[Solved] My journey has been accelerating
@chastejim Congratulations! This exciting and inspirational. As I think about where my own relationship is going, I hope I will see the same thing from my girlfriend.
With the love of my queen, this man has just taken his next step in his evolution.
Last night, at sunset on the ancient Charles Bridge in beautiful Prague, I proposed to my girlfriend. And she said yes!
Of course, I presented her with a diamond. But I made a more formal proposal, in writing:
“My Dearest **** and my Queen,
Love of my life, I propose to you a traditional marriage dedicated to mutual
○ Support ○ Personal Growth
○ Learning ○ Adventure
○ Stability ○ Deep Satisfaction
I propose to you a marriage that is a non-traditional FLR based on the core values of
○ Love, Trust, and Intimacy,
○ Mutual respect spanning two separate spheres where we are each, respectively, in charge; me in our business life and you in our personal and sex life,
○ Recognition that sex, for us, is primarily about your pleasure. Not because my pleasure is immaterial; quite the contrary. We recognize that sex is most intimate and pleasurable for both of us if the focus is on your pleasure and you alone control the granting or withholding of my ability to have sexual release.
What do you say?
Please say ‘Yes,’”
She only had one question about the FLR portion of my proposal. She wanted to make sure she wasn’t giving up any power. “When you are in charge at work, I will be able to give my suggestions and recommendations. You will just have the right to make the final call, correct?
“Of course. I value what you have to say. That is why I made you vice-president,” I answered.
“Okay, then, yes, I will marry you.” She kissed me tenderly.
We shared a wonderful meal at a truly excellent restaurant in the Old Town.
After we returned to the apartment we rented for our stay, she took me to bed. While kissing and holding each other she asked me to tell her what just happened. She was totally surprised by my proposal and she said it hit her so fast she was already uncertain how it has all happened.
After I relived the story for her, she told me, “You need to lick my pussy.” I brought her to orgasm twice with my tongue, and she told me, “I want you inside me.”
I asked for permission to use the bathroom to be at my best, but when I came back to the bed she was reclining with her legs spread wide, clearly telling me to resume eating her out. During the hour I spent licking her glorious pussy, she went from mild rolling climaxes to several cataclysmic orgasms where she violently ground her sex into my face. I then gave her two more orgasms with my fingers as I kissed her passionately.
After her last orgasm, she lay like a wet rag in my arms recovering. My rock hard erection lay against her hip as I kissed her face and shoulders. After twenty minutes of this, she told me, “You may jerk off. But you have to tell me when you are getting close. You are not to stop just because you are close, but you just stop when I tell you.”
I began, as instructed. It was not long before I announced that I was close to having an orgasm. She pushed me onto my back and raised herself up on an elbow. When I asked for permission to cum, she denied it and told me to stop.
Then she took over, bringing me to the edge several times. Each time I asked for permission cum and each time she denied it, until one time she game me one extra stroke and gave me a ruined orgasm. She gently held the base of my penis with her finger tips so she could see the semen as it oozed from my swollen cock. She gave me a minute to recover and she finished me off with her hand.
I feel like we have ignited the next stage of a rocket.
This was a great read. This part was amazing…
“strict orgasm control , wearing of a chastity device for her are the new normal.”
Though for a slightly different reason in my case, ED and orgasm problems, I absolutely loved it when my wife hit this point. If I were permanently unable to have sex and denied she’d still be pleasured. She’s quite happy with our flr and I’ve never been more happy and frustrated in a good way.
My fiancé and I met with a jeweler yesterday to design her engagement ring. It was a very creative process and she had fun making a totally unique ring that she says she will love to wear. I invited her back to my house to celebrate and she readily accepted.
When we were between the sheets and talking, I told her how much I love our intimate time together. We agreed to make it a priority, not an afterthought, in our lives together. We had a wonderful conversation about our growing FLR especially the improvement in our sex life. I told her I would be happy if we didn’t progress any farther, but I could tell by the increase in the intensity of her orgasms that she was enjoying the results of taking more control and letting go of more inhibitions. She agreed and noted that the strength of my orgasms has increased the more control she exercises.
