Curious about Bi Guy Relationship Dynamics

I don't think I can speak intelligently about a female led relationship with a bi guy because I wouldn't call Kev bi. When Andrew lived with us, two guys were in close proximity much of the time and I dealt with so much squeamish eww I don't want to touch another man bullshit at the beginning. While Kev has made it clear that he isn't attracted to men, the overt disgustedness of a naked man or touching another guy is just silly. If you are wrapped up in lustful embrace with two men and someone's penis brushes by your leg you seriously are not going to die. I think men feel threatened by their own bisexual tendencies which we all have, it is just a matter of where you land on the Kinsey scale.

You may not be bisexual but in a sexual scenario with another man and a woman, it can still be a very straight sexual experience despite some contact between the men. I think it is a far more comfortable scenario for everyone when you absolutely eliminate the "eww gross" factor from your sexuality. We dealt with it and I initiated some male to male contact so I could get the two guys to grow up and get over themselves.

Why do you think the biggest anti-gay talk show hosts, religious leaders and televangelists come out as gay? They are "repulsed" by their own reaction to homosexuality and not the homosexuality itself. I understand that bi is not gay but there is an aura of boys shouldn't touch other boys that is dumb. TinCup is willing to embrace that side of himself and I think everyone should be willing to do the same.

Where do you land on the Kinsey scale? A scale where 0 is exclusively heterosexual and 6 is exclusively homosexual. I'd say that most people that identify as straight are actually a 1 or 2 and only a minuscule percentage are 0 or a 6. I might publish a blog so I can get some stats about this because I am genuinely curious now. Thanks for your post TinCup! 

I'd say I am a 3. I don't mind female/female contact when it happens but I also greatly prefer male.

I should say that the Kinsey scale was published in the 40s and has gotten criticism due to its linear view of sexuality. If you are more attracted to the same sex then that implies that you are less attracted to the opposite sex. Despite being outdated, the 1 to 6 scale is easy so feel free to elaborate if you refute the Kinsey scale or have something else that suits you better. Also, sorry to hijack your thread TinCup. You raise some great questions, many of which I am not well suited to answer so I went a different direction. Please respond to TinCup if you have a perspective.

@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j 

Thank you so much Emma for your response and your ability to make something more constructive out of my jibber jabber!  My post needed some hijacking! ? 

I have wanted to reach to the community on this topic for quite some time. I have done a great deal of introspection on my sexuality for the last six months or so. That is likely the reason I found and enjoy what you have here so much. With the last stones of the walls that I had built over decades torn down, I have discovered my submissive nature as well as finally admitting that I am attracted to men as well as women. I'm probably somewhere between a 2 and a 3 on the Kinsey scale. This is likely due to my experience with men being limited to a brief encounter several years ago. A little bit of ignorant shame, time and bigger interests kept me from pursuing more.

I have no idea where this will go. Being in a very commited, hetero, and generally vanilla relationship, my priorities are elsewhere for now. But, never say never. I am certainly willing to embrace my feelings and jump in should the right situation happen for us. If there are any bi folks out there, I would love to hear how you navigate things in your dynamic. 

Thanks!

TinCup

Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

the overt disgustedness of a naked man or touching another guy is just silly

This reminds me so much of the movie "planes, Trains, and Automobiles". The main characters Neil and Del are forced to share a bed or spend the night at the airport. They wake up in the morning to discover that they are spooning while thinking of their wives. Instead of quietly disengaging and having a good laugh, the jump up, act like they just came out of a sewage tank, and started talking about "manly" things like football. The scene was hilarious and I understand the comic trope, but it really screams sexual insecurity.

I can see things clearer now and growing up with these stigmas probably caused me to miss out on a lot of fun and pleasure.

A man who can be comfortable in a mixed gender situation is so much more attractive emotionally than the squeamish, whiny men that you mentioned from the planes, trains and automobiles movie. I remember the scene and it is just silly. I find women visually pleasing but I'm not attracted to them. Would I make out with a woman, probably. Her soft lips and gentle touch are exciting to me. I bet most men find some male traits attractive even if they don't admit it to themselves or each other.

Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

I bet most men find some male traits attractive even if they don't admit it to themselves or each other.

I was one of those men who couldn't admit it for a long time until I realized that it was okay and that life is too short to deny myself those feelings.  The human body is sexy and beautiful. It's all good whether you enjoy bro hugs, sex, or something in between. 

I think the turning point for Kev is when we started watching porn together. I sometimes enjoy watching sensual gay porn because it is more loving and gentle than the misogynistic fake straight porn. When Kev and I started watching it together and talking about what we liked, I think he felt more at-ease that I found a gay sex scenarios incredibly hot. If two females is hot, two males can be too. When your bedroom and your heart becomes a no judgement zone, you are both more free to experiment and play openly and allow curiosity and excitement to take over. Straight porn is full of ugly guys, scenarios that are so far fetched and gross. Gay porn has much better plots, gorgeous men and even better it looks like both of them actually want to be there.

Here are a couple of our bookmarked favorites if you don't believe me.

• One
• Two
• Three
• Four

Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

If two females is hot, two males can be too. When your bedroom and your heart becomes a no judgement zone, you are both more free to experiment and play openly and allow curiosity and excitement to take over.

I couldn't agree more Emma!

In my experience, lots of guys really dig watching women together, myself included. Why not two men together? I don't think you have to be gay or desire sex with men to appreciate watching them enjoy expressions of sensuality, passion and lust. We are all human, and what is hot is the intensity and pleasure we share together.

I watched the first video you linked and it was hot AF! Any porn where one or more of the participants is disinterested, disengenuous, or faking is a real turn-off for me. It certainly did not appear to be the case in that clip. In porn, I know they are mostly on the job, but I just appreciate it more if I think they are enjoying their work. At least do a better job fooling the audience. For this reason, most porn is unwatchable for me. I'm looking forward to watching your other recommendations. Feel free to share more of your favorites! ?  

Posted by: @tincup

In my experience, lots of guys really dig watching women together, myself included. Why not two men together? I don't think you have to be gay or desire sex with men to appreciate watching them enjoy expressions of sensuality, passion and lust. We are all human, and what is hot is the intensity and pleasure we share together.

I agree and if my fella is any indication, this sort of erotica is fun to watch together once he got over the whole "If I enjoy this, I'm gay." knee jerk reaction. I think my acceptance and arousal helped him get over himself. I say that an open mind can enjoy all sorts of sensuality and new experiences like gay porn above or transgender.

Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

I say that an open mind can enjoy all sorts of sensuality and new experiences like gay porn above or transgender.

All - Please excuse my unintentional ommission of transgender folks in my comments. I share the same view for the transgendered.