I’ve been trying to become more active on my twitter and I’ve come across yet another artist that I love and want to share with you. @burdle does some awesome sketches about chastity and small penis humiliation that really bring out the emotion and the fantasy of this popular fetish. I’ll be sprinkling a few of his sketches in with this blog, please check out his twitter if you like these work, he has tons of great stuff just like them. A big thanks for letting me use them!
So what is small penis humiliation?
SPH or small penis humiliation is a fetish that is popular among many men because the penis is so closely related to his perception of his own vitality and manliness. Since pleasing a woman is important to most men, a larger member seems like it would be the key to being able to satisfy a woman. Fetishes are the body’s way of turning pain into pleasure. In some cases, this is physical pain and other cases it is emotional pain. This can be feelings of powerlessness turning into chastity or bondage fetishes. The body actually makes those feelings feel arousing which helps as a coping mechanism and actually makes us seek out our greatest fear for the arousal that it inspires.
Men produce more sperm, have more forceful ejaculations and have higher testosterone when they feel competitive to other men. SPH and associated fetishes play directly into the theory of sperm competition and give the man an enormous rush. Despite feeling humiliated, men with a SPH fetish will likely get very hard when you play with this fetish. Start with some gentle teasing and push it as you watch his responses. There is really no harm from playing with this fetish if you go slowly and remind him afterwards that he is more than enough man for you. Aftercare, as it were.
How important is size?
This is something deeply rooted in the male psyche, we all know that penis size alone is certainly not the determining factor in the selection of a boyfriend or husband. I personally think that penis size plays some sort of part in the formative years of a man and the way he relates to women. If he has a huge one, every sexual experience was probably accompanied by ooh’s and aah’s as his partners examined the monster unfolding in front of their eyes. That validation time and time again probably fueled a massive amount of confidence about his sexual prowess. On the flip size, men with smaller ones probably developed more emotional relationships prior to unboxing their goods once they realized that it wasn’t going to garner the oohs and aahs of their larger counterparts.
To men I think size determines their sexual confidence. Men with large ones feel proud and men with smaller ones feel ashamed. While from personal experience I know that a larger one absolutely does not guarantee a good time, it does seem to offer a different type of sex. I wrote a blog some time back where I professed to like the smaller ones better. I’ll save you the reading but I find that I am capable of a deeper connection with a man with a normal sized penis. A larger penis might be fun for a fling or a one night stand but I don’t feel like Mr. Big Penis is capable of a deep intimate connection like Mr. Normal Penis might be. Do I have proof of my assumption? Absolutely not, it is drawn from a sample size of me and a few friends that I’ve discussed this topic with.
I’ve never been with a guy who has a small penis. This may seem strange since our society tells us that tiny dicked guys walk among us on a daily basis. Most of the guys who identify as small are in the 5 to 6 inch range. News flash, sex is still fun with normal penis. In fact you might get sex more frequently since it doesn’t make us sore afterwards. Another news flash, if she says “it’s nice to not feel sore afterwards” that probably means you aren’t setting any world records.
SPH and Cuckold
A man who is self conscious about a small penis can often feel self conscious about losing his wife or girlfriend to a more sexually endowed male. This can often make the SPH fetish bleed into the feelings of inadequacy and sexualization of that fear. Sexualization of inadequacy is the body’s way of emotionally preparing for a potential loss of a partner and thus a cuckold fetish is born. The cuckold fetish is very common as men get older and have been dumped a time or two. In the back of their mind they tell themselves things like “if my penis was bigger, she wouldn’t have left”. The cuckolding fetish is about male inadequacy and the sexualization of that fear.
Men feel inadequate for so many reasons such as height, penis size, income and other societally imposed male gender norms. In much the same way that women feel inadequate due to society’s expectation that we are all a size 1 with large breasts, men see a porno and realize that they don’t have a ten inch penis. They now are somewhat less than what they feel that they need to be to please a woman. Masturbation and porn do have negatives in that they reinforce these stereotypes.
SPH and Chastity
As the SPH fetish draws on inadequacy for the relation to cuckolding, it draws the same for male chastity. The implication is that a man with a smaller penis is inadequate and should therefore be locked. The cage is a punishment for being less than. The cage increases submissiveness, emotional response and obedience which are traits that are sometimes already common in men with smaller penises. The locking of a small penis is an acknowledgement and acceptance of having a smaller penis and again a sexualization of their smaller bits and pieces. SPH is of course not the only reason for chastity, there are plenty of big guys who are into chastity but the vast majority are normal sized penises who see themselves as smaller.