She has decided she will exercise more control when it comes to me building an orgasm for her through edging. We call it her “big one” and it usually happens once each session. I use my fingers and take her through several plateaus up to a crashing orgasm. Last week she told me that she felt her orgasm would have been stronger if I had brought her to climax two edges prior to the one I chose. She told me she was going to control my teasing of her just like she supervises me when I jerk off for her.
Our sex yesterday was 100% on her terms. After a long session of making out and cuddling, she took me into her mouth. When I told her that I was getting close she stopped. She returned to my side and talked to me like a coach talks to one of her players. She matter-of-factly gave me instructions to pleasure her. I was to lick her for as long as she wished then I was to “come back up” and give her a “big one.”
I let out an audible moan as soon as I smelled her pussy when I got between her legs. It was wonderful. I knew she was already very wet and I was not wrong. I ate her exactly as she instructed and she came hard pulling my face into her pussy.
She caught her breath for a few seconds and said, “Come up here. Let’s go!”
I started working on her big one and, just as she promised, as she approached the edge, she breathlessly said, “Stop, stop, stop.” Then, immediately after the wave had passed, “O.K., go.” She gave me the same instructions several more times before switching it up. Instead of telling me to stop, she instructed me, “Harder!” And, “To the right!” “Two fingers!” “Make me cum!” ‘Don’t stop!”
Her orgasm left her whole body twitching. I expected her to relax in her state of bliss for a while, but I was wrong. Within a few seconds, she told me, “Again. Now!” I brought her to another strong orgasm almost immediately.
As she came down from these orgasms, I couldn’t help but point out that her taking complete control led to some fantastic orgasms for her. I asked if she noticed that the more control she exerted, the harder I got. She smiled and said she did.
Once she had recovered, she continued her control of the session. “Jerk off for me. I want to tease you and enjoy feeling you cum.”
She has trained me not to stop masturbating just because I am close. I am to tell her when I am getting close, but I am not to stop unless and until she tells me. But I also have to ask for permission to cum. This is where she will tell me stop or grant me permission. Recently, she has taken to supervising me while I jerk off for her, then after denying me permission to cum several times, she takes over control directly. Of course, I am still required to ask for permission to cum.
She has really gotten into taking me to the very edge before denying my permission. It is standard now for her to give me a ruined orgasm when she is teasing me with her hand. Usually, she will give me just enough stimulation to make my cum ooze from the tip. Yesterday, she went a bit farther and made me shoot two pleasureless spurts. After I settled down, she brought me to a mind-blowing orgasm all over my chest.
The journey continues
I let out an audible moan as soon as I smelled her pussy when I got between her legs.
Isn't it the most incredible feeling in the world to feel this way? Be it her smell, what fills your eyes when is naked and writhing in sexual bliss, etc.? Being a (mostly) permanently caged husband, it has driven my genuine, heart-felt, lust-fueled desire for her through the roof. It started with audible moans and a couple of occasions, resulted in a spontaneous orgasm for me. Talk about a ruined orgasm.
The first time was incredible. We were nearing the completion of a particularly hot, sexy session filled with several orgasms for us (her), when she abruptly got on her knees, lowered her head to the pillow and demanded anal/oral pleasure while she held the vibrator on her happy place for another, final orgasm. The visual, coupled with the amount of lust flowing through me caused an abrupt, spontaneous ejaculation the second my mouth touched her rose bud. It came upon me so fast that I wasn't even abe to ask for permission. It was a watershed moment for both of us, but in particular for Ms. K. It was then that she discovered that I could ejaculate while being caged. Since then, it is slowly but surely becoming her default preference for allowing me to "cum". So yeah, I completely understand your "audible moan" is something I completely and utterly relate to.
In case you are wondering, yes, I was punished rather sternly for violating one of the most important rules in our marriage. Ejaculating without permission, even though she was honored and pleased as to the reasons leading up to it. It is one rule where she has zero flexibility.
It was a watershed moment for both of us, but in particular for Ms. K.
@subhubphx. I love I when you share you stories. You experience is so much deeper than many of ours. Just a few paragraphs give so much important perspective.
@subhubphx Oh yes, you are the man! You’ve been working on improving your FLR for years. My fiancé and I just approaching the one-year mark. You’ve not only approached the topic of chastity, you’re at a point of long-term denial. My fiancé seems content to deny me now and then, but only as a means of extended foreplay. I guess I shouldn’t complain that she gets so much joy from sharing my orgasms. She and I are alike in that way. We love sharing each other’s orgasms.
