We tried the honor system. We tried it, didn’t have any slip-ups and it worked but it wasn’t as fun for either of us. Kevin got his weekly release yesterday, on schedule. I can’t help but feel like it wasn’t as effective, it was more like a mutual consent agreement. There was no constant reminder of my inescapable dominance over everything that defines his sexual self-worth. We tried it, we really did but now we are going back. If I am being honest with you all, the main reason is that I didn’t feel as powerful when I wasn’t holding his key. I want to feel powerful. I want to feel turned on, knowing that I am holding something so valuable to him.
So I decided to start off strong. I left early this morning so I set his cage out neatly on his night. I am sure that he was surprised to see that I left the spiked cage out. He isn’t a fan of that one. Even though the spikes are soft/silicon, they are still sharp enough to be more than a gentle reminder when he gets too excited. Today is going to be a good day.
I’ll start your week with some tips to help encourage your man.
- Remember to touch him more when he is locked than you ever do when he is not. Any touch. This will create a positive response and make him yearn to be locked.
- Remind him that you were destined to be together and that you two are meant for each other. Some positive comments about your yin/yang and how you balance each other out. This will help reassure him, especially when the cage gives him self-doubt.
- Complain about little things but say things like “not a big deal, but…” or “next time”. This will ensure that things go your way next time and will almost never need an argument to get you there.
- Ensure that the guys he hangs out with are harmless or that you’ve got an understanding with their wives or significant others. You aren’t looking to isolate him but you are looking to distance him from friends that could have a negative impact on your relationship.
- Try not to sit in front of him when asking or persuading, sit beside him to ensure that your body language is trusting, encouraging and non-confrontational.
- This one may seem obvious but ensure that he is working out, has a balanced diet. Also takes a multivitamin especially zinc since since that keeps his testosterone production high and ensure that his male behaviors are strong and predictable.
- Even when you are in control, remind him of your weakness. This will help him see your vulnerable side and increase his confidence in your relationship. Remind him that where he is weak, you are strong and can help lead him. Remind him that you respect him and that you appreciate him allowing you to control the sexual aspect of your relationship to make you both stronger together.
- Learn to confuse him by asking him about his emotions and talking about yours. This doesn’t come natural to men like it does to us. This is a great way to take control of a conversation that could easily become an argument. Appeal to his compassion and his desire to satisfy you.
- Ask for something big. If he says no, he will almost certainly say yes to something smaller.
- Do something nice for him, do it from your heart but remind him that he is next. This will make him feels like he owes you something and sets a tone of submission.
So back to the spiked cage. Today is going to be quite the week for Kevin but he will get back on track and we will go back to his normal cage next week. A spiked device can be more fun because it helps control his entire thought process. If he has sexual thoughts in his mind, they manifest themselves below the belt and rather than just tighten the cage, they can cause him to wince in pain. A quick correction is all he needs to remind him to keep his thoughts on me. When its me doing the teasing, I get a visual reminder of when I am taking things too far. Sometimes I do it intentionally though…
Glad to see you went back to the device. From my previous comment you probably know I am not a fan of the honor system. It just doesn’t stir up the same compulsion in me to make my wife happy as being locked up snuggly does. I am unlocked at night and we