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Divorced wife who wish I’d discovered this first time round

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Alphaboss
(@alphaboss)
Posts: 4
Active Member
Topic starter
 

Hi there! I’ll try to make this succinct as I’m only now discovering the wealth of advice and topics on this site.

I got out of a bad marriage two years back. I had worked hard to rise in my career but my husband resented me earning more and became very lazy. In the divorce he tried to take everything I’d built and I was fortunate to have an awesome friend and lawyer and thanks to her I was able to keep most of what is mine.

After such a controlling and resentful husband, I found it hard trusting guys from dates. I happened to get into a relationship with a younger man who seemed to be enamoured with my relative career success without resenting me for it. I thought nothing of this other than it was a welcome change but you more experienced folk on this site could have probably saw the signals from this.

I have a lot of feminist books at home and he seemed very intrigued about these too, asking me questions and also was keen to hear about my attitude as a line manager over several male subordinates. Again I didn’t think there was anything ‘kinky’ in his apparent enthusiasm to idolize me as what he quipped was an ‘alpha boss’ (hence my profile name here).

Then I found something on his laptop which sparked the path to me being here. It was something called cfnm porn. He had tons of videos and images of it. Much of it depicting women in positions of authority embarrassing naked men. I confronted him and he assured me this wasn’t a gay thing, it was about the humiliation and power reversal. After I realised this wasn’t a threat to out relationship I began to question him about it.

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I found it rather cute and amusing seeing him blush. I’d act naïve and make him explain these cfnm scenarios to me. He frequently brought up the office scenarios with female bosses and I started teasing him about me being such an ‘alpha boss’. When he heard me and some girlfriends had been to a birthday party where there was a male stripper, he was desperate to hear the juicy details. Eventually he admitted he was a 'female supremacist' and could not resist this urge to see women triumph over men.

Ok so fast forward and over time we discovered the term ‘FLR.’ Or rather he brought it up. This seemed ideal for me given my imperative to not lose control of my life like in my marriage. My only reservation was would I find the power too alluring and turn nasty towards him.

So we’ve taken it slow but now (seven months in) we’re both finding it intoxicating and creatively very fun. I can go into details later if people like but the main tenets of it so far are my financial control and him taking the responsibility for all chores in my apartment. As we’re now looking into a new place together for the first time, I started searching for FLR advice about this and discover this treasure trove of a site!

So in addition to these (moving in together, financial control, more formal domestic chores arrangement) I’m intrigued at putting him into chastity. He enjoys the fantasy of it but is scared of the reality and I haven’t yet had the bandwith to really pursue it with him. I'm also keen to help teach him something I found on here about his main focus to be a service to building our relationship, that him serving strengthens it.

Anyways that’s enough rambling, happy to meet you all and hopefully learn!

 
Posted : 04/04/2024 6:52 am
FlyingBob, Bluesboy, Aries and 3 people reacted
Aries
(@aries)
Posts: 14
Active Member
 

Congratulations!

 

It seems like you're going to progress.

I'd love to know more.

Have you considered the Honour system to start out with chastity?

 

 
Posted : 10/04/2024 11:47 am
uksubm reacted
Uksubm
(@uksubm)
Posts: 1
New Member
 

It sounds like you're a great match for each other and taking one's time is a good way to progress too. Well done both of you and best wishes for a loving future together

 
Posted : 16/04/2024 3:35 am
Alphaboss
(@alphaboss)
Posts: 4
Active Member
Topic starter
 

@aries thanks for the congrats! Happy to answer any questions as it may lead to some good advice.

As for chastity and the honour system, part of my intrigue into a chastity cage for him is how amusing men look in them. So I definitely want to get him in a cage and see him blush at the sight of his precious dick locked away and powerless. I know it's a fantasy of his, I just need to be measured with making it a reality. As for the honour system, I think his tendency to jerk off to cfnm when he's home alone makes that unrealistic. Part of my teasing when eventually caging him will be to tell him off for his pathetic wanking habits like a silly little boy.

 
Posted : 19/04/2024 4:42 am
Aries
(@aries)
Posts: 14
Active Member
 

Hello, thank you very much for your answer.

I understand his reluctance. Chastity is heaven and hell. It causes a lot of distress that is sometimes not easy to cope with. Furthermore, if masturbating is a habit, it will be difficult for him to stop. It is not achieved in a day.

On the other hand, what Emma says is true, a man under chastity never looks at another woman again.

I think he might need to be "forced" to use the device, very slowly and very firmly. He is likely to reveal himself, and you will have to be there to ignore his anger and show him who is really in charge. Finally with patience he will have to accept the rules.

You could try giving him the chastity cage during a CFNM session and to make him wear the device for a few hours, and move forward with firmness and patience.

Thank you.

 
Posted : 23/04/2024 4:03 am
Bigskysub
(@bigskysub)
Posts: 44
Trusted Member
 

First! May I say! What a great post. That you are sharing your personal life is beautiful. Thank you! 
I don’t think finding the power of a female led relationships too alluring will be a problem. He has consented to this and has given you the rein’s. He may also not mind you being “nasty”. Many of we men are attracted to a sadistic, cruel or nasty aspect to a relationship dynamic. Just feel him out! He might even be willing and open to domestic discipline. I believe it can be beneficial in many relationships.

I love he is doing the domestics! As well as? You are managing all the finances. This is a HUGE power exchange for men. Pleas do go into the details. That is why we are all here. To learn and grow. Thank you for this!

Do pursue chastity. That you are intrigued by chastity is all you need to know. Don’t let this be an option for him. You are both in a female led relationship.

Chastity really does change a male. It is a profound process. A journey of two people! Go slowly with him. Gain his trust. This method/process is the final piece of the puzzle. No longer can he touch himself, masturbate or orgasm. He will look to you for all of this! You will essentially be his entire source of existence. This may be hard for women to understand but? Men understand this completely. 

Please share more when you can!

 
Posted : 28/04/2024 8:34 am
AlphaBoss and Aries reacted
Rrobot
(@rrobot)
Posts: 1
New Member
 

That is wonderful you guys were able to find each other.  This is from the male perspective, but i think chastity/orgasm control is the key to a FLR. The chastity device is symbolic and can be a lot of fun. However, what gives Her the real control is tease/denial and orgasm control.

We have been married for over 25 years. This first came up about 3 years ago when i finally had the courage and asked Her to dominate me. It opened up real conversations between us that has made our sex life Amazing!!!  

Early on i made a vow to Her to longer masturbate without permission. That led to the use of chastity cages (that is a longer discussion trying to find the right cage). We commonly have sex without me being allowed to orgasm.  She orgasms whenever and however she pleases.  We also have some other rituals surrounding our FLR that are there to show my devotion to Her. Everyone is different, but i feel orgasm control is key. 

 
Posted : 12/05/2024 1:25 pm
TinCup and AlphaBoss reacted
Aries
(@aries)
Posts: 14
Active Member
 

Hi,

Have you ever considered the option of cuckolding 😅

Thanks


 
Posted : 18/05/2024 12:42 pm

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