I know that there are many alpha males like me who long for a woman that they can totally submit to in their personal and sex lives. I am not complaining, but I think there is an inherent challenge for guys like me who see that their SOs would probably thrive in an FLR but would have to be introduced to it very carefully because it flies in the face of so many social constructs and inhibitions that the woman has been taught define a “normal” male-female relationship. A guy has to walk a bit of a tightrope when he is a goal-oriented, man-of-action and his very goal is to genuinely give up control. It requires leadership and strategy to successfully encourage a change in mindset in a woman where she can embrace having all the control when it comes to sex and their personal relationship.
When we started our journey, there was simply no way for me to show my fiancé the benefits of an FLR without doing a certain amount of topping from the bottom. I had to have a certain “ends-justifies-the-means” attitude or my fiancé would never have been willing to challenge the social mores that defined the kind of personal and sexual relationship that would be “appropriate.”
But, if the FLR is to be genuine, then there has to come a time when the alpha male says enough is enough. There has to come a time when he has broken the ice, she has started to embrace the new mindset, and he has to let go and accept her leadership. For us, the reality was more about progress along a continuum than about one day realizing a switch had been flipped. On the leadership gauge, we definitely started with the needle 100% pointing toward me. Then, over time, the gauge moved to 75% me/25% her. Soon we passed 50% me/50% her, to 25% me/75% her. I would say the needle is now pretty close to pointing at 100% her.
Ironically, the big breakthrough was realizing that I had to undergo a mindset change of my own. Once we reached the tipping point, it became more important for me to back-off and submit to her leadership than push her to assert her control. As we have moved from a low-key FLR through an informal FLR to a formal FLR, my role has changed. Of course, if our FLR was to be genuine, then this was exactly the point. But, I have to admit that the alpha male in me wanted to make sure I asserted enough control to make sure we were really past the tipping point.
If it was liberating to tell my fiancé that I sought a relationship where she is in total control of our personal lives and that sex is 100% about her pleasure, dropping the reigns completely has taken me to a whole new level of liberation. Not only has there been no back-sliding, but my stress has disappeared. And she has continued to lead us further on our journey by her own initiative.
Take yesterday, for example. My fiancé spent the entire week working from one of our firm’s other offices. We did not see each other at all from Monday morning until Saturday afternoon. I drove out to her house so that we could spend the weekend together. Once I had unloaded the car and kicked off my shoes, she took me by the hand and told me to follow her. She led me to the base of her staircase. This is a favorite place for us to kiss because she can stand on the first step while I stand on the floor. Since I am about 9 inches taller than her, this allows her to kiss me without having to bend her neck. We kissed passionately on her stairs for 10 or 15 minutes. She eventually broke the kiss and, without saying a word, she took me by the hand again and led me up to her bedroom. She disrobed both of us and we resumed kissing on her bed. I don’t even remember exactly what words she said to me, but it was clear to me that I was going to please her while she was only going to tease me. She told me to lick her and I ate her through one orgasm. Then I held her in my arms and brought her to a second with my fingers. Finally, she told me to get inside her and bring her to one more. Since I was not given permission to cum, after she had her third orgasm, I had to pull out when I was close. I was closer than I realized, or maybe the whole scene was just so erotic to me, that I had a ruined orgasm and dribbled my cum out on the sheets between her legs without a climax. Of course, giving her pleasure was incredibly pleasurable for me, and I was more than satisfied.
When she had had enough, she told me we were going out. I tucked my erection into my boxer-briefs and we went out for an afternoon on the town.
At the end of the day, we picked up a rotisserie chicken to make a light dinner at home. After making us a couple of tall, cool drinks, I offered to help her cut the chicken and tomatoes for us to eat. She told me to finish the drinks and not to worry as I would be cleaning the dishes when dinner was over. We enjoyed the food and drinks in the cool breeze on her back deck until well after the sun went down. When I noticed it was 9:00, she told me to do the dishes as it was time for us to go up to bed.
I cut us some fresh peaches to eat in bed while she put on one of my dress shirts. We got into bed and shared the peaches while we did a few questions from our “Intimacy” box. I told her I had found some other questions we should try answering. She said she was game.
