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Greetings. I am Mrs. J-K or A J-K. I am 61 years old. I earned my doctorate in psychology at the University of Michigan in the mid 1980’s. I was a couples counselor and therapist for 25 years until Mr. J-K and I both retired almost 6 years ago. My specialty was counseling sexually dysfunctional couples. I met D J-K when I was 28 and he was 31. We just recently celebrated 30 wonderful years together. He has his MBA from the Wharton School. He was my financial advisor and he persuaded me to start my own practice when I was 30. We married 3 years later. We have been in a wife led relationship in the bedroom and partially wife led outside of it since day one. We practiced chastity from almost the beginning but we have never used a cage. Never needed one. We are intimate almost nightly but sex for him is limited to when I want us to share an orgasm. Typically about once a week or so but less regular as we both get older. Fortunately my libido did not suffer significantly with the onset of menopause.. We have no children by choice.
I came across this site a few weeks ago and found the forums were not as interactive as at some other sites but I found the blogs by the moderator to be totally captivating and definitely the focus of the site. There are other sites where the moderator promotes and teaches extreme FLR and chastity but this is very different.
Miss Emma is an excellent communicator and a master “spin doctor.”. She creates the illusion of leading you on a journey of a loving 2-way relationship, all the while she is teaching total domination and submission. She teaches a lifestyle that provides the female with all her desires fulfilled while exerting a minimum of emotional or physical energy. The male is taught that the only positive emotion he is permitted to feel inside the relationship is joy for his partner when she is satisfied and happy. What she refers to as compersion. All of his self-worth in the relationship is dependent upon the satisfaction of his partner. The male partner exists solely for bonding and is the woman’s emotional security blanket. This is likely the real reason she discourages allowing the man to ever experience an orgasm as an act of love, only permitting him solo masturbation. Only the woman is allowed an orgasm during love making. He provides the intimacy. She is promoting an extreme power dynamic but without careful examination it comes across as proposing nothing more than a loving kink that makes the relationship stronger for both partners. If the woman follows Miss Emma’s teachings and the man falls into the web, the woman will have complete control. Not just of sex but more importantly communication which is the true key to control.
She employs a couple of clever techniques I am sure she learned in her psychology classes to get her message across in a subtle, subliminal, effective way. She uses repeating, catchy, short “random quotes.” She understands that when exposed to these quotes multiple times they will slowly morph from random quotes into facts regardless of whether or not they are true. The second technique is involving her relationship with her fiancé in her blogs. This humanizes her teaching and makes it more real and acceptable because it works for them and they are both happy. It must be good.
The life style she teaches works because the man has an unconditional love for his woman. Psychologically, men are much more likely to have this degree of love for their partner than women are. Men are more relationship oriented than women and more apt to try to salvage a broken relationship. Most FLR’s are initiated by the male because he feels something is missing in the relationship. His wife has become distant or cold. He wants to be a better husband and he believes submitting to his partner will achieve that goal. This unconditional love is a must for him to be willing to take the relationship to a level of “her way or the highway.” It also helps if he is naturally somewhat submissive with regards to his relationship with women. Miss Emma is teaching women how to weaponize the man’s unconditional love. As I say, Miss Emma is a master of her craft.
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This is a compliment to Miss Emma’s skills and understanding of the male psyche. Though extreme domination/submission is not for me and D J-K it can be right for others such as Miss Emma’s followers. As long as both partners are satisfied in a relationship and he does not feel abused and she does not feel guilt for controlling him and there is no physical or mental injury involved, the relationship can be considered healthy. That is absolutely true, just as Miss Emma’s therapist told her. In her clever way she even slipped that into a blog. It adds credibility to her teachings. Whether it is a truly loving relationship for both partners or just the male is inconsequential if both partners are happy.
I joined this site because I relish the opportunity to observe a great communicator at work.
Posted : 08/03/2022 1:42 pm
Wow. What an amazingly candid and straightforward take on things.
As long as both partners are satisfied in a relationship and he does not feel abused and she does not feel guilt for controlling him and there is no physical or mental injury involved, the relationship can be considered healthy.
