Yesterday I posted a blog entitled Yes. I Cuckold My Husband: My Perspective and shortly after, I received some private messages from readers. Some were supportive while others were critical, saying that I was taking the site to the world of mainstream kink. I felt defensive and for a while I considered taking that blog down thinking that I may have crossed some sort of line with my readers. After sleeping on it, I decided that taking the blog down would be disingenuous to myself. This is my journey and we are experimenting with all sorts of things in the world of kink. So necessary or not, there is my apology.
Cuckolding is the art of taking someone’s partner and it has a long history as a ridiculing insult. I struggle with the term but I’m learning to love it. Cuckolding represents for me the competitive nature amongst men and dates back in literature as far back as William Shakespeare. To some, there is no deeper insult than threatening to take someone’s wife or girlfriend. I don’t want to come off as suggesting that this is a purely male fetish, the term cuckoldress exists and there is a similar subculture but it is exponentially less popular. I think this is something that is deeply seated in male psyche.
Being cheated on sucks, but the modern version of cuckoldry (as least the one I purport here) is a consensually non monogamous (CNM) relationship where the woman refuels her sexual aura by being with another man. Long term relationships are notoriously bad for the female sex drive as novelty and new relationship energy play are essential to arousal. I cannot of course speak for all women but I can speak for the woman writing this blog. She finds that a committed relationship fills the emotional needs but the very thing that she wants from a committed relationship dries up physical other need. I’m going to stop speaking in the third person because it is getting creepy. An deeply connected emotional partner is the textbook definition of the friend zone and my husband is my most near and dear emotional partner. I don’t desire passionate sex with him but I do crave emotional connection, intimacy and closeness with him. This means that I either go without passionate sex in my life, I bounce from relationship to relationship as new relationship energy fades or I find a relationship that allows me deep emotional connection while simultaneously experiencing a lustful physical connection.
My incredibly supportive husband is on this journey with me and allows me to experience the latter. We’ve decided to cast aside the moral or philosophical stance that cuckolding or hotwifing is somehow a terrible thing. We have frequent conversations and explore the volatile emotions that it sometimes produces. Playing into the fetish side allows us to bring the experience full circle and explore the mental aspect with Kev. We thrive on the incredible Dom/sub dynamic that it produces and it allows aftercare to create and even deeper connection for the two of us. Kev can feel 100% safe in my love for him and I tell that to him every time he deals with the cuckold angst but it makes him question much of what he holds near and dear to his manliness.
So the question about romantic loyalty as it exists in CNM relationships. Absolutely! As with morals, the word loyalty can have a flexible definition from one couple to the next. What is morally wrong for one person may not violate the morals of another. So as loyalty may also be a fluid definition. Loyalty is showing allegiance and following through on commitments and obligations. Loyalty does not mean exclusivity unless you define it as such. If you commit to certain rules in your relationship, simply following through with those rules and boundaries is staying true to your romantic loyalty. For this reason it is also very important to over-communicate your definition of romantic loyalty to prevent any confusion. Can you sleep with another man within the confines of marriage and still be loyal?
What do you think?