Cuckold Chess

Cuckolding From a Woman’s Perspective

I wrote about the appeal of a cuckold and hotwife relationship for women and it continues to be one of my most popular blogs. I’ve wanted to revisit it a few times but until recently I haven’t felt like I’ve been comfortable answering it just yet due to my own lack of experience with the genre. Over the last few months, Kev and I have done our fair share of experimentation in the world of cuckolding and we both enjoy it tremendously. I’ve been challenged with understanding the aura and undertone of sexual novelty with the practice and I wanted to ensure that I fully understand the relationship between humiliation, cuckolding and my own experience of being a woman.

What is Cuckolding?

The definition of cuckolding is when a man has a sexual relationship with another man’s wife or girlfriend. The boyfriend or husband would be the cuck and the other man would be the cuckolder or bull. Cuckolding may happen because the cuck is unable to satisfy his wife for medical reasons or simply because of a decrease in arousal due to a long term relationship. Overfamiliarity in long term relationships is the largest cause of erotic dissatisfaction and it is completely natural. In fact over 40% of heterosexual women fantasize about voyeuristic cuckolding having their partner watch them with someone else.

Maintenance Sex

What is the cuck’s sexual role in a cuckold relationship? Maintenance sex is key to an ongoing healthy sexual relationship of any kind but especially so in a cuckold relationship. Maintenance sex is regular sex with your husband and a baseline for other enjoyment outside of that core relationship. Maintenance sex is weekly or biweekly sex that is either planned or expected. It is rately spontaneous and isn’t usually overly hot and is intended to meet the baseline needs of the sexual relationship. There is no sexual bond for a sexless relationship. A couple that is not meeting their baseline sexual needs is arguably not a healthy well rounded sexual relationship. The man will not have an innate sexual ownership of the woman and the woman will not have a sexual bond with the man. A relationship without frequent maintenance sex is a nesting partner relationship. If there is no active sexual bond, there is no sense of loss or humiliation for the cuck. In fact he is not a cuck at all, just a man that is still present in a relationship that has already ended. You might call that a cuck but I’d call it something different entirely.


Cucking vs Swinging

Swinging and cuckolding are inherently different. Swinging is typically a swapping of wives or a threesome of equal partners. Equality and fairness are more tantamount in a swinging relationship. Swinging is often called wifeswapping – you get my wife and I get yours, bro. Cuckolding is a relationship with another man who provides me more sexual satisfaction than my cuck. I verbalize that and everyone is aware that the bull is providing something that the cuck is not. This can be more stamina, larger penis, more dominance or many other things. He is fulfilling unmet sexual and sometimes emotional needs. A cuckold relationship can usually be thought of as physical dating and not emotional dating unless you choose to mix your cuckoldry with elements of polyamory.

Is Humiliation Necessary?

Humiliation is not a necessary part of a cuckold relationship. As an optional component, it heightens the levels of power, dominance from the woman and submission for the cuck. Many couples find that humiliation is a necessary part of a cuckold relationship to help rationalize the sexual dynamic by making the cuck have temporary feelings of worthlessness. Society does not prepare us for this so humiliation helps us by sexualizing our insecurities. My husband loves pleasing me sexually and takes much of his self worth from knowing that I am a sexually satisfied wife. Humiliation allows him to still feel that he is providing for me through another person. For example, if our heater was broken my husband can say he got the heater fixed even if the heater repair man did it. A bull in this scenario is the hired help that my husband called to get the heater fixed. He made it happen and I am sexually satisfied because he allowed it to happen. Saying “allowed it to happen” is controversial but he does have relationship autonomy and while he cannot tell me what to do, he can choose to participate in the relationship or not. Both partners have relationship boundaries that they can allow or disallow.


Humiliation is also key to amplifying feelings of jealousy especially for men who have lower levels of jealousy toward their partner. Men prone to compersion, those who take pleasure from watching their partner may not get the same benefits of cuckold experience so humiliation builds their jealousy and feelings of inadequacy. While jealousy can be an ugly emotion, it can be a tremendous ego boost for many women to know that their partners are jealous. To have a partner who is jealous means that you have a partner that craves you at the most carnal level. Unrestrained jealousy is bad but managed jealousy is an incredibly attractive characteristic for many women. Humiliation helps him manage his jealousy and keeps the hormonal response levels high for the duration of the experience.

