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Thoughts on Poly-Friending

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Mrs. J-K
(@mrs-j-k)
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 

@Emma.  I understand your reasons for promoting cuckolding and they have some validity but I have to reiterate that I see this activity as fraught with possible heartache.  The potential transferring of feelings and love to the outside lover is just one of the aspects that make the risks outweigh the benefits in my mind. This is not a question of moral values or right and wrong.  It is about neither partner getting hurt.  I believe there are better ways for the woman to experience sexual gratification and the man to feel compersion.  That said, this is strictly how I feel and as long as a couple understands the risks and both are okay with the idea it is solely their choice. 

 

Now I am going to comment on this subject that Miss Emma refers to in almost all of her blogs, the woman’s need for a second lover or “poly-friending” as she likes to refer to it.  My comments are based more on my years of counseling couples with sexual problems than my education.  Most problems in the bedroom are not about sex.  They are about all the things that lead to a good sexual relationship.  I believe I indicated in a follow up to my introduction that I am not a fan of cuckolding.  In my years in practice had about a half dozen clients that tried variations of open marriages and one case of actual cucking.  Two of those cases ended in divorce and only one (not the cuckold case) ended up with the couple continuing with multiple partners.

I will begin by discussing the differences between men’s and women’s approach to a relationship.  I recognize there are exceptions and what I say applies to the majority of couples.  There will always be a small number of people who are atypical.  And there will always be some men who are scum bags and focus on sex anywhere they can get it and there will always be women who are narcissistic bitches.  Both are the exception.

Yes, when men are young and first dating, probably even through the college years, they pretty much have one thing on their minds.  That is sex.  They have corny pick up lines and most of what they do is aimed at getting laid.  But as men mature, an entirely different emotional being is formed.  Men want to bond and form a lasting relationship with a woman.  They need that security of being loved, of being in a committed relationship.  When they find the woman they want to spend their life with everything about their mating makeup changes.  Typically they will develop an unconditional or nearly so love for the woman.  In rare cases when this love is unrequited they resort to stalking but again that is rare.  When the man falls in love it tends to be forever and the things he does for her are no longer about having sex.  They are about making this woman happy and feeling loved and most of all safe.  He sees protecting her as his prime responsibility.  Mind you, he still wants to have sex with her often and is not going to turn her down when she offers but his motive for how he takes care of her is no longer about getting laid.  In general, a man will do whatever he has to in order to preserve the relationship.  In my practice it was the man who initiated couples counseling in at least 3/4 of the cases.  The woman often came in with the attitude that it was too much trouble and shouldn’t we just give up and move on.

Women on the other hand, see a relationship with a man as providing her with fiscal security and meeting society’s pressure for a woman to marry so she does not become an old maid.  Society has slowly changed in the last few decades regarding the role of woman.  Women are now discouraged from seeing motherhood or being a loving wife as rewarding and are told they need to be “professionals” in the workforce so they don’t waste their potential.  This has placed increased pressure on women.  It has made relationships even less important and more stressful in their lives.  But those natural beliefs about needing a man still linger.  Women today are more conflicted about their role than ever.  As if being a woman wasn’t hard enough already. 

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For men, as a relationship matures and he begins to do things for his partner out of love rather than to achieve sex.   The woman on the other hand, becomes more prone to use sex as a tool.  She will refuse sex to the man as a punishment when she fails to get her way and will offer sex to get something she wants that he may not want to do.  Add to all of these differences the fact that the woman a man loves on Monday may be a whole different woman on Tuesday because us women have this crazy monthly cycle that plays with our hormones like a Jackson Pollock painting and you wonder how we ever bond at all.   

