If you believe everything you read on the internet, the female led or cuckold marriage is about a woman who ignores her pathetic husband at home and simply does whatever she will with whomever she wants. This isn’t reality, that relationship isn’t sustainable and will quickly end. After all, what is she getting from the husband aside from some emotional support and her bills paid. What is he getting aside from perhaps some kinky stories of his wife’s sexual adventures. How long do you think the hotness of this will last? If she keeps him chaste, how long do you think he will find this enjoyable? This relationship isn’t sustainable at least not happily sustainable. The key to maintaining a healthy female leadership role in the relationship by making the fantasy about him rather than something he witnesses through her. He isn’t a passenger, he is very much an equal participant. He is the reason that you are able to experience the wicked cuckoldry and let’s be completely honest, it makes it so much better to know that he is at wanting and waiting.
Why do it?
Couples enter into female led relationships for many reasons but the interest usually stems from an established couple where sexual energy has diminished. That chemical newness exists in a relationship for a period of time but it goes away and the appeal of sexual newness outside of the relationship becomes intriguing. If you jumped from relationship to relationship every time the newness wore off, you would never allow yourself to experience true depth with a partner. As that newness fades, men often feel inadequate and often sexualize their insecurities. Could he be a little thinner, slightly more fit, does he wish for a bigger penis or how about lasting longer in bed? Those types of things are trivial at the beginning of the relationship when you are infatuated with each other but his mind will start to wonder if those are the reasons why your sexual interest with him is fading.
Maintaining a healthy sexual relationship that involves BDSM, cuckoldry of any kind and elements of humiliation requires even more attention to communication, trust, and consent than in a typical relationship. Here are some guidelines to help couples navigate such a relationship safely and consensually:
- Open and Honest Communication: Communication is the foundation of any healthy BDSM relationship. Discuss your desires, boundaries, and limits openly and honestly with your partner. Share your fantasies and expectations to ensure both partners are on the same page.
- Establish Trust: Trust is paramount in BDSM relationships. Both partners must trust each other implicitly, knowing that their boundaries will be respected. Trust is built over time through communication, respect, and fulfilling promises.
- Clear Consent: Always prioritize clear and enthusiastic consent. Establish a safe word or signal that can be used to stop the activity if anyone feels uncomfortable or wants to halt the scene. Consent should be ongoing and can be withdrawn at any time.
- Education: Educate yourselves about the activities involved in BDSM, including the safety measures, risks, and techniques. Understanding the physical and psychological aspects of BDSM is crucial to engaging in these activities safely.
- Start Slow: If you’re new to BDSM or incorporating elements of humiliation, start slowly and gradually increase the intensity of your play. Give yourselves time to adjust and understand each other’s limits.
- Aftercare: After a BDSM scene, it’s important to provide aftercare, which involves emotional and physical support to help your partner recover and feel safe and cared for. This may include cuddling, reassurance, or just spending time together.
- Consent and Boundaries: Regularly revisit and discuss your limits, desires, and boundaries. As your relationship evolves, your preferences may change, so ongoing communication is essential.
- Respect and Respect Limits: Always respect your partner’s limits and boundaries. If a particular activity or level of humiliation makes your partner uncomfortable, it should be avoided.
- Safety Measures: Be well-prepared for BDSM activities, including having appropriate tools, restraints, and safety equipment on hand. Educate yourselves on techniques to minimize the risk of injury.
- Seek Guidance: If you’re new to BDSM or feel unsure about certain aspects, consider seeking guidance from experienced individuals or attending workshops or educational events. There are many resources available to help you learn more about BDSM safely.
- Non-judgmental Attitude: Maintain a non-judgmental and supportive attitude towards each other’s desires and interests. Remember that BDSM is consensual and should not be used as a means to harm or demean your partner outside of the agreed-upon role-play.
- Professional Help: If you find that engaging in BDSM and humiliation is affecting your emotional well-being or causing distress, consider seeking the assistance of a qualified therapist or counselor with expertise in this area.
Incorporating BDSM and humiliation into a sexual relationship can be a fulfilling and enjoyable experience for some couples. However, it requires a deep level of trust, communication, and mutual consent to ensure the well-being of both partners. Always prioritize safety, consent, and respect in your activities and interactions.