Humiliation solidifies a hierarchy, faithfulness and devotion within cuckold relationships. The woman’s needs are first and foremost with the bull being placed at the highest level of sexual virility. The cuck is demoted to the role of a mere observer and the lowest priority of sexual importance. This sexualizes his rejection and may play on insecurities and past trauma of being rejected by women. Has your man been previously divorced or gone through an exceptionally difficult breakup? Cuckolding may actually be therapeutic for him! I can see it now; “save money on therapy, cuck your man!”

What I Personally Enjoy About Cuckolding

Sex is weird for women. Cuckolding makes me feel overtly powerful, liberated and knowing that I have a faithful partner allows me to choose other partners on purely sexual grounds. I also enjoy the dominance and humiliation afforded by the “not good enough” tenet of a cuckold relationship. A cuckold relationship can build a greater level of intimacy and communication between the wife and the cuck. I feel more powerful in the relationship because I hold the sexual energy and am able to flaunt my sexuality in the face of my cuck. Women crave fresh sex. Sexual overfamiliarity is the biggest killer of relationships and women are cheating at an increasingly higher rate as women feel more liberated. Female sexuality is suppressed in our society. A promiscuous woman is a slut and a promiscuous man is applauded.

The female sex drive isn’t the same as the male sex drive. The commitment of a relationship creates emotional issues which can be challenging to overcome. Cuckolding gives her permission to work through those difficult emotions since the cuck is present and she can even ask questions. Do you think I should suck his huge dick? Should I let him fuck me? While questions should have a level of sternness and sexual undertone, they can be highly empowering. Choosing a man as a bull allows you to focus the physically ideal partner with muscles, penis size, stamina, age and overall physique for a casual and guilt free experience. You have the confidence of knowing that your cuck will take on the supportive and emotionally engaged role that you need to feel good afterwards. You no longer need to search for all of those traits in one man because they don’t exist in one man. Those specific traits are polar opposites and often at odds with each other. The more of one, the less of the other.

Many men find women who are highly desired to have a higher social value. When other men desire and ultimately fuck their wife, it raises their wife’s social value in his eyes – this is called candaulism. This is probably not something that he will see as a conscious thought but a subconscious one. Seeing my value increase in his subconscious mind is a wonderful thing. His eyes light up in my presence and he is reminded of the value, excitement and butterflies that he once had for me. There may even be a hormonal response that is created to aid in the social value revaluation. Men have an innate need to satisfy his woman and cuckolding gives a man the illusion of satisfying his wife. It gives me pleasure to see the joy on Kev’s face when he knows that I am sexually exhausted and deeply satisfied.

Freedom From Ownership

Women were property of men at many points in many societies. Some cultures still have dowrys and trade money and livestock in exchange for women. Many of us still change our last names when we get married as a demonstration of our submission to our husbands. We cast aside our family ties and renouce our surname as a demonstration of our commitment to marriage. Cuckoldry is a demonstration of self ownership and autonomy. I own myself and I am the sole owner of my own sexual pleasure. I renounce society’s expectations of a woman and of a wife. Can my husband have me? If I choose to give myself to him. Some women choose to share their cuckold relationship status with their close friends. I find the cuckold relationship to be a strong level of commitment, communication and a sexual evolution which many couples can only dream to reach.

Resentment & Guilt

Strong and dominant women often get resentful of their marriage and of their husband. To the dominant woman, a marriage represents restrictions and being told what to do. At their deepest level, dominant people (men and women) dislike being told what to do. When the institution of marriage and by extension, your husband are telling you what you can and cannot do, deep resentment can occur. Being a woman is about feeling and managing guilt. We are often guilted into sex, feel guilty when we take time for ourselves, feel guilty for pursuing our goals and career, feel guilty if we decide not to have kids, feel guilty if we don’t have enough kids, feel guilty if we make a mistake, feel guilty if we don’t have enough sex, feel guilty if we don’t desire our husband enough, feel guilty if we desire others. You get the point, being woman is feeling guilt and cuckolding is permission to shed that guilt and resentment that society burdens us with.

Freedom to Experiment

Many men feel a level of fear and shame around bisexuality. Despite our society embracing LBGTQ+ there is quite a bit of stigma toward male bisexuality and experimentation. Straight men see bisexuality as a threat to masculinity and something that might make them gay. Gay men see bisexual men as not “one of us” or “afraid to come out or commit”. Biphobia is a term which is fairly common in the gay community. Cuckold relationships often include a level of “forced bi” which is a form of consentual non-consent (CNC) where the woman tells the cuck to suck the bulls dick or clean up the bull’s cum as a form of sexual submission and humiliation. Bisexual cucks may see this as a form of permission to scratch their bisexual experiment itch.

