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Gynarchy isn't new for me.

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Nella_Bmar
(@nella_bmar)
Posts: 7
Active Member
Topic starter
 

Female role models: Grandma, 1st Step mom, Math teacher (grade 7-9), Paula Abdul, and Madonna.

Male role models: Father, newscasting crossdresser, and John Candy. (Robin williams and Isaac Asimov much idolized..)

When I was very young I was surrounded by boys; Brothers, cousins, young uncles, etc. But They all could go outside, and with my asthma and allergies I was often in the house with the women. Typical women cook, men farm, but this boy saw the inner workings. Grandma, her husband long dead before I got to know her at 5, managed a house after 8 kids had grown and all but 2 moved out, her youngest boys, both in their late 20's they farmed and managed the hardware. Me and my brothers were city slickers, but spent most the summer on the farm.

By 5 my father had remarried, and she had little interest in mothering us boys. I mean she managed us well, but showed little to no interest to spend her free time with us. We cleaned house and obeyed her rule, but she'd go out with her friends and we'd be afraid to touch anything on the main floor... 

I luv'd science and math, was good at it, but from Grades 7-9 I started getting A's, not because it was easy, but because the teacher encouraged me, pushed me, and well, I mightn had a lil tiny crush.. As for Paula and Madonna, sexy beasts for a short nerd who's access to music was.. limited in a none drama oil, education & engineering pre-occupied family.

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Until porn at 16, sex was a fairytale and an innocent playful mishap with a cousin or two. I knew of it, but no one in any household was having it that I knew of. I was taking care of my frustrations nightly (to the behest of my younger brother who shared a bunk bed, sorry bro..) The first sexual encounter with another guy who showed me his fathers porn collection, we thought oral between 2 guys would feel the same as between a couple, wow, I definitely enjoyed it more than he did..

From 16-19 most sexual escapades were with other boys my age, then became men online meeting me in street corners or lil hideaways. Then I met a girl online. Until then sex was a frustration that was alleviated by others in similar situations, some was me dressed as a girl, but with a girl, it was new, different, and well, not hidden (we did it at a party, never had a door to shut) I'm sure her sister saw us.

I ended up marrying that girl. We were both virgins in many ways, and neither of us knew what was expected of us. After 2 kids, she found her voice and moved out, not wanting what we had. 2 weeks later I had another gf. and since then I've been a serial monogamous with women and raving slut with men..for the most part.

My last relationship lasted 7 yrs, 3 yrs too long. we tried for children, but after 4 losses, last being still born, she suffered depression and shelled herself up. 3 yrs later she admitted she couldnt connect with me and left. I was glad stayed mostly in guilt. btw: she had sexual partners outside of our 1/2 way open relationship, but they weren't the problem. I promised it didnt matter, and I'd not have sex with anyone else, and even put chastity on the last 3 yrs, but at my own self interests, not her request.

Though I stuck my neck out and made my own choices, many were simplified and accepted by the women in my life. To this day, if I'm heading out to see an ex, I'll ask them what they'd like to see me in. Sometimes I hope they say a dress, but not often. two do share pride parade with me, and that is a good day.

With female bosses, well, i'm not good with that kind of authority, male or female, often questioning what I can get away with, and how to do things in a better way than suggested. Gets me in trouble a lil, had one supervisor yell at me, then lock herself in her office to cry. Had one male supervisor also hate how certain things work, policies and stuff, and he quit instead of fixing it. One introduced herself with an open door, phone policy, but had to tell me to stop calling with lil issues.. not so lil on my side of the fence..

although I did deposit my earnings straight into my last gf's account for most of the years together (until I caught her spending it on a boyfriend), it was more for my interests than hers.

I know I'm not a slave to gynarchy, but I appreciate it, and like it.  I think we should have more baby's in this world, but I also think that's not a decision made by men. Common men with smaller offers can be more helpful keeping other frustrated males busy with their asses and mouths while women have their pick of the top 10% of the more diverse choices out there. At 19 I was doing this with my own goals in mind. Now I can appreciate how I'm helping despite my 1000 yr old indoctrination of breeding goals. (I still have them, they still make me cry at nights, but the chastity helps, and the humiliation and re-education)

please msg me, and feel free to treat me as less than.. just less. for me, it is an acceptable pronoun.

This topic was modified 3 years ago by nella_bmar
 
Posted : 01/05/2019 11:29 am
attisC, jc5200, Emma and 6 people reacted
Emma
 Emma
(@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j)
Posts: 1005
Famed Member Admin
 

Thank you for sharing, especially the feelings and struggles that you've experienced during your journey. Welcome!

 
Posted : 01/05/2019 12:31 pm
Nella_Bmar
(@nella_bmar)
Posts: 7
Active Member
Topic starter
 

My Grandmother just died last weekend, the one I briefly mentioned in the above post. It hit me hard in a few ways. End of an era, she was 97, and my first real female authority.

My father separated with my mom when I was 5, she was in no way authoritarian, to be sure, and our new step mom, very much was. We were taught to clean, and otherwise help around the house, my favourite was making her paralyzers, at 12-13 I would always make too much and take a sip from the top before bringing it to her.

back at 5, I was driven to my grandmothers farm with my two other brothers, so dad and stepmom had alone time during the summer. I hardly knew my stepmom at that time, and the family was new to asthma. Turned out I was allergic to farming. hayfever, animal dander, dust, pollen and ragweed, all caused me to have an asthma attack. soon I was renegated to the house mostly during the summer, helping Grandma with cleaning, cooking, etc.

To say I love that old broad is a misnomer. I respected her, cherished her, and wished she'd always be there for us. I could never play music, but after a few minutes, she could almost always play a tune on the piano by ear. She never argued, just shut off a conversation immediately with a "oh go on," or a "bah..."

Two times to her self she cherished, her own bedroom, and her 2 gardens. us kids weren't to bother her, though I did help remove bugs more than a few times in the garden...

I also learned to give strong back and shoulder massages that most would cringe under..

Every summer I would spend almost 3 months learning to cook for 12, bake, pickle, etc...

I never got to plan with her, usually she already had the day ironed out. Though since her son did the day to day work with my brothers on the farm, so I'm sure they must had negotiated, but I doubt he'd spent more than a minute questioning her. He loves to argue with me though. I took bible study thanks to that man, I'm agnostic, but I learned I could ask any question I wanted in there, and continued to argue with my uncle with no remorse ever since. I mean debate, there was rarely any anger in our discourse.

He was a mountain of a man in his prime, and yet always well healed to her intent, as was most anyone I knew. She didn't so much demand respect, but earned it. Quiet and patient, she knew how to get things done, including delegate.

To see her in a coffin, so small but still not "frail", I fell apart. I allowed myself to, and took a good 10 minutes to get out of my funk while my mother and brothers waited in the next room. The funeral and reception were for everyone else, I helped and chatted when I could, but nothing was real from then on until I got home.

I know gynarchy is often for fun play and easy fantasy, but I do hope this addition is welcome and hits home with others.. please share yours if you can...

 
Posted : 31/08/2022 4:52 pm

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