Canadian Chastity Couple

Hello, as there is no option for a couple’s profile my husband and I have each created our own and you will see posts and comments from both of us – his profile name is Dplaything.

We are obviously happily married (he is in chastity after all ?) and have been together for 22 years, of which 10 years have been consensually non-monogamous (we’re also swingers, i.e. in “the lifestyle” – but not into the cuckold or hotwife scenes).  I am 62 and my Plaything is 55.  We are both fit and active with a life full of family and friends (vanilla and lifestyle).

Our chastity journey began 7 years ago when my Plaything asked me to take control of his orgasms and, although I didn’t fully understand why or what this meant, I lovingly accepted.  Since then it has been quite a journey.  Our sex life has always been adventurous, with lots of role play (including d/s play – he is a very good dominant), toys and experimentation.  Through all this though, my Plaything often felt a real need to serve me, but he had no way to talk to me about it.  When he tried, without knowing better, we both fell into a trap of femdom assumptions and language, and that never felt right.  We have discussed femdom and FLR as options, and have even incorporated aspects into our life, but in all areas besides sex and intimacy we are equals in our marriage.

Apart from a couple of edging ‘accidents’, both my fault and his, he has not had an orgasm without my permission since Jan 1, 2013.  But, while it is a very real chastity commitment we made to each other, it has often felt a bit roleplayish and focused on the physical aspects of chastity vs the intimacy and sexual energy.  I was also struggling with owning my power as his Goddess and giving to him what I now understand he craves. That began to shift when we came across the concept of Karezza, or the withholding of orgasms to increase the energy of intimacy between a couple.  

And now, with the discovery of this site, we have greater set of shared insights to take our chastity to an even deeper and more meaningful level.  (Thank you, Emma!  Your writing, as well as others on this site, has put into words the concepts my Plaything and I have struggled to articulate).  We only found this site a month or so ago and it already has had a profound impact on how we talk, interact and fully understand what chastity is doing for us as a couple.  I feel a real empowerment, while still honoring my Plaything and our relationship.   

Dplaything’s thought: as My Love so eloquently stated, we have a much deeper connection due to the conversations we have had since finding this site.  For me specifically: I feel much more connected to my wife and I have better language to share with her my feelings.  Chastity now feels like an integrated part of our relationship vs something we did on the side.

I am sure you are all wondering what rules I have for my Plaything.  They are:

1. No orgasms without my permission. This includes when we are playing in the lifestyle with another couple.  This has created a few interesting situations for us that we will share in a future post about the intersection of our swinging lifestyle and our chastity commitment.
2. He is not allowed to ask for an orgasm.
3. He must be naked at home when possible.
4. I have ultimate say in when and how we have sex. Although he is allowed to ask.
5. He must ask permission to masturbate. If allowed, it does NOT mean he has permission to orgasm.  So really, by asking permission to masturbate, he is asking for permission to tease/edge himself.
6. He will wear either a glans ring or chastity cage (Jailbird) at all times (see attached image). The only exception is when he is doing a strenuous hike or bike training ride (he wears the cage or ring when swimming or snowboarding). Neither is for punishment, but rather a physical reminder with all the benefits Emma lays out in “When do the Training Wheels Come Off?”.    
7. We will keep other subtle reminders of our commitment. When he wears the cage, I wear a gold chain with the key around my neck. I also wear a necklace with two interlocking rings – one larger and gold representing me, and one smaller and silver representing my Plaything. My Plaything has a tattoo on his hip crease that has these two interlocking rings along with a growing set of small lines (a new one is added each year), one for each year that we have been keeping the chastity commitment – and it’s very sexy on him ?.  Our ritual is every NYE he offers me his orgasms for another year, and I accept.  And, if he didn’t offer, I might just demand it!  

When we entered the swinging lifestyle, we found a wonderful community of warm, caring and open-minded people where we could be ourselves without judgement.  We feel we have found the same with this site. 

Our hope is to learn, to share, and maybe to even meet in person others like us.  We have let a very select few of our lifestyle friends know about our chastity commitment (including the cage and pegging), and while they accept it and us, we wish we had friends who were also into chastity with whom we could share stories and experiences.  We live in Vancouver, Canada and have not been able to find any like minded people here (although we are sure we aren’t the only ones ?).