Last week, I found that aboutflr.com had posted a quiz on their site. “Is a Female Led Relationship for you? Take our quick 10 question quiz to find out if a FLR is the ideal relationship for you.” This is the first time I have shown my fiancé any websites that discuss the topic of FLRs. Frankly, I have been more than hesitant. I since more extreme FLRs can involve humiliation (something I know she is not into) I have been afraid she might be scared off. But now that I know she loves having a formal FLR (I even put it in writing when I proposed to her a couple of weeks ago) and I am committed to following her leadership wherever it may go, I decided it was time to stop “protecting” her.
We opened the site and each of us took the quiz. According to the doctor who designed the questions, we were both rated “perfect” for a “formal or more extreme FLR” (gulp). I don’t know if it was the validation offered by the website or just that she was still horny after being away from me for almost a week, but she was in total control of our love-making last night. I have never seen her so passionate and dominating. I told her afterwards that it was the most incredible night of sex I had ever had. I she made me feel like I have never felt before in my life. But when finally finished by edging me to a mind-blowing orgasm, she noticed the clock and told me we had been making love for over three hours.
This morning, she was going to tease me and deny me again so I would be extra-horny until we are together again on Wednesday. But she got so turned on by teasing me, that she decided to mount me and ordered me to cum inside of her as she came with me inside her.
All of this was 100% organic and 100% her. I thank God that it is a woman’s prerogative to change her mind. And when she is in control, I will follow her lead.
Referring to the original title of thread, your journey has indeed been accelerating. Speedily so in fact. Congratulations to both of you. You are on a path to the kind of relationship that can be incredibly rewarding because each of you can be constantly marinating in real, deep seeded love, lust and desire for each other.
I wondered why it is that has kept me interested in your journey and I've come to the conclusion is mostly this:
"But, if the FLR is to be genuine, then there has to come a time when the alpha male says enough is enough. There has to come a time when he has broken the ice, she has started to embrace the new mindset, and he has to let go and accept her leadership."
This one sentence sums the similarity between our respective relationships. When we met, I was most definitely the dominant one in the relationship, inside the bedroom and otherwise. We went through a similar transition of power over the last 12 years that has culminated in Her being 1000% percent in charge of absolutely everything. There were some expected and realized bumps along the road, but each of them only served to strengthen our relationship.
You and I have exchanged comments about the importance of NOT topping from the bottom, and the challenges associated with that given were we came from. Looking back, it is clear to Ms. K. and I that one of the most significant benchmarks in our relationship development was when she put an absolute end to ANY form of topping from the bottom and prohibited ANY form of it going forward. No more! All done! It was a watershed moment for us, and things really began to accelerate for us at that moment. She declared then that we were headed on a path that SHE alone would decide. We would continue to discuss and communicate everything, and she would take my likes and preferences into consideration, but ALL of our activities would be something that she would decide on. Of course, throughout we both respected hard limits, but soft limits would be tested if her desires should happen to move in that direction.
It required a tremendous amount of trust in my beautiful Wife. Trust that I had then and have now. That said, we have evolved into a loving WLM that neither of us would've even considered possible at the time. We are better for it and happier and more in love than ever. I could into details about the differences between then and now but that would make this very long. Perhaps even as long as your comments are. ha ha 😉
" Since I was not given permission to cum, after she had her third orgasm, I had to pull out when I was close. I was closer than I realized, or maybe the whole scene was just so erotic to me, that I had a ruined orgasm and dribbled my cum out on the sheets between her legs without a climax."
One of the things that never changed from the beginning was NEVER being allowed to ejaculate without permission, even if it was an accident. Ms. K. takes this rule very seriously and when there are accidents (they happen), a pretty significant paddle session has been earned, regardless of the circumstances. She felt in the very beginning that (and still does) that ejaculating is akin to stealing what belongs to her, and to waste it is never allowed, even if I am so consumed in lust for her that it just happens. To put emphasis on this rule, she will occasionally "tease" me unmerciful and when I inform that I am about to cum, she'll get a devious look in her eye and not stop on purpose, even though I am begging her to cum, or for her to stop. In other words, she forces me to ejaculate, although usually by ruined orgasm. Since permission to ejaculate was not given, a harsh punishment ensues. She's also admitted that she will sometimes do this also because sometimes she just wants to paddle me.