Communication is key for any relationship and sexual experience but it need not be defined. We have a safe-sex only rule but we also have very clearly defined prerequisites for times when condoms can come off. For us, condoms are optional if the bull shares recent test results and I am comfortable with the openness and number of partners that the bull has. It need not be pre-negotiated with Kev however it is always communicated after. This creates a nice level of surprise when my bull and I forego condoms or we have a dialog related to condoms in front of Kev for show.

Narrate Your Sex

I like to be very verbal and this is a wonderful outlet for my need to communicate. After all, I have a website where I tell all of you wonderful people my innermost thoughts. Cuckolding allows me to narrate the sexual experience and it makes it tremendously better when I do. Have you ever watched cuckold porn where very little is said? It is just regular sex with some guy sitting on the couch. Boring. So who should talk?

When the bull talks, it can sometimes be hot as it shows dominance and control and my favorite is the shift in domainance to the female. She is the reason the bull is there. She is the reason the cuck is sitting in the corner. Her needs are first and foremost in the entire scenario.

When the cuck talks with more than whimpers, whining, responses and complaints it is decidedly un-hot. The cuck’s opinion doesn’t matter and he is not to direct the action. That changes his role and moves the fantasy into his control. Cuckolding is certainly about the cuck’s needs but it is not about his wants.

When the wife talks, it is about her asserting herself, her needs and her sexuality into the situation. She is asking for what she wants and she is getting what she asks for. What could be a better reflection of female sexuality? My favorite is to narrate and ask questions of the cuck. Do you like watching me suck my bull? Do you see how much bigger he is? Do you see how much better he fucks me? Do you like watching another man fuck me so well? Look at the way he takes control, you don’t do that, do you? Look at the way I am holding his dick, it is like three of yours. You get the idea. It seems slightly unnatural at first but SO HOT once you break into the stride. The reward is in the eye contact, watch his reactions as you say things that bite him deeply at his core.

The Cuck’s Orgasm

When should your cuck cum? There are a couple trains of thought here. I’ve asked Kevin to jerk off before the entire experience because it puts him into an entirely different headspace. Rather than seeing the entire scenario as sexual, it often hits in a more emotional way. Post-nut clarity for the cuck is often a heightened emotional experience so be careful since sexualization often suppresses difficult emotions.

I’ve asked Kev to jerk off and cum in his hand while I am enjoying my bull and that has a similar effect but often more pronounced since at some point he will be standing there with his drooping soft dick in one hand and handful of cum in the other hand dripping shamefully on the floor. All he can do is stand for the remainder of the experience or until I tell him to eat the contents of his hand and sit his pathetic ass down.

Watching the cuck jerk off after the experience is another fun but humiliating option. Both the wife and bull can make fun of his jerking and that can fun for both. Look at you, I just fucked another better man and you are sitting in the corner jerking off like a pathetic loser. You can’t even fuck your own wife and need a real man to do it for you. He can cum in his hand, on his chest or even on top of your bull’s cum and he can be asked to consume both (if that’s your thing). This can be especially fun if the volume of your cuck’s load is considerably smaller.

No orgasm is another option and this allows him to remain in a sexually stimulated state indefinately but it is key that you continue the highly sexualized conversation until you allow him an orgasm.

Preparation & Cleanup

The cuck can help prepare the situation and he can help clean up afterwards. Before the situation, he can go down on you and get you ready and aroused for your bull. He can sit in the bathroom while you get ready for your date. Your cuck can even fluff your bull and help get him hard so he can fuck you. He can be responsible for cleaning up any and all cum that may be present during the experience. He can be responsible for cleaning your creampie if you do not use protection or the condom can be emptied into his mouth if you do use protection. The bull can even cum on his face or body as a further stage of humiliation. Cum on his face and make him sit on his hands as the cum dries as the ultimate demonstration of submission. Preparation and cleanup do another thing too, they solidify the bond with the cuck in terms of feeling supported and taken care of. Knowing that your husband supports you through a demonstration of love and cleanup makes you feel taken care of in every way imaginable. It is both romantic and sensual in the deepest way possible.

