I came across this forum and blog and have been very intrigued. I’m a married man in my early 30s with a young child. I’ve always been traditionally masculine in multiple ways, and in recent years I’ve realized that I am incredibly attracted to empowered and assertive women and like the idea of a dominant woman in and out of the bedroom. I’ve always liked giving oral without anything in return, and particularly have been interested in pegging in recent months, but have never tried it. The idea of letting go of masculinity and being totally vulnerable to a woman is a secret fantasy of mine.
I love my wife very much, though she has lost a lot of her sex drive since giving birth a few years ago. I’ve taken that time (in what little free time I have) to explore my own desires, which led me here. My wife has leaned toward being submissive in the past and has generally wanted me to take control during sex. I’m not sure how to raise my desires with her, especially given her current disinterest in sex generally, but I’d like to learn how to do it gradually.
I love my wife very much, though she has lost a lot of her sex drive since giving birth a few years ago. ... I’m not sure how to raise my desires with her.
Congratulations on finding this site and being brave enough to put yourself out there. In my experience, the introduction of a young kid really changes the dynamic of the relationship. In America (where I'm from), there are lots of cultural expectations on women that can be draining and deplete their sex drive because they are worn out from taking care of the kid, house, and expectations.
From what I'm seeing, I think doing your everything to make your wife's life good is going to be the first step. Check out the book "Fair Play" to better understand the tasks required to manage the household and see how many of them you can put onto your plate. (There are also good lists if you look up sissy maid tasks, or home cleaning lists online; but running a home is more than just cleaning it). Once you have freed her of some of those tasks, remember to keep the romance alive: get a babysitter and go on some dates. Now, after you have done the work to reconnect some, bring up some of your desires with her. Start with easy stuff (I'd like to try pegging because ...). Build up time to get comfortable with new things before moving on to things that may be harder to understand (I'd like you to be more dominate in the bedroom. (What does that mean to you? Why is it important? What does dominance look like to you?)
Remember to talk, talk, talk.
@restrainedlove Thank you. I’ve already taken the steps you mentioned to some extent, as far as trying to alleviate her of the chores she does. I think we’ve both been burned out, me with my job and she with raising a child. I’ve wanted to do everything possible ease her burden and allow her more leisure time. I think that’s just being a good partner in general.
Reading through this blog has provided is an exciting framework to do even more for my wife. Whereas I might have previously preferred relaxing after a long day at work, giving my wife a long massage instead to allow her that extra leisure time is a lot more appealing. I think I’ll focus on doing these kinds of things, which she would definitely appreciate, and maybe eventually she’ll be open to trying some things with our sex life.
@compass You mentioned being both burned out and that is a reminder that basic family duties come first. Doesn't mean you have to back off being that model husband, if anything she needs more of it. As child rearing gets easier she'll have more time to consider the new opportunities you have presented her. Patience and persistence.