Our journey is accelerating too, even after 12 years. Who knows where it will take us? Will she want to cuckold me? Maybe not but who knows, but she makes it perfectly clear that it could happen. Will she make me consume my cum every time I ejaculate? Probably not, but who knows? Will she reveal the most intimate parts of our relationship to a trusted friend? Who knows? All of these, and pretty much anything else that isn't a hard limit is her prerogative, for which she reminds me frequently.
One thing she has discovered, and perhaps in something in your future as well, that there are significant real benefits to significantly reducing the number of orgasms I am allowed to have over time. The two orgasms she required I have last week while not caged notwithstanding, they are very few and far between. Sounds daunting, doesn't it? Trust me my friend, it isn't. I feel like our sex life is better than ever because it is never about my orgasm. She's trained me to understand and believe (and I do) that it is far better for both of us for me to be in a constant state of desire during and after sex, than it is to have a few seconds of orgasmic bliss followed by a refractory period.
Press on my friend!
It required a tremendous amount of trust in my beautiful Wife. Trust that I had then and have now. That said, we have evolved into a loving WLM that neither of us would've even considered possible at the time. We are better for it and happier and more in love than ever.
I agree that trust is the most important factor in the acceleration of our FLR and the deepening of our relationship. It has allowed us both to feel safe in exposing vulnerabilities. As consequence, we “get” each other better than ever.
One thing she has discovered, and perhaps in something in your future as well, that there are significant real benefits to significantly reducing the number of orgasms I am allowed to have over time. The two orgasms she required I have last week while not caged notwithstanding, they are very few and far between.
If I am not mistaken, you have only been allowed about two in the last year. Now, two in one week? There has to be a story there. Feel like sharing?
July has passed and I have another month of data gathered in my HabitShare App about how our FLR is affecting our sex life.
Solo masturbation. In July, I was not given permission to give myself any releases. Nor did I ask for any. The topic never came up. I think solo masturbation, for me, is a thing of the past. No change over June. Can’t get less than zero.
My orgasms. I was allowed to have 11 full orgasms during the month of July. Three more than I was allowed in June. I attribute the bump in releases for me to our getting engaged and my fiancé feeling especially open to wanting to make me happy. I was even allowed two orgasms in a single day after we returned from Europe.
Her orgasms. The fact that the focus of our sex life is on her pleasure was borne out in the number of orgasms my fiancé enjoyed in July. She had 50 orgasms last month compared to 41 the month before. The ratio of her orgasms to mine remained at approximately 5 to 1.
Tease and denial. I July, I was physically stimulated and denied release 4 times, or about once per week. The big difference was that this month was the first time my fiancé denied me after having me give her orgasms. They are all powerful, but that time was especially powerful, and pleasurable. My fiancé does get a rush out of teasing and denying me. But I think she genuinely gets more pleasure from giving me an orgasm. In fact, she administered more ruined orgasms on the way to giving me full orgasms, than she did denials. As I am committed to following her leadership and not topping from the bottom, I would be surprised if the frequency with which I am teased and denied changes much. But who knows? As her leadership develops of its own accord, there is simply no telling. We’ll have to wait and see.
If I am not mistaken, you have only been allowed about two in the last year. Now, two in one week? There has to be a story there. Feel like sharing?
It may have been three times in the last year, but yeah, twice in one week was a surprise.
Sharing? Sure. It was really kind of a random thing. Ms. K. doesn't have an agenda when it comes when or how often. In other words, I am not given a schedule or do I "earn" orgasms/ejaculation. Ms. K. believes, and I agree that knowing when or even if I am going to cum undermines her control over my orgasms. We discovered some time ago that if she feels obligated to give or allow and orgasm/ejaculation, then she isn't really the one that is in control and in a way, it is me that is in control. So yeah ... we don't do that, and our situation just naturally evolved to where my orgasms/ejaculations are rather infrequent. That sounds terrible to the uninitiated, but I can tell you, I have more and better sex during the times of infrequent orgasms than ever before in my life. Even during those times when I would normally cum from sex 10-15 times a month. It truly is better to be in a constant state of desire than to orgasms. Again, the uninitiated may not ever understand how that can be.