There was a study about 7 or 8 years ago that appeared in one of my trade journals that describes how differently husbands and wives view their partners.  Nearly 100% of men said that the person they love most and the person they consider most important in their life is their wife.  Almost 2/3 of husbands listed their wife as their best friend.  By contrast, Most wives listed their husband fourth as the person they most loved behind her children, parents and siblings.  (As I recall it was very close on the siblings.)  As for most important, the husband fell to fifth behind the wife’s best friend.  Less than 25% of women called their husband their best friend.  I recall that study initially surprised me but as I thought about the couples I had worked with I realized it very much mirrored what I had experienced in my practice.  It helps explain why men see marriage as being more of a commitment than women do.  Most divorce proceeding are initiated by the woman and it is most often simply for “Incompatibility.”

Now for what I actually want to discuss, the reasons why a woman would want to take on another lover.  Would it surprise you to learn that a woman is almost twice as likely to cheat as a man?  And a man is almost twice as likely to forgive cheating and try to save the marriage as a woman is.  Miss Emma often writes that it has to do with excitement and the newness factor.  The woman is looking for that level of attention and romance that happened during the courtship. Particularly in the early years before children the woman wants the relationship or marriage to be about her. Miss Emma talks about how that all disappears as the couple gets comfortable.  She says being comfortable is good and she likes being comfortable with her fiancé but the excitement of the courtship wanes and a woman needs that excitement. 

Comfortable in a relationship means you have gotten to know each other so well, as the cliché goes, you can finish each other’s sentences.  You trust each other implicitly, you are automatically there for each other and have each other’s back.  It is not the reason the fire went out.

The problem is not the comfort level.  The problem is complacency.  By complacent I do not mean one or both partners has gotten lazy.  Lazy is just another word for “Not caring.”  More often than not there is no cure for lazy.  Complacency is letting life get in the way of love.  It is all about the little things that don’t happen anymore.  His hug when you both get home from work, the asking how your day was, the holding your hand when you walk down the street.  Maybe he just doesn’t talk to you in that same loving way and there aren’t as many “I love you’s.” 

Let me say this is not all on the man.  We women are just as guilty of becoming complacent as the man is.  Do we encourage that hug as we come in the door or are we thinking about something else?  Do we smile when he takes our hand when we are walking or pull away so as not to feel silly in public?  Do we make it a point to look attractive when we are just alone with him at home?  Do we really listen to him when he talks?  Every joke is about how the man never listens but listening is a two way street. If the man feels like these things aren’t important to us, why would he bother doing them? 

The courtship excitement disappears because we let life get in the way.  Both partners become preoccupied with their careers, or children, or household chores and they let the romance take a back seat.  It seems there is never time, and energy for both partners may be in short supply.  Marriage requires work.  It is an everyday job and it may be the most important job in spite of what society says.  The divorce rate in this country exceeds 50%.  The problem rarely rests on just one partner’s shoulders.

I will relate an incident that I recall well because the couple had an all-out fight right in my office as if I wasn’t there but then ended up kissing and crying.  Though this was a unique moment for me in my practice, the theme was all too common.  A case of poor communication and complacency.  This couple had been married for a little over two years.  The woman’s complaint was that when they got to the bedroom he just wanted sex and he never did anything romantic to get her in the mood.  He didn’t cuddle anymore like he did when they were dating.  It took her a while to get this all out but the gist of her complaint was she did not feel loved in the bedroom.  She was just a sex object.  I asked the husband why he didn’t do romantic things like cuddling anymore.   He said he tried.  He used to go over to her when they were just sitting there reading and snuggle up to her and kiss her cheek and tell her he loves her.  She would say can’t you see I’m busy and tell me to go do something useful.  He said he just wanted to show her he loves her and sometimes he needed to know she loved him too.  He went on for a minute or so using different words but saying the same thing over and over.  His wife interrupted and literally started screaming at him.  She said something to the effect of, “you just want to have sex and I’m not going to do that on the couch and you don’t even get me in the mood.”  Then he started yelling at her and I just listened for almost 5 minutes.  When I had heard everything I needed to hear I finally intervened.  I asked the man what he thought the reason was she saw him as wanting nothing but sex.  What could he do differently?  He was visibly upset and his answer was heart breaking.  He said he didn’t know.  That he loves her so much and he didn’t know how to show her anymore.  Then he looked me straight in the eyes, with tears in his eyes, and said, “I don’t know what she wants me to do.  I just love her so much.  How do I tell her?”  I was about to ask the woman the follow up question and she put her arms around him and kissed him and said you just did and they were both crying. 

