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I'm 55, married 20 years and have reached the level of maturity and self knowledge to realize that this is who I am--thanks to your blog! I love to support and serve my wife, who is a natural leader! In so many ways I feel like we're already living a FLR lifestyle, with the exception of our intimacy/sexuality. Menopause hit hard! I'm anxious and excited to see what this next season holds if we can have this conversation--I realize that this is a marathon and not a sprint. Open to suggestions. Thank you!
Well, you're currently at the "exciting point" and "scary point" simultaneously, so you are wise to take it slowly.
At some point, you need to involve your wife in your thinking and discussion, because otherwise it is a FLRF (Female Led Relationship Fantasy), i.e. it's still all about you.
Changing it from being all-about-you to not-all-about-you is a hard transition, and will likely be different for you than for other people here (each of us on our own unique path), but hopefully you can get some good suggestions along the way that help you make wise decisions in terms of how you communicate your needs, desires, goals, and so on, and how you learn what it is that your wife would actually desire, herself.
So here's my $.02: Learn to listen. That is step #1. I'm still learning. Biting my tongue to not interrupt. Stopping myself from interjecting solutions to things she is telling me that she does not wish for me to solve. And so on. Learn to really listen. That will give you a great foundation to work from.
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Posted : 31/08/2021 2:24 pm
Topic starter
Wow, true42, you hit the nail on the head! I've been working on educating myself on FLR and chastity/denial/retention over the past year. Your comment regarding a FLRF is on point--and that's the recurrent question in my mind is how to take it from fantasy to reality? I've assumed most of the domestic duties, she's in control of most of the finances, we're each on our career paths, and our family life is awesome(3 daughters). Having been studying over the past year, I've come to realize some of my shortcomings--alright, a lot of shortcomings--that I've committed over the past 20 years, and realize NOW how different things could've been/would've been had I or we found this information sooner. I've learned--time, experience and this site-- that I am much better in a supporting role, and following Her lead!
You reference the four word march, "it's NOT about you". This is SO true, and I actually thought about redoing my intro because when I reread it, it did sound like it was about me, not HER, as it should be. So, thank you for the gentle reminder! And thank you for the suggestion on listening...two ears, one mouth--use them accordingly. Sounds like the beginnings of a solid foundation for open and honest communication.
Thank you for your insightful response!
