As I learn more about my sexuality and about how both males and females are wired, I have to question our society’s husband and wife normative. I understand that the world is roughly equal in terms of the ratio of males (50.4%) and females (49.6%). With that ratio, a 1:1 pair bonded ratio makes sense from a societal perspective but for the sake of conversation, let’s ignore that for the moment.
I know it isn’t popular to talk about but most women need more communication. I personally feel like I need constant reassurance and conversation. Kev knows this and is absolutely fine with conversation but I am typically the one who initiates it. If he is sitting there and not talking, my first reaction is that he is upset or perhaps that I should be upset with him about something. I always overthink things and I usually catch myself before I get too deep into thought but without communication, I almost immediately assume that something is wrong. When I was living with two fellas, there was always someone talking to me. I know it sounds silly and perhaps needy but when I was engaged in communication twice as frequently and it left my mind less time to overthink.
Our relationship with a third wasn’t always threesomes, sometimes it was spent connecting one on one. I love those one on one connections and the intimacy. My communication with Kev was constantly reassuring as he wasn’t present for some of that connection time with Andrew but I personally think that making time for everyone is important. Kev needed to feel that intimate connection and know that my love for him was as strong as ever. Andrew needed reassurance that our passionate connection was as strong and exciting as it had been in the beginning.
The Devil’s Threesome
Women can handle more than one man in a sexual experience. Men cannot. Now I know that the FMF threesome is probably more prevalent than the MFM threesome but the variant with two women doesn’t typically result in the sexual satisfaction of both of those women. Likely neither of them would leave the scenario with their lust fully satiated unless of course they engage each other sexually. The threesome with two men and one woman almost certainly guarantees that the woman will be satiated and men rarely leave this type of scenario without an orgasm.
While threesomes come to mind when we are talking about sex among three people it isn’t always the case. While it is true that we shared one bed, we wouldn’t always cuddle together as a throuple (such a weird word). In some cases, I’d cuddle Kev and in other cases, Andrew would cuddle me. Sometimes we would just be a huge mess of arms, legs, penises and boobs. I am a huge cuddler and I absolutely love to hold or be held at night. I never seemed to have an issues finding someone that was willing to give me my sweet cuddle-fix.
Round 2 Sex
While a big people-pile has its merits, one on one sex has a level of beautiful intimacy that can’t be matched. This is actually the most frequent type of sex that we would have. Kev and I would peg and it would turn Andrew on so much that he and I would end up having PIV sex immediately after. Andrew and I would have sex and Kev would get so turned on that he and I would have sex immediately after. As I mentioned in “The Devil’s Threesome” above, men and women are wired differently and many women can take several partners. The hardest part is overcoming social stigma of how bad and wrong society tells us that we should feel for doing something that is so abnormal. Try as I might, I couldn’t find a term for this type of sex so we coined the phrase round 2. I am not insatiable and many times I felt physically exhausted before starting round two but the second, third and subsequent orgasms are far easier for me. Does anyone know if there is an official word for this?
One Man is Not Enough
I am absolutely satisfied with my relationship with Kev and we enjoy our time together. Including a third in our relationship for a time was a wonderful experience and I wouldn’t take it back. From both the sexual and emotional context, he is enough as a partner. With that said, a partner shouldn’t be expected to be your everything. I think it is essential to have a broader social circle. This can and should include men, women, couples and even pets. We are meant to be social creatures and investing everything into one will only lead to disappointment and boredom. On our own, each of is is absolutely enough but together we are so much more. Your partner is your rock but the two of you can experience a much different and diverse intimacy if you include another. Consider a platonic or intimate relationship with another to help diversify your connection. I guarantee you will learn more about each other and become better at fulfilling each other’s needs.
Spread your wings and be a social butterfly. In this post-covid world, many of us are trying to overcome social anxiety and re-learn what it is to socialize with others. Make others comfortable around you, invite friends to spend time with you. Seek out those who appear to need your love and attention. If your emotional outreach turns into intimate conversation or even physical relationships, accept it at face value and accept that other person. You are beautiful and so many of those around you are as well. None of us are enough on our own, embrace others and bring them into your circle. In the wake of some fairly controversial posts, I figured this one would keep adding fuel to the fire. Got something to say? Leave a note below in the comments.