We dug deeper into their relationship, and I made them realize they had let the magic fade.  Neither one of them had time for the little things, those things that say I love you every day.  So when the husband would try to show his love in one giant step by snuggling she didn’t see it as just wanting to be close.  She saw it as him trying to be sexy. 

I had them go back to working on making time for each other.  I gave them rules.  They had to sit down and tell each other about their day every day and they both had to listen.  They had to hug each other before they left for work and when they got home.  They had to say I love you at least once a day.  There were few more but you get the gist.  I also told them they couldn’t have sex for a week (till our next appointment) but they had to make love without sex every night for at least a half hour.  Absolutely no masturbation or orgasms for either one.  That confused them but they agreed when I told them they would understand why by the time we met the next time.  I told the husband he could snuggle up to her when she was reading but not to demand anything of her in return.  Let her read.  I didn’t tell her anything about snuggling.  When we met the next week they were like a different couple.  He couldn’t wait to tell me that when he snuggled up to her the first time and kissed her cheek, before he could say I love you she kissed him back, put her one arm around him and told him to hold her book so she could keep reading and she had a big smile.  He said he never felt so loved.  Then the wife said, “We finally got it last night.”  They knew their appointment was the next day and they were trying to figure out why they weren’t allowed to have sex all week.  She said that it was him who figured it out.  He said that making love is not the same as having sex.  Making love is what makes sex good.  Then he spoke up, and I remember what he said almost word for word because it was exactly what I wanted him to learn, “When you finally let us have sex again I will make sure it is about making her know how much I love her, not about the sex.”  Then the wife asked if they could have sex that night.  The no orgasms for a week had been difficult especially for him but he was the one who wanted the counseling so he did it.  Even she was looking forward to making sexual love again.

We had a couple more follow up sessions over the next month or so to make sure they stayed on track.  By the time I told them they didn’t need me anymore those rules I gave them had become a natural part of their everyday routine.  Interestingly, they still made love every night but only had sex a couple times a week and he thought their sex was better than ever.  I never heard from them after and I hope they never back slid into that complacency. 

So now, how does this relate to Miss Emma’s selling of “poly-friending?”  It is not about needing a new lover because the romance and the excitement and the attention of the courting have faded.  It is about making sure you don’t let life get in the way of love.  It takes both partners to keep the courtship alive.  One of you alone can’t do it and you can’t do it with one big romantic gesture every once in a while.  It is the little things every day that you do to show your partner that he or she is what makes your world go around.  If you both make the effort your man will still be as exciting and desirable as he was when he was courting you.  The fire may have gone out but the embers are still glowing.  They just need to be fanned.

The woman will be able to mold him into whatever kind of lover she wants.  This is especially true in an FLR where the woman controls the love life.  He can be just sensual one night and take you like an animal the next.  He will be whatever you want him to be at the moment because he loves you and he knows you love him.  His unconditional love will allow you to guide and teach him.  His greatest single joy will always be what Miss Emma refers to as compersion or seeing his wife satisfied and happy.  In my experience that joy will be even greater if he is the one who can do that for her.  She may also find a more fulfilling and meaningful love life with the man she actually loves than she will with a “mating man.”

Miss Emma discourages allowing the man to orgasm as part of the couples love making.  If the man knows he is going to get an orgasm, he will make it about his orgasm and the intimacy and loving he shows her won’t be there  I disagree in spades.  This man loves you unconditionally.  His life is about making you happy.  You may have to teach him how to be multiple lovers based on what you need at the moment and you may have to guide him sometimes to let him know your needs but he can meet them.  I guarantee this.  Mr. J-K is living proof of this.  And remember, you are still only going to allow him to orgasm occasionally.  Only when you want that feeling that engulfs you when you share an orgasm in a moment of true intimacy with someone you love.

