What I Think Men Really Want
I was looking back at my “Memories” post and suddenly had a revelation. In his wedding vows Dave asked me to lead him and later that night he clarified it and said he needed me to lead him. He didn’t need motivation to be a good provider or to help around the house. He needed me to show him now to be a good husband. He said he was frightened that he couldn’t show me all the love he promised to in his vows. I remember I blew it off and assured him he already did that.
What I realized reading these words now is that at the time I had no idea what he was asking. I now think he was struggling with his feelings and emotions. He understood that love is so much more than romance but he didn’t know what that more was. I believe he had feelings he did not know how to deal with and he knew I had feelings he did not know how to deal with. What he was actually saying was, “I trust you and I need you to bring out my feelings and help me understand yours.” He didn’t know how to tell me that because it wasn’t something men have ever been allowed to even think about. The trust he was putting in me was even more than I had imagined that night.
I called Dave over so I could ask him a bunch of questions. My first question was, “Why is it you never want to masturbate again?” He said years ago when he would masturbate during my period it was addictive. But when he was done he had a cold and empty feeling inside. He said even though he fantasized, there was no connection, no love. It was just self-gratification. He doesn’t ever want to feel that way again. He went on that once he learned how to truly make love to me and his orgasms were about the love, not only was the orgasm better, the feeling after was amazing. He said it is like I always tell you. “I feel like you have given me the gift of your total love. For a moment you have completely given yourself to me. The love I feel is indescribable. I love you so much and I just want to hold you and never let go.” Then he added that the feeling doesn’t go away. We just keep making love. And then he said, “And in the morning when you touch my face and give me that soft kiss…” His eyes actually got teary and he just looked at me for a few seconds like he wanted to kiss me. I didn’t stand up. I don’t know why and I really wish I had. Maybe because I was a little teary too. After a pause he told me that I have been asking him why he doesn’t like this site any more. He said, “Maybe this is why. Kevin will never know that amazing feeling of the gift of a truly loving orgasm and Emma doesn’t want him to know that feeling. She has to keep her love separate from his orgasm to protect her power and control over him.” Then he wiped his eyes and went back to doing what he had been working on. I don’t believe that is her motivation at all but as long as feels that way he will not come back to the site with me. He still can't separate what he believes Kevin should feel from what Kevin may actually feel. He doesn't understand that Kevin may be more submissive and want something different. Even I have a little trouble wrapping my brain around a man not wanting to feel special when he has his orgasm.
But he got me thinking. Maybe when a man asks his partner to lock him up to stop his masturbation habit he is looking for an orgasm that is more meaningful, something more than a release.’ Having her lock him up is the only way he can control the addiction.
Then I got wondering what it is men are really looking for in a relationship. Maybe it isn't that much about sex at all.
I went back and read a couple of Emma’s blogs about why men want a chastity/FLR relationship again. She points out that in some love making sessions the woman needs to stop her partner short so that it is about the intimacy and not the orgasm for him. He learns to find that emotional satisfaction, that intimacy, without the release.. A counterintuitive way of making a man feel your love. But is an emotional connection what the man is missing and searching for when he suggests this life style? Maybe he is actually looking for a deeper, more meaningful relationship. I had to read between the lines in her blogs to come up with those last two sentences, but I think this is what she is implying.
After all of that, the following is what I have concluded that men really want. They don’t know how to say it or maybe even what it is. It is just something they want.
It is not that men do not want to make love to their partner or even want to do it less. They truly love their mate and what they want is to be closer to their partner on an emotional level and they don’t know how to do it. They sense that their woman needs something more from them but they don’t know what that is. They have always had to suppress their feelings and don’t know how to deal with them. By allowing or even asking her to take control they are putting the ball in her court. They are saying, without realizing what they are saying, I trust you to make our relationship closer, more intimate, and more fulfilling. The offer of locking up their penis is saying that, “I want our love making to be everything you need it to be.” The man believes if he can satisfy her emotionally as well as physically when they make love she will make his experience better also. Not necessarily physically but emotionally. By allowing her to decide when he will orgasm and how they make love he is hoping to achieve this goal. Her feeling of being loved is important enough to him that he is willing to sacrifice some of his orgasms in order to feel her total love all the time. And when his turn comes around he wants to feel something more meaningful than just a release. At least in our case Dave does need a turn. For Dave it is important that his orgasm be as intimate and loving as all the foreplay that led up to it. I also know that for Dave, those thirteen days in between orgasms are as much about him feeling loved as it is about making me feel loved. He craves that closeness and emotional intimacy as much as I do. He is not altruistic and just pleasing me. He sees it as sharing our love. It is truly a bonding experience. He wants us to be one. I understand now why that special PIV where he lies still inside me and he caresses me to a sensual, subtle orgasm is so important to him. I make sure I touch his face with my fingers in that gentle way and I kiss him passionately and I make sure he knows how good he makes me feel any time we make love whether he is going to have his orgasm or not. If he doesn’t feel loved how in the hell can I expect him to make me feel loved.
Yes, for the man, chastity/FLR is very much about pleasing the one he loves. I don’t believe it is as much about serving her as it is about touching her on an emotional level. He really wants to know what makes her tick. He wants her to be truly happy and he wants to be the reason why. In return he wants and needs to feel her love and appreciation.
Bringing out that emotional side of a man is difficult but so rewarding for both partners. Any woman can satisfy a man’s animalistic needs. It takes a strong and loving woman to reach and satisfy a man in a deeper way..
Tbh tldr but I did read a good bit at the same time....I honestly don't think Emma has it figured out fully it's she's on the other side of correct if that makes sense.....I believe I would feel more loved if this situation were fulfilled......if my wife acknowledged and took care of my fetish...yes it would give me a sense of fulfillment if I were able to plz her in a sexual capacity but an acknowledgement of my mental needs is the biggest reason I would feel validated
I don't believe everything needs an in-depth view....to an extent some things are just at the standpoint that they are.... Women need foreplay for the most part to get off right?.... Why isn't that analyzed?...why can't a guy just like having his orgasms controlled for a while
Defining what "A man" wants or needs has everything to do with the relationship dynamics of that particular couple. Defining what "men" want is complicated and can become convoluted.