Like many of you, my husband is pussy free some of the time but we ran into a problem that came up in therapy and my husband is beginning to struggle in terms of associating me as a source of sexual arousal. Our therapist is aware of the dynamic in our relationship but consulted with a colleague and eventually to her mentor.
They came to the consensus that my husband has lost sexual association with me. This happens naturally in some relationships when couples enter the ill fated friend zone. To make matters worse my husband is desensitized to sexual stimuli from watching me with my boyfriend (bull).
Sexual association within relationships can encompass a variety of dynamics, preferences, and meanings for different individuals. It’s important to recognize that each relationship is unique and may involve its own set of understandings and agreements regarding sexual expression and intimacy.
For many people, sexual association in a relationship involves physical intimacy, which can include sexual intercourse, kissing, hugging, cuddling, and other forms of touch. Physical intimacy is often a way for partners to express love, desire, and closeness. Sexual association can also be deeply tied to emotional connection and needn’t be tied directly to sex. For some individuals, feeling emotionally connected to their partner is a prerequisite for engaging in sexual activity. Emotional intimacy can enhance the overall sexual experience and strengthen the bond between partners. I love and cherish an emotionally intimate connection that I have with Kev and I don’t seek to replace it elsewhere.
Open and honest communication is essential when it comes to sexual association in relationships. Partners should feel comfortable discussing their desires, boundaries, and any concerns they may have about their sexual relationship. Effective communication can help ensure that both partners’ needs are met and that any issues are addressed promptly. In healthy relationships, sexual association should be mutually satisfying for both partners. This means that both individuals should feel valued, respected, and fulfilled in their sexual experiences together. It’s important for partners to be attentive to each other’s needs and desires and to prioritize mutual pleasure and satisfaction. Even in a a relationship where orgasm denial is present, the denial must be consensual for the relationship to prosper, he must willingly lay his sword at your feet and accept chastity as a tribute to you and your relationship.
Consent is a fundamental aspect of sexual association in any relationship. Both partners must freely and enthusiastically consent to any sexual activity, and consent should be ongoing and reversible. Additionally, respecting each other’s boundaries, preferences, and autonomy is crucial for maintaining a healthy and respectful sexual relationship.
Sexual association in relationships can involve a wide range of activities and preferences. Some couples may enjoy exploring new sexual experiences together, some may explore new experiences separately while others may prefer to stick to familiar routines. It’s essential for partners to be open-minded and non-judgmental when discussing their sexual desires and fantasies. Even if a fantasy is something that you would never be interested in, it is key that both partners feel safe and comfortable communicating them. Prioritizing physical and mental well-being is essential for a fulfilling sexual relationship. This includes practicing safe sex, getting regular health check-ups, and being mindful of how stress, fatigue, length of denial and other factors can impact sexual desire and performance. Any humiliation or aspects that draw mental energy should be supplanted with aftercare and strong sexual reassurance.
Ultimately, sexual association in relationships is a deeply personal and nuanced aspect of human connection. It’s important for partners to communicate openly, show mutual respect and understanding, and prioritize each other’s satisfaction and well-being.
When couples lose physical intimacy in their relationships, it can have consequences, both on the relationship itself and on the individuals involved. Physical intimacy often acts as a way for couples to connect emotionally. When physical intimacy diminishes or disappears including intentionally as part of play dynamic, it can lead to feelings of emotional distance between partners. This may result in a sense of loneliness or disconnection within the relationship.
Physical intimacy is an important component of many romantic relationships, and its absence can lead to decreased overall satisfaction with the relationship. Couples may feel less fulfilled or content with their partnership when they are not experiencing physical closeness. A lack of physical intimacy can sometimes be a symptom of underlying communication issues within the relationship. Partners may struggle to express their needs, desires, or concerns openly, leading to misunderstandings or resentment.
The absence of physical intimacy can sometimes lead to increased tension or conflict within the relationship. Partners may feel frustrated or rejected, which can manifest in arguments or disagreements about other aspects of the relationship. Physical intimacy often serves as a way for couples to bond and feel connected to one another. When this aspect of the relationship diminishes, couples may experience a sense of loss or detachment from each other. Partners may start to question their attractiveness or desirability if they feel rejected or unfulfilled in the relationship. In some cases, one or both partners may seek physical intimacy outside of the relationship if their needs are not being met within it. This can lead to infidelity or the breakdown of the relationship if trust is violated. Couples who are experiencing a loss of physical intimacy may benefit from seeking professional help, such as couples therapy or sex therapy. These professionals can help couples identify underlying issues, improve communication, and explore strategies for rebuilding physical intimacy in the relationship.