Miss Emma’s second concern is that when he orgasms it is a bad thing, referring to the “down” or lethargic, unfocused period that follows a male orgasm.  Miss Emma is well aware of the hormones involved in the various aspects of love.  She is also aware that the amount of hormones released in a man’s orgasm as the result of making love is several times greater than from going off and masturbating.  This is not news.  These hormones and their role in a man’s sex life were well known back when I was in school in the eighties.  The answer they taught us in our couples counselling course was simple but at the same time difficult to achieve.  After sex the man wants to just roll over and go to sleep and the next day he may still be “distant” for lack of a better word.  He will be less focused and lethargic. That is why coaches discourage players from having sex before a big game.  The woman on the other hand released oxytocin with her orgasm and she wants to bond and snuggle and just be loved some more.  The solution is the woman has to take control and require her man to continue pleasing her.  The first several minutes it will be all her effort.  But he will be producing oxytocin with this snuggling and hugging and kissing.  Shortly she will feel his new hormone kicking in and over-powering the prolactin.  He will start to participate.  He will caress her and kiss her neck and shoulders and do all the things he does in foreplay.  This speeds up the production of oxytocin which as we know increases the rate at which most of the testosterone hormones start to be produced.  He will start to get aroused and begin petting and being romantic in an almost sexy way.  Now she can encourage him to give her another orgasm orally or manually (she doesn’t want to let him orgasm again or the whole point of the exercise is lost.) or she can tell him to be still and go to sleep.  Whatever!  In any case, come morning she will have that horny man who will want to please her.  With a little luck he might even be a little frustrated. LOL  We have actually had that happen to us on a few occasions.

The reason this solution is so difficult is three fold.  First, traditionally the man is in charge in the bedroom so he is going to be in control and just roll over and go to sleep.  Second, it takes a very strong woman to overcome his hormones and make him engage in loving after the sex, especially if he knows it isn’t going to lead to another orgasm for him.  Third is that period between the orgasm and when the oxytocin starts to build up in him.  During this period the woman is doing all the romancing and he is just being compliant.  It is hard for a woman to be romantic with her man when he is not responding in kind.  But be patient, it is only a few minutes until your man will start romancing you back. 

Yes, it is beneficial to both partners to limit the man’s orgasms.  Generally speaking, I found for us when he was younger that twice a week was a maximum.  Now it takes longer for him to totally recover his testosterone so once a week is plenty often.  As they say, your mileage may vary.  But as I said above, sharing an orgasm with the man you love is a very special feeling that I don’t believe you can achieve at the recreational level with a “mating man.”

I’m sorry this ended up being a book instead of a forum post but I don’t know what I could have left out.

 
Posted : 10/03/2022 10:32 pm
lockedforlynn, Emma, AllAboutHer and 12 people reacted
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Famed Member Admin
 

Thanks for the interesting perspectives. I'd like to note that I don't necessarily promote that women need to take a third lover but I suggest that it might be right for many couples. While complacency is a big problem for many couples, even the most attentive partners can (and will) lose the butterflies because it is in fact a chemical reaction. The question isn't if a relationship will lose the sexual spark, it is when. Lust is the fuel for attraction. Once we get together, the lust turns to attachment and the attachment to love. Love brings expectations and commitment but also can falter due to unfulfilled expectations. Lust and passion takes a back seat. Bringing the fuel back to the fire by reigniting lust is a great way to refuel and reignite the love cycle. 

I think you may have have taken some creative license with a few of the ideas that I suggest, I by no means intend to suggest that I bring the perfect blueprint to any relationship. I bring up lots of ideas and explain how/if they fit into my personal relationship. I invite the reader to take what you they will and cast away what doesn't work for their particular situation.

Great perspectives, keep 'em coming!

