My wheels are turning, three blogs in three consecutive days? Who am I? I think my mind is just incredibly fueled by the wonderful comments and dialog that my past two blogs have spurred. @tincup and @nevertoolate specifically on the previous blog about Romantic Loyalty and Cuckolding. I wanted to pinpoint just how and where my sexual freedom came from. This blog started after yogagirl’s now defunct FLR101 blog shut down, it left a gaping hole in my heart but it also lit a small spark of curiosity. That spark ignited some curiosity about love and sex, to be honest I’ve always wondered if this is it when it comes to sex. The whole world seems to revolve around sex but there are so many aspects of sex.
Passion is the body’s attempt to secure a mate. When passion exists, the body is throwing out all of the stops to make the other person addicted to your aura. How can you fool your mind into passionate sex with a long term partner? How can you have passion but also have a long term emotional partner? I think the female body is hard wired for polyamory and I think that passion shouldn’t necessarily assigned to sex but also one’s self. Not only do I feel passionate after certain physical encounters, I AM passion.
Sex for women is risky or at least it has been for thousands of years. Only recently have birth control and abortion (please don’t get me started here) been readily available. Since this development has only been present for less than a generation, our minds haven’t evolved to see sex as safe. When a woman evaluates a potential sex partner, safety is one of the evaluation points. This is of course physical and emotional safety. Having a long term emotional partner allows us to forego half of that equation and remove emotional safety as an evaluation point. If safety is present, desire can follow and with desire comes arousal. With a long term partner, there is a secure base which allows us the freedom to be sexually risky and spontaneous. This extends itself well to other partners but often feeds back to the primary partner.
Sex is about gas and brakes which is commonly referred to as the dual control model (DCM). The gas in the DCM is the ability to be turned on and the balance of sexual inhibition (brakes) and sexual excitation (gas). If you are 100% turned on, you are pedal to the metal baby. Brakes are your reasons to stop, consequences of sex, potential threats, negative emotions about your body.
If a woman feels true emotional safety, she is free to pursue a gas-only type relationship. For me, it is challenging to pursue a gas-only relationship with my primary partner because my subconscious doesn’t want to threaten the emotional connection I have. It is only with someone I don’t care about that I can remove the brakes from the equation and truly experience that carnal excitement. Rather than feel threatened by not experiencing passion in the purest form, it should be flattering that I value the love and connection above all else at a subconscious level. There are so many things we do to reinforce the emotional intimacy of our bond such as male chastity which reinforces his desire and his ability to put orgasm aside in the interest of our connection. Pegging which allows him to feel deep submission to my love for him in a way that most men do not experience.
When I have sex with others, I love drawing that experience back to him and experiencing that with him. I know he thrives from my energy and satisfaction above all things and I am truly thankful to have such a partner in my life. It allows me to look for other things that I would never want in a long term partner. Kindness and intelligence are the enormous attributes for a long term partner but they are generally irrelevant in short term hookups. If I am only meeting a guy for a night or two, I’d much prefer abs or a defined physique over flowers or acts of kindness. I’m not trying to be with you, I just want to scratch that itch and move on. Spending a night with an attractive guy has the secondary benefit of making me feel more attractive and desirable; boundless sexual energy that I take right back to my husband. I thrive on it. He thrives on me. We thrive on us.
Sorry that the title of this blog sounds like it was inspired by a fortune cookie. ?
Ancient Chinese proverb say Only Emotional Safety Allows True Sexual Freedom.