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Taking the Wife's name?

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Ahhh_Romance
(@ahhh_romance)
Posts: 11
Eminent Member
Topic starter
 

I recently read an article regarding the husband taking the wife's last name.

Has anyone here done that initially at wedding time, where I presume the FLR dynamic has already been discussed, or later on in the marriage and actually legally changed HIS last name? Has anyone done it 'temporarily' such as when the couple is meeting someone new on vacation, and are introduced as such?  If so, what was the feeling on the part of the wife/husband?

 

 
Posted : 14/01/2021 10:15 pm
RIChris, lbp6855, RIChris and 3 people reacted
Mstara
(@mstara)
Posts: 162
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I work with someone whose husband changed his surname to hers.

 
Posted : 15/01/2021 2:38 am
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Ahhh_Romance
(@ahhh_romance)
Posts: 11
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Topic starter
 

@mstara I'm curious - how long into the marriage were they? Do you know if it was at his urging, or hers? Was there a change in the way he was viewed in the workplace?

I must say this is a subject that had never occurred to me in the past, and when I read about it, there was a certain physical/psychological 'twinge' that hit me. 

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If my wife told me we I was going to have to legally change my last name at this point in my life - well, that is a mindfuck i didn't seen coming.

Might be fun for an extended holiday - to always be introduced as Ms & Mr Laura Smith or individually as "This is Mr Laura Smith" (Not our real names)

 
Posted : 15/01/2021 6:37 am
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Mstara
(@mstara)
Posts: 162
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@ahhh_romance

He changed his name when they got married, so from day one. As I understand it he was unhappy with his father, so when his wife suggested taking hers, he agreed. I'm not quite sure how that worked as I assume he had to do that by deed poll and as for how it went down at his place of work, I'm not sure I'm afraid.

 
Posted : 15/01/2021 7:10 am
Ahhh_Romance
(@ahhh_romance)
Posts: 11
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Topic starter
 

@mstara

Thank you for the reply.

I suppose it would be much easier at the start of a marriage. I would presume the conversation would be different had they been married for some time.

In my case I am retired, with grown adult children. Doing it legally may be out at this point.

Still, it might be fun and interesting to make a hotel reservation in the name of Ms & Mr Laura Smith, and insist I be called "Mr Laurie". My wife's real first name is more feminine, and couldn't be confused with a last name as in my example. I would imagine heads turning.

 
Posted : 15/01/2021 10:40 am
Flaflr
(@flaflr)
Posts: 52
Trusted Member
 

I believe it is only proper for the male to take the female's   surname in a Female Led Marriage. I know of one married couple that did this.  I plan on taking my wife's surname in a Female Led Marriage.

 
Posted : 18/01/2021 2:16 pm
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Flaflr
(@flaflr)
Posts: 52
Trusted Member
 

I believe it is only proper for the male to take the female's   surname in a Female Led Marriage. I know of one married couple that did this.  I plan on taking my wife's surname in a Female Led Marriage.

 
Posted : 18/01/2021 2:16 pm
Evolvingyourman
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman)
Posts: 1045
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I know a couple that did this however they weren't in a FLR. She had two children from a previous marriage and they wanted to share the same last name with the children. Many of the FLR couples I know simply don't change last names at all. The changing of last names is associated with losing ones identity and many couples simply choose to keep both of their identities when they commit themselves to each other. 

 
Posted : 25/01/2021 10:34 am
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Mstara
(@mstara)
Posts: 162
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@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

I certainly use my maiden name professionally as I had a profile in my profession before I married. I've kept this although it does confuse some people a little when they see my wedding rings and assume that my maiden name is my married surname and call me Mrs X instead of Mrs Y.

 
Posted : 26/01/2021 3:24 am
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Esposoesclavo
(@esposoesclavo)
Posts: 2
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Posted by: @mstara

@ahhh_romance

He changed his name when they got married, so from day one. As I understand it he was unhappy with his father, so when his wife suggested taking hers, he agreed. I'm not quite sure how that worked as I assume he had to do that by deed poll and as for how it went down at his place of work, I'm not sure I'm afraid.

I am kind of in a similar situation. I mentioned this idea once to my Wife and she liked the idea.  We haven't decided to do it, but I think it's a real option.  We've been married for about 3 years and she did not take my last name when we married.

I really like the idea of taking her name as a symbol of my submission to her, but we a relatively new to FLR and I have kids with my last name so we are still unsure about it.

 

 
Posted : 17/02/2021 7:59 am
James52
(@james52)
Posts: 8
Active Member
 
? Posted by: @mstara

@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

I certainly use my maiden name professionally as I had a profile in my profession before I married. I've kept this although it does confuse some people a little when they see my wedding rings and assume that my maiden name is my married surname and call me Mrs X instead of Mrs Y.

I have two sisters-in-law who have kept their maiden name after marriage.  They were established in their careers.  

Emma made a good point in that changing your last name takes away from your identity. As a man I had never thought of this.  But, how true.  Because of our cultural norms, a man taking his spouses last name, at marriage or after, seems to make a much more powerful statement about the relationship.  I would have no issues doing this... except for what family, friends, co-workers and others might say! ?

What if women who were committed to an FLR required their suitors to agree to this as a precondition to marriage?  Knowing “back then” what I know today, I would probably agree. Let’s watch for the trend.

 
Posted : 19/02/2021 4:01 pm
Ahhh_Romance
(@ahhh_romance)
Posts: 11
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Topic starter
 

This is an older post, but the situation is beginning to change:

 

My wife read the same article as I did, and as expected, it piqued her interest. So to this, she has begun using her maiden name in informal situations such as magazine subscriptions, hotel reservations (I make the call, and pay in my name. The res is in her name).

Her family name has many accomplishments, while my family does not. She wants to live her life out as her family name, and to be remembered as such after we are 'gone'. My family history will, in effect, disappear into oblivion as far as my existence is concerned.

In this post-9/11 era, it's not a simple task to change her name, let alone mine, and there is no divorce decree that would show the world she is no longer her married name. The DMV change of driver's name is of no help, which would help her in other areas of identification.

She's undecided as to requiring me to change my last name to hers, but is firmly dedicated in changing her name back to her maiden name. 

Society has an acceptance of a woman changing her name when in and out of a marriage, but there is no historical method for a husband to do so.

More as we progress.

 
Posted : 22/05/2021 11:20 am
Lbp6855
(@lbp6855)
Posts: 46
Illustrious Member
 

Nobody has to change their name after marriage but it does seem like a big step as far as committing goes. It would feel hollow to get married and nothing changes. You don't have to change to anybody in particular. You could take her last name, yours, or create a new last name all together. 

 
Posted : 22/05/2021 12:34 pm
Mstara
(@mstara)
Posts: 162
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Perhaps we ought to move to the Icelandic model of using surnames? https://scandification.com/icelandic-surnames-common-icelandic-last-names/#:~:text=Surnames%20in%20Iceland%20are%20odd,the%20same%20way%20we%20do.

 
Posted : 23/05/2021 3:06 am
lbp6855, RIChris, lbp6855 and 3 people reacted
Richris
(@richris)
Posts: 13
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My wife and I kept separate names when we married, but we agreed that the children should take her name.  As a result, when we need a "family name" we generally use hers, so I do get called "Mr Hername" on occasion.  Full disclosure?  It feels hot! 🙂

I have toyed many times with legally changing my name to match hers.  What keeps stopping me is that I have a *very* unusual last name and no brothers.  There is no next generation with our name, and its passing makes me a little sad.

 
Posted : 24/05/2021 7:05 am
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