The male orgasm is interesting when I compare it to my own. I can have seven or eight orgasms before I simply feel too exhausted (and sore) to go on. Despite that, my arousal stays generally the same during and after each orgasm even increasing from one to the next. On the male side, the orgasm causes a refractory period where the man loses arousal and ability to perform for a period of time. For some men, this is a very short time and for other men the orgasm results in loss of arousal and sexual interest. As we’ve covered in other blogs, this is a direct result of the hormonal differences between the two genders even though orgasm experience as a whole is quite similar although longer in females. Experts say that “orgasm does not differ by biological sex” so aside from duration, we experience generally the same orgasms. My biased view is that the female orgasm is vastly better than the male orgasm since it has a longer duration and frequency. Most men also enjoy watching a female orgasm as much as experiencing one of their own. Further proof!
How can I make his orgasm more like mine?
His orgasm is different and it isn’t realistic to try and make it more like yours. Your best bet is to focus on extending his pleasure and gamify his arousal reward system by increasing his non-orgasmic pleasure. The clitoris alone has over 8,000 pleasure receptors while the penis only has 4,000. I don’t think it is realistic to try and make him experience a similar sexual experience. We’ve clearly won in that department, sorry guys. The focus should be on helping him experience sexual pleasure outside of a sexual experience and increase the intensity of each sexual experience that you enjoy together. As we’ve discussed, sexual release for men deflates their sails, per se. If you keep his sails up all day long his arousal energy will grow and redirect to you as attention, compliments and acts of service. This will also make him feel more intense sexual energy overall.
The Sexual Response Cycle
Both the male and female sexual response cycles start with excitement and end with orgasm but as I described above, the female cycle has the potential for multiple orgasms since it never really drops below the plateau until excitement decreases.
The Sexual Denial Curve
Male sexual denial keeps his body in a heightened level of excitement all the time which leads to a higher sexual plateau when arousal does occur. This leads to a plateau that is closer to an orgasmic state. While an orgasm does not occur, many of the same hormones are release to make him feel euphoric sensations of an orgasm. This can be prolonged for quite some time. The key is teasing since teasing ensures that sufficient stimulation occurs to keep resentment low but sexual attention high. The single biggest step for us was the removal of orgasm from sexual experience. When orgasm is no longer directly tied to sex, he enjoys the ride and isn’t laser focused on the grand finale. This is incredibly difficult at the beginning but it quickly becomes normal. Before long, sex becomes about experiencing a deep connection together and and not his release.
Denial is Not the Opposite of Arousal
Quite the contrary, denial can be incredibly arousing! For example, when Kev and I are having PIV sex and I say anything about locking him up or not allowing an orgasm it triggers something inside him. I can feel him immediately stiffen up and he has even let out a moan or frustrated grunt. The opposite of arousal is calm or nothingness which goes back to the challenge of locking and leaving your guy. If you lock him and leave him, it is creates a high level of resentment and decreases sexual attention. In fact with no arousal or teasing, he will eventually become more frustrated and less interested.
A Finite Resource Huh?
His orgasm is finite and it causes damage to your connection if it is permitted too frequently. Your orgasm is infinite (within reason). You can have as many as you like with very few adverse side effects. Either take his orgasms under your control or at least be aware when they are happening. You can ask him to tell you, to request permission, or even… pay you (lol) each time an orgasm happens. If he has an orgasm, I guarantee that sub-par sex and poor emotional connection are to follow for the two of you later that day. The science is there and it incredibly easy for you to prove at home. So what are you waiting for? Improve your sex life and your overall relationship quality by flipping the script on orgasms. Thanks for reading!
My update: my boyfriend and I are in agreement now that we should get into male chastity and cock cages! I’m very excited for this development.
Just last night, I introduced the idea of me taking the dominant role in our relationship and turning our relationship into an FLR! He seems to be seeing stars! He said I can do whatever I want. Of course, when I see him next I will be discussing this with him extensively and figuring out boundaries and expectations so I do not instill resentment. And I will be taking all of your advice, especially lots of tease and denial, and orgasm control!
Thank you so much for everything you are doing here on your blog. I haven’t been able to find another blog or site that comes to being even slightly as amazing as Evolving Your Man. I’m absolutely ecstatic and I feel renewed and powerful, the way I used to feel years ago before my mental health declined!! I’m just as pumped about life as I was then. Maybe even moreso now! I feel radiant. Thank you.
This was so spot on… I introduced to my wife the concept of limited orgasms for me & she was quite hesitant. It took quite some time for her to get comfy with the idea that my orgasm would not happen every time we made love. She had to overcome the ‘male orgasm is necessary for me to be pleasured.’ Unfortunately, society taught her that women should please their man & no orgasm meant no pleasure. She fell fatally ill just when she was just coming into her own by enjoying multiple orgasms while i stayed, as she called it, ‘dry.’ I still imagine what we’d have today if she was still here.
I’m glad to see what bamberbabe111 wrote. If the love, & respect is there, your boyfriend will be in for some fun & memorable times with an FLR.
What a great post Emma!
I’m on this one with MYQUEEN.
My wife was also confused about sex without a male orgasm. she responded:
cumming is the goal for having sex, isn’t it? In my opinion there are so many females out there who are conditioned to think this way. That is why I am happy that people like Emma are trying to spread the word of chastity/semen retention and therefor gaining more participants.
“The focus should be on helping him experience sexual pleasure outside of a sexual experience and increase the intensity of each sexual experience that you enjoy together.
“If you keep his sails up all day long his arousal energy will grow and redirect to you as attention, compliments and acts of service. This will also make him feel more intense sexual energy overall.”
Absolutely the f-ing truth! Truer words were never spoken, or written. Thanks for saying it again and again Emma. There is so much for those emerging into this realm to know and understand on their journey to a mature and loving female led relationship, in whatever form it takes.
For Ms. K (my Wife) and I, the second she was able to fully understand these 2 statements, our life together, our lifestyle, our love for each other and our marriage flew like a rocket to beautiful heights.
Congratulations to those that have found this path. Stay with it with love, trust, respect and incredible amounts of communication, and your life together will be bliss.
This is so central to our lives now. I’m 73, my spouse of 51 years is 81, and we have a very wonderful active intimacy that we only discovered when my refractory period became multiple days. Now we have wonderful sex at least 5 days per week, with her enjoying orgasm every 10 days or so. My ejaculation is over a month presently, and she told me this morning she doesn’t want me to yet. And I am so delighted with that, both because I like the feeling of energy all the time, and because she is supporting it. After 48 years of me ejaculating every time it took a long time for her to not feel like she was letting me down when she comes and I don’t. But now, with her slightest touch or mention if sex my brain races and I start to harden. My biggest hurdle is retaining during her orgasm as that excites me so much. Need more practice ?. We started semen retention after following, and interacting with, Yoga Girl, then reading Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow and Slow Sex. Found you, Emma, when looking for FLR101. Stay safe, kind, calm.
This is a very common challenge. After 48 wonderful years, the fact that she is so concerned with your pleasure is admirable and enviable. Traditional wisdom would tell us that she got something and you didn’t. Once you know that whole picture, you learn that withholding your O gives you both so much more. Thanks for contributing to the site and we are happy to have you here. I stared my journey with FLR101 and found YogaGirl’s story utterly fascinating. I wish I had a way to get in touch with her or learn why she stopped blogging.
My partner found Yoga Girl to be a bit too extreme, but I found her approach exciting. We read A Married Woman’s Guide together https://toy4her.wordpress.com/
which provided some direction for us without the disciplinary aspect. I admit I find the threat of being punished for ejaculating titillating however ….,
We found YG to be exciting and ended up trying just about everything that she preached. As with your partner, we couldn’t take the spankings and punishment seriously and eventually moved away from that. It was fun but we both felt like we had to be “in character” for it. It was fun from a role play perspective for us but for us it was just that, playing a role. Thanks for the link! I do remember reading that site a few years ago but I’ll give it another skim to see if something catches my attention. Thanks!
“Traditional wisdom would tell us that she got something and you didn’t. Once you know that whole picture, you learn that withholding your O gives you both so much more.”
Truer words were never spoken.
What a great story Raul. Your lovely Wife and you are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing.
That is so awesome! You and your wife have a great relationship!
Yes, the male orgasm is definitely a finite resource. Not only physically with a refractory period, but the depletion mentally that occurs afterwards. Staying aroused for your partner is awesome! Limiting orgasms has made us feel better toward each other. Definitely closer. We schedule all sex, so in between times, all touching, kissing, cuddling, my wife knows it won’t lead to full sex or masturbation. She just enjoys the moment and so do I.
Russ, this is a good point – before we started down this path she would resist my touching, kisses or cuddling as she knew it would get me going and she would feel obligated to have sex in some form, usually PIV, to “relieve” me. Embarrassing to think of it now that she has complete control of when and how we have sex. I get excited and erect, and just enjoy any encounter for what it is. We very seldom have full-on sex other than first thing in the morning, but she gets me excited often during the day. This can be from a variety of things – her touching my bum as she walks by, me providing some personal service like cleaning her hearing aids (honestly!), telling me to fill her teacup, allowing me to watch her getting dressed, washing her panties which she leaves for me on the bathroom counter every evening (and laughing at me sniffing them…). I’ve learned a deep sense of erotic satisfaction from serving her, and even though she doesn’t demand this, or anything really, she likes it. She likes it enough to allow me to indulge in my personal fantasies, for which I am very grateful. Santa made a spanking strap of rubber belting and a wooden handle which I’m anticipating feeling on my naughty bum one of these mornings. After my first spanking I will kneel before her and thank her, and she will laugh. ?
This is such a well crafted statement, crystalising what I increasingly discovered during my interactions with assertive women.
On a couple of occasions over the years, I was left without relief after serving for their pleasure, and only got to ejaculate later by myself, still glowing (and very, very hard) from the preceeding play.
While both making me very enthusiastic to satisfy them during the extended encounters, this also increased the fondness I am looking back onto these meetings with to this day. Allowing me to reach such a high level of continuous arousal and giving it to me as my “leaving present” so to say, made it possible for me to savour what was happening, both during and after the sex, much more than if it had ended in an explosive ejaculation.
Such a good blog. Really full of good information and so helpful.