Your dick is not big enough to fully satisfy me sexually. I attract younger and more fit men, why would I settle for one man? How do those words feel as you hear them from your beloved? They were difficult for me to say the first time and I didn’t truly mean them the first time or even the second. The more I said those words and words like that, the more I believed them. The truth is, women need constant attention. We need constant reassurance that we are beautiful and reaffirmation of our womanhood and female energy.
Your dick may be of average length, girth or performance. You may not spend half of your leisure time in the gym to get the fitness body that most men can only dream of. Despite that, you most assuredly are not average. A halfway open relationship, cuckold relationship, hotwife relationship or whatever you want to call it has allowed me to understand the mechanics behind exactly what I need and what this sort of relationship does for me. Presumably this applies to others but I can’t speak for them. Sound off in the comments below if this resonates with you and your relationship.
Men seek sexual supply. They seek consistent sexual fulfillment. Although women also seek consistency, it is not as important as sexual novelty. When left to my own devices, I find that I grow weary of most men after only a few encounters. For the most part, the intense sexual connection of a new partner grows stale after the communication, banter and excitement of the new partner goes away.
Cuckolding however is not about the lack of you, it is about the presence of you. Removing you from the scenario does not bring more joy and fulfillment. I’ve learned to love watching the passion and fire in your eyes as another man takes me as his own even if just for tonight. Your firm grasp on my hand and our deep eye contact as he penetrates me says it all. Seeing me squirm and moan in ways that I never do with you says it all. Cuckolding gets a bad rap as a selfish woman’s game but as we seek understanding of the psychological dynamic, we learn sex is a far more intellectual game than it is physical. It isn’t just about finding a man with ripped abs and a big penis. Finding a bull is much harder than that (no, it really is difficult). Once we find a guy who is a physical specimen, I need to have at least a decent emotional bond to be remotely interested.
A cuckold dynamic can take on many forms some of which include humiliation and denial and anything else you want to add to the definition. Yes that is correct, your relationship is whatever you want it to be. You can any words or definitions to define your relationship. I was uncomfortable with the term cuck until Kev and I decided what the word meant to us and accepted it. For a while, I called it poly-friending because the word cuck made me uncomfortable. The word isn’t as important as the definition behind it. Make your relationship what you want and worry about naming it later.
So what is a cuck good for anyway? A cuckold type relationship is a deep emotional bond with a partner that allows external physical exploration. My husband is my cuck and he is my primary emotional connection. Kev and I have sex often but he is not my primary physical and carnal connection, our sex is about maintaining our bond and reconnecting at an intimate and psychological level. We have deep levels of intimacy and we absolutely adore each other. I have Kev and he and I are a rock solid connection that will never waver, our constant communication guarantees it. Since I have Kev and I feel so confident in our bond I don’t have the innate need to constantly impress him or dress sexy for his benefit.
My husband is a wonderful man and his deep love allows me to explore complete physical satisfaction and I couldn’t be more grateful.
I can see that. After 3 years of a cuckold relationship I’d say I’m much less erotically inclined toward my husband but he has become a more emotionally supportive partner. It works both ways though. I can become very attentive to him and take care of him when he gets the flu or something like that. I love him more than I ever have, but most of the time, there isn’t a tenth of the sexual chemistry I have with my boyfriends. I can say that I almost never desire him sexually because chemistry is everything when it comes to desire and the cuckold relationship takes the chemistry away because you are exploring with others instead of each other. This lifestyle will change the sexual connection over time for some couples. From what you said I think you see that already in such a short time. I am more aroused by denying him, giving him specific tasks or making him push his boundaries. I find that his sex drive is as strong as ever so I have him masturbate for me. I like watching him masturbate and I enjoy seeing him cum but I think the sexual component of our marriage is forever gone. This is just a word of caution but I wouldn’t have done anything different. Like you say, my husband is my emotional partner but we no longer have the sexual components with each other.