Back to the twice in one week thing. Like I said ... random. For the past 2-3 months we have been surrounded by people in our house. Be they guests, kids home from school for the summer, whatever. During that fateful week, we were alone! Also, coincidentally, and for no particular reason, Ms. K. has wanted me to be uncaged for almost a month, which is a complete departure from our norm where I am caged pretty much 24/7. For the two orgasms in question, we had just returned home from a nice dinner, at which we imbibed in some delicious adult beverages. Ms. K. was particularly horny when we got home, peeled off her clothes as soon as the door closed behind us and instructed me to give her orgasms. I did, and they were fabulous. Normally her orgasms are our orgasms, and I am left to be satisfied with that when she is done. And I always satisfied with. For whatever, on these two occasions particular occasions, she told me to fuck until I had an orgasm. She knows that one thing I do miss is being able to just fuck her without stopping and starting, without worrying about getting to the edge and asking for permission, any of the standard rules of our relationship. On these occasion that is exactly what she had me do. Just take her. Not as if I were her dutiful, order taking husband, but just take her. My first reaction was "really?" and then I went off to put on the strap on harness, which is becoming her more and more preferred, usual method of penetration. I was assuming that I was going to be allowed to orgasm while wearing the strap on without permission, which is something I am learning to do easier and easier as time goes on.
She asked, "Where are you going?" and when I told to get "her boyfriend" situated in the harness, she said "no, I want my husband's cock, not my boyfriend's." I ran back to the bed, positioned myself between the legs of the most beautiful, the sexiest woman I have ever laid my eyes on and entered her. I have learned to savor being inside her when I am allowed inside her, so I "soaked" for a minute or two and then just began thrusting ... and thrusting ... and thrusting. All the while being awash in gratitude and unmitigated joy for not only being allowed inside but being required to go and go until my finish line was reached. It was pretty amazing. Afterward I thanked her profusely and she had utter joy and love on her face. It was a beautiful moment for both of us.
The second time was similar to the first. Only difference being that I assumed this time that she meant me and not her "boyfriend". We have since returned to me being caged 24/7 (I genuinely missed it) and have returned to our normal and beautiful "her orgasms are our orgasms" way of life.
So yeah ... we don't do that, and our situation just naturally evolved to where my orgasms/ejaculations are rather infrequent. That sounds terrible to the uninitiated, but I can tell you, I have more and better sex during the times of infrequent orgasms than ever before in my life. Even during those times when I would normally cum from sex 10-15 times a month. It truly is better to be in a constant state of desire than to orgasms.
For whatever, on these two occasions particular occasions, she told me to fuck until I had an orgasm. She knows that one thing I do miss is being able to just fuck her without stopping and starting, without worrying about getting to the edge and asking for permission, any of the standard rules of our relationship. On these occasion that is exactly what she had me do. Just take her. Not as if I were her dutiful, order taking husband, but just take her.
This juxtaposition is another challenge we share in common. Our desire to marinate in endorphins and ride the wave of perpetual foreplay that comes from the fact that we get our pleasure through our partners' pleasure really becomes irrelevant when we have accepted our SO's leadership in the bedroom and committed to not topping from the bottom. If she wants to be taken and she wants to enjoy you having a release, then it's "discussion over." Take her you will.
But, when my fiancé instructs me to take her, as she does occassionally, I don't set my submission aside and resume my at-work, dominant persona. I continue in my submission. I try to "conquer" her the way she wants to be conquered, and not just focus on my pleasure. As a consequence, I make sure that I am putting the stones to her in a way that gives her the feelings she is looking for and try to give her that raw, animal orgasm that she gets from being taken. And it still feels right for me to ask for permission to cum when the time comes.
My fiancé gets that this is the real me and understands that I am being the he-man for a reason: To bring her pleasure. She doesn't object to my seeking permission before I cum and she has always granted her permission in this situation.
That having been said, there are times when it is HER desire that MY pleasure is to be the focus. This is the compassionate side of her alpha personality. When she is feeling this way, she simply tells me that her desire to see me enjoy myself and she gives me permission to cum in advance whenever the feeling overtakes me. This is when I know I have permission, or rather, the instruction, to focus solely on my own gratification. And, of course, I do what she says. When she leads us in this direction I do not ask for permission to ejaculate, but I do let her know when I am getting close. That way she can decide if she wants to shift to another activity (and delay my inevitable refractory period) or bring me to a climax.