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Germany near Cologne

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Michael
(@michael)
Posts: 15
Eminent Member
Topic starter
 

Hey,

so I live near Cologne in Germany.

I have a partner but she has no relationship to the game with chastity. I would like to try it more but she does it then very reluctantly without fun and pleasure. this is unsatisfactory. Unfortunately.

why do women not understand the possibilities?

cu

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Michael

 

 
Posted : 04/10/2022 10:44 pm
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Subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Posts: 915
Member
 

Welcome to the party Michael.  "Women" do understand the possibilities, just some don't.

 
Posted : 05/10/2022 6:26 am
Restrainedlove
(@restrainedlove)
Posts: 128
Estimable Member
 
Posted by: @michael

why do women not understand the possibilities?

That sounds frustrating for you. Please take some time to reflect on the situation from her perspective. Maybe if doesn't feel safe to her. Maybe she doesn't want to think of herself in that way (controlling her man). Maybe it is one more thing that she has to do for you in the relationship and that feels like too much. (I'm going to have to wait for some of the women on here to provide better reasons.)

I think this article from DW is pretty good (I was trying to understand German culture a little better before voicing opinions.) If you haven't already been, see if she'd be interested in going to a sex shop with you sometime. If she'll go, encourage her to take her time looking around, talk with the staff, and DON'T pressure her to buy anything. See what she likes and tell her how you'd be interested in exploring what she is interested in (it is OK to communicate soft and hard boundaries).

I feel that it is important to understand that she doesn't understand (right now). If you continue to push, then it won't feel safe to her. Right now, you need to continue to develop the relationship. Look for new ways to play and explore. After you do that for a while, see if she'd be willing for you to lock yourself up during foreplay. Maybe later see if she'd be interested in teasing you with the key during foreplay. 

You have to build trust and understand that it may never happen. Be open to exploring new possibilities. 

Viel Glück.

 
Posted : 05/10/2022 9:37 am
nevertoolate reacted
Michael
(@michael)
Posts: 15
Eminent Member
Topic starter
 

@restrainedlove so i've already stolen my partner's point of view. Point is that usually I am the dominant part of the relationship, with my desire to lock into a chastity belt it just doesn't fit into her world.

in the conversations I do not build up pressure but try to explain my perspective as it is beautifully described here in many blog posts. So "Orgasm Denial: Controlling access to what he believes he is entitled to.", "Orgasm Denial: A step by step guide to add structure to his ejaculations." or "Introduction: Taking the Reins". so actually I always just look for the conversation but find no interlocutor because she simply does not want to be dominant. but it is so that I remain dominant even if I wear a chastity belt and just can no longer jerk off or masturbate myself. but that should please her or?

The trust from my side is there, I offer her to control me these complacencies or to stop and thus be more there for her. can not be so wrong or?

 
Posted : 06/10/2022 1:40 am
Jd3064169
(@jd3064169)
Posts: 51
Estimable Member
 

It's always hard to tell a woman's exact reasoning,  or how to incorporate it into your lives.  A lot of people say to outline what's on it for her, but if she's a logical person she will ask why do I have to lock you up to get that, shouldn't you just be doing that anyways??   So ya, going to a toy shop & looking could be a start, focus on things she might be interested in, or of you already know some of her off script kinks, try to talk to her about those & relate how she feels when you guys do those, to how you feel of your doing this. Maybe start with just a night & tell her ahead of time that the night is all about her & that you want nothing in return.    It's def. Hard for a woman to grasp why her husband would want her to lock him up. 

 
Posted : 06/10/2022 11:38 am
Restrainedlove
(@restrainedlove)
Posts: 128
Estimable Member
 

@michael Sounds like you understand the process. Opening up is hard. When your partner doesn't want to do what you want to is also hard. Good luck.

 
Posted : 07/10/2022 7:21 am
Michael
(@michael)
Posts: 15
Eminent Member
Topic starter
 

unfortunately yes, very hard
let's see if i can open another door, it would be nice for both of us. i like to stay the dominant man at her side. i just can't play around on my own anymore or even satisfy myself. every woman should actually recognize that as a possibility, right?

 
Posted : 07/10/2022 7:27 am
subhubphx reacted
Subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Posts: 915
Member
 
Posted by: @michael

i like to stay the dominant man at her side.

Not being asked for my opinion has never stopped me before, so, for whatever it may be worth ... here's an opinion:

I understand your dilemma completely.  Like you, I am alpha-type dominant man in every aspect of my life, except in my marriage.  In my marriage, I had asked my Wife to accept my submission to her, potentially even as a gift, with my intention being utter bliss and happiness in her life.  At to the extent I can contribute.  