This! Very important and unquestionably true in my opinion. Nefarious intentions by either partner, but especially from a psychologically skilled Dominant is, at the very least, reckless and dangerous. That said, I don't believe Emma is reckless or dangerous in the least, or has any nefarious intentions. I'm not entirely certain if I share your opinion of our lovely host or not, but I do agree that she is a Master at her craft. Is she clever? Very.
I enjoy this site immensely because of the inclusion of all variations of the common theme of wife led relationships and frankly, because of the seemingly intellectual and respectful conversations. Adding an experienced Doctor of Psychology can't be anything but a great thing. I for one are thrilled that you have decided to make yourself known to the rest of us.
Posted : 08/03/2022 2:21 pm
Welcome to the site.
The forums have great information from various people in different walks of life. It can be interesting to read through the varied situations and see how focusing helping the woman feel comfortable improves the relationship over and over again.
Wow! Thank you @mrs-j-k I think. Sandwiched between two compliments is thinly veiled criticism which took me on a journey which began as one of the biggest compliments I've received followed by some criticism which made me feel like I am doing the devils bidding. In closing, it once again gave me the feeling that you enjoy the site. I actually read it three times haha!
I really do appreciate your opinion but I'd like to clarify that the site isn't intended to weaponize the man's love. I'd certainly agree that it certainly isn't going to be the right relationship template for everyone. I am just telling my truths as I see them and I appreciate the respectful candor even if it isn't your cup of tea. I appreciate constructive criticism especially when it isn't cast in a critical tone as you've done here.
Kev absolutely receives love and his orgasm is typically permitted with my hands caressing his body while I whisper compliments or words of affirmation/encouragement about his sexual value. The sexual value of men is often overlooked in our society and it infuriates the heck out of me. I am off topic again but such is my style, I suppose.
I really do want to hear more of your feedback. I would even be interested in a Q&A blog if you would be interested - even if it casts the site in a negative light. I really don't care because that will allow readers to examine the site with a critical eye. So many take my writings at face value rather than digesting them and adding bits and pieces to their own lives. What Kev and I do in our lives is not going to be the correct formula for every couple.
This times a thousand:
Adding an experienced Doctor of Psychology can't be anything but a great thing. I for one are thrilled that you have decided to make yourself known to the rest of us.
Posted : 08/03/2022 3:12 pm
Topic starter
One reply seemed to think I was saying Miss Emma is reckless and dangerous. Not at all.
In one blog Miss Emma says manipulating people is bad but manipulating situations is good. In her clever way she makes a situation that may be pushing hard limits for some appear more palatable. Thus she manipulates the man or possibly the woman into exploring activities they might otherwise never try. She uses the power of suggestion to encourage various activities but with her writing skills it almost becomes a rhetorical suggestion. She does not force anything on her readers but rather encourages them to be bold. If an activity doesn’t work for a couple they can stop.
She has a subtle, subliminal technique that make that next step inevitable. The most prominent of these is her frequent subject of cuckolding. She makes it more friendly by referring to it as “Polyfriending.” I am not a friend of this as I believe a woman can receive all the intimacy and all the physical sex she wants and needs from the one man that she loves. Multi-partners may work for a time but the risks far outweigh the benefits long term in my opinion. I may write a dissertation on my thinking on this in the next day or two.
Miss Emma, I thought I read almost all of your blogs over the last few weeks before deciding to join the site. I had only seen where you only allowed your fiancé to masturbate in front of you on Sunday mornings. I apparently missed something that has changed and I apologize for that.
I did find one blog in which you had your fiancé answer questions and talk about his “take” on the life style and your relationship. One comment he made was “It is her way or the highway.” You did not refute or dampen that comment in any way. I don’t know if you still feel that way. Has this changed at all or if he felt something was missing or too much in the relationship and he needed the dynamic to change in a significant way, would you still walk away or would you consider compromise? As I read about the progression of your relationship in the blogs I sense a change in you, a chink in the armor if you will. a softening. There are still a couple of things I see that concern me about your relationship with your fiancé but I am seeing only tiny bits and pieces of it and it is of course colored and possibly distorted by how you are selling your message. This is probably none of my business and I am definitely out of line saying anything but old habits never die.
