Hi I'm Rosalie.
Hi I'm Rosalie. Me and my long term boyfriend got into this lifestyle you could say, fairly recently. I served in the military as a flight instructor when we started dating (he's a civilian by the way) and since then I 've resumed my previous position as a pilot (I asked to be a flight instructor due to injury (not combat related)). When I was a flight instructor we had time to be with each other like any other military couple.
(We practised pegging as part of our normal sex life. I should say he wasn't into anal play at all at first. I sort of explored that area bit by bit until he felt comfortable with me touching him there. I would say he had this weird "phobia" of being touched in there let alone putting anything inside him.)
We had sex like any other couple does. Perfectly normal. But the more I took control in the bedroom I could feel how his whole personality changed. There came a point where I could touch his prostate and he'd be comfortable with me doing so. Before that he felt like peeing or otherwise uncomfortable when I touched it. He gradually came to love it and our relationship dynamics started going in a direction neither of us even expected when we started out. As I said the more control I took of what happens in the bedroom, the more he changed. He started helping me out with chores and it came to a point of him waiting for me to get up by the side of my bed, my coffee already made. I remember the first time he did it and he asked me how "he can make me happy today". It hit me like nothing did. I was so touched. That is the moment I'd say things turned around for us.
Getting up to that point I've already realized why he changed the way he did. I mean it was so obvious. Perhaps I should say that he isn’t a submissive person in life (to the outside world). He's not what people would call a "beta-man". Actually he was the dominant one when we first started having sex. But I'm not comfortable with being totally submissive. So as things went on we figured out our “balance”.
By then I’ve already applied to resume my old position for I was well and all, got my medical and got accepted. I liked being an instructor but didn’t love it. At some point I considered going back to academia and then returning to the military after I’m healed but that didn’t happen. Anyway the not so good part of being a pilot is that I get deployed. And my letter came sooner than I expected it to. The day after, he asked me if he could be in chastity until I came back home. I’m deployed for 6 months at a time in Europe so it was hard to decide what to do but we went ahead and bought a silicon cage from a sex shop near us. I have to admit that it gave me a sense of empowerment when I locked it. That click. I don’t know how to say it but it was something else. The fact that I alone could decide when I take “it” out and when I don’t want it I can just lock it back in was a huge huge turn on for me (plus his attitude towards me).
I’m free most nights at the base where I am and we get to talk to each other as much as we like. It turned out that the cage we bought was not that comfortable in the long term. It pulled on his scrotum and it was painful. So we made a decision to make a custom one made out of steel. It took like 3 weeks to get it and he made it an opportunity to come and see me so I can take out the silicon one and put the ner one on. It was so funny. He could have put it on himself (he has an emergency key) but instead he came to see me so I could do it.
He is in the US now for the better part of 3 months and I have about 2 and half before my deployment is over. I don’t know whether it’s safe not getting a “release” for that long.
We are now comfortable with us being in a FLR and I’m planning on proposing to him when I get back home. I wanna know if there’s a special way that a woman in a FLR should propose to her man. I’m not very familiar with the kink community and I don’t consider this a kink anyway. What I want to know is,
- How do I release him or is it safe to keep him locked for the whole duration, basically what are my options when it comes to that ?
- Is there a different way to propose to a man in a FLR ? Or if you know people who did please let me know how they did it.
- I do talk dirty to him regarding him being in chastity for me and whatnot but it gets very tight in his cage when I do. (His cage is custom made as I’ve said and it doesn’t allow for erections.) It keeps things “hot” between us so I’d like to continue doing it since it’s the only way he gets stimulated until I get home. Is it safe getting erections while being caged and not being able to be released for a long time ?
I should add that he’s not a weak or timid person by submitting to me. He’s as capable and strong as any other man. This is just how it works with us. That’s all. The only person who knows about our “dynamics” is my mom and she fully supports it.
I wanna know if there’s a special way that a woman in a FLR should propose to her man.
In my humble opinion, the right special way is however you decide it should be. Afterall, an FLR/WLM is about what you want madam.
I just wanna make it special for him. Not just a traditional proposal that's all.
I just wanna make it special for him. Not just a traditional proposal that's all.
I completely understand. Trust me, if he can see and knows that YOU do it YOUR way, it will be special for him.
There is a legal reason behind why we propose marriage, not just an emotional one. Marriage is a contract and like every other contract, it has its terms. The proposal is how we offer the deal we want to have.
If your FLR is important to you, and you see parts of it as being essential to the marriage you want, why not propose a marriage on those terms explicitly? This might even imply that an acceptance is done a certain way to acknowledge your special terms.
I am considering making a proposal myself. Our relationship is based on some core FLR values, and if I pop the question I will propose a marriage on the basis of those values.
I agree with @subhubphx, you don’t need help from anyone for your proposal. It is your FLR. You have created it from scratch. You will know how to propose your FLR marriage better than anyone else.
If your FLR is important to you, and you see parts of it as being essential to the marriage you want, why not propose a marriage on those terms explicitly?
We used the occasion of our 15th anniversary to "renew" our vows to specifically reflect our WLM lifestyle. We did it in a ceremony, in front of an Officiant and everything. I was naked, kneeling and caged. Ms. K. was beautifully dressed and standing. When it was done, the ring was a collar she placed around my neck. It was an amazing evening and we couldn't have been happier with it.
Personally I don't think there's any health concern for the issues you mentioned. If he doesn't complain I suggest you let him be. You can make him buy a good prostate massager if you want.
I've heard of something called a "collaring ceremony" as it's called in the BDSM world. You can look into that if you want.
Wish you the very best. Hope you get to go home soon.
Welcome to the site. I agree with above. Your taking change, you make it in a way that is special to you. In a way, you've already put a ring on it 😉
As a pilot and instructor you are very familiar with "taking the controls."
First, I'd like to say as an old enlisted aircrew, that all of the women that we had as pilots were top shelf. Level headed leaders and good at the controls. So it is no surprise that this comes naturally for you at home. You describe a very gentle respectful journey into a FLR. Very impressed with your leadership.
Based upon my personal experiences and what I have read here, you found that special switch that tames a man and takes him into new territory that he never though he could go to let alone enjoy. We men are more wired than we admit to be pleasers to women. Very obvious in your case where he started to "evolve" (thanks Emma) and become more helpful and female centric. That switch being the prostrate, through a willingness to relax and be penetrated. It is like discovering a new room hidden in the attic that was there all along.
I have mixed feeling about letting younger men go too long without an ejaculation. As much wishful thinking there is with Male Chastity enthusiasts, some of the medical literature hints otherwise. You could very easily supervise a release while deployed via Zoom. Could become a unique ritual for you!
Traditional proposals are initiated by the man, given your well evolved FLR, you should initiate. As other commenters have suggested, you will find what is meaningful for the both of you.
Your question 1. Is is safe?
I've read that it is and I've read that it isn't. What I did do was some research a while back on monks in Europe and they don't seem to have higher statistics of problems than the general public so if there is an issue, its not enough to show, or maybe drinking monastery bear is the trick to good health.
The main thing I think is hygiene. My wife and I where very into it and did several stints of a year or so and all we did was take the cage of once a week for a proper cleaning. Even metal cages can run into problems in the connection points around the lock etc.
To deal with the remote thing, you could have him unlock and clean on video, then relock and put the key in a little key safe locked with one of those numbered tags.
you could have him unlock and clean on video, then relock
We do exactly that thought it doesn't happen so often. He cleans it in the shower at the end of each day without removing the cage.
I've been looking into prostate massagers. From what I've read, couples who practice long term tease&denial play, do prostate massages to relieve some pressure. Hope it works for him.