Through our years together we have evolved (see what i did there? ;-).  One difficulty we had in the beginning was the idea that we needed to somehow fit into a mold that society has set for a WLM.  Most of what information was/is available is porn-fueled and unrealistic.  My wife did not want to give up her macho-man husband.  She did not to turn me into a girl, or a sissy and then essentially be married to someone else.  She wanted the man she married, only now with the added bonus of being given full and absolute control over him.  She didn't want to change, she agreed to accept my submission and start a journey toward total power exchange with me.

Sure, during play she will put me in panties and treat me like a wanton slut (which I love), but only in the context of her being in control of her masculine, big, strong, handsome leader of a man for the purposes of her joy and pleasure in her life.  As a result, over the years, she has learned that her being selfish is expecting and demanding from me ANYTHING that brings her, in her brings me immense pleasure.  Because of that, the depth of our love grows and the journey we are on brings to new and exciting benchmarks along the way.

Point is, you can be the dominant man you are and also be submissive to her.  Like I say in my house,  "I'm the rooster and I rule the roost.  My Wife is the Hen and she compeltely and utterly rules the rooster."

 
Posted : 07/10/2022 7:56 am
Sam and restrainedlove reacted
Michael
(@michael)
Posts: 15
Eminent Member
Topic starter
 

Thank you @subhubphx

However, for me it's not about submission but just control that I don't play with myself. i will remain the dominant man in the relationship just with a little restriction.

I play with the idea that I give her the package so, control over my jerking off and masturbation. maybe I reserve the right to demand sex, maybe she may refuse with her power as my keyholder. let's see if I can wrap this somehow palatable.

I will bring in a few contributions from here slightly edited. let's see what happens.

This post was modified 2 months ago by Michael
 
Posted : 07/10/2022 8:08 am
subhubphx reacted
Subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Posts: 915
Member
 

@michael I wish you luck my friend.  Be careful not to unintentionally (or intentionally) try to turn your wife into a fetich peddler.  It's a trap that some couples find themselves in when they are a short distance down the road on the path any level of WLM.

 
Posted : 07/10/2022 8:35 am
Tincup
(@tincup)
Posts: 130
Member
 

@subhubphx 

"Fetish Peddler" - Another great name for my all sub punk band!

 
Posted : 07/10/2022 8:42 am
Michael
(@michael)
Posts: 15
Eminent Member
Topic starter
 

@subhubphx thanks for the advice, I will be very careful
Be careful what you wish for, it could come true
Somewhere I'm playing with fire and happy when it gets warm, could get hot too - I'm aware. I'll take the risk. Gladly

 
Posted : 07/10/2022 9:41 am
Subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Posts: 915
Member
 

@michael Ha ha!!!  Thanks buddy.

I was very careful about what I wished for, told my wife all about by communicating deeply and thoroughly. and it did come true.  We both never would've believed how great marriage could be.

 
Posted : 07/10/2022 9:49 am
Michael
(@michael)
Posts: 15
Eminent Member
Topic starter
 

@subhubphx i also told everything here and hope she will understand and deal with it. i also hope for a beautiful and fulfilling future

 
Posted : 07/10/2022 10:30 am
Sam
 Sam
(@sam)
Posts: 37
Member
 
Posted by: @subhubphx
Posted by: @michael

i like to stay the dominant man at her side.

Not being asked for my opinion has never stopped me before, so, for whatever it may be worth ... here's an opinion:

I understand your dilemma completely.  Like you, I am alpha-type dominant man in every aspect of my life, except in my marriage.  In my marriage, I had asked my Wife to accept my submission to her, potentially even as a gift, with my intention being utter bliss and happiness in her life.  At to the extent I can contribute.  

Through our years together we have evolved (see what i did there? ;-).  One difficulty we had in the beginning was the idea that we needed to somehow fit into a mold that society has set for a WLM.  Most of what information was/is available is porn-fueled and unrealistic.  My wife did not want to give up her macho-man husband.  She did not to turn me into a girl, or a sissy and then essentially be married to someone else.  She wanted the man she married, only now with the added bonus of being given full and absolute control over him.  She didn't want to change, she agreed to accept my submission and start a journey toward total power exchange with me.

Sure, during play she will put me in panties and treat me like a wanton slut (which I love), but only in the context of her being in control of her masculine, big, strong, handsome leader of a man for the purposes of her joy and pleasure in her life.  As a result, over the years, she has learned that her being selfish is expecting and demanding from me ANYTHING that brings her, in her brings me immense pleasure.  Because of that, the depth of our love grows and the journey we are on brings to new and exciting benchmarks along the way.

Point is, you can be the dominant man you are and also be submissive to her.  Like I say in my house,  "I'm the rooster and I rule the roost.  My Wife is the Hen and she compeltely and utterly rules the rooster."

 
Posted : 18/10/2022 8:16 am
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