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San123
(@san123)
Posts: 3
Active Member
Topic starter
 

Hi, I (35) have a new boyfriend (22). He masturbates quite a lot, I think, and he usually doesn't last long. He likes everything fast and intense.

I played edging games before - not orgasm denial. I'm trying these games to help my boyfriend control his desire and his need to cum. I started by masturbating him very slowly, with low pressure. At first he enjoyed it, but after a few minutes -less than 5- he wanted me to do it harder and faster. I kept doing it slowly, stopping to caress other parts of his body... At some point, he started masturbating himself. I tried to make him stop and let me continue, but he kept doing it. He really needed more stimulation, he could not stand being aroused and not having release. He is a bit shy, he didn't want to show he needed that, but in the end he recognised he needed more intensity.

 

Yesterday I told him we were going to play a little bit. I tied him -hands and feet- in a way he could not touch himself. I told him that I wanted him to have more self control and that I wanted to find out his limits. He agreed. I started to caress his body and then I masturbated him slowly. I stopped now and then. He was really aroused, he couldn't stop moving his body, looking for more. He asked for more pressure. I told him to relax and breathe. I kept massaging him slowly, touching his most sensitive parts. He told me to untie him, he wanted to touch himself, he was really frustrated. I stopped and told him to relax, to feel the pleasure... He kept moving himself. looking for stimulation. Then he started feeling angry, he started trying to touch himself, he was angry at me. I asked him how he felt. He didn't want to recognise his frustration and his anger, but it was obvious. I talked to him calmly. I told him I wanted him to relax before I untied him. I made him breathe slowly for 5 minutes before I untied him. While he breathed, I kept my hand covering his penis, without moving it. Then I untied him and we had sex. He did it with intensity, not stopping at all. He got an orgasm really fast. After that, he relaxed and was in a good mood.

 

We talked about that. He was shy to talk about the frustration he felt. I didn't keep asking.

How can I help him have more self control? How can I help him when he is frustrated? Should I make him talk about his feelings while I stimulate him or afterwards? Should I stop and have normal sex when he starts getting angry or should I keep stimulating him to help him get used to this frustration? I think I should give him an orgasm as a reward when he cooperates. Should I deny him if he doesn't cooperate?

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I think I can convince him to let me tie him and have slow sex, but I don't know how to help him when he starts feeling frustration.

 

Thanks

 
Posted : 11/02/2024 12:29 pm
Happyblueboy
(@happyblueboy)
Posts: 31
Trusted Member
 

Ah, the other F-word! Frustration. The problem is us males masturbate frantically from early teens (or sooner) with no real purpose. As a male I will defer to the ladies here to advise on strategies. My own transition was motivated by my internal realisation that the woman I was with was the centre of my world and that I was on this earth to adore and serve her. My own gratification is through her gratification and I no longer masturbate. She may tease me occasionally but it only wastes time when I should be attending to her needs.

 
Posted : 12/02/2024 2:34 am
Williamportor
(@williamportor)
Posts: 144
Reputable Member
 

Posted by: @san123

Hi, I (35) have a new boyfriend (22). He masturbates quite a lot, I think, and he usually doesn't last long. He likes everything fast and intense.

I played edging games before - not orgasm denial. I'm trying these games to help my boyfriend control his desire and his need to cum. I started by masturbating him very slowly, with low pressure. At first he enjoyed it, but after a few minutes -less than 5- he wanted me to do it harder and faster. I kept doing it slowly, stopping to caress other parts of his body... At some point, he started masturbating himself. I tried to make him stop and let me continue, but he kept doing it. He really needed more stimulation, he could not stand being aroused and not having release. He is a bit shy, he didn't want to show he needed that, but in the end he recognised he needed more intensity.

 

Yesterday I told him we were going to play a little bit. I tied him -hands and feet- in a way he could not touch himself. I told him that I wanted him to have more self control and that I wanted to find out his limits. He agreed. I started to caress his body and then I masturbated him slowly. I stopped now and then. He was really aroused, he couldn't stop moving his body, looking for more. He asked for more pressure. I told him to relax and breathe. I kept massaging him slowly, touching his most sensitive parts. He told me to untie him, he wanted to touch himself, he was really frustrated. I stopped and told him to relax, to feel the pleasure... He kept moving himself. looking for stimulation. Then he started feeling angry, he started trying to touch himself, he was angry at me. I asked him how he felt. He didn't want to recognise his frustration and his anger, but it was obvious. I talked to him calmly. I told him I wanted him to relax before I untied him. I made him breathe slowly for 5 minutes before I untied him. While he breathed, I kept my hand covering his penis, without moving it. Then I untied him and we had sex. He did it with intensity, not stopping at all. He got an orgasm really fast. After that, he relaxed and was in a good mood.

