Looking for help

@fullmoon96

Welcome to the site and congratulations on the Christmas present! Guys sometimes give a gift like that after watching chastity porn for literally years. They have a perfect idea of what this fantasy means to them and they expect you to know as well. It sounds like your guy hasn't quite communicated all of the details to you. That's ok, I'll give you a quick summary.

Chastity is what you make of it. For some couples, it is a way of life and other couples it is a game that is played from time to time. The basic premise for both is for the woman to be in charge, assertive, confident, strong willed and sexually aggressive. When you lock his penis in the holy trainer device, the man magically becomes obedient, loving and submissive. For some couples, this is something that is part of a tease and denial fetish and is done for an hour or two at a time. The cage rarely leaves the bedroom. For other couples, the cage is locked on for days or weeks at a time.

If the first scenario is what he had in mind with the cage, go for it! Have a good time and lock him up and play the role of the assertive woman and feed off the submissive energy that he shows. Lock it up, do it quickly. Then you can parade around in some sexy lingerie and watch him regret his decision to purchase this particular type of gift. It is quite addicting for a man to be denied something so essential to him.

If the second scenario is what you had in mind, lock him up now and wait for an hour or two. Unlock him and tell him that he did a good job. Maybe a stroke of his penis or two. Wait a few days and try it again but go for a few more hours and maybe leave the house to run some errands with him while he is locked. Once you get home, repeat the same thing and unlock him with some touching and kind words. Wait a few more days and try it once more, see if he can go overnight with the cage on. Note that you will need to keep the key nearby because sleeping in the cage can be uncomfortable. Nighttime erections happen and those will stretch the limits of the cage. Once he urinates, it should make the erection go away and he should be able to get back to sleep. After a day or two he will talk incessantly about it. Seriously, it gets obnoxious. Have a kind heart about it but put an end to the conversation when you are through hearing about it. If he keeps bringing it up, you can extend the amount of time that you will be locking him. If it still continues and the lockup extension doesn't seem effective you can tell him you will remove it at any time but if the cage comes off and he doesn't want to play by your rules, you won't be playing this game again. At least not for some time.

After the third day, you will notice a dramatic difference in him. His demeanor will change, he will be more emotionally available and more chivalrous. He will be vying to give you attention like he was when you first started dating. For my boyfriend and I, this usually lasts another 4-7 days before begins to get cranky, depressed, frustrated and resentful. I don't like dealing with that so we usually unlock him every 7 days and repeat weekly. The 7 day cycle is easy for me to schedule and if we have to adjust from one week to the next we can easily do so.

Here are some blogs that I recommend to get you started.

https://www.evolvingyourman.com/2019/04/09/lock-him-up-for-date-night/
https://www.evolvingyourman.com/2020/09/03/the-ideal-penis-is-locked/
https://www.evolvingyourman.com/2020/01/10/talk-to-him-about-masturbation/
https://www.evolvingyourman.com/2019/11/24/chastity-husband-manifesto-tumbelina/
https://www.evolvingyourman.com/2019/04/18/attraction-courtship/
https://www.evolvingyourman.com/2019/04/11/introduction-what-is-chastity/
https://www.evolvingyourman.com/2019/04/10/the-sex-barter-system/

Hopefully that helps, continue to explore the site and let us know how it goes!

This all seems so overwhelming and there is so much reading to do. Can you break it down for me into something simple? Where do I even start. Just lock him up and start bossing him around? I can't get a grasp on this.

Hello @fullmoon96

Don’t worry if you are feeling overwhelmed by all the information Emma has given you.

Nothing happens without you initiating it and the great thing about this is that you are the “lead” in this and whatever “does” happen, will happen at the pace you are comfortable with.

As Emma mentioned, it is likely your partner has been getting used to this subject for quite some time, and developing his own expectations and preferences for what is important to him.

On the either hand, you are only just discovering what this is,

And you are going to find that “what” this is changes drastically from couple to couple and person to person.

My advice, as Emma has said many times before, is communicate with your partner and have him explain “exactly” what this looks like in his fantasies.

As nothing you can find anywhere will tell you what he wants other than him.

Aaand...

Once you have an idea of what he wants, then go back to Emma’s advice and read her blogs that give a better insight into this whole thing.

Remember.

Nothing happens without you making it happen.

So your partner will just have to be patient whilst you figure out what you make of all this for yourself.

This blog is a great resource to have found, Emma really has accumulated the best (and most healthy) information on this subject compared with elsewhere on the internet.

And it helps immensely that it is all written from the female perspective.

I wish you luck and patience and hope that you discover the benefits that await you both if you persevere.

Posted by: @fullmoon96

This all seems so overwhelming and there is so much reading to do. Can you break it down for me into something simple? Where do I even start. Just lock him up and start bossing him around? I can't get a grasp on this.

It is tough to tell tone over the internet but it sounds like you may be frustrated at the way this was introduced. If you are feeling resentful, I'd suggest that you take a step back and not try to jump into this right away. I'd have some conversations first and maybe help him understand how new this is to you.