, and kissed me passionately.  Then she straddled my face and had me bring her to a couple of orgasms with my tongue.

She started getting a cramp in a hamstring, so she rolled over onto her back and guided my face back between her legs for more oral worship.  When she had had enough, she called me up to her side to hold her while she enjoyed her state a bliss.  I resumed stroking her.  Of course, my penis was erect for her this entire time.

After a while, she rolled on top of me and put my penis inside of her.  She began to slowly use my body for her pleasure.  She had several small orgasms and gradually worked up her intensity.  Eventually, she became more aggressive with her fucking and she instructed me to get to the edge.

”But no coming,” she ordered.  Before long she was riding me hard like a cowgirl rolling from one orgasm to another shouting, “No. . . No. . . No coming!”  After her last orgasm, she collapsed on my chest to catch her breath.  She lay there for several minutes while my erection receded.  She then rolled off to my side and put her head on my shoulder.

Her left hand was on my chest, but she did nothing more to touch me.  Before long, we were both asleep.  It was a blissful denial.

About an hour later, she woke up and roused me.  She said, “You are to jerk off for me and bring yourself to the edge.  But no cumming.”  I followed her orders.  What happened next was she guided me through an extraordinary teasing and edging session.  At first she had me bring myself to the edge, stop and tell her how close I was.  Then she took control and told me when to start and stop stroking.

Eventually, she took my throbbing penis into her own hand and administered the edging directly, continually reinforcing that I was not to cum without her permission.  Finally, when I was begging for release, she told me to cum for her.  I confirmed, “May I have your permission to come?”  I don’t know what it is, but I get an incredible sexual thrill from verbally asking for permission (especially using that word) even when she has told me to come.  She gave me an explosive and mind blowing release with her hand.

There was no question that she was in total control of our sex that morning.  But, the icing on the top was when she came up to me in private twice the day and told me how great our sex was that morning.  I told her I thought it was an all-time best.

 
Posted : 29/05/2022 5:17 am
Allabouther
(@allabouther)
Posts: 220
Member
Topic starter
 

 Yeah, there’s no going back.

I just spent a wonderful day with my girlfriend.  This was the first time we were able to spend any intimate time together since last Tuesday.  We spent time at her house and then went to see the new Top Gun: Maverick movie (which was fun).  She made me a simple dinner at home and we went to bed early.  We did just a little cuddling before she fell asleep on my shoulder.

This morning we shared coffee in bed and had a long, very intimate conversation that was spurred by reading questions from our Caitlyn V box.  One question was, “What do we do when we see one of us acting out of alignment with our values.”   The best example I could think of was the time after I had told my girlfriend I wanted her to be in charge of our personal lives together and committed to making sex solely about her pleasure but I was continuing to masturbate when I was not in my girlfriend presence or did not have her permission.  I told her how I felt my actions were totally out of alignment with the values I was expressing.   

She pointed out to me that I have been relying on masturbation for almost 50 years and said she saw it as more of a habit than a failure to live by my values.   I responded that I certainly thought of it that way myself until I made the decision to commit to sex being only for her pleasure.  But, once that value was established as a guiding principle for my life, it simply became unacceptable, not to mention out of a line with those values, for me to continue masturbating except when I’m with her or have her permission.

As we continued to talk, we agreed that there are four core values that are the foundation of our new personal relationship.  There are lots of implications that result from living by those values, to be sure.  But each time we face one of these implications it is nothing more than an opportunity for us to reflect on our core values and apply them to the situation we are facing.

The four values are:

  • We are committed to a relationship based on love, trust, and intimacy and rejecting manipulation, abuse, and humiliation. 
  • We are committed to taking advantage of our respective “alpha” spheres of influence and supporting the other when he or she is in charge. In the professional world, I am in charge and we both thrive because of my alpha male traits.  In our personal lives, she is in charge and we both thrive because of her alpha female traits.
  • We are committed to the philosophy that sex is solely about her pleasure. This is not because my pleasure is immaterial.  Quite the contrary.  We realize that sex is more intimate and pleasurable for both of us if the focus on her pleasure. 
  • Because my orgasms are a part of our sex life, and she is in charge in all aspects of our personal relationship then, ipso facto, all of my orgasms really belong to her. She has the power to loan me one, share one, or deny me one, as she feels is best at any given moment. 

