We finally talked
Well, we have had a long talk. We rarely talk about sex. After being together for more than 20 yeurs, it is more about the kids, work, things to do and other stuff. In my opinion we are heading towards a couple you see sometimes in a restaurant. both staring in a different direction because there is nothing more to tell. That Idea scares me. We love each other, and I would not be with somebody else, but I miss the talking and intimacy during the day.
Last week we were laying in bed together and fondeling, kissing and later having penetration.
She was not really into it. her breast were a bit too sensitive and oral sex for her did not wat she was used to. Later I stimulated her manualy and it took a while, but eventualy she came. After her orgasm, I didn’t climb on top for my own orgasm, but was lying beside her. She asked if I did not want to come, and thus invited me on top of her. I explained that I would not because I felt she was not into it tonight, and that I would prefer to wait until she was. Could be tomorrow, or next week.
After that we had our talk. She said she was confused every time when we have seks nowadays, because she does not know if I want to come or not. She said she likes to have a clear starting point of intimate time (kissing in bed) and a clear end of things (my orgasm). She confessed that was because of how society tells us how it should be.
We talked for an hour and a half, and it is to long to write it down. But in the end she said that the idea of male chastity was now less repulsive than she tought. She understands that I did not bring it up, so she can feed me my dosis of kink, but that I brought it up because I want a better relationship, and be a better husband and father, and a good way to make that happen is to even out the biological differences (in hormones) between man and women.
We agreed to read the Key Barret book (locked in love) together, witch I have read in bed beside her a month ago. and after our talk I gave her long letter I had written a couple of weeks before (but waiting for the right time to give it to her). In the letter I pointed out how men and women are different in our hormones system, how it works, and how male chastity could work to even things out. I also pointed out the bennefits for her, for me and for us as a couple. In this letter I also made clear why I wanted it and how we could do a testrun for several weeks without a device, and make time for talking. Maybe later we could do a second testrun with a device. After that we could talk about wat we liked, or not, If things are changed and for the better perhaps? What happens from there is to decide when we both have traveled a little piece of the chastity road.
In the end of our conversation I looked back on our lovemaking earlier that evening, and asked her how it would be to make love, and forget about the clear beginning and end of sex. Just kissing and fondeling untill you have had enough. Penetrative sex? Just how long you like it. and if you don’t, just stop it without feeling guilty. And when it is nice, dont worry about me. Orgasm or not. Sex without pressure.
Her eyes lit up, looked at me and said: Perhaps this is a new beginning for us, but I have a long way to go to process all this.
Now I wait again untill she read this second letter, and I hope I have not to wait several months again for response. I think I made it clear to her, that I am determined to work for our relationship, and that I am convinced that chastity is the way to go. I really hope she will decide to try it, so that I can be the best version of myself for her and our three youg kids.
Just wanted to share!
After being together for more than 20 yeurs, it is more about the kids, work, things to do and other stuff. In my opinion we are heading towards a couple you see sometimes in a restaurant. both staring in a different direction because there is nothing more to tell. That Idea scares me. We love each other, and I would not be with somebody else, but I miss the talking and intimacy during the day.
Congratulations! This is very reason why 11 years ago I did my research and had similar conversation with my beautiful Wife. Neither of us wanted to wonder who we were married to once we became empty nesters, like we just did a month ago. It was then that I offered my submission to her as loving gesture to ensure that I had a nearly constant state of genuine desire and arousal for her. Knock on wood, it has worked wonderfully. Sounds like you are on the same road and i couldn't be happier for you and your wife.
@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j Thank you Emma. The progress is slow, she is ok with how things are going. I try to open her eyes that for me it is not. Of course I give a follow up on this when we are moving in the (hopefully) good direction!
Good for you. I know that having that conversation with my wife definitely made things better for us. It will all work out - you'll see.
Thank you for your time to respond! That is love, to make time and make the effort to BE there for eachother. I;m happy for you and your wife that it turned out so wonderfull. I can only hope we can follow your route!
We dont have an empty nest yet, with our kids between 8 and 12, but we met young. I was 19 she just 18. For both our first relationship. My idea of sex was wat online porn told me. She was raised very conversative and had no idea at all (always better than my idea that porn is normal...)
My interest in this is a strange story. Years ago i became ill. a imuum disorder called sarcoidose. with that I was always tired and still am. A psycologist I visited that time (to learn to deal with it) let me make a list af things that cost me energy and a list with things that gave me energy. her advise was stopping with things that were slurping the little energy away, and focus on the things that made me happy. Of course I did not write down my masterbation habbit, but it opend up my eyes, and how i could use that energy for far better purposes.
So here I am, trying to be my best I can