Having an emotional supportive partner is a beautiful thing and if that fulfills both of your needs at this time then you have nothing to worry about. In my humble opinion I wouldn’t put the nail in the coffin of you and your husbands sex life permanently. If you asked my wife a year into our Cuckold relationship I think her thought would be very similar to yours but 1 night she came home from a particularly enjoyable experience with a new guy and it awakened a primal urge inside of me that even I didn’t know was there. After that night are relationships was different she still had my blessing to have sex with other men but both of our focuses shifted to what we were going to do to each other with all of that sexual energy and not about having sexual needs met from a 3rd party. However your relationship continues forward I wish nothing but happiness
I agree with Khailyn . Cuckolding changes the sexual dynamic of the primary relationship . There is simply no return to what was. I am not saying this is good or bad real. In just reading the blog it is easy to see that Emma has changed . She is much more objective and not as warn and personable as she once was . Does this mean that I am less attracted to her and her writing ? Absolutely not ! I think she is growing and becoming even more attractive and I am pretty sure most of the male population would agree with me . A Cuckold relationship is far more intellectual than physical for the man . It forces him to accept his submission and empowers her to a completely new perspective of life and relationship.
I don’t want there to be any misunderstanding or reading into what I am about to say. I very much do understand that there are men, husbands, that truly desire and thrive for being replaced by another man in their marriage, even if only sexually. God bless those men and thankfully they are married to a woman that can fulfill those desires for them, even if I can’t understand them.
But, for me personally, and can’t get past the ‘being-replaced’ part that seems inevitable in cuckolding, even if it doesn’t start out that way. Also, again for me, I can’t see the desire for a husband to not be replaced, but also humiliated, even if it is only in jest.
Over the past couple of years and in the context of my own WLM, I have become intrigued about a wife fulfilling her sexual desires via fucking other men. That said, my Wife has no interest in it, and it is not a fantasy of mine. I do realize that could change for her, and if it did, we would communicate about it, what, if anything it would mean or look like. I would suspect the culmination of that communication would reveal that I would be ok with and fully support her having sex with another man, or woman, but only in the context of her using that other person as if he or she were a sex toy. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t handle and wouldn’t want any part of her wanting to develop a relationship with that person outside the sex act itself. No dates, trips, romance, none of it. That may sound selfish to some, especially given that I am her slave husband. Sorry not sorry.
My concern, again for me, would be that emotional relations begin then develop and grow. Grow into what exactly? Nobody knows until they are faced with it, but a seed can only grow when it is planted, watered and nurtured, which is what humans tend to desire. even if they believe or say that it won’t or can’t happen. Being replaced during occasional sex acts is one thing. Being emotionally replaced by my Wife, even a little, would crush me.
During my “research” of the cuckold lifestyle over the past several years, I come to notice that when these seeds do get planted, they typically evolve into something that seems to inevitably undermine the foundation of a couple’s relationship. Again, some couples genuinely desire such a thing but if there was ever even a smidgen of apprehension on the husband’s part, either at the beginning or along the journey, the damage has been done. The bell has been rung and a bell cannot be un-rung.
Khailyn said in her comment; “I can say that I almost never desire him sexually because chemistry is everything when it comes to desire and the cuckold relationship takes the chemistry away because you are exploring with others instead of each other.” For her and her husband, this very well could be exactly what they are hoping for, and if so, I truly couldn’t be happier for them that they have found this newfound joy in their lives, whatever their initial goal may have been. Really, in the end, if her husband is really happy and not harboring an ounce of resentment or regret, everybody should be happy. Including me, and I am. I know their lifestyle, or Emma’s or anyone else’s is for me to be concerned with, but I can’t even imagine existing in a world where my wife felt anything like this. Even a little.
I’ve seen conversation in the cuckold “mainstream” that really made me sad. Stories, blogs and even commercials for Female Led gurus, suggesting a normalization of cuckoldresses and hotwives have begun to look to their bulls to make them pregnant. Maybe I’m just too old to not be able to see anything but sadness, heartbreak, dysfunction and unhappiness for the mother, the child and the husband. My point for bringing it up is not to be judgmental about choices made by adults in this world, but rather to cite it as an example of how things can evolve and grow. If a cuck couple has any limits whatsoever in their relationship, it seems logical to me that there is a good chance that their relationship risks being emotionally fueled to crash right through those limits. If that were to happen, there is even a better chance that a relationship dies a sad death. Just my opinion, and I could be wrong.
