Having it both ways

I think this is spot on. I’m 61 now, and when I was much younger, I was much more “traditionally masculine”. But I always had submissive tendencies, and around age 25, started connecting with fully dominant women, either in dating relationships or BDSM mistress/slave relationships. Fast forward to age 37, when I met my wife. I really liked that she was assertive and “in control”, and I was okay with her being very conservative and vanilla. I just fell in love, and as we know, the heart wants what the heart wants. 

But after 7 years of marriage, she cut me off from sex and most physical intimacy completely. Bottom line, because of childhood sexual abuse, she doesn’t like to be touched at all, and after we had two kids, she decided she didn’t need to put up with it any more. 

But she’s taken control of our marriage in more and more ways. I don’t think she really likes it (I think under everything, she’s a bit of a submissive herself) but she knows I can’t do it. So she controls our sex life (zero), completely controls our finances, and makes all of the decisions, albeit in a way that makes it seem like my input is being considered. She’s just a very strong person who likes being in control and making all the decisions. And I am more than fine with all that. 

But I think she has lost some respect for me, since I defer to her on everything and I’m okay with being 100% denied for years at a time. And now that I’ve been self locking for a couple of years, and 15+ years without sex, my masculinity is basically gone. I’m very feminine in my outlook, attitude and behavior, and she definitely wears the pants and makes all the decisions in our marriage. And it seems like she does look down on me a bit for that. 

As long as it's just a temporary game, the man's masculinity won't change much. On the other hand, if it is lived out as a permanent, serious lifestyle, I am also sure that it will have completely different effects.
But I think a woman who emasculates her husband in this way also knows and accepts that he will not longer be able to be an alpha man, not even on demand.
If she absolutely needs a man like that, or at least masculinity, every now and then, then she will have to look into cuckolding. Problem solved.
You can't have it both ways? Sure it's possible. Just not with 1 man 😉

Posted by: @williamportor

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You Can't Have It Both Ways.

This the the problem with absolute statements.  Even a single example of its falsity is enough to disprove the premise.  So here is your example.  My wife is attracted to my alpha nature and openly comments that it is my strength that allows me to be submissive and vulnerable.  She simply would not have given me a second look if I were a beta male  I am alpha at work and she is alpha everywhere else.  One of the things that gets her off most is the fact that she dominates an alpha male, not a wimp.  I mean, what’s the big deal?  It doesn’t take anything special to dominate a wimp.  I own three businesses, hunt, shoot, smoke cigars, and play sports.  Yet, my submission deepens by the week.

My submission liberates me from having to be alpha all the time.  It is a refuge that reenergizes me to be my best when I am in my alpha space.

Perhaps, @williamporter’s statement may have some validity in reference to some beta males who struggle to pretend to be alphas because of the pressures of society and eventually become comfortable enough to give up the pretense.  Not only is it my experience that this broad overstatement is false, especially as it applies to alpha male submissives, I have not come across a single example of a truly alpha male who has had his fundamental character changed because he embraces submission to a strong, self confident woman in certain aspects of his life.

@allabouther

This is so very well said, my friend. Oh, and yeah, it's absolutely the truth.  Absolute statements have their place in the language that we've all agreed upon as the one we use.  'Always' and 'never' are so wildly misused and misapplied that their effective meanings have been rendered almost, well, meaningless.  And it becomes tedious to even engage in a conversation sometimes, let alone attempt to debate.

Your description of your wife's arousal at being supremely dominant over a man that is dominant in every other aspect of life, very accurately describes my beautiful Wife as well.

"Perhaps, @williamporter’s statement may have some validity in reference to some beta males who struggle to pretend to be alphas because of the pressures of society and eventually become comfortable enough to give up the pretense."

Yup, exactly this!  This communicative problem exists not only in our little kink world but in society in general.  In a society that embraces overall and general ignorance as a virtue (feelings over facts), the use of 'absolute statements' goes repeatedly unchallenged, and thus is likely to be consumed as actual truth, as opposed to opinion.  

"I have not come across a single example of a truly alpha male who has had his fundamental character changed because he embraces submission to a strong, self confident woman in certain aspects of his life."

I haven't either.  

Posted by: @allabouther

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Posted by: @williamportor

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You Can't Have It Both Ways.

This the the problem with absolute statements.  Even a single example of its falsity is enough to disprove the premise.  So here is your example.  My wife is attracted to my alpha nature and openly comments that it is my strength that allows me to be submissive and vulnerable.  She simply would not have given me a second look if I were a beta male  I am alpha at work and she is alpha everywhere else.  One of the things that gets her off most is the fact that she dominates an alpha male, not a wimp.  I mean, what’s the big deal?  It doesn’t take anything special to dominate a wimp.  I own three businesses, hunt, shoot, smoke cigars, and play sports.  Yet, my submission deepens by the week.

My submission liberates me from having to be alpha all the time.  It is a refuge that reenergizes me to be my best when I am in my alpha space.

Perhaps, @williamporter’s statement may have some validity in reference to some beta males who struggle to pretend to be alphas because of the pressures of society and eventually become comfortable enough to give up the pretense.  Not only is it my experience that this broad overstatement is false, especially as it applies to alpha male submissives, I have not come across a single example of a truly alpha male who has had his fundamental character changed because he embraces submission to a strong, self confident woman in certain aspects of his life.

Not only is it my experience that this broad overstatement is false, especially as it applies to alpha male submissives.

With all due respect, it's not an overstatement and its not false, and the term "alpha male submissive" is an oxymoron.  

Posted by: @williamportor

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the term "alpha male submissive" is an oxymoron

I've been called a lot of things in my life.  An oxymoron is not one of them.  I guess there is a first for everything.  

Have to disagree with this. I can do great Alpha whenever my wife tells me to.

The one thing I've learned absolutely is absolutes aren't absolutely absolute!!