 

We talked about that. He was shy to talk about the frustration he felt. I didn't keep asking.

How can I help him have more self control? How can I help him when he is frustrated? Should I make him talk about his feelings while I stimulate him or afterwards? Should I stop and have normal sex when he starts getting angry or should I keep stimulating him to help him get used to this frustration? I think I should give him an orgasm as a reward when he cooperates. Should I deny him if he doesn't cooperate?

I think I can convince him to let me tie him and have slow sex, but I don't know how to help him when he starts feeling frustration.

 

Thanks

I'll try to answer your question:

Q: How can I help him have more self control?

A: IMHO, a locking chastity device is a great tool for this. Lock him up, and begin training him into GRADUALLY longer periods of enforced chastity. When he begins to complain about sexual frustration (and he will) explain that he needs to learn to control himself. Be steadfast if he begins to whine, complain or get angry. When his release date arrives take him to bed, restrain his hands, remove the cage and allow him to orgasm (woman on top is the best way to do this, so YOU control the action) This process will take time, but eventually he's learn more control, and begin to accept your authority. 

Breaking a man into a chastity cage is much the same as breaking a wild, unruly stallion into a riding saddle. Once done, he'll exercise more self control and be more respectful of you! 

P.S. Teasing (though optional) is encouraged here. Wearing suggestive clothes while he's locked is always a good idea. (See suggested link below.) 

 

 

 

This post was modified 3 weeks ago by williamportor
 
Posted : 12/02/2024 10:07 am
San123
(@san123)
Posts: 3
Active Member
Topic starter
 

Hi,

 

Thank you for the advice.

 

Dou you think I should lock him up with no previous training? I mean, shouldn't I start by edging him? I was thimkking of edgging him for longer and longer periods of time. He starts getting frustrated after 15 minutes, maybe even less. He is used to masturbating hard and fast.

 

If I lock him up, will he have problems when having a shower? Is that hygienic? Will it be painful? Will it prevent him from being aroused or have erections? I've never tried that.

 

How can I help him when he is feeling frustrated and when he needs an orgasm? I know I need to be steadfast, but should I act as if I haven't noticed his frustration? Should I try to make him express his feelings? Should I stop and allow him to relax or should I keep teasing him? And most important, should I give him an orgasm as a reward or should I train him to hold it from the beginning?

 

I don't want him to suffer or to feel frustrated, but I really need he needs some training. He is really fast, he has no self control and he won't tru to last longer if I don't force it a bit. He understands he is too fast. I made him talk about that. He gets shy and embarrassed when I talk about that. He doesn't open up much when I ask him about his sexual issues or needs. But he agrees that he need to change.

 

I also wanted to know if I could have normal sex with him while I train him. I mean, sometimes edging and training and sometimes normal sex and pleasure with no restrictions.

 
Posted : 14/02/2024 12:16 pm
Thomas
(@thomas)
Posts: 39
Trusted Member
 

All I can gather from your description is that your boyfriend is extremely impatient, uncontrolled and, above all, selfish.
His orgasm? Now, fast, hard. Your orgasm? Not important. His mood? Good when he gets what he wants, bad when he doesn't. Your mood? Not important.
You only ever ask what you could, should, must do. You're already doing a lot more than most partners would do. And all communication seems to be limited to him being the "shy victim" and you being his personal therapist.
You try to please him.

This may all be due to his age, but to me it appears that he shows typical behavioral patterns of an egocentric and sociopath. I can't judge whether this only applies sexually or in other areas as well.

In such constellations it usually boils down to one partner continuing to give in and thus letting the other partner win because everything else you do leads to a separation. Psychopaths cannot be "educated" so easily through conversations and experiments.

Sorry for my harsh words, maybe someone else sees it differently and has a solution for you?

 
Posted : 15/02/2024 2:20 am
AllAboutHer reacted
Williamportor
(@williamportor)
Posts: 144
Reputable Member
 

Posted by: @san123

Hi,

 

Thank you for the advice.

 

Dou you think I should lock him up with no previous training? I mean, shouldn't I start by edging him? I was thimkking of edgging him for longer and longer periods of time. He starts getting frustrated after 15 minutes, maybe even less. He is used to masturbating hard and fast.