Johndalton said in his comment; “I agree with Khailyn . Cuckolding changes the sexual dynamic of the primary relationship . There is simply no return to what was. I agree with both of them, it cannot ever go back.
Please, again, I beg of you not to believe I am being judgmental of the choices that any couple makes. I’m not. I never have and never will lose sight of the fact that what others do is none of business anyway, and if they are happy, I’m happy for them.
I’m with you on this, I’m having trouble reconciling the fact a husband would be truly happy knowing his wife has little to no attraction towards him. There is a difference between comfort in accepting reality of your situation and being joyous. As someone into ethical non monogamy the mainstream cuckold stuff is interesting/frightening. Can’t tell if they’re fantasizing or traumatized.
Some guys sounds broken down by life – conditioned into believing that is the best they can do, who knows perhaps it is cause ain’t fair. If my wife reduce me into being a glorified emotional support dog I’d be pretty nervous of our relationship trajectory.
That said to each their own and I hope everyone finds happiness in life.
Yet, I have read in this very site, that plenty of guys absolutely do not get sex with their wives, ever. Many claim they are happily locked 24/7. Is that not her saying, “you are nothing but an emotional support dog? (Or financially support dog) I agree, for me, i could not live that way, whether it was through chastity or cuckolding…
However, FLR in its various forms, is a form of sadomasochism at its roots. I have seen many individuals, who thoroughly need a physical beating and those who need a mental beating, in order to function in life and feel fulfilled.
So, the, to each their own most definitely applies here….
“Yet, I have read in this very site, that plenty of guys absolutely do not get sex with their wives, ever.”
Yeah, I’ve seen that too, but sometimes it’s a mincing of words and a subsequent misunderstanding. For example, I’m having more sex with my wife than I have in the 25 years we have been together, yet actual PIV penetration is merely a rare treat. The minute we no longer defined “sex” as my cock in her pussy, we were only then able to start the most and best sex of our lives. Mostly without penetration by my penis, and even rarer with it resulting in an orgasm for me. Sex though? Shit loads of amazing, hot satisfying sex.
So yes, to each their own.
When I put myself in the situation of the above husbands I very much agree with you but to other guys even the idea of being in an ENM relationship would be a ridiculous thought so the way I see it we all have our on lines we draw and I do have to say I find it fascinating to hear of couples that are living far outside of the Gide lines I’m personally comfortable with
I am also with @subhubphx on this topic. I earnestly want to understand how cuckolding driven by humiliation doesn’t necessarily lead to an unhealthy relationship and an unhealthy man. Intellectually, I can grasp compersion for the man and the fun of using a living sex toy for the woman. But when I try to translate that to how it could be a reality for me and my fiancé, I run straight into a brick wall. We both love sex, don’t get me wrong. And we have mind blowing sex. The best sex either of us have had in our lives. But the purpose of sex for both of us has little to do with sexual gratification. It has to do with creating love and intimacy (literally “making love”). That is why I gave up masturbation. I stopped that sexual self-gratification so that I could channel 100% of that energy into building the greatest possible intimacy with my fiancé. Likewise, she has zero interest in having sex with another person because sex serves no purpose in her life other than to increase intimacy of her relationship with me. She seeks no intimacy, like that, with any other person.
Men always seems to regress back to their patriarchal past when the concept of Cuckolding is brought up. The construct of Cuckolding is not sexual but rather empowerment. The sexual part that scares even submissive men is only an expression of her growth into becoming the woman of your dreams . The challenge at this point for men is realizing that there is no return to what was! You have offered your submission and she has accepted it . Now you have to accept the terms of your gift because in your submission you are simply not the empowered man of your patriarchal past .She is in driving , stop trying to grab the sterling wheel ! Give her the. Freedom to make these choices. Most women never actually follow through with Cuckolding because they too sense the danger and threat to the primary relationship…… but that is her call. If she chooses to go forward you will experience a mind blowing reality like you never imagined.