SPH Degradation & Teasing
Well this sounds like a fun fetish to explore. How do I get started? You can start by telling him that he has a smaller penis or describing how much larger a previous boyfriend was. You can pull out a measuring tape, make eye contact, smile and laugh as you get your measurement. Perhaps you can ask him to take a picture as you hold the measuring tape. You can save that image to your phone and send it to him from time to time. Teasing by holding your forefinger and thumb an inch or two apart to indicate something small. A smile and wicked laugh will make it very clear exactly which small object you are talking about. You can wiggle your pinkie finger at him, of course representing his penis. You can compare his penis to a dildo or vibrator and show him exactly how he measures up. Here are some great SPH one liners that you can try:
- Is it in?
- Is that it?
- This isn’t working, why don’t you lock it back up and go down on me.
- My ex was twice as long as you are.
- Stand there with your hands by your sides. I want to take a picture… with zoom.
- If I want to get off, it looks like I’ll have to make a date with my vibrator.
- I wonder if they laughed when they were changing your diaper as a baby?
- I was drunk the other night and showed my sister your dick pic because she didn’t believe me when I told her how small it was.
- Where do you find condoms to fit that little guy? Do they sell them in normal stores?
- When I told you to get me something small for our anniversary, this isn’t what I had in mind.
- It is fascinating how quickly you cum when I tell you how pathetic your cock is.
- With a penis like this, I am going to have to get a boyfriend.
- Did it stop growing when you were 8?
- If size really didn’t matter, why aren’t any dildos that are your size?
- I think we are both setting ourselves up for disappointment if we have sex. Let’s just be friends.
- You warned me that you were slightly below average but this is tiny.
- I can cup your boner and balls in one hand.
- Aww. He is so cute.
- When I told you that I was looking for more in this relationship than you could give, I was talking about your cock.
- You’re on the smaller side so let’s skip sex, and you can just jerk off to me.
- Well I guarantee you’ve never had a woman deepthroat you.
- Every time I tell you that I can’t feel your tiny dick, you get harder.
- Apologize for having such a small penis. I want you to tell me you are sorry.
- If we are going to have sex again, you are going to need to search for positions that feel good with small dicks.
- I think the heel of my shoe is longer than your dicklet.
- …and this is why your cock is locked in a cage.
- They say its not the size of the boat, its the motion in the ocean but I think we are going to need a bigger boat.
- A sexy body like this deserves a bigger dick. Don’t you think?
- It’s just like a dick, only smaller.
- Aren’t penises supposed to be bigger than that?
- Yours isn’t big enough to call it a dick, we will call it a penis.
- It is impossible to respect you with a penis that small.
- I am with you for lots of reasons, but this penis isn’t one of them.
- Laugh when he ejaculates and tell him it was cute to see his dicklet cum like that.
- With a penis that small, I bet your cum couldn’t even fill up a thimble.
Sex Drive Disparity
As with male chastity, SPH can be a fun way to amp up a relationship where the man has a greater sex drive than the woman. When he attempts to initiate sex, this is a great opportunity to tease him about his size. Depending on the dynamic of your relationship, this is also a good opportunity to lock him up for even asking. Some fun things to say when he asks:
- You’re going to have to grow a little bit down there if you want me to want sex with you.
- Your mouth is telling me that you want sex but your penis is telling me that you want to give me oral sex. Now get down there and start licking.
- Remind him that he isn’t the biggest guy in town so he shouldn’t expect you to be aroused by that thing but you will let him know when you are horny.
- I don’t want to fuck you but I want to see you jack that little thing off (make SPH comments while he jerks off for you).
Another comment on sex drive disparity is that this is often related to newness in your relationship. As couples grow together, it is very common for the female to feel “in a rut” with her sexual attraction toward her partner. This isn’t your faults, this is something that our bodies do to prevent long term pair bonding with males that may be infertile or incapable of producing offspring and encourage us to hook up with more fertile males. There are lots of options that will allow you to further explore your sexuality together. If you are confident in your relationship, consider exploring some new avenues together. If you’ve made it to this site, you are clearly open minded enough to consider new things.
If you’ve incorporated pegging into your relationship, this offers a great opportunity to compare sizes. I like to wear my strap-on harness and remind him that he would be doing the fucking if he was hung like this. I proudly strut myself around the house comparing myself to him and making silly SPH jokes.
