No sex drive and fa...
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No sex drive and failing sex life

5 Posts
5 Users
Lewd Camo
New Member
Topic starter

My wife isn't horny I want to hear her for once tell me she desires me but if we do have sex it is because she acts like she owes it to me and obligated to have sex. I want her to want me and be desired and the passion from before we got married but that isn't our marriage any more. How can I bring the spark back? I miss the woman I fell in love with.

Posted : 03/06/2022 7:17 pm
Estimable Member

Try making a nice dinner or, or doing something adventurous, try being more helpful around the house if you lack in that area (idk if you do). Do little things and a big thing or two to show you care. Try giving more hugs and little kisses just cause without bringing up sex. Even try exploring male chastity if you haven’t owning his orgasms can be very fun for a woman and really flips the dynamic for us sexually. 

Posted : 03/06/2022 7:24 pm
Emma, Emma and Emma reacted
Famed Member Admin

100% what @brittany said. PLUS I'd like you to re-read your post from her perspective and recognize that you are making this "her problem" rather than owning it yourself. You said:

  • my wife isn't horny
  • she acts like she owes it to me and obligated to have sex
  • I want her to want me
  • I miss the woman that I fell in love with

While knowing what you want isn't a bad thing, try looking at it from a different perspective rather than casting blame and creating distance.

  • We need help figuring out what changes I can make to help my wife desire me.
  • I know that I can be a better partner and worthy of her desire.
  • I need help finding ways for her to feel my love for her.
  • My wife is the woman that I fell in love with and I acknowledge that I'm not the man that she fell in love with. How can I bring the spark back.

By being self-aware about this and not pointing fingers, I think you can probably make some huge strides.


Also as Brittany said, male chastity would probably do wonders in your situation.

Posted : 04/06/2022 5:31 pm
J.M, AllAboutHer, J.M and 3 people reacted

I couldn't agree more with Emma that you need to own the problem and look with an open heart for a solution within yourself.  But I would be cautious about introducing a chastity device at this point.  There is obviously too much space between you now, and if she percieves that she has to solve your problem by managing your chastity, I think you could create greater distance.

I would absolutly recommend however, that you immediately stop masturbating and begin retaining.  Use retention as a tool to help you get your mind straight about your priorities and the importance of your wife as the center of your life.  While you can tell her that you have stoped masturbating because you want to keep her as the focus of your sex/love life, I would not tell her anything like "You own my orgasms," or "I won't cum without your permission," at this stage.  I think these things will only increase her sense of obligation and threfore create resentment and more distance.

Do it for its own sake because it is the right thing to do, not as a way to manipulate her into more sexual acivity with you.

Once she learns that you are willing to have a sex life on her terms, and you feel totally safe being vulnerable with each other, then introducing chastity as a symbol of your love and commitment could be the best thing that ever happened in your love life.  But if you push it, I fear you will just create another burden and increase the disconnect between you.

Also, a marriage counsellor might help.  Just remember that counselors are there to help you two bridge the gaps that have formed between you.  They are not judges to be persuaded to your side of the argument about how your wife is the problem.

Good luck.

Posted : 04/06/2022 6:54 pm
Mesabijoe, J.M, corey and 6 people reacted
Estimable Member


I have a question for you .

Do you want your wife to be more horny or is it more love, intimasy och feel loved and seen you looking for ?

Horny is tricky the later is a bit more easy 😊 

Just do what every one of the wise and kind hearted here have told you, make time for her, protect her and love her.

Clean, make dinner, pamper her make sure she feels you are investing your energy and love into her and the relationship ❤️ ❤️

For intimasy, hugg her and tell her you love her, if she want/agres give her foot massages and cuddles, offer full body massages and NEVER demand/hint you want anything in return.

You are doing all this for her plesure and your relationship, not to get sex....and then you see her smile and she thanks you for helping/ loving her you will feel f#%k great and loved.

Compaired to many here im still a novice but can go months without orgasm but with out feeling loved and feeling closnes my world crumbles fast.


Best Regards J.M

Posted : 15/06/2022 3:17 pm