Question for the men about cuckolding.

Myself as a single male, I guess I mainly get turned on by imagining myself as the "bull" though I am not hung like a male porno star.  One attraction to this would be the exhibitionist angle.  Usually someone, or some people are watching.  I think for me that is the main fantasy aspect I might get from it.   If I was in a relationship, I don't think I would enjoy my wife fooling around on me.  But who knows?  Somethings that are "fantasy" may not be so enjoyable in reality, while other things I never thought of might be more fun than I imagined.

I mentioned in my intro post that I've done quite a bit of research into non-monogamy relationship dynamics, and this included the hotwife & cuckold lifestyles as well.

Regarding cuckolding, I observed that it could often be split into 2 flavours: female-oriented, and male-oriented. The male-oriented examples were more likely to bother me. They tended to be more likely to use people as props, be that the wife or the other man. They tended to involve more micro-management of scenes and scenarios. Often, they tended to be designed to realize a fantasy image of the husband as a primary objective. They would originate from the husband (his fantasy), be facilitated and organized by the husband (he picks the time, place, and other man), and be structured and parameterized by the husband (the rules are: don't get emotionally connected, enjoy it but don't enjoy it too much, and make sure to do this exact thing but not this thing).

Female-oriented cuckolding could originate from either partner initially (which is why I didn't call it wife-oriented), but tended to be more directed and influenced by the woman. This is the flavour I prefer. It is more likely to acknowledge those involved are actually people, and it tends to put more value on connection and experience than on specific activity. Personally, I spent time as a dominant other man to the wife of a married FLR/femdom couple. In our situation, the wife and husband both had input on the parameters of the wife's exploration, but she was free to explore her other relationship (with me) in a way that included some emotional depth. Her husband was happy for her enjoyment, and experienced compersion and submissive pleasure from the knowledge that she was enjoying sexual pleasures she had not before.

To answer the specific OP question, some things men seek from cuckolding scenarios:

- Seeing his wife/partner experience pleasure (not necessarily in person, but at least being made aware of it)
- Helping to facilitate the sexual growth and experience of his partner (maybe she can enjoy things with the other man that she doesn't or can't with him, or perhaps experience something new that she wouldn't ever get to otherwise)
- Developing of intimacy (cuckolding can invoke discussions that expose elements of people that might not otherwise be shown)
- Validation of trust (the acts can actually help with insecurity, especially if communication is good and the wife is good at reading her husband and evaluating his mental state)
- Mutual appreciation (cuckolds like when their wives acknowledge and appreciate the opportunity they are being given to explore intimacy with another partner)

Then there are less universal, more individual/fetish interests:

- Vicarious exploration (some cuckolds seem to be in awe of female sexuality and want to explore it through their wives: being 'slutty', being promiscuous, being seduced, etc)
- Humiliation and denial (some cuckolds want to sexualize certain psychologies or personal limitations/factors, and humiliation play seems to help this - the husband of the couple I was involved with had this interest)
- Bisexual exploration (some husbands have same-sex interests but aren't inclined to seek a homosexual connection of their own, so having their wife involved with other men can help them explore these areas, at least mentally. This is connected to the vicarious exploration I mentioned above)
- The taboo (some people just like diverging from the norm, and non-traditional activities are fun and exciting to them)

Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

What do you seek from your cuckold fantasy? What sorts of things would you find most arousing in a cuckold experience?

So, Emma, we know you don’t like the label “cuckold,” but what does Kev seek from and find arousing about sharing you with Andrew?

@allabouther I'm actually quite warming up to the term, I have a blog coming up with some more details about my changing views about the topic. Stay tuned. It comes down to compersion and watching me enjoying myself and fulfilled sexually.

Posted by: @evolvingyourman_ivcr4j

I have a blog coming up with some more details about my changing views about the topic. Stay tuned

@evolvingyourman_ivcr4j  We've been waiting patiently.  (Well, maybe not so patiently.)  Lay it on us!

One thing I missed in my previous post: a benefit to husbands in cuckold scenarios is that wives tend to experience supercharged sex-drives, at least for a while. Women often find that the more sex they have, the more they want. Combining this with the novelty, the psychological validation of being desired by another man, plus the requisite loosening of adherence to typical societal restrictions on female sexuality necessary to explore nonmonogamy, many wives in such situations find they have a higher libido than at any other time in their lives (not universally -their are other phases some women experience that might be even higher, often hormonally related). Husbands generally prefer their wives to have more interest in sex rather than less, so it is definitely a plus to men. As for men who might be in chastity... well, I assume it is still the same, despite the obviously increased frustration they might experience from observing this phenomenon but not necessarily enjoying more orgasms :).

Posted by: @teachertricks

Regarding cuckolding, I observed that it could often be split into 2 flavours: female-oriented, and male-oriented. The male-oriented examples were more likely to bother me. They tended to be more likely to use people as props, be that the wife or the other man. They tended to involve more micro-management of scenes and scenarios. Often, they tended to be designed to realize a fantasy image of the husband as a primary objective. They would originate from the husband (his fantasy), be facilitated and organized by the husband (he picks the time, place, and other man), and be structured and parameterized by the husband (the rules are: don't get emotionally connected, enjoy it but don't enjoy it too much, and make sure to do this exact thing but not this thing).

Yeah ... he's on to something.  

I do wish there was less blather or concern about the precise use and importance of correctly identifying labels for the fun, kinky, naughty things we like to do.  More so for those very same things that others enjoy doing.  Cuckolding ... cuckqueaning (yeah, it's a pretty thing) ... hot-wifing ... swinging ... fucking other people ... alpha sub ... beta sub, and so on.  So many labels and so much concern about applying those labels.

We perverts should all be happy being (fill in blank here) and fly that freak flag proudly!

I supposed that cuckold fantasies are for men who like to be jealous, thus they have more desire for their wives. But I think I'm wrong

@teachertricks It has certainly been my experience that cuckolding supercharged our sex life.  Some men may think that a woman’s sexual energy is a finite resource and that when a wife has sex with a lover, the lover is taking something away from the husband.  I have found the opposite to be true: the excitement of extramarital sex increases my wife’s desire to play with me.

Posted by: @phil0110

I supposed that cuckold fantasies are for men who like to be jealous

I don't think it's about jealousy. Rather, it's about compersion. The desire of one partner for the other partner to be sexually fulfilled is strong in many people. Cuckolding is one path for some people to achieve it.

We don't have interest in cuckolding, but my wife will incorporate some aspects of it by taunting me while edging me using SPH. When I get close, I'm required to ask permission to cum. This reinforces my submissiveness to her by asking to cum, while at the same time giving her enough warning to prevent any accidents.

There are times when she denies my orgasm by telling me that only big cocks cum and my little footboy cock doesn't deserve to cum. Then she'll tell me she wishes she had a big cock to jerk off, instead of my baby cock.

That's as close as we get to cuckolding - just the dirty talk. But it serves to two purposes. It provides an emphasis on my denial and a contrast to something else that is allowed to cum, which raises my arousal level at the time of the edge. She's so fantastic that way, always saying the exact right thing at the exact right time.

Posted by: @gtsfootboy

That's as close as we get to cuckolding - just the dirty talk.

Do the two of you ever discuss that this may be a gateway to further exploration of her fucking other men, or even perhaps actually getting there?  Is that ever a concern?

@subhubphx Yes, we've talked about it. It's not something she's interested in at all.

@gtsfootboy your situation is nearly identical to ours.  We've talked about it.  Currently, She has no interest.