The male orgasm is interesting when I compare it to my own. I can have seven or eight orgasms before I simply feel too exhausted (and sore) to go on. Despite that, my arousal stays generally the same during and after each orgasm even increasing from one to the next. On the male side, the orgasm causes a refractory period where the man loses arousal and ability to perform for a period of time. For some men, this is a very short time and for other men the orgasm results in loss of arousal and sexual interest. As we’ve covered in other blogs, this is a direct result of the hormonal differences between the two genders even though orgasm experience as a whole is quite similar although longer in females. Experts say that “orgasm does not differ by biological sex” so aside from duration, we experience generally the same orgasms. My biased view is that the female orgasm is vastly better than the male orgasm since it has a longer duration and frequency. Most men also enjoy watching a female orgasm as much as experiencing one of their own. Further proof!
How can I make his orgasm more like mine?
His orgasm is different and it isn’t realistic to try and make it more like yours. Your best bet is to focus on extending his pleasure and gamify his arousal reward system by increasing his non-orgasmic pleasure. The clitoris alone has over 8,000 pleasure receptors while the penis only has 4,000. I don’t think it is realistic to try and make him experience a similar sexual experience. We’ve clearly won in that department, sorry guys. The focus should be on helping him experience sexual pleasure outside of a sexual experience and increase the intensity of each sexual experience that you enjoy together. As we’ve discussed, sexual release for men deflates their sails, per se. If you keep his sails up all day long his arousal energy will grow and redirect to you as attention, compliments and acts of service. This will also make him feel more intense sexual energy overall.
The Sexual Response Cycle
Both the male and female sexual response cycles start with excitement and end with orgasm but as I described above, the female cycle has the potential for multiple orgasms since it never really drops below the plateau until excitement decreases.
The Sexual Denial Curve
Male sexual denial keeps his body in a heightened level of excitement all the time which leads to a higher sexual plateau when arousal does occur. This leads to a plateau that is closer to an orgasmic state. While an orgasm does not occur, many of the same hormones are release to make him feel euphoric sensations of an orgasm. This can be prolonged for quite some time. The key is teasing since teasing ensures that sufficient stimulation occurs to keep resentment low but sexual attention high. The single biggest step for us was the removal of orgasm from sexual experience. When orgasm is no longer directly tied to sex, he enjoys the ride and isn’t laser focused on the grand finale. This is incredibly difficult at the beginning but it quickly becomes normal. Before long, sex becomes about experiencing a deep connection together and and not his release.
Denial is Not the Opposite of Arousal
Quite the contrary, denial can be incredibly arousing! For example, when Kev and I are having PIV sex and I say anything about locking him up or not allowing an orgasm it triggers something inside him. I can feel him immediately stiffen up and he has even let out a moan or frustrated grunt. The opposite of arousal is calm or nothingness which goes back to the challenge of locking and leaving your guy. If you lock him and leave him, it is creates a high level of resentment and decreases sexual attention. In fact with no arousal or teasing, he will eventually become more frustrated and less interested.
A Finite Resource Huh?
His orgasm is finite and it causes damage to your connection if it is permitted too frequently. Your orgasm is infinite (within reason). You can have as many as you like with very few adverse side effects. Either take his orgasms under your control or at least be aware when they are happening. You can ask him to tell you, to request permission, or even… pay you (lol) each time an orgasm happens. If he has an orgasm, I guarantee that sub-par sex and poor emotional connection are to follow for the two of you later that day. The science is there and it incredibly easy for you to prove at home. So what are you waiting for? Improve your sex life and your overall relationship quality by flipping the script on orgasms. Thanks for reading!