The Fantasy Should Revolve Around Him
The tease is about the journey and the journey is about the tease. We’ve established why one would want to have a female led relationship but how do you determine boundaries and with whom the fantasy should revolve. The fantasy should revolve around him and his relevance to your sexuality. We know that you are a sexual creature, it is no secret that the beautiful lingerie makes you look absolutely stunning. There is no question that you walk into a room and all eyes are on you. Harnessing his role in that sexuality is what defines a true female led or cuckold relationship. When he looks at you, does he see his own inadequacy or does he see you as a sexual woman who loves his heart despite his perceived physical inadequacies? Men are problem solvers and have an innate need to serve and please women, it is deeply engrained in him. If he knows that he isn’t your sexual fantasy, he knows that he can be your heart or soulmate and help you to solve the sexual problem with other means. This shift in the dichotomy of sexual relationship doesn’t mean that he has any fewer needs. He still needs to feel a sexual purpose in the relationship even if your sexual energy is going elsewhere. He needs to have that carnal, lustful energy met by BDSM, humiliation or other means.
Make Male Chastity About Him
When you lock him up, remind him that the purpose is to redirect his sexual energy to you. You are withholding his access from his sexual organ so he can more freely give of his emotional love. His sexual frustration is redirected into emotional energy and it can be difficult for him to manage on his own. By focusing on his needs, together you can navigate the chastity journey. When you focus on teasing him and causing his hormones to flare up, he stays in a constant state of arousal and excitement. While it may not be met with orgasm, it will be directed toward you, your physical and emotional needs.
Make Cuckolding About Him
When you go out on a date, put on a show for the sake of your loving cuck. I’m sorry that I need to go out tonight to get my most basic physical needs met but you know that you don’t satisfy me anymore. Kiss me and help me get dressed for my date tonight. What does this do? This reinforces his value to you and reminds him that he is your heart despite your energies going elsewhere. When you return from your date, come up with rituals to spend time showing him that he holds a purpose in your life. I love when you eat me out after I’ve been on a date. Knowing that I have your support even though you can’t satisfy me in that way makes me feel so wonderful. What about BDSM? What about Male Chastity? Shifting your views for those items is key to
Make Pegging About Him
How does it feel when a man tells you that he wants to have sex with you, to make you his? It can feel comforting, safe and certainly arousing. What other words would you use to describe the way it feels when you know that someone intends to woo you and get into your trousers? You know that they desire you, that they want to feel you accept them inside you and submit to your sexual energy. How can you make that same energy about pegging? Communication is key when it comes to redirecting that energy. Pegging can be a sensual experience or you can be more dominant. One night you can be a sensual domme and the next night you can be more commanding. Whatever you do, make it about his needs as much as yours. I can’t wait until we get home tonight, I want to bend you over our bed tonight and fuck that tight ass. That seems almost silly, over the top and porno-esque. Guess what? He needs it. Just as you want to feel needed by your sexual conquistador, he wants to feel like you are his sexual prize. He wants to know that you cannot wait to feel his quivering body as you enter him. He wants to know that you cannot wait to feel the sexual power of topping him.
Make Humiliation and SPH About Him
How can humiliation be about him and his needs? Easy, humiliation transfers his value from one part of him to another. Babe your penis is tiny and useless but you are such a caring and loving partner. See what I did there? I devalued his penis but I added value to his other attributes. Some would call that a backhanded compliment, and it absolutely is. Humiliation shows him that you still love him despite his perceived sexual value to you which is presumably quite low. Is it healthy to have a low sexual value to your partner? It can be healthy, in fact many relationships have unbalanced sexual energy of all different types. SPH plays on that sexual imbalance in unique and titillating ways. I love watching his blood flow and his arousal go off the charts when I tease him and the more attention I give him, the more we thrive on the energy together. Just remember that you are playing into his arousal cycle and not his feelings so it is important to separate the fantasy from the reality with rich and loving aftercare.
Owning His Sexuality
This is all about being verbal with your intended fantasies and asking yourself, how can I make this about him. His sexuality is owned and not diminished. His sexual energy isn’t minimized, it is harnessed. His power is in his submission and your power is in your dominance. When he submits to you, it has tremendous meaning and value. When you dominate him, he is accepting your dominance and giving you control. If you want to tie him up, it shouldn’t be because he asked you to tie him up. When you tie him up, it should be because you want to feel him submit himself completely to you. You want to feel him relinquish control and you want to know that he relies on your completely for getting through the situation together. Be demanding with the sexual things you want from him even if you don’t really want them. The fact that you are intentional about what you want him to do will mean the world to him and will further develop his sexual energy.