“The sexual part that scares even submissive men is only an expression of her growth into becoming the woman of your dreams .”
But what if it’s truly part of her becoming the woman of my dreams? What if the husband does not want her to fuck other men, but she evolves in her dominance to wanting to? Is it just assumed that boundary of the husband is not of enough value to be respected if it should eventually differ from hers?
Mind you, there are so many intricate variations of the “cuckolding” label that likely a satisfactory compromise would be made between the husband as they have that dance out on the razor’s edge.
You are certainly initialed to your opinion but a men has the right to draw a line in the sand that he will not cross without out being patriarchal. It’s all about individual choice and regardless if you are the dom or sub in a given relationship you should consistently be considering your feelings completely separate from your partner’s feelings and make sure you are still on board with the direction things are going and if you’re partner truly loves you then how you feel would be paramount to them
I can’t speak for others but in my relationship I lacked any sexual confidence so I erotized that feeling and craved the validation of my feelings that I was to small to please my wife properly and that led us to cuckolding at that time I thought it was completely healthy just the reality of things. It wasn’t until I did a lot of self work that I realized I was more then capable of pleasing any woman it wasn’t the size of my dick that was a drag on our sex life it was the size of my confidence. Once that changed there is not a single aspect of my life that hasn’t improved.
Interesting, and congratulations. Was this newfound confidence enough for you to be able to get past the bell that had already be rung when she fucked other men?
subhubphx, You speak the truth
Hi Emma,
Can I ask what changed your mind so drastically from your earlier anti-cuckolding blogs where you were very much not in favour?
I’m a part-feminised submissive man in an FLR where cuckolding is nowhere on the horizon. I strongly believe in floating one’s boat consensually however one wishes, so not coming from a critical stance.
I think it was a matter of comfortability with something that I’ve been told all my life is absolute taboo and a cardinal sin. As I learned about Kev’s support for the idea and the way we both respond physically and emotionally I began to understand that our idea of relationships is a construct and not built with our best interests in mind. The answer to your question is very complex but the more I learned, the more I began to understand. Even my comfortability with the terms cuck & cuckold is quite fascinating. I was closed minded to new ideas that conflicted with my world view and as I learned more, I began to open my mind to new ideas. I am still working on my understanding which is why the cadence of my posts has decreased a bit.
Emma , I have made the same journey. I once hated the concept of Cuckolding and especially hated the name .The more I grew in my submission the more I began to question the whole concept of monogamy especially with my core desire to please her. It is a deep dive into the basics of relationship and love. I was cuckold in a past relationship and absolutely cherish the experience. Unfortunately my partner had no understanding of what had happen and it eventually ended our relationship. I am very happy in a new relationship but it gives me much regret that my past relationship ended at a point that could have taken us to an incredible new level of love and relationship. I hope you make it through to the other side.
Take care
John Dalton
“Unfortunately my partner had no understanding of what had happen and it eventually ended our relationship.”
Johndalton, I’m sorry to hear that a previous relationship sadly ended because of cuckolding. I see this time and time again; whereas the individuals in a relationship felt as though the necessary communication had taken place prior to ‘ringing the bell’, and that the relationship was solid enough to hear the music when that bell was rung … when alas, the bell cannot be un-rung. Perhaps it erotic-fueled eagerness that clouds both parties in the relationship from allowing themselves to underestimate or even see the clear dangers that exist.