 

If I lock him up, will he have problems when having a shower? Is that hygienic? Will it be painful? Will it prevent him from being aroused or have erections? I've never tried that.

 

How can I help him when he is feeling frustrated and when he needs an orgasm? I know I need to be steadfast, but should I act as if I haven't noticed his frustration? Should I try to make him express his feelings? Should I stop and allow him to relax or should I keep teasing him? And most important, should I give him an orgasm as a reward or should I train him to hold it from the beginning?

 

I don't want him to suffer or to feel frustrated, but I really need he needs some training. He is really fast, he has no self control and he won't tru to last longer if I don't force it a bit. He understands he is too fast. I made him talk about that. He gets shy and embarrassed when I talk about that. He doesn't open up much when I ask him about his sexual issues or needs. But he agrees that he need to change.

 

I also wanted to know if I could have normal sex with him while I train him. I mean, sometimes edging and training and sometimes normal sex and pleasure with no restrictions.

 

san123 - I'll try to answer your questions below:

 

Q: Do you think I should lock him up with no previous training? A: Yes! The only way he's going to be trained into a chastity cage is to lock him up ASAP with you as the keyholder. Start out with 2-3 days, then gradually increasing to a week and so forth 

Q: I mean, shouldn't I start by edging him? A: Edging his perfectly fine, but make sure to do this with his hands restrained so if he loses control, he'll have no choice but to deal with it. Afterward lock him back in his chastity cage, and hide the key before you release his hands. 

Q: If I lock him up, will he have problems when having a shower? Is that hygienic? Will it be painful? A: The best way to deal with these things is to lock him up, then every day or 2, restrain his hands, unlock the cage inspect his penis for redness or chaffing. If there is none, simply dry and clean his penis and the chastity cage, coat he inside of the cage with skin lotion or baby oil and lock him back up - many women enjoy using this time to edge him with some skin lubrication before locking him back up. 

Q: How can I help him when he is feeling frustrated and when he needs an orgasm? A: Important: He WANTS and orgasm, he does not need one! Don't give in to his begging, the sexual frustration he feels is a result of his masturbation habit, and he needs to be trained to focus his energy on you, and not his right hand. Unlock him only when his scheduled release date has arrived. Teasing him during his lock up periods is something that most lady keyholders do, but that's your choice.  

I don't want him to suffer or to feel frustrated. A: He should suffer and feel frustrated. His selfish masturbation habit has brough him to this point. It's robbed you of his full sexual potential, robbed you of intimacy, robbed him of vital energy he could have used for work, and physical fitness. He is in need of training and correction.

Special Note: Many men (including your boyfriend) secretly want their women to be cock teasers. So enjoy regular sex with your boyfriend - - but this doesn't mean he gets and orgasm every time. 😊  

 

  

 

 

 

 

 
Posted : 16/02/2024 3:24 pm
San123
(@san123)
Posts: 3
Active Member
Topic starter
 

Yes, he is extremely impatient and maybe a bit selfish, but I like him and I'm sure he likes me.

 

We talked about his problem and he agreed to cooperate. He said he would let me train him, even if it's a bit uncomfortable for him. He is not very enthusiastic about it, but he agreed to let me be in control.

 

I bought a chastity cage (a silicone one, soft and big enough). We agreed that he would be locked for two days (last weekend). At first he complained it was uncomfortable, but he accepted it. I didn't tease him but at some point at the end of the first day he started getting really horny. I don't know why, maybe because he knew he could not masturbate and that made him anxious. He told me he wanted sex, I told him to relax. He started complaining he has having an erection, he said he needed to remove the cage. He didn't have the key, so he couldn't. He staarted feeling do desperate. He touched himself, he even tried to "fuck" a cushion. I tried to calm him down, I hugged him, but he needed stimulation down there and he started feeling really frustrated. I suggested a cold shower, but he said no. He felt angry and he asked for the key. I talked to him, tod him to breathe and relax... It was hard for him... When he calmed down we went for a walk. He didn't want to, but I know it helped.

He could not sleep well that night. He told me a few times to unlock him, but I convinced him to keep working on his self control.

 

The next day I had to unlock him before the agreed time. After lunch he started complaining he felt pain, he han an erection and the cage was too small. He lied on the bed and started fuking the pillow, he could not stop. Every time he got more frustrated. He even undessed himself and started stimulating his anus (outside), which he doesn't usually like. He was angry at me, he asked me to unlock him.