His Sexual Worth
His sexuality has value. His penis deserves praise in whatever form it might deserve. His body deserves appreciation in whatever form that might require. For example, Kev knows that I appreciate his body. Even though his lean body doesn’t exude stereotypical masculinity, it exudes confidence inspiring partnership. When he is permitted an orgasm he gets resounding praise which is sometime accompanied by humiliation and other times not. Look at your little guy spurt, thank you for letting me enjoy that with you my love. He knows I love him and he knows that I love watching him cum for me, his weekly releases are honestly some of the hottest sexual experiences ever because we experience the week’s ups and downs together and we experience his sexuality together, as one. I understand that he needs cuddles after his cummies and he loves to connect physically after we enjoy his cummy together.
What Does Sex Mean to Him?
Sex is one of the few things in his life that reminds him that he is a man and many women don’t appreciate how important and powerful that is to him. When a woman initiates sexual attention of any kind, it means that he is desired and worthy of sexual attention. Sexual attention opens communication and allows him to feel comfortable and vulnerable with you. Most men are physically modest while most men are emotionally modest where he needs to feel safe and private before he can open up to you. Strong sexual energy and desire will allow him to communicate in ways that he is otherwise unable. When a man wants sex from a woman, he may simply be wanting to heighten the level of connection with her. This is why I recommend the halfway open marriage because while sex for women is one of many ways that we can get our oxytocin hit, men see sex as a form of deep connection and bond. Give your energy in a way that rewards him for his acceptance of the openness in your marriage and your willingness to get your physical needs met outside of your relationship.
Nicely done Emma! I still get excited when I get notified that you have a new blog post because you always deliver. Thank you.
Another well-thought-out and articulated post that is most certainly destined to aid others in or who want to be in a female-led relationship/Wife-Led Marriage. I agree with the premise of the post in that safeguarding the relationship at its core is paramount and that deep, meaningful communication is the only path both parties must never stray from in order to preserve the essential elements you have numbered above and others.
I realize each couple and each person involved is different both in terms of what fetishes they enjoy and wish to participate in, as well as their unique perception of what the “labels” of those fetishes mean to them. For some, the perceptions that are taken for granted are exciting to imagine/participate in, while others’ perceptions of those same things are cringe-worthy and make no sense to them at all. The beautiful thing about any so-called ‘deviant’ or alternate lifestyle is that it is a matter of personal preference, and I believe others living their own version of an alternate lifestyle accept, support, and celebrate others more than, say, vanillas do. It’s one of the things I appreciate most about the brothers and sisters I have here and in other places.
For example;
All that said, I know it could be successfully argued that there is a sufficient amount of perceived humiliation in any WLM for things like pegging, orgasm control, wearing a chastity cage full-time, wearing panties and a butt plug to the office, etc. I guess for us, these things and others would be the acceptable level of humiliation necessary to fuel our love for each other. All the while knowing and being excited about what is yet to cum for. in terms of new adventures, boundaries, and the depth of our love for each other. Anything is possible!
Speaking of evolving (see what I did there?), ever since being a permanently caged submissive husband to my Wife, the primary source of my sexual attention, thoughts, and desire have gone from my cock to being pegged. Even in our casual language, when Mistress K. tells me that I am a “good boy and good boys get treats” (God I love that), it is usually accompanied by a comment or question like “Are you trying to earn my cock?” (God, I love that too). Clearly, to most reasonable people, this fits smack dab in the middle of the definition of humiliation. Especially for a man who claims to be Alpha in the world, is a real-world leader to many, and a mentor to several. Yep, I get it and understand fully that perceptions can complicate communication and language very easily.
This is why contrary comments need to be preceded by some version of “For me …”. Even though I could never accept some of the things Emma and Kev have and do in their lives, I am mesmerized, interested, and utterly fascinated by them. Above everything else, I support and am happy for them to have found such happiness with each other. Maybe even with a small bit of envy as well.
I apologize for the dictionary-sized comment. If you’ve made it this far … I appreciate you.