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"Love snuck up on me"

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Subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Posts: 1067
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A cautionary tale of something happening (love) that was never the intention and swore wouldn't happen.  Below is a story from Fetlife about a wife (cuckquean) who is in distress about the very thing that prevents my Mistress Wife and I from partaking in the cuckold lifestyle.  I'll admit that it is very sexy to think about in fantasy, and even fantasy play talk, but in real life, Ms. K. and I don't even want to risk our life and marriage while playing with fire on the razors edge of disaster.  

This is not being judgmental for those couples that have the courage and ability to fulfill each other's sexual fantasies in the cuck lifestyle and have a long and happy marriage as a result.  Godspeed to you all.  But it is a cautionary tale of the danger of emotional feelings sneaking up on any of those involved.  "He didn't seek this, it just happened."

Let's be careful out there friends.  

I'm fully aware that this is a cuckquean (woman) and not a cuckold man, but the nature of the situation is the same.  Her is her (@CuckQue4nSlut) story, and it's heartbreaking;

I apologize for the length of this. It's a lot. 😞 I feel really alone, and I'm just hoping to have a safe and understanding place to vent. This is not a hot and sexy post. My heart is broken.

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My husband and I have been playing with my cuckquean kink for the past 8 years of our 13 year relationship. He has essentially had a "hall pass" to pursue whatever sexual exploits he wanted with whatever woman he pleases for this entire time. The only real boundaries on this hall pass were in place to ensure that 1) the experiences were shared with me to play with my kink, so we could experience mutual benefit. 2) the connections he made were to be mostly sexual in nature, and emotional intimacy and romantic love were to be exclusive to us. He readily agreed to these boundaries, because he was aligned with me that we are not Polyamorous, these exploits were intended to enhance "us" and our sexual relationship, and neither of us considered ourselves capable of polyamory.

A bit over a year ago, he met someone that I refer to as Favourite Slut (FS for simplicity) in my writings. I noticed an immediate difference in him with her, when compared to the many other women he had connected with. I nearly immediately began asking questions about the change in him that I saw, and he assured me endlessly that while there really was great sexual chemistry with FS, that's all there was. His reassurance always fell flat and didn't alleviate my concerns, because his actions and the changes I was noticing in him indicated that the words were false. This inconsistency caused me a lot of emotional distress. I kept asking about everything I saw, and we kept having late night discussions and arguments. He kept assuring me that there was no emotional connection with FS, there never would be, and if it started going that way he would end it immediately.

It was very confusing and emotionally challenging for me through all of this. I'm SO turned on by his connection to her… more than I ever have been with any other play partner. But I'm also SO scared of actually losing him to her. That fear broke my heart over and over again, while at the same time it was making me a soaking wet and horny mess. I started to feel like I was going crazy. I kept telling him the things I needed from him in order to feel secure, and they were things I was watching him readily give to her. He kept assuring me that he wanted to do those things for me, and he would… but it didn't happen.

Eventually, after more than a year of this back and forth and endless assurances otherwise, my husband finally admitted that somehow an emotional attachment to her had "snuck up" on him. He did love her, he did care about her, she was valuable and important, and he wanted a relationship with her.

I was (and still am) devastated by this. He is in love with someone who isn't me, his wife. He assures me he still loves me just the same, but I'm not sure my heart can stay in this while knowing it's not the exclusive owner of his heart. Is my whole marriage bullshit if I'm all in, and he's only half in, because his other half belongs to her? How can I possibly trust someone who allows love to "sneak up" on him, and doesn't value me and "us" enough to inform me of it when it happens? He has apologized for the way he handled this, and he realises it was wrong, but I am still broken. On a logical level, I understand polyamory and I do think it's a valid thing… but I'm not polyamorous. The need/want for more than one love is a foreign concept that I just can't understand or relate to. My heart belongs to him, his heart belongs to both of us… and in my darkest days, it is easy for me to believe that his heart belongs mostly to her.

I have spent the last few months trying desperately to find a place of peace with this and stay in my marriage… and have it be a marriage worth having. It's a struggle, especially after an already tumultuous year of disconnect and false reassurance. I have good days and bad days. He has been trying to be more emotionally available to me, and I can see him working so hard on this, but it feels like it's not mine. It feels like he's only doing that because he feels like he is obligated, not because he is genuinely wanting me to have it. How can I feel that it's something he wants to give me, when he didn't during all the struggles of the past year? How can I feel wanted and desired by my husband, when I have outlined all of the things I need in order to feel that way… and he continues to give those things to her while struggling to give them to me?