 

I made him stop and be quiet. I told him I would unlock him if he allowed me to masturbate him, and maybe edge him a bit. He agreed. I unlocked him and started masturbating him, slowly and gently. He needed more. I kept doing it slowly. At some point, maybe after 2 or 3 minures, he started masturbating himself. He was frustrated, he didn't allow me to masturbate him anymore. He cum fast, he didn't last more than 1 minute I think...

 

I don't think it was too bad for the first time. He learned how it feels to be in chastity an he started giving up control. I need to train him more, help him deal with his frustration.

 

Any tips? Is an erection in chastity painful or he was just complaining? Any ideas to help him when he has an erection? Is it a good idea to stimulate other parts of his body so that he gets some pleasure even if cannot masturbate himself? Or shoul I stop all stimulation? Should I let him fuck pillows? Will that help him reduce the stress of the moment or will that stimulate him even more?

 

I have to say we had sex after that. It was a bit aggressive, I mean, fast, with few caresses, he was impatient. But I allowed him to do that, since he had suffered a lot during the weekend.

 

 
Posted : 28/02/2024 1:21 pm
Williamportor
(@williamportor)
Posts: 144
Reputable Member
 

Posted by: @san123

Yes, he is extremely impatient and maybe a bit selfish, but I like him and I'm sure he likes me.

 

We talked about his problem and he agreed to cooperate. He said he would let me train him, even if it's a bit uncomfortable for him. He is not very enthusiastic about it, but he agreed to let me be in control.

 

I bought a chastity cage (a silicone one, soft and big enough). We agreed that he would be locked for two days (last weekend). At first he complained it was uncomfortable, but he accepted it. I didn't tease him but at some point at the end of the first day he started getting really horny. I don't know why, maybe because he knew he could not masturbate and that made him anxious. He told me he wanted sex, I told him to relax. He started complaining he has having an erection, he said he needed to remove the cage. He didn't have the key, so he couldn't. He staarted feeling do desperate. He touched himself, he even tried to "fuck" a cushion. I tried to calm him down, I hugged him, but he needed stimulation down there and he started feeling really frustrated. I suggested a cold shower, but he said no. He felt angry and he asked for the key. I talked to him, tod him to breathe and relax... It was hard for him... When he calmed down we went for a walk. He didn't want to, but I know it helped.

He could not sleep well that night. He told me a few times to unlock him, but I convinced him to keep working on his self control.

 

The next day I had to unlock him before the agreed time. After lunch he started complaining he felt pain, he han an erection and the cage was too small. He lied on the bed and started fuking the pillow, he could not stop. Every time he got more frustrated. He even undessed himself and started stimulating his anus (outside), which he doesn't usually like. He was angry at me, he asked me to unlock him.

 

I made him stop and be quiet. I told him I would unlock him if he allowed me to masturbate him, and maybe edge him a bit. He agreed. I unlocked him and started masturbating him, slowly and gently. He needed more. I kept doing it slowly. At some point, maybe after 2 or 3 minures, he started masturbating himself. He was frustrated, he didn't allow me to masturbate him anymore. He cum fast, he didn't last more than 1 minute I think...

 

I don't think it was too bad for the first time. He learned how it feels to be in chastity an he started giving up control. I need to train him more, help him deal with his frustration.

 

Any tips? Is an erection in chastity painful or he was just complaining? Any ideas to help him when he has an erection? Is it a good idea to stimulate other parts of his body so that he gets some pleasure even if cannot masturbate himself? Or shoul I stop all stimulation? Should I let him fuck pillows? Will that help him reduce the stress of the moment or will that stimulate him even more?

 

I have to say we had sex after that. It was a bit aggressive, I mean, fast, with few caresses, he was impatient. But I allowed him to do that, since he had suffered a lot during the weekend.

 

 

Thank You for responding. This is where you need to be persistent. Explain to him this process will take time and that delaying his orgasms will make them stronger and more satisfying when he does get them. Regarding pain: apply some baby oil or skin lotion to he inside of the cage before locking him up. If he complains about pain, unlock the cage and inspect him, if there are no signs of broken skin or redness, then lock him back up. The discomfort he feels is simply the chastity cage reminding him to control himself. Your boyfriend is young - chastity training at this age will maximize his sexual frustration due to his masturbation habit, but in time he'll slowly begin to accept his situation. Just remember that Tantra Yoga teaches that men should ejaculate no more than once every 6 weeks in order to maintain proper energy levels, so a few days or even a week or 2 in a chastity cage will not harm him - no mater how much he begs and whines.         

 

 
Posted : 01/03/2024 10:29 am

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