There is one subject I have a major disagreement with Miss Emma on and that is communication. She encourages the woman to totally control communication and avoid any negativity by the sub. I do believe that this is bad and can only lead to resentment in the long run. One man called her on this and she even wrote a blog about it. She was very clever and while admitting he made some good points she slowly refuted them all. In her clever way she started by changing the subject from communication to “is chastity a cure for a broken marriage.” Basically, she never really had to address the issue of controlling communication at all. After reading the blog the protester referred to, I had to agree with him 100%.
It appears that Miss Emma and I may spar a bit and I hope no one gets offended if we disagree on some subjects. I may be outmatched as a sparring partner. I do not have the communication and writing skills that she has. I will continue to enjoy her blogs, win or lose though.
Posted : 08/03/2022 4:24 pm
One reply seemed to think I was saying Miss Emma is reckless and dangerous. Not at all.
Please forgive my vague reference to what I was meaning. I was simply trying to say that IF someone where to do that, it would be reckless and dangerous. I didn't mean to imply that YOU said Emma was reckless and dangerous. I apologize for that confusion.
Posted : 08/03/2022 4:42 pm
Topic starter
Miss Emma,
I mentioned that I did not agree with your views on communication and I believe you deserve an explanation. You mention the importance of communication often but there are few examples of how you see it as a tool in your blogs. The few I found were about the woman “telling” the man her needs or telling him things to keep him “in the game” such as when you convinced your fiancé he had a sexy ass.
I came across the blog “Don’t Want Sex, Lock Him Up” and realized very quickly that this blog had nothing to do with wanting or not wanting sex but was about how the woman needs to control communication in the relationship. It seems to be the only blog dedicated to how communication happens.
I actually suspect this may well have been based on an incident between you and your fiancé. I say this partly based on your choice of the word jiggety. A strange word indeed for you to pull out of the air but a very reasonable word for a man who is about to ask to talk about something very difficult and he is very nervous. He obviously wasn’t asking for sex. He would have done things to get you in the mood first. If he just needed some loving attention he would have said, “I feel a little down or lonely. Can we snuggle?” If he wanted to play, he knows you like that and would have asked if you were up for a little play time or pegging.
What he was hoping was that you would ask "what do you want?" That would open the door for him to ask something of you or say something that was counter to the relationship dynamic.
You obviously knew this and even in your own words say he is not looking for sex. This alerts the lady readers to the fact the blog is about something other than him wanting sex. Clever touch. You immediately told him to go put on his cage. This quickly shuts that door and reminds him that you decide when you will talk about the relationship. It is almost as if his thoughts and opinions are like his sex life. Just like his cock they are “caged” and only released when you want them. I am surprised you haven’t come up with a cute random quote saying something about how the woman owns the man’s opinions just like she owns his penis. If the men saw it enough times they would “know” that is the way it is.
The only time I saw in any blogs where your fiancé provided any input into the dynamics of the relationship was when he encouraged you to pursue Andrew. A positive input so an acceptable input.
I understand that he has accepted the concept of “My way or the highway.” But over time his needs and feelings of self-worth may change somewhat. If he is not allowed to express these feelings when they arise, if he starts to feel that you don’t care if he is hurting then resentment will set in. (Whether it is true or not, it may be how he feels at some point) Even worse, depression can set in if he feels he is truly trapped. He may feel caught between his love for you and a feeling of being nothing. Depression is often irreversible.
I truly believe that communication has to be a open two way street. In any relationship, not just FLR's.
I think a blog about communication that is not veiled like the blog about not wanting sex lock him up was, would be valuable. Communication is so important in any relationship. I also hope that I may have over analyzed your views on communication and that you do encourage some input that may be negative about the relationship dynamic and even consider compromise in it.
Posted : 09/03/2022 1:35 pm