 
Posted : 11/03/2022 5:29 pm
bt7114, bestwhencaged, subhubphx and 6 people reacted
subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Member
 
Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

I invite the reader to take what you they will and cast away what doesn't work for their particular situation.

Yes, yes you do, which is an important reason why we love coming here so much.

 
Posted : 11/03/2022 8:56 pm
Mrs. J-K
(@mrs-j-k)
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 

You say you don’t promote cucking but I have to disagree as a reader.  It may not be your intent.  It shows up in so many blogs, even when it is off the original topic.  It is always a very encouraging suggestion.  It also follows a very straight line progression.

Step 1:  Change the name from cuckolding to the friendlier name of poly-friending. 

Step 2:  Make it clear that women were not meant to be monogamous.  The breeding instinct says they should have multiple partners.

Step 3:  No man can possibly satisfy a woman sexually in all the ways she desires and needs.  She needs variety.

Step 4:  Teach your man about compersion.  If he really loves you he will want you to be satisfied and happy.  He will not be jealous if you need another man to do the things he can’t do for you. 

All along you always say that you have to go slow and make sure he is on board.  But this goes on in blog after blog.  As I said, even in blogs where it is almost out of place.

Step 5:  Now you point out that if he gives her toys to satisfy her sexual needs, how is that different from her having another man satisfy her.  SALE MADE?

Step 6:  Okay that didn’t close the deal so he watches her masturbate and he gets aroused and is comfortable snuggling with her afterwards.  He must be ready for her to take on another lover. Only more subtly put.

Subtle, subliminal, and steady progression.  Always worded as a suggestion but with your clever writing skill, almost as a rhetorical suggestion.  You may not see yourself as promoting that extra lover but if a couple was even close to the fence let alone on it they are sucked in to at least try it. 

 

You say the spark always dies.  The lust and passion will wane and disappear.  No more butterflies.  It is inevitable.  You need a new lust to get back the old lust and love.  I strongly disagree.  That is just conceding to complacency or even, God forbid, lazy.  At our age D J-K and I may not have as much lust (physical energy) but we have never lost the passion.  We are not alone as I know other couples who still enjoy great, passionate sex after 20+ years. together. 

It does take more than just the little things but the little things are what keep you experimenting and doing exciting things with your sex life.  Most of the time I want D to make gentle romantic, sensual love to me but once in a while I need to be taken.  He could do that too.  I will tell him to “Ravage” me and our sex will be wild and a little crazy.  Obviously on those occasions he has an orgasm whereas on the gentle nights he only does once in a while.  We have tried odd positions.   We did some pegging, even back in the day when that sort of thing was considered perverse.  We still peg once in a while and I have a double ended, vibrating dildo that gets us both off. 

Love and marriage are work and they also require a little imagination.  I don’t know if you read my thread called “Preface” in the intro section but I talk about the stages of life for men and women. You are right that keeping that fire burning is not easy when you consider all the obstacles we have to surmount as couples.  To be honest, in our 30 years together we had weeks or even months when it was just embers because we were tired or stressed.  When that happened we would do something to bring it back, maybe something crazy or maybe something romantic.  It is part of that communication thing.  You have to be aware of your partners body language and things that get said and not said.  (One of those little things that are so important.) When you sense it is getting stale you have two choices.  You can say the fire is out or you can stir and fan the embers.  We always chose to fan the embers by doing little extra things for each other, little surprises like sexy lingerie or him taking me somewhere new and wild.  The lust and passion were back in a heart beat.  We never considered stirring the embers any other way. 

I don't know that I thought you had the perfect blueprint for a relationship.  I am sorry if i gave you that impression.  You do strongly encourage your followers to be adventurous, to explore all the options, and expand the horizons of their relationship.  You never criticize them if they don't go there or they try and don't like it so they back off.  This is very true.  You are not a tyrant or even bossy.  But you do in that magic way you have of expressing your ways get couples to push their limits.  

That is not a bad thing.  No one ever achieved by being timid.  

