Sarah is a reader that responded in the comments section of my blog. I didn’t want her story to get buried in the comments section so I’m breaking her story out into chapters. I’m so grateful that she’s decided to share her story here.
I am a female in my early 30’s engaged to a man in his early 20’s. We have been playing around lightly with some aspects of femdom and/or female led relationships. We are mostly just playing around and spicing up our sex life a bit with it and not too much more than that right now. I’ve been trying out a few things with him so to speak. So I was just doing some light homework on this and ran across your site while poking around all of the tons of garbage available on the Internet. I haven’t shared this find with my fiancé, for reasons which I will explain. But what I am reading on your site really intrigues me. The sexual part yes certainly, but all of the stuff beyond the sex to a very large extent more so. I have been in several relationships prior to this one, and they all have been pretty conventional ones. By this I mean I seem to end up doing most of the work in the relationship. Housework, dishes, cleanup and yes in even certain respects even initiating sex and working even harder to get my orgasms delivered. Now with my fiancé, whom I love deeply, I am seeing some of this same pattern re-emerging.
I out-earn him right now by quite a bit, like 3 to 1. I work at a demanding job and put in long hours. He seems less driven by work and money then I am and is much more content to just come home and lounge on the sofa watching TV after a fairly easy day at his own job. He has many good attributes which I do love very much but his laziness around the house and even his laziness satisfying me sexually is getting to be a bit of an issue for me. This is what is intriguing me about your blog and because I am having this conversation with you as well as for all of the other content which I am seeing on your site, the reason why I don’t want to share this site with him. This site is for me and not for him, at least right now. From what I am reading or perhaps reading in between the lines a bit in what I am seeing, is how you are getting your husband to change outside of the bedroom by using all of the terrific sex to your advantage. Not only do you seem to be getting your orgasms very regularly (I would love that for a change), but your doing it all in a way which is also giving you considerably more control of your husbands behavior outside of the bedroom, all in a way which is also really benefiting you. I mean your husband seems to be doing his fair share around the house or maybe even more so from how I read your blog. He doesn’t sound lazy and it sounds like you are able to motivate him to be a bit more energized with everything in and around the house and outside of the house and not just with sex. Not only is this something that I would love to experience with my fiancé immediately but its also something which I definitely would love to have with this man who will soon be my future husband down the road. I would like very much to start work on him now, before we are married, to see if I cant get us going on a similar path.
You certainly love these elements in your marriage, but from what I am reading, your husband also likes all of it as well (overall I guess in his case 🙂 ). So its a win win type thing for your marriage. Everyone’s getting what they want and need, especially you, so thats just beyond wonderful!!! I would like to see if I cant get this to begin working in my own relationship. I figure that sooner is better than later with this type of modification to his behavior. I’d rather have that man now and not later. Plus my fiancé is still young enough where I think I can mold him a bit easier at this point than later on.
Can you give me some general pointers or ideas for casually getting us started along this path? Some ice breakers or starter steps which I might consider trying out with him. I don’t want to make it to obvious to him what I’m trying to accomplish and ruin this early on. I want to hook him so to speak before I consider laying my cards on the table with this so I don’t turn him off to this. Any thoughts on how I could begin to somewhat quietly incorporate this into my relationship? Something maybe which you already ran across and tried while implementing this with you husband? You guys must of have your own starting point so just looking for some further tips on that.
Sarah (and I really do love your site )
“We have been playing around lightly with some aspects of femdom and/or female led relationships. We are mostly just playing around and spicing up our sex life a bit with it and not too much more than that right now.”
Well, this is the most important part. You’ve already established that he responds to it. That’s about where we were when I started this. We played in the past with aspects of a FLR. He would ejaculate, it would be over, and I’d let it go. It was fun, but I didn’t really care. It was just a fetish. Semen retention became more important as it gained more meaning to me through my exposure to eastern philosophy. I then combined it with the western fetish of some FLR aspects which I already knew was in his arousal matrix. This fetish I believe is part of an innate program that is part of the male programming put there by evolution for some unexplained reason. I wanted to try introducing him to semen retention. I simply just mounted him on Sunday and said “Your not cumming until Tuesday.” somewhat authoritatively. When I said that, his penis grew about another inch. I always pay close attention to his penis. His brain may be saying one thing, but that’s just psycho babble coming out of his mouth. His penis is the truth meter to his unconscious desires. His penis tells me what he needs. If you feel he wouldn’t get angry, you could just try it in your play for a couple of days. Talk about it before hand, and have an intercourse session and end it without him ejaculating. That may be difficult for him to wrap his head around. He’ll beg for release. Make it part of your play. Tell him firmly he’s not cumming, he’ll have to wait for tomorrow, but he can hump your leg if he needs to get his energy out without ejaculation of course. Let him hump your leg until he’s exhausted and move on something else. Again, this is what works for us. Trying to give people advice about this stuff is like ordering for someone else in a restaurant. If he does retain, make sure you stimulate him frequently. Your vagina should be available for stimulation to his penis. He needs to imprint on only your vagina. Not his hand or anything else. At this point after a year, my husband only can be stimulated by my vagina. Nothing else works for him, and his hand is a huge letdown as it should be. Again, this is what works for us.