Most recently (yesterday) I discovered that he has purchased sex toys and accessories to use in kinkier play with her, and they're things that he knows I would also be very into. He had never mentioned these toys in his descriptions of their play time, and he definitely never played with me with them. I have asked him in the past to please engage with me, bring in his own sexy ideas, and to put intention into making me feel like my sex and sexuality is important to him. He has always claimed that my kinkier desires aren't really his thing, so he struggles to come up with ideas or to contribute to that kind of play. But he comes up with ideas for her? He specifically goes out and buys toys to engage in her kinkier side? I'm asking for something he can't give, but she isn't? Once again, my self worth has plummeted and I feel like I've been replaced. And, sadly, even through this pain I was aroused. I'm a pathetic idiot.

Someone please tell me this can work? Someone please hear me and understand why I'm hurting so much. Someone please help me fix this so I can maybe be happy again… hopefully with him. Because as much as this hurts me and I am dead inside, I love him so much and I know that he does love me. I want to give him grace. He didn't seek this, it just happened. He's never done this before, and he's learning. I genuinely want him to have nothing but happiness, and I know he has found it with her. I just don't want to have to sacrifice my own happiness, my own security in my marriage, and my own heart and mental well being so that he can have her.


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Posted : 07/09/2023 4:57 pm
nevertoolate reacted
Nevertoolate
(@nevertoolate)
Posts: 45
Trusted Member
 

I read about this all the time with cuckolds. Word for word the same report. Not everyone one experiences it this deep but NRE sure plays a part with this. What is especially telling is how she is still very aroused by it all as she fights the internal conflict of perceived loss. Many a male has testified the same. Best advice given by the community is to back down from this side relationship and focus on the primary relationship until she feels safe and confident in her marriage. Extra curricular activities should never detract from the primary academic program.

 
Posted : 09/09/2023 12:42 pm
subhubphx reacted
Allabouther
(@allabouther)
Posts: 306
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This story doesn’t surprise me. Because sex, for my wife and me, is a unique and special expression of intimate connection, its meaning goes way beyond gratification.  Neither of us has any interest in developing an intimate connection with another person.  Therefore, the concept of cuckolding simply holds zero mystique for us.  What’s more, neither can see how it could be done without necessarily leading to damage in our relationship.  I accept that others say they can separate the emotional intimacy from the act of sex, but we are resigned to not being capable of understanding how it can happen.  We may all have a drive for sex, but our human nature is designed for relationships.

 
Posted : 09/09/2023 10:37 pm
subhubphx reacted
Subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Posts: 1067
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Topic starter
 

Your marriage is very similar to ours in that regard and others.  That said, what would happen if as your relationship evolved, she blossomed more into her dominance to a point where she wanted to consider having another lover, what would likely happen?

 
Posted : 10/09/2023 7:25 am
Allabouther
(@allabouther)
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I can certainly see that our relationship and my wife’s dominance will continue to evolve.  Knowing her that way I do, the evolution you speak of would have to be an evolution on her part where she would come to view the other lover as nothing different that an animated sex toy.  She is certainly open to inanimate toys now, so I suppose she could conceivably look at sex with someone else as simply using a living toy to stimulate her pleasure.  Frankly, I don’t ever she her going that direction if there is any chance or expectation of intimate and emotional connection.  I absolutely don’t see her evolving that way in order to humiliate me.  That wouldn’t be an evolution.  That would be a fundamental change of philosophy.  But, as they say, never say never.

So, if she said she wanted to use a boy (or girl) toy over a latex one, I would support her because I want to give her the greatest possible sexual (and every other kind) of pleasure.  That having been said, given my convictions that a relationship would inevitably form and my confidence that she would simply be mistaken that she could separate sex and love, I would have cuckold anxiety that would be off the charts.

 
Posted : 10/09/2023 9:19 am
Subhubphx
(@subhubphx)
Posts: 1067
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Topic starter
 

We/She/i feel exactly the same way.  Once again, an example of how you and I are very similar, and dare I say how our wives are as well.  (I couldn't give a higher compliment to your wife).

Ms. K. and I have talked about it a few (or so) times before, and even incorporate it into our sex play.  Especially when I am wearing the strap-on harness over my cage with one of her favorite "boyfriends" (dildo) in it.  During our discussions, she agrees that if (a big if) it was to ever happen, it would have to be along the lines of him being nothing more than a human sex toy.  No romance. No dating. No conversation. No hanging around for cuddling or food after ... and absolutely no humiliation or degradation.  Just come in, give her a good rogering, and leave when she is finished with you. Something along the lines of a professional escort while we're out of town, kind of thing.  Plus, I'd have to be present.  Probably caged, but certainly present.

I've said in the past that I would similarly support such a decision by her under those strict circumstances.  Like you, I'm sure I'd have crazy anxiety too. 

"That having been said, given my convictions that a relationship would inevitably form and my confidence that she would simply be mistaken that she could separate sex and love ..."

Yeah, I completely get this.  A relationship would inevitably form if recurring opportunity and routine were part of the equation.


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Posted : 10/09/2023 10:00 am

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