Boyfriends & Threesomes
When you are having a threesome with two guys and one guy is noticeably bigger than the other, it is like the elephant in the room (pun intended). You have to say something, or acknowledge it somehow, right? Kev and I were living with our friend Andrew for most of the Covid lockdown and we had a running joke/tease between us. Kev is slightly smaller than Andrew so I’d put them both in my hands, look both guys in the eye, smirk at Kev and give my attention to Andrew’s unit. Kev loved it and I could see his penis nearly burst at the seams from arousal. He definitely has a streak of SPH in his little black book of fetishes. Even if the two guys are both similarly sized, as was our case the guys often feel like there is a competition for the better manhood especially in sexual scenarios.
If you have a relationship that involves any sort of consensual non-monogamy (which I highly recommend), consider talking about the size difference between your boyfriend and your lover. You can also use compersion to help him feel like he is doing you a favor by allowing you to experience “a real man”. While size to me does feel different, I am certainly no size queen but I do like the feelings of being full and especially the larger girth. If you have a date with your boyfriend or are experiencing it together in a threesome, it can be fun to remind how “stretched out you are” from being with him.
Is SPH Healthy?
Is a SPH fetish healthy for my relationship? If you communicate with him and let him know that you are just teasing, it is as healthy as any other fetish. If it pushes his buttons, I say go for it. Lock his penis up in a cock cage and use it as fuel for your fantasies together. Whether it is perceived or not, men who have a smaller penis try harder in the bedroom. They focus more on your needs and ensuring that you are satisfied. Fetishes are exciting and really elevate our emotional response like nothing else can. Kev and I really enjoy playing with our emotions and exciting fetishes like SPH bring to our relationship.
Another huge thank you for @burdle who provided the wonderful illustrations. Don’t forget visit his twitter to see more. Tell him that @evolvingyourman sent you.
One thing that I see frequently in SPH and Cuckold fantasies is the portrayal of the Asian and white men with the tiny penises and the black man with the huge penis. I feel like this treads on some racist ground so I try to stay away from racial generalizations. I know that the “black bull” is a very common sexual fantasy but I don’t like the blatant racism so we typically keep it out of our fantasies.
If your guy gets offended or deeply hurt, you should stop immediately. Some of us are built for teasing and self deprecating humor like this and others can find it deeply hurtful. Keep the lines of communication open and make sure that he is enjoying it as much as you inevitably will.
When you brought up how big penises are not capable of a stronger emotional bond, that also applies to other areas of inadequacy as well. Height, money, ect. I knew this women who would basically have her face turn red and faint when very tall men crossed her path. She clearly had a fetish for height. When I asked her why she doesn’t pursuit a very tall man she said that she doesn’t like how they talk to you. That the taller and better looking a man is, the less important you are to them. That they have many options and all they want is to have sex with you. I imagine that you could say the same thing when it comes to money as well. From what I have experienced, women love sph or any other kind of body comparison scenario with men. It seems like a taking their power back kind of dynamic in the same way that they have been compared to other women in their lives. On the flip side, men who love sph are ironically more confident in many ways than a man with a big penis.
Very interesting and I fully agree with your comment.
hello, for my part my penis measures between 4 and 5 inches … I have been erect throughout reading this blog … how to interpret this ??
I guess it sounds like you are reading the right blog… ?
so far i didn’t feel below, but after reading your blog i realized i was in the category of men with … it’s interesting how the fear of not being satisfying makes SPH exciting …
*men with small penis …*
I have trouble writing it
Are you the very famous Kevin we’ve all heard so much about?
He’s got a great name but he is a different Kevin.
I figured as much, but one never knows unless one asks. *smile
Porn conditioned us to some fetishes, including this one. To me, in the end, this was about giving women more power over me.
Years ago, i had a period of time when i discovered cuckolding, and had very vivid (wet) dreams about an ex-gf and how she ‘made me’ come out to our common female friends as a small-feminized-penis. Curiously, the most exciting part was the humiliation, that feeling of inadequacy followed by our friend’s hugs as ‘one of them’.
It’s weird how it works, but it’s a very addictive feeling. Have a very alpha friend whose wife had severe bipolar disorder, she pretty much lost inhibitions & controls every so often and she’d buy ridiculous amounts of stuff … and had affairs. It was hard for my friend, it got to a point where it made no sense, and i knew he was in a way enjoying this humiliation. The ‘breaking point’ was when one of her lovers posted in her Facebook some nudes of her doing a bj. He divorced & then came back to his alpha self.
I suppose you can say that porn conditions these types of fetishes but does it really? I think that porn probably speeds up the conditioning just as social media polarizes our political views. We already had those views but it pushes them to be more intense or extreme.
Humiliation is a very strong emotion and it has the power to make even the strongest of us want to crawl under a rock.
I can see clear roots to my fetishes showing up when I was 7 or 8 in my various behaviors and how I liked to play and fantisize. Porn added shape if you like to some of them where I might not have been able quite explore all its edges or find paths to grow.