If your having sex whenever he wants (which means ejaculation every time for a western male) , you are becoming a continuous stimulus to him which means your not really a stimulus at all. You’re beginning to bore him. I assume you’re working harder and longer hours, and it sounds like he’s not and is home a lot by himself. He’s probably masturbating regularly, maybe frequently and then watching TV. And if he’s tired of you, he’s fantasizing or looking at novel females. By the time you get home, he’s already eaten and isn’t interested in the gourmet meal you’ve prepared (That’s an analogy). I don’t see how this can even progress if he’s masturbating. Can you even talk about it without him getting angry. That’s why I think it’s best for both people just to read my blog which is just our experience not advice or a recommendation. And then things can be discussed hopefully without his pants on so you can see what he really thinks. You see how many men are here on my blog wondering how they can introduce this to their wives and desperately want this. And your a woman that does want this wondering how you can sneak it up on him. There’s a thousand guys reading your comment today (Trust me, I know) wondering how they can get in contact with you.
Sarah: “Can you give me some general pointers or ideas for casually getting us started along this path?”
I might casually talk about a crazy girlfriend (I’ll be your girlfriend) that has her husband practice semen retention, and she sets his ejaculation schedule, and that she doesn’t allow unauthorized ejaculation in her house, and he has to get her permission before he releases. (since you’ve already established he’s aroused by femdom)
Him: No way! What if he just wants to cum?
You: She beats the shit out him.
Him: No way!!!
You: Yes way!!!
You: I don’t know. Seems kinda hot. I’ve been masturbating to it. It gets me soaking wet. (You should feel his penis at this point) and assess.
Let him know you’re willing to be that woman with firm resolve in his life, and that there’s thousands of men looking for a woman just like you. Let him know you are that woman. Turn on that porch light and the moth will come eventually…maybe.
For me retention has to be in place before any of the outward important things can take place, IMO. Then it’s easy. “I’m so wet, I could really use a cock right now…too bad the dishes aren’t done. Or I could use some dick right now…too bad the house isn’t picked up and vacuumed. If he’s not retaining and masturbating, my husband would just laugh at me if I said those things. Retention is the foundation.
Again this is just what works for us. I’ve never met both of you as a couple. I’m talking in broad sweeping generalities. I’m giving ideas that would work for my husband. Only you know if they apply to your male and all the mitigating circumstances of your relationship.
Sarah: “Any thoughts on how I could begin to somewhat quietly incorporate this into my relationship?”
Talk about what your fantasizing and masturbating about and it better be about retention and controlling his ejaculations through a schedule like your crazy girlfriend does. Men always want to hear their woman talk about sex. It’s probably a good idea to be in bed and holding his penis so you can asses while you talk about your crazy girlfriend and her pussy whipped husband.
Your boyfriend is in his early twenties. Speaking generally of that demographic, I can say he should be highly sexually driven unless he’s depleting himself which is a real possibility. If I were single, and marrying a man barely out of his teen years, I would want this all sorted and laid out before I ever considered marrying him. He would need to have it clearly in his head that I’m going to control his ejaculation schedule, and that masturbation certainly isn’t happening. It’s my experience that men treat women better when they retain. But that’s just my experience.
I hope this has been somewhat helpful, Sarah
Sarah: Thanks so very much for taking time in your own busy schedule to answer my post so quickly and so thoughtfully. I really do appreciate that. You’ve given me many great suggestions and ideas which I think I can try out. And you’ve given me some other food for deeper thought as well.
I really like your idea of talking to him about that “bat shit crazy girlfriend” that I have and what horrible manipulative things shes doing to her poor husband. I never thought of something that simple! I have a co-worker whom he knows only superficially from my work related social functions (and her husband even less). He wouldn’t be in any position to think better of my story nor would he ever know her or her husband well enough to find out my embellishment. So I think I can make that work. She quite attractive, so I think that combined with the other story elements you described are sure to get him intrigued. I can then gauge how his little soldier responds to that evolving “girls night out” storyline to see if I can think about pushing that in our relationship. I hope to see him locked at full attention :). By the way I do agree with you that a mans cock rarely lies. So that should give me a good go/no-go indication on this whole thing.
I also agree with you very much that I need to make this whole thing more than just a sex playtime type thing with my fiancé to get the lasting long term results that I’m looking for. But I do have to admit to you that there is more than just a little bit of this whole semen retention thing that I personally find a bit steamy and which really gets my juices going. There just something very hot about even thinking of controlling that intimate part of any mans life. I’m going to do some extensive further reading and homework on the whole eastern philosophy of semen retention. I see some links to that in your site, and its worth getting that additional perspective I believe. This really may be more of a lifestyle decision that I need to spiritually embrace to make this a real success. I hope this works. I just know so far that my more traditional western woman’s approach hasn’t worked out so well for me in my previous relationships. Your comments give me encouragement that I might be on the right path here. Thanks again for all of your personal insight and work at putting this all together for me and in your blog in general. If I make some significant forward progress with this, may I comment again if you don’t mind?
This is one of a few blogs that were published by Yoga Girl at her website at http://flr101.blogspot.com. This site is now offline but all credit goes to her. There were no archived comments but feel free to leave your own comment!