Conclusion & Aftercare

A cuckold relationship is not about sex, it is about permitting the woman to take an active and dominant role in their sex life and take control of her own sexuality. Cuckolding is a great way for couples to overcome sexual issues and even perceived sexual incompatibility. While certainly a temporary cure for boredom and monotony of monogamy, cuckolding can help light a new and exciting spark. The open communication of a cuckold relationship further validates their emotional connection and gives a new level of intimacy. Maintenance sex ensures that the physical connection is present and sexual humiliation can come into play for the maintenance sex. Do you remember on Saturday night when my bull was fucking me? I sure seemed to enjoy it more than this, didn’t I. Was he bigger than you are? You can of course choose to make your sex about yourselves and the cuckold fantasy completely separate. You can allow the cuckold fantasy to bleed into your relationship or you can keep them completely separate. Whatever you do, ensure that you make time to reconnect and revalidate the importance of your relationship and the adequacy of your partner. The cuckold relationship satisfies a purpose and you should be very verbal about what that exact purpose is. This conversation should be free of humiliation and hyperbole. When my husband’s deepest desire are tied directly to my own satisfaction, it makes me feel fulfilled on a level all its own. My husband’s support gives me permission to let my hair down and enjoy my own sexuality and it frees me from the guilt and psychological burden of marriage.



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I thought this was an awesome blog. There are so few blogs written truly from the female prospective about cuckolding and not just kink drive jerkoff material. These 2 quotes stood out to me 1 negatively and 1 positively.

“Maintenance sex is weekly or biweekly sex that is either planned or expected. It is rately spontaneous and isn’t usually overly hot and is intended to meet the baseline needs of the sexual relationship.”

This one’s the negative. As a man that has been in Kevin’s end of a cuckold relationship the idea that sex with me is not determined worthy of spontaneity or passion would be an absolute deal breaker. I’m not saying it needs to be you begging for piv sex even if it’s pegging cbt and humiliation that’s fine as long as it is passionate and craved by my partner then we’re all good. In my opinion obligatory sex is worse than none at all. If my spouse is unable to desire whatever we call sex multiple times a week then that would be a problem that would need to be fixed or would spell the beginning of the end left unchecked.

“He made it happen and I am sexually satisfied because he allowed it to happen. Saying “allowed it to happen” is controversial but he does have relationship autonomy and while he cannot tell me what to do, he can choose to participate in the relationship or not.”

This one is an enormous positive. I have always felt but never seen articulated so succinctly. There is no emotional or mental thrill in a cuckold relationship without both partners freedom of choice being paramount. Without openly and often bringing up the fact that he is choosing to be submissive and subjugating his role as sole sexual partner then just like any other form of relationship it becomes rooted in obligation hold ever diminishing erotic energy.

Either way these were just the thing that really stood out to me in your blog that sparked me to respond. Everyone is different and the things that turn each of us on or off are as subjective as anything could be. I’m really happy to hear you and Kevin are enjoying your experimentation and look forward to hearing more about them in the future.

P.S.Thank you for this fantastic website it has been a huge help to me personally when struggling to cope with some of my on feeling around craving such a “socially unacceptable” lifestyle.


Very thoughtful piece. A lot of good insights. I am a long way from this being part of my relationship, but it definitely gives me excellent insight into other dimensions.


Another excellent article, Emma! Pretty well all of it rings true to me. Based on conversations I have had with my wife, I think she has similar thoughts and feelings. I think you are right about maintenance sex. Even though penetrative sex may be reserved for the lover (my wife and I use that term rather than bull), there needs to be a strong erotic bond between husband and wife. Otherwise, as you say, the husband isn’t really a husband and “cuckolding” has no meaning. For me, playful humiliation is an important part of the erotic experience. It may not be that way for all cuckolds, but it is for me. My wife was hesitant about humiliation play at first. I think she was worried about really hurting me or damaging my self esteem. But once she realized it was something I truly wanted, she got into it, and I had the feeling it turned her on tease me about having a small penis or about being less of a man than her lovers. My theory is that women are so culturally conditioned to stroke a man’s ego by telling him how big and manly he is that it felt liberating and exciting to my wife to do the opposite.


Very well written and comprehensive post.

Choosing a man as a bull allows you to focus the physically ideal partner with muscles, penis size, stamina, age and overall physique for a casual and guilt free experience.

This can be more stamina, larger penis, more dominance or many other things. 

To you, what’s the ideal penis size for a bull?


Absolutely beautiful. I just adore this blog. It’s so true and so close to my relationship with Mistress


This is a great post! Well written and very erotic. 5 Stars ⭐️

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