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Re-engaging Chastity. How to Approach Subject?

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Mellifluous
(@mellifluous)
Posts: 2
Active Member
Topic starter
 

So, some background. My wife and I have been married for some time. We explored chastity for a few months a while back. About a year ago or something like that. Both of us enjoyed it and saw some great benefits in our relationship. There were also some struggles adjusting to it (her forgetting I was locked, me getting frustrated about feeling forgotten, etc) 

It all sort of faded out after a bit. I didn’t want to pressure my wife into having me lock up and left it fully up to her in the end. But it’s been over a year now and she hasn’t even made a mention of it. I figured if she enjoyed it as much as she said then she’d have me lock up again. 

I would love to start it up again because it is incredibly fun. But I’m not sure how to go about it at this point. Should I approach her? If so, how? Should I keep waiting? How can we discuss some of the struggles and do differently? Or, is it time I just toss the cage and call it a day? 

Open for any advice. 

 
Posted : 16/09/2023 3:47 pm
Allabouther
(@allabouther)
Posts: 297
Member
 

I think it depends upon if you have an FLR with your wife and the level of the FLR.  For example, my wife and I have a formal FLR.  I proposed written terms when we got engaged and these agreements were referenced in our wedding vows.  Under our rules, she owns all of my orgasms and all sex is for her pleasure.  Therefore, I have an orgasm when it gives her pleasure to permit it.  While I love the idea of chastity as a symbol and reminder of her control over my sex life, she has very little interest.  She doesn’t believe that it isn’t uncomfortable and she doesn’t need it to keep me from masturbating as I voluntarily agreed to stop masturbating without her presence or express permission.  So for me, my desire is trumped by her authority.  She doesn’t derive pleasure from my chastity, so I have learned to let it go.  In short, she makes the rules, which I love more than chastity, so I have given up on chastity to pursue the more meaningful goal of a full time FLR.

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Now, if you don’t have an FLR, then you can practice chastity for your pleasure.  You already know that she is familiar with it and is not creeped out.  So, as far as you are concerned, do what you enjoy.

The difficulty comes if you expect her to be involved.  If you try to require her involvement in your chastity, you will actually be the one in the dominant role expecting a kink dispenser.  Or, at a minimum she may feel you are simply engaging in manipulative behavior to get more/control more sex.  This is very off-putting to many woman who do not get off on submitting to their man’s sexual desires.

I suggest that you do some serious thinking about why you want chastity.  If it is about a deeper longing to be dominated and have an FLR, then pursue that, not just the device.  If you want to use it as a toy, then talk to her about it and agree how you can use it for fun to bring pleasure to both of you.

Good luck.

 
Posted : 17/09/2023 6:43 am
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