It’s important for couples to address any issues related to physical intimacy early on and work together to find solutions that meet both partners’ needs. This may involve open and honest communication, a willingness to explore new ways of connecting, and a commitment to prioritizing the health and happiness of the relationship.
Kev has never been full time lockup and certainly never pussy free but now we are; at the behest of our therapist going to try something different. My husband will ejaculate once or more per day and we will associate with an article of clothing or a towel that I lay out on the bed to beckon a release from him. I want him to crave his sexuality from me and be flatly denied. Having a eunich for a husband is not my preference. I want him to want something that he can’t have or at least can’t have frequently.
Emptying the towel in the toilet or rinsing it down the drain of the sink shows how insignificant those little swimmers are and should help to keep his sexual fire burning in a controlled burn rather than smoldering embers or the wet log state that we were quickly approaching.
I drew some interesting parallels to my own sexual conditioning that led us to this point in our marriage. My new and novel sexual experiences were never focused around Kev and they were focused away from Kev. The sexuality that my mind associated with Kev was repetitive and often felt mundane. New and sexually adventurous experiences didn’t often involve Kev. I’d like to exercise caution to prioritize your partner or risk changing your sexual dynamic. Females and males aren’t too different, we are wired in much the same way sexually. We crave newness and we crave consistency, in our society those two needs are at distinct odds with each other.
Kevin and I are fine but we are continuing to seek greater expansion and understanding of our own sexual needs especially those that involve and revolve around his chaste sexuality and my other partners.
For those of you employ orgasm denial in your relationships, have you noticed any sexual apathy conditioning or does the flame still burn as strong as ever? How about your own sexual flame as it relates to your partner?
Thank you for this post, Emma. It’s more than just important. It’s absolutely essential for ANY couple that plans on being together until ‘death do us part’.
“Kev has never been full time lockup and certainly never pussy free but now we are; at the behest of our therapist going to try something different.
Sorry for being a dope, but I’m confused here. Are you saying that Kev is, or is not, now caged full-time and also pussy free?
My husband will ejaculate once or more per day and we will associate with an article of clothing or a towel that I lay out on the bed to beckon a release from him. I want him to crave his sexuality from me and be flatly denied. Having a eunich for a husband is not my preference. I want him to want something that he can’t have or at least can’t have frequently.”
More confusion on my part. Sorry. Will his daily ejaculation come from a purposeful orgasm, or is it merely an ejaculation (ruined or prostate stimulation)? Not sure how cumming on a towel or a piece of clothing (I assume yours), will condition him to want something (I presume you) that he can’t have. Are you saying that if he wasn’t allowed to ejaculate, let alone daily, he would feel like a eunuch, because it would be a substitute for having sex with you? This is all very interesting.
“I drew some interesting parallels to my own sexual conditioning that led us to this point in our marriage. My new and novel sexual experiences were never focused around Kev and they were focused away from Kev. The sexuality that my mind associated with Kev was repetitive and often felt mundane. New and sexually adventurous experiences didn’t often involve Kev. I’d like to exercise caution to prioritize your partner or risk changing your sexual dynamic. Females and males aren’t too different, we are wired in much the same way sexually. We crave newness and we crave consistency, in our society those two needs are at distinct odds with each other.”
Has being excluded, and being humiliated about not being worthy enough to have proper sex with you, his wife, taken its toll on Kev? Did you always feel that sex with your husband was mundane and unsatisfying, or did you come to feel that way over time, as you began to take on other lovers? In other words, did you feel and demonstrate less affection toward him during this time that led you “to this point in your marriage”?
Emma, please know I am not banging on you, but rather I’m just curious. As you know, I have strong feelings about cuckolding. Although your words in this post are awesome and spot on, in my opinion, we all evolve (see what I did there?), and for the cucked husband, it seems inevitable to me that eventually there will be a feeling of having lost his wife in some form, like she will no longer respect him, or worse, he no longer respects her. Perhaps causing him to eventually have to choose between acting like it is all still ok, asking her to stop fucking other men, or divorce. None of those are viable, healthy options for the husband or the wife.
