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There are plenty of words that talk about how important the newness of a romantic/sexual relationship is when explaining/supporting ethical non-monogamy. I think these words written by Joni Mitchell do a beautiful job of explaining how there may still be a chance for monogamy. Enjoy!
Joni Mitchell on monogamy - wise words.
“I don’t know if I’ve learned anything yet! I did learn how to have a happy home, but I consider myself fortunate in that regard because I could’ve rolled right by it. Everybody has a superficial side and a deep side, but this culture doesn’t place much value on depth — we don’t have shamans or soothsayers, and depth isn’t encouraged or understood.
Surrounded by this shallow, glossy society we develop a shallow side, too, and we become attracted to fluff. That’s reflected in the fact that this culture sets up an addiction to romance based on insecurity — the uncertainty of whether or not you’re truly united with the object of your obsession is the rush people get hooked on. I’ve seen this pattern so much in myself and my friends and some people never get off that line.
“But along with developing my superficial side, I always nurtured a deeper longing, so even when I was falling into the trap of that other kind of love, I was hip to what I was doing. I recently read an article in Esquire magazine called ‘The End of Sex,’ that said something that struck me as very true. It said: “If you want endless repetition, see a lot of different people. If you want infinite variety, stay with one.” What happens when you date is you run all your best moves and tell all your best stories — and in a way, that routine is a method for falling in love with yourself over and over.
“You can’t do that with a longtime mate because he knows all that old material. With a long relationship, things die then are rekindled, and that shared process of rebirth deepens the love. It’s hard work, though, and a lot of people run at the first sign of trouble. You’re with this person, and suddenly you look like an asshole to them or they look like an asshole to you — it’s unpleasant, but if you can get through it you get closer and you learn a way of loving that’s different from the neurotic love enshrined in movies. It’s warmer and has more padding to it.”
~ Joni Mitchell
Posted : 10/03/2024 11:07 am
AllAboutHer and lbp6855 reacted
You only have so much time and energy to give in this short life but choosing the right person who to give it to actually gives you more of both. It is an enigma. There is nothing mundane or routine about being with this person as they unlock doors that you never thought you even had. They bring out the best in you and by accident also bring out your worst because of how much they mean to you. The best part is that they work by your side to turn you worst in to your strength. She is very right. That was an interesting post.
Posted : 10/03/2024 1:26 pm
subhubphx reacted
Oops. I wrote this upside down on my phone while waiting for something. Forget my spelling errors and feel free to replace who with whom if you feel like being my English teacher.
Posted : 10/03/2024 2:14 pm
subhubphx reacted
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Posted : 10/03/2024 6:10 pm
wodidi
Posted : 10/03/2024 6:11 pm
yes i am
Posted : 10/03/2024 6:11 pm