 
Posted : 11/03/2022 10:11 pm
Mrs. J-K
(@mrs-j-k)
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 

@Emma 

Your statement that it is inevitable that the spark will disappear and the lust and passion will fade in any relationship was still bothering me.  I wasn’t sure exactly why until today as I was thinking about Saturday afternoon with Mr. J-K.  Maybe the reason you feel this way is because you believe eventually everyone has to grow up and behave like an adult.

You wrote two blogs, one a long time ago and one last fall about being silly and having fun and how this keeps the spark alive.  I recall I had two thoughts when I read these blogs.  The first was that Miss Emma had softened and wasn’t so much about control as I thought she was.  The second was how many times I had told my clients to have fun.  Having fun together was one of the reasons they fell in love in the beginning.  Why would they stop?  I thought of it as part of the complacency problem, letting the things they did to fall in love get pushed to the side to make way for life.  I would tell them not to worry if people called them childish.  If they were having fun, why would they care what others thought?

Those two blogs were right on the money in my book.  There is a large piece of D that never grew up and that piece shows up frequently.  Sometimes when he acts like he is still 18 I call him my loveable idiot and we laugh because he knows he is being a little bit crazy and I love him for it.  It is contagious because on a few occasions I have been the crazy one.  This Saturday was not his most “18 moment” but it was a good example of how “silly” keeps the fire burning.  It had snowed through the night and finally stopped about noon and we had about six inches of the white stuff.  D went out and shoveled our walk, which is only about 30 feet till the driveway.  I came out to see how he was doing just as he was finishing.  He said we should make snow angels and when I told him he was nuts he told me we could hold hands while we laid down and then when we made them the wings would touch and it would look really romantic.  So, we made our snow angels.  The next thing I know we are having a snowball fight and running around in the snow like a couple of kids.

It was still blustery and cold so we went in and D made a fire in the fire place.  I told him my feet were wet and cold and he took off my shoes and socks and rubbed my feet to get them warm.  A couple times he would gently run his finger on the bottom because he knows I’m ticklish and I would laugh and almost kick him. 

Then he went to get us some hot coco.  He came back with the hot chocolate but he also had two roasting forks and a half bag of marshmallows that had to be at least a year old.  We toasted them and they were actually pretty good.  We sat and talked and watched the fire.  We hadn’t eaten since breakfast so he said he would make us some supper.  While he was doing that I went to the computer and checked my Email and went on line and responded to lockedforlyn’s comment.  I was already a little giddy from the foolishness.  D calls me out for supper after only a few minutes.  All he did was defrost some hot dogs and buns and made two nice salads.  He poured a couple glasses of wine and put it all on a tray and brought it out to the coffee table in front of the fireplace.  He said we are having an indoor picnic and put the dogs on the forks and we had a wiener roast right there in the living room.

He took the tray back to the kitchen and came back and sat next to me and held my hand as we watched the fire slowly burning down.  Then he said something that finished me off.  He said, “After all these years you are still fun.”  That meant so much to me.  I looked at him and said, “I must be a cougar because this old lady is about to take this 18-year-old boy.”

I grabbed his shirt and pulled it off.  We had crazy sex right there on the sofa.  The only foreplay was ripping each other’s clothes off.  We both had fantastic orgasms and then I made him go down on me and give me oral and it was as good as the first one. There was no love making involved but there sure was passion or maybe just lust.  Not sure what the difference is.  I guess passion is more about the love.

We went and took a shower and it was a little sexy but mostly just romantic and sensual.  He scrubbed my back by holding me and reaching around me with the soap and gently washing it.  When we got done, we put on our PJ’s and the rest of the evening was just quiet normalcy.

 

When we went to bed, we didn’t even make love.  We just kissed so softly and snuggled for a bit.  I asked him if he knew how much it meant to me when he said I was still fun.  He didn’t answer.  He just smiled.  We were both asleep pretty quickly.  That high is still with me today.

The point of all this is that your two blogs are so true.  If you are willing to keep the silly and the fun in your lives and not worry about being a proper adult, the spark never has to die.  It has worked for us for 30 years. 