Subhubphx I think I may not have been clear in my response to you . Cuckolding did not end our relationship but rather the lack of understanding or her willingness to challenge the societal norms . She was born a Cuckoldress but just could not look in the mirror and accept who she really was. She was territorial and very jealous when it came to me but felt she was entitled to enjoy all the male attention she desired . She loved to flirt and was good at it but in the beginning was very private about her desires to take it further. When I discovered she was communicating with a past lover I encouraged her to pursue the relationship but not in secret. I had no desire to be present or part of the encounter but rather just open so there was no lies or deceit.She struggled with the concept of my acceptance but began to grow in her sexuality . The change in her was dramatic ! Her confidence grew , she was much happier in general and had a new perspective on life . The best part was the effect it had on our relationship! Our dull boring life together turned into the sexually charged relationship of our dreams . Sadly after her first sexual encounter with literally the man of her dreams she became bitter and rejected my submission and the entire lifestyle. I wrote about this on other blogs and titled the post “ The Cheese” . The transition from the normal construct of marriage to Cuckolding can be difficult for both parties and certainly requires an open mind . I think this is what Emma is describing in her comments above.
Take care
John Dalton
Johndalton … thanks for the reply. My point was intended to be, and always tries to be when speaking about things is that for many, many people, even those with the very best of intentions, fail to fully anticipate and appreciate the potential for significant and even severe changes in emotions after the “bell is rung”, when it is too late. That’s all. Success or failure of cuckolding, humiliation-based fetishes or other fetishes that rely on testing emotions, can only ever be looked back on and determined once it’s all fully said and done. That may even be at the end of life. My only hope for anyone participating in such activities is that they fully understand the potential for current and perhaps fragile feelings and emotions to change to something that causes regret later. For those that are able to do so without regret … they are among those in the world that actually can and do live their best lives. Matters of the heart (and mind) are usually more fragile than any of us realize, and sometimes we tend to consciously deny, or even lie to ourselves about how we truly may feel in the present in order to accommodate or spare the desires of another. The quintessential razor’s edge if you will.
Well said changing your mind when presented with new information is a rare skill in the world today
I’ve read this article and the subsequent comments with interest. Obviously we all come to this from different viewpoints and experiences.
For us, we had a different start point to perhaps some others. My hubby had ED issues but we continued to have sex but mostly oral or using a strap on. There has been no diminishing of our desire for each other, or our love, but the mechanics simply weren’t in full working order.
He encouraged me to think about having sex with other men for a long, long time but I wasn’t ready for that emotionally and I didn’t think he was either.
But….along came someone who I just clicked with. Someone who flirted with me and I found myself flirting back. It still wasn’t something I was comfortable with but when talking with hubby I realised that this wasn’t about fulfilling a fantasy of his, but rather an expression of his love. He wanted me to be sexually fulfilled and was wracked with guilt that he hadn’t been able to meet those needs as he saw it.
So for us it has never been about replacing him, but it has been about filling in a piece of the jigsaw that has been missing and which now both of us are happy where it’s at.
“So for us it has never been about replacing him, …..”
I think this is the essence of what of hesitation for me and perhaps others, when ringing the cuckold bell. Being replaced. In any fashion. Because you both were to realize that you were not fulfilling a fantasy of his, but rather filling a hole that existed (no pun intended, I promise), it nicely defines how you avoid him being “replaced”.
It’s for this reason, I think, that I could never get behind humiliation, in any form, temporary, situational, kidding or otherwise, being part of any meaningful marriage. I think all forms of humiliation leaves scars and even though some of those scars may be small, and it may seem like you are giving someone what the “want”, all of those scars get collected in a dark place until there are just too many of them.
“It’s for this reason, I think, that I could never get behind humiliation, in any form, temporary, situational, kidding or otherwise, being part of any meaningful marriage. I think all forms of humiliation leaves scars and even though some of those scars may be small, and it may seem like you are giving someone what the “want”, all of those scars get collected in a dark place until there are just too many of them.”
I agree @subhubphx. And I think it damages the humiliator, too. “Many a truth is said in jest.” IMO, if you are comfortable degrading the person you love, then you are intentionally degrading the love.
For my lovely Wife Karin and I, it is more about Her using other partners (male or sometimes female) to enhance Her pleasure, rather than replace me as Her primary partner. Her desire for me seems to increase the more frequently She is with outside partners.
Our relationship, however, isn’t a “typical” FLR. I call it “FLR-Poly” as it has been open, on both sides, since our first date nearly 12 years ago.