Emma, I agree with you. I don’t think porn conditions us to have fetishes; rather it leads us to discover our latent kinks. At least that’s how it has felt to me. I am turned on by kinks that involve some form of humiliation. I began to erotize the humiliation of being spanked at a very early age based on actual spanking experiences. When I discovered spanking porn as an adult, and I realized that adult spanking was something people did, I developed a full blown F/M spanking kink. But that discovery led me on to the further discovery that it was not just being spanked that turned me on, it was the emotional states associated with it: embarrassment, exposure, vulnerability, disempowerment, etc. That discovery opened the door to a host of femdom kinks which evoke similar feelings: CFNM, domestic servitude, orgasm denial, cuckolding, and related emasculation kinks like feminization and SPH. I don’t feel that I acquired those kinks through exposure to femdom porn; I feel that the porn led me to sexual self discovery.
I like the one-liners.
I had fun coming up with them! Glad you enjoyed!!!
Good god these visuals are hot and relatable.
Love the pictures!
Emma, thank you for a wonderfully understanding post about a powerful but embarrassing kink some of us have. And thank you for sharing and drawing attention to that wonderful SPH art. I don’t fully understand why I am so turned on by SPH. I am one of those guys you discuss in the post: my penis is of average size, but for some reason I have always felt insecure about its adequacy. I think maybe my insecurity about penis size symbolizes deeper insecurities about my masculinity. Some people theorize having a small penis tends to make men submissive and having a big penis tends to make them dominant. I think there may be some truth to that. But maybe the causality is reversed for the majority of us guys whose penis sizes are close to the average. A naturally dominant guy may think his average sized penis is God’s gift to women, while a submissive guy of similar endowment will feel insecure. I feel lucky that my wife enjoys and has become skilled at SPH. It is incredibly erotic to feel loved and accepted by a wife who teases me about my “cute little cock.” And performing cunnilingus feels 100 times sexier to a submissive man when he is encouraged to compensate for his inadequate penis with his tongue.
Emma, when I commented yesterday, I forgot to mention that I strongly agree with your rejection of the blatant racism of a lot of SPH and cuckold porn. I would have no problem with being cuckolded by a black man, and my wife does find lots of black men attractive, but the stereotype of the “big black bull” dehumanizes black men, in my opinion, by turning them into a fetish. By the way, I have done quite a bit of research about penis size because of my SPH kink, and the most reliable research about penis size shows that it generally correlates with a man’s height, not with his race. In other words, penis size is generally in proportion to a man’s overall body size, whatever his racial background.
Part of the journey of male maturity is accepting your place in the natural order of attraction. There are plenty of men more handsome, well endowed and more skilled lovers than ourselves. Knowing and accepting that takes away needless anxiety and leads to a more fulfilling life for yourself and certainly the one you love. A mature male interested in the needs and fulfillment of his wife welcomes whatever opportunities she has to do this not as competition but as a partnership.
So much here to love! With a tip o’ the cap, I must say that it’s one of the three best postings I’ve ever seen on the subject, and its by far the most comprehensive. Considering that some that didn’t reach the medal platform were written by PhD psychologists who specialize in human sexuality and relationships, that’s sayin’ something.
Sexuality in general, but kinks in particular, is the one area of human endeavor or interest for which each generation had to start from scratch and muddle through trial and error until only very recently. Now, it’s a legitimate field of study, but there’s still scant little quality research, because stodgy institutions of higher learning and their trustees and benefactors are still squeamish about having such research associated with their hallowed, and often ivy-covered, halls of academia. It’s a slog, but we’re getting there.
When I was a teenager, knowledgeable enough to know that I was just about finished growing and developing and that I’d enter dating and sexual relationships and spend the rest of my life with a shockingly undersized penis, how was I to use for mutual satisfaction that already-present craving for my size to be the subject of teasing and humiliation? Something as simple as “sex positions for small penis,” for which one can now find a hundred good returns from a Google search, did not exist, not unless you could put your hands on a copy of the Kama Sutra and decipher its code for making the best of a “lowest union” matching.
Much of what you write in this posting is supported by research, and it’s all true. I’m looking forward to the results of the first study to try to quantify incrementally the effect on self-confidence that each unit of penis length and/or thickness has. I’m a participant in one such study. It’s well established that men with below-average-size penises have fewer lifetime sexual partners than their better endowed peers do, and that we masturbate more frequently, but no one’s ever before had the initiative or funding to quantify how each inch up or down may induce us to be out there engaging with women or staying home alone beating off to SPH porn.