So, Miss Emma, do you believe in your two blogs or do you believe that at some point couples have to turn into boring adults with adult behavior?  You can't have it both ways.

 
Posted : 14/03/2022 3:06 pm
subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Member
 

My curiosity has me wondering something, so instead of assuming anything, I'll just ask.  What is the purpose of your many epistles that seem intent on disputing or discrediting the thoughts and words that come from the host of this site?  I fully understand disagreeing with people and things, but it seems like it may be more than just simple agreeing to disagree.  What up with that?  It's oddly reminiscent of another husband and wife that recently came and went from this site.  They seemed intent on taking-up for Kevin, essentially feeling he was brainwashed and needed someone to come to his defense.

Please don't equate my inquiry with being offended, or a feeling that I need to, in some way, defend Emma.  Emma's a big girl and doesn't need (or probably want) anyone to defend her, even passively.  Just wondering is all.


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Posted : 14/03/2022 5:05 pm
bestwhencaged
(@bestwhencaged)
Estimable Member
 

My Wife and i are both concerned about swinging leading to losing connections with each other and winding up divorced.  I think for us, it is better to attend sex parties (preferably where negative STI test results are required) for Her to enjoy other men while I watch, maybe being dominated by the man's partner.

 
Posted : 14/03/2022 7:23 pm
Mrs. J-K
(@mrs-j-k)
Estimable Member
Topic starter
 

@subhubphx

I appear to becoming across as attacking Miss Emma and her views.  That is not at all my intent.  Also, rest assured I am not taking up for Kevin.  If he is happy and does not feel abused in the relationship he does not need anyone to take up for him.  I am sorry if I gave you the impression that he was being mistreated in any way.  My comment regarding how he was allowed to orgasm was strictly my impression of the degree of control Miss Emma appeared to exert and promote.  It was based on what I had read in her early blogs but Miss Emma pointed out that she shows him a great deal of love when he masturbates.  I did apologize to her for my misunderstanding.

As I said in earlier posts, I admire her writing skills and her understanding of the male psyche.  It is apparent from her responses, I have been reading too much into or too much between the lines of what she writes.  So now I am trying to learn more about the woman, Miss Emma, so I can better understand her blogs.  I may have to take them more at face value. 

In this particular case I am caught between blogs that say playful and silly keep the spark in the relationship and her response to me that says but not forever.  Playful and silly keep a relationship from becoming stale (her word) and ignite the spark.  In these blogs she suggests that anything playful that you do including the kinks of pegging and chastity, and teasing, basically anything that keeps the couple energized will work.  I totally agree with her about this as it has worked for us.  So why is it inevitable for that spark to die out?  I am having a problem reconciling the two thoughts.  Does she believe that with time, virtually all couples will quit doing the fun things that keep the excitement, the lust, the passion alive?  Or will these fun things get stale too?  This is what I am wrestling with.

As I said, I do not like the idea of “poly-friending” but that is only because I find the risk-reward ratio is not good based on my experiences with couples involved with multiple partners.  That withstanding, as I said, if everyone involved understands and is okay with it, then what they choose to do is up to them. I am not saying that how she feels about it is right or wrong.  I just don’t like to see people get hurt.

I found what I thought were some of the same sort of contradictions regarding controlling communication but I may have read too much into one or two of her blogs on this subject.  As you pointed out to me, I did not know how the random quotes worked.  She probably never said that quote about opinions to Kevin or gave it as advice.  I may be out of line on this issue and if I am I apologize. 

 
Posted : 14/03/2022 7:40 pm
subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Member
 
Posted by: @mrs-j-k

Also, rest assured I am not taking up for Kevin.  If he is happy and does not feel abused in the relationship he does not need anyone to take up for him.

I didn't say that you were taking up for Kevin.  I said the other husband and wife couple that came and went did.  

 
Posted : 14/03/2022 8:22 pm

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