“For those of you employ orgasm denial in your relationships, have you noticed any sexual apathy conditioning or does the flame still burn as strong as ever? How about your own sexual flame as it relates to your partner?”
I believe chastity and cuckolding are vastly different creatures when it comes to the potential dangers you describe in this post. I agree wholeheartedly that each of them requires complete and deep communication. With chastity, there are clear dangers associated with an ‘ignore and deny’ existence. A chaste husband requires more sexual attention, not less. It doesn’t have to include his penis or his orgasm, and often doesn’t, but when those resentment feelings ebb and flow, recovery and correction for the couple are far easier to achieve than resentment that includes a man’s wife having sex with other men, because the carnal knowledge the wife had cannot be forgotten.
For us, (mostly) permanent caging and significant orgasm restriction for me has been precisely what we had hoped to accomplish. A better, deeper, and a more sexually intimate relationship than we ever thought possible. Mistress K. has exactly the amount and type of sex that she desires, whenever she desires it, which contributes greatly to our main … a life filled with bliss for her … which in turn fills me with happiness. Will that include cuckolding someday? Probably not, but that possibility will always exist and will always be entirely up to her.
So to answer your question (finally, I know), yes, we have experienced some periods of apathy, but no, it hasn’t conditioned either of us. We work really hard at avoiding that.
Great to see you back on the air again here Emma. We missed you. Good luck and Godspeed to you and Kev in your life journey. With your hands on the wheel, you’ll surely end up steering the ship to paradise.
“My husband will ejaculate once or more per day and we will associate with an article of clothing or a towel that I lay out on the bed to beckon a release from him.”
This could be a neat tie in with one of your previous posts “Can You Create A Fetish”
(https://www.evolvingyourman.com/2019/08/07/can-you-create-a-fetish/)
Anyway, glad you two are ok, thanks for the post
For those of you employ orgasm denial in your relationships, have you noticed any sexual apathy conditioning or does the flame still burn as strong as ever? How about your own sexual flame as it relates to your partner?
My wife and I wholeheartedly employ orgasm denial in our relationship. In fact, we do it precisely because we want to enhance my sexual association with my wife. We agree with @subhubphx that “ignore and deny” is a recipe for disaster. And while we believe others who report that cuckolding has not led to the humiliation of, and resentment by, the man in the relationship, we just don’t see how that could ever be the case for us. Perhaps we are simply not experienced enough.
Our orgasm denial is a very active, rather than passive, practice for us. It is the opposite of “ignore and deny.” As a result, our intimacy (of every kind) has increased dramatically, as has the frequency of our sexual intimacy. For example, on average over the last two months we have been sexually intimate more than 4 times a week. In those sixty-two days we have been intimate 37 times, but the clear majority of those times (23) I either service her before being totally denied any sexual contact for myself, or I am teased and denied, or given a ruined orgasm.
Maybe we are atypical, but we have been together for 7.5 years, and neither of us has an urge for any “strange.” I am allowed an orgasm only slightly more often than Kev (once every five days or so, rather than every seven days). But, our sex is more frequent, creative, and fulfilling than ever. My wife’s orgasms are far more numerous and powerful than ever as well. The only thing that has been reduced is the number of my orgasms.
Oh, wow, shocking! You make a regular practice of making your husband watch you get fucked by other men and he doesn’t see you sexually appealing anymore.
I just wonder what could be the issue there?
Hey! I know what can solve this problem…infact it could solve ALL heterosexual marriage problems where the woman feels that her husband is not enough for her: FEMALE CHASTITY, ANAL SEX and CUCKQUEANING!
Oh! And after he’s finished, make sure to suck her juices off his cock and thank her for satisfying him in a way that you know you never could, sweetie.
Trust me, it will bring the two of you closer and foster a profoundly intimate marital connection.
*rolls eyes*
Let the train wreck continue.
Emma isn’t here to tell you what to do, Emma is simply here to tell you what she is doing. Take what you want and leave the rest but I do want to hear about the gaslighting. What are your thoughts on doing a Ask Emma blog with me about the topic? Why is Emma referring to herself in the third person? Lol Thanks all for engaging with this blog, agree with me or not I appreciate everyone.