My husband and I are new to cuckolding and we truly find enjoyment in the fantasy but I think it may cause some anxiety in his mind with size and performance problems. We read stories together and I also tease him about size and other cuckold fetish play. Other men to me are just sex toys and he is my deep emotional connection and bonded partner. He wants me to go all the way and take our fantasy to the next level but I fear that it might heighten his performance problems. He assures me that it will not but I am not so sure. Should we take things to the next level and realize this fantasy as reality?
Initially I leaned toward PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction) which may play a part but I don’t think it is the full answer. Cuckolding involves deriving pleasure from witnessing one’s partner receive sexual stimulation by another person. There are links between cuckolding, anxiety and erectile dysfunction. Let’s start by considering some of the benefits of taking your cuckoldry to the next level.
Psychological Pros of Cuckolding
Cuckoldry can be an enlivening approach to kinks and intimacy. For example, those who struggle to satisfy their partner sexually due to a medical condition may find that cuckoldry presents an opportunity for both parties to experience pleasure.
It also provides people with an opportunity to broaden their sexual horizons and explore ways of being that flout restrictive ideas about fidelity and relationships. When practiced consensually, cuckoldry can be enjoyable, empowering and exciting for all parties. However, there are also some possible downsides that should be considered.
Consider what makes cuckolding exciting for consenting adults who enjoy this kink. For starters: cuckolding is counter-cultural, challenging societal norms of monogamy. It is transgressive, and there is a lot of taboo surrounding this practice and that may expose a person to stigma.
In addition, cuckoldry can trigger or exacerbate fears of sexual inadequacy. Many find themselves wondering: what if my partner comes to prefer another over myself? What if this leads my partner to become unfaithful? What if cuckoldry makes them rethink the relationship after experiencing a different or better perceived form of sexual satisfaction?
These fears are common. They make the practice of cuckoldry both risky and potentially thrilling. From a psychological perspective, this anxiety about inadequacy may manifest in the form of erectile problems. This happens when neural signals between the brain and genitals are interrupted, making it difficult or impossible to achieve or maintain an erection.
What Can You Do?
Erectile issues are often treatable. There are various approaches that can be explored, some of which are discussed below.
Erectile problems always warrant a medical consultation, as they can potentially be caused by underlying cardiac problems. If your erectile dysfunction has only started following experimentation with cuckoldry, though, it is likely that the cause is psychological rather than medical.
Your doctor may suggest certain medications, including Viagra or Cialis. While these medications can provide symptom relief, it is important to note that medications do not empower you to understand and address the underlying causes of your anxiety. If everything worked fine prior to your cuckold journey then it is unlikely that this is a medical cause. The more likely culprit is mental and anxiety. If there are underlying erectile issues, your foray into cuckoldum may exacerbate symptoms so Viagra or Cialis might help even if just as a placebo.
One popular approach for managing anxiety-induced erectile dysfunction involves mindfulness. Mindfulness involves training the brain to become more aware and accepting of the present moment.
Mindfulness is a form of meditation, which can be practiced through a guided recording, a class or with the assistance of a psychologist. Often, mindfulness-based techniques are incorporated into psychotherapy.
For example, practitioners who use Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) or Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction integrate mindfulness with traditional psychological therapy. It can help people who struggle with anxiety-induced erectile dysfunction in two ways. First, mindfulness helps regulate the nervous system in a way that makes anxiety less likely to occur.
Second, mindfulness helps one to tolerate discomfort generally; and specifically in relation to feelings of inadequacy. When we are able to acknowledge and accept these feelings, we are better equipped to understand their source and find sustainable ways of moving forward.
Psychodynamic therapy helps a person to change by helping them to understand the influence of their past experiences on their current difficulties. This approach to therapy also helps clients to understand unconscious processes that maintain their problems.
If you are practicing cuckoldry and find that erectile dysfunction is negatively affecting your well-being, psychodynamic therapy can help you to understand the unconsciousness triggers and vulnerabilities that underlie your symptoms. This is a great approach for those seeking to improve their sex lives while also increasing personal insight and resilience.
Research suggests that cucks and cuckqueans may, at times, be seeking to unconsciously manage earlier experiences of relational betrayal by exercising agency in relation to sex. People who have experienced this sort of relational trauma early in life may be at risk of other psychiatric conditions, including depression, anxiety, addiction and personality disorders. In such cases, a psychologist may use an eclectic approach (which combines psychodynamic and mindfulness-based approaches) to treat multiple conditions.
For consenting adults, cuckoldry can represent an exciting and fulfilling, but also potentially anxiety-provoking way of relating. For some people, though, cuckoldry can spike anxiety in a way that triggers erectile issues. Those with pre-existing anxiety or sexual disorders may be at greater risk. Fortunately, erectile issues often respond well to treatment through medical, psychological or mindfulness-based approaches. Should you take your cuckold fantasy to the next level? I can’t answer that for you but if you choose to give it a whirl, there may be some temporary adverse side effects. Communicating about those feelings and exploring these new feelings honestly and openly together will no doubt minimize any long term erectile dysfunction concerns. I would recommend taking things slow and role playing. Slowly stroke him and talk to him about an erotic fantasy describing how much better another lover felt. Feel the intensity of his erection as you go through your fantasy. After the quasi-cuckold experience discuss how he felt and understand the emotions of jealousy, inadequacy and compersion as he experienced them. Listen for red flags and if you feel like you are ready for next steps, try a oral or handjob cuckold experience as your first foray into cuckdom. I have plenty of additional reading on this site if you decide to give it a go. Just remember that your communication is tantamount. He needs to understand that other men are mere playthings while he is your emotional rock that allows you to experience others with him as your emotional safety net. None of this would be possible without him and his evolved manliness.
The enthusiastic cuck is the most evolved of partners.