Since we both recognize the fundamental nature of these core values to our relationship, we both finally realized other things are not “core values.”  They are situations or opportunities for us apply our commitment to our core values.  Instead of having hundreds of things to have to reevaluate and navigate, things are really very simple.  How do act in alignment with our core values?  Answering one question solves just about every problem in our interpersonal relationship.

Once we had sorted this out, she agreed with me that she really did not need to worry about disappointing me.  Because we long ago agreed to live by our core values, including my commitment to support her being in control, the only way that I could be disappointed is if she rejected one of those core values.  We agreed that we are so far beyond questioning the rightness of these values for us that we cannot imagine her ever retreating from any of them. 

 

Another one of the questions from the Caitlyn V box led us to talk about female-led relationships for the first time ever.  A couple of months ago I would never have dreamed about using a phrase like “female-led relationship” with my girlfriend for fear that I would scare her off or come across as kinky or perverse.  Today I used the phrase to describe our relationship and she did not even bat an eye.

My GF had never heard the term before, of course.  But because of the context of our broader conversation today, she instinctively understood what I was talking about.  We agreed that in “conventional” relationships men tend to be in charge.  But, we also agreed that there are many relationships where the woman has had a leadership role, even if it is not outwardly acknowledged.  I used her mother and father as examples.  Her father was a diplomat at the very highest level.  Yet, at the same time, her mother was a very strong individual who absolutely ruled the roost without challenge or comment. We know she was not engaging in teasing and denial with her father but there was there were clearly areas where she was in charge and both of them accepted it.

I told my girlfriend that I had done some reading about FLRs and found that they are not all the same.  FLRs fall along a spectrum of relationships.  At one end of the spectrum were her parents and my parents, where the woman had certain tacit, but clear authority over certain matters.    I told her I have read that this kind of FLR is sometimes described as a “level 1” FLR.  At the other end, were “level 4” FLRs where the woman is presumptively in control of everything, wields arbitrary power over her subservient “beta” male, and frankly doesn’t care to have his input on any decisions. 

I told her that a “level 3” FLR seems to be one where the allocation of control is negotiated but where the woman exercises control it might be described by others as unhealthy or potentially abusive where arbitrariness and humiliation may play a role. 

I told her I thought we were best described as having a “level two” FLR where we have openly and mutually decided that there are certain aspects of relationship where she is going to be the person in control.  She respects and values my input but we both understand that the ultimate decision is hers.  The relationship is always grounded on love, intimacy, and respect, and never on abusing advantage or inflicting humiliation.  The exercise of control is never harmless or destructive.  It is always nurturing although it may be perceived has harsh.

She found these descriptions very interesting and once again she felt reassured that psychologist and other people “out there“ recognize that these things exist to the point that they have labels.  It normalizes the idea of having an FLR.  She told me she really doesn’t what “level” any other person would apply to our relationship or whether she meets anyone else’s expectations.   What matters to her our commitment to each other to live by our four core values. 

I wondered if I would ever feel brave enough to openly refer to our relationship as an FLR in my conversations with my girlfriend.  I do not have to worry about that any more.  Another milepost reached on our journey.

Another interesting topic of conversation was how she chooses to use her control and how it pleases me.  This gave me a chance to point out some subtle differences in how she exercises her control.

I told her, “You know how I appreciate the fact that you have given me permission to masturbate a few times when you know I have been under bad stress.  I know you love me, and you are being compassionate.  You are voluntarily relinquishing control to me when you say, ‘I know you feel overwhelmed with stress.  If you feel you need it, you have my permission to masturbate.'  I do see this as powerful.  But it is not the same thing as exercising your control to take care of me the way you know is best.”

I continued, “I would feel more firmly held in your hands if you said something like, ‘I know you are stressed, and we need to alleviate that.  I want you to stop what you’re doing and go to the bathroom.  You are to think of licking my pussy and masturbate for me.  Then I want you to call me back and report when you are finished. I don’t want you to let the stress get out of control.’  Or even if you said something like, ‘I am not going to give you permission to masturbate.  I think you would be best served by taking the stress your are feeling and focusing that energy on me.’  Those things would demonatrate more control and be little bit more satisfying.”

She said, “Yeah, I see the difference.”

We spent about three hours in this conversation in our bed this morning with both of us naked from the waist down the entire time.  The fact that certain topics in our conversation aroused me was given away by the fact that I became quite obviously erect several times.  While we talked, she allowed me to stroke her curves and kiss her. I found the whole morning very erotic.  Frankly, it was one massive tease. 

She decided which card was going to be our last one.  When we were finished, she gave be a passionate kiss and said, “OK.  You need to take a shower and head home.   I have things I need to do.”

I kissed her back and said, “You are denying me again aren’t you?”

She just smiled.

“And you like it, don’t you,” I said.

“Today I do,” was her reply.

 
Posted : 30/05/2022 12:15 pm
True42
(@true42)
Posts: 138
Reputable Member
 

@allabouther

Posted by: @allabouther

She went on to say that feels a level of happiness that is a bit unsettling for her because she has never experienced anything like it before.  She described it as almost too good to be true.  She knows it is real and sincere.  It is just unbelievable. 

When she said it, however, I could see the slightest hint of hesitation.  I asked her what was on her mind, and she said, “I just hope I won’t disappoint you.” 

.. I don’t think she has a serious concern.  I take her statement as indicating that she simply has a little bit of insecurity about what is happening ot, at least, how far it may go.  I think she loves the control she is now freely experiencing, but is kind of mentally pinching herself to see if what is happening is real or just a dream.  I think our new relationship is surpassing her wildest dreams.  I think the thought has occurred to her that my wildest dreams may be even wilder.  And if my dreams aren’t satisfied, it is possible that she might lose hers.

I don’t know.  It is just a theory.  Do any of you have any similar experiences?  Any advice about how to help her?

Consistency. Reinforcement over time.

What you wrote reminds me a little bit of my marriage. I was thinking about this recently as I was watching my wife ride on top of me, with her head thrown way back and her eyes closed, as she was selfishly grinding away towards her second O. For the first years of our marriage, she never ever did that, and so it is wonderful to watch her now, how she gets to completely lose herself in her own desires (similar I guess to how I must have fucked her for those first years of our marriage).

Watching her, I thought to myself: What an amazing, beautiful woman. Slowly building her own confidence over these past few years, with me actively supporting her process through my consistency. Consistent respect. Consistent obedience. Consistent submission to her decisions. Consistent support of what she wants to do, how she wants to do it, and when she wants it done.

She now understands that she is in the driver's seat and that I am happy to be brought along for the ride. But yes, she too occasionally gets those "pinch me!" moments, and the moments of doubt. And that's when I need to be the consistent support that she relies on to helper her to thrive and grow.

And to finish the story: I didn't get to cum. And I am not just OK with that, but I am somehow actually happy -- or relieved? -- about that result. And it's pretty obvious that the reduction in the number, and the control over my orgasms is an incredibly effective training tool, but did I mention "addictive"?

 
Posted : 31/05/2022 3:32 pm
Allabouther
(@allabouther)
Posts: 220
Member
Topic starter
 
Posted by: @true42

Watching her, I thought to myself: What an amazing, beautiful woman. Slowly building her own confidence over these past few years, with me actively supporting her process through my consistency. Consistent respect. Consistent obedience. Consistent submission to her decisions. Consistent support of what she wants to do, how she wants to do it, and when she wants it done.

She now understands that she is in the driver's seat and that I am happy to be brought along for the ride. But yes, she too occasionally gets those "pinch me!" moments, and the moments of doubt. And that's when I need to be the consistent support that she relies on to helper her to thrive and grow.

Words to live by, for sure.  Tonight, I will be put to the test.  My girlfriend and I are together again this evening (my AC is on the fritz).  Tonight it will be a week since my last release, and she has denied me twice in that time.  A bit part of me wants to push for a release tonight.  But I can already tell she is tired and in a “let’s snuggle quietly” mood.  I am going to put my best foot forward and show her how consistent I can be in supporting her choices.

Thanks so much for your meaningful feedback, @True42.

 
Posted : 31/05/2022 4:52 pm
true42, true42 and true42 reacted
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