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Tantra – Touch and Sex

In my previous blog about antisocial distancing, I talked about physical touch and separated it from sex. In this one I will do just the opposite. What about when touching your sexy bits isn’t about sex at all. I started researching tantra and massage shortly after posting our tantric troll’s story.

Lingam Massage

The penis is referred to as linghma in tantra’s language. The lingham means wand of light. Pretty cool, right? Calm down there tiger, don’t start waving it around like a light saber (I’m admittedly jealous). So how can you do it at home? How can you make him feel loved? Start first by finding a dimly let area without distractions. Light a candle with a relaxing scent, turn off electronics and minimize all other distractions.

Take some time to relax his body with a warm wet towel and place your hands over his genital area. Drip some oil, lotion or water based lubricant on him and gently massage and stroke his testes.


It may seem strange or awkward at first but make and hold eye contact with him. Lock eyes and be one with him. Share his emotions, smiles, laughs everything is ok. You want to be with him completely.

Use a firm stroke from head to base and back up again. The erogenous zones are from halfway above the knee to his belly button. Focus on that area and move up and down. Alternate your speed and pressure in tune with his reactions. If he appears to get close, slow your touch and back off.


Remember that this isn’t about orgasm, this is about experiencing a bond and a closeness with someone else. If your partner is locked, this is a great exercise to reinforce teasing. There is absolutely no problem with unlocking him for something like this and locking him up shortly after. Physical touch is a beautiful thing.

Some links for additional reading about Lingam Massage.




Yoni Massage

Similarly to the lingham being the word for penis, the vagina is referred to as yoni in Sanskrit and means “sacred space”. Yoni massage is a ritual of erotic connectivity between a man and a woman or two females focusing on massing parts of the vagina known as the yoni area. Your goal is to massage the vulva and vagina so the receiver can perform breathing exercises. Both mental and physical tensions are freed resulting in being able to receive pleasure from wonderful touch.

As with the male lingham massage, setting the mood and removing distractions is absolutely essential. Women will likely take more warming up than their male counterparts. Make constant eye contact, with the focus being on closeness. Feel your way around her body and massage her areas. Pay very close attention to her reactions and expressions. Very slight differences in your touch can make all the difference.

Yoni massage is about pleasure, relaxation and the removal of tension. You should plan to make your yoni massage about relaxation and not sex. Do not plan to use it as a road to arouse you for sex. If you do, you may not be able to focus on the massage and will be focused on the destination. If your male partner is performing the massage, doing so with him locked may be wise to help him focus on your pleasure rather than trying to arouse you for sex.

Some links for additional reading about yoni massage:





Professional yoni and lingham massage therapists exist and I would highly recommend them. Although I’ve never received a professional yoni massage, I would consider it either from a man or woman. I can imagine that the energies would be very different from either.

From what I can see, tantic massage of both the yoni and lingam variety is legal in the US where I reside however it does not appear to be legal for providers to charge for the service.

It doesn’t appear that licensing is available nor enforced so it can be done by anyone. If you do hire a professional, it seems that paying them may be the difficult part. They may ask for a donation or perhaps ask you to pay for a therapy session which they provide beforehand and then follow up with the massage at no additional charge.

If you do select a professional, please make sure that you are very selective and research the provider thoroughly before deciding to move forward.

Have any of you experienced a yoni, lingam or tantric massage that you would like to share? I don’t have any first hand experience but I’d love to hear from someone who has. How did the experience feel? Post it below in the comments!



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That was an interesting read, even massages are so intimate and this take it to a whole different place. Relaxation techniques are a big part of prenatal care (for those that are interested we follow something called the Bradley method for pregnancy, which focuses on natural healthy birth. The U.S. is horrible most things healthcare and maternity care is no exception) and preparation and we try to practice that several nights a week if possible. I read through the link you provided, do you have more information available. Especially about technique or about benefits during pregnancy.
I plan on doing my own research but maybe you will have something I missed or passed over.
Thank Emma (or anyone who can help)


I did some looking and found that yoni massages are safe and healthy for pregnant women. In fact there seems to be quite a few tantric therapist that have both pre and post natal options.
This will be something that I try my hand at incorporating into the current exercise and relaxation routine for my wife for the rest of the term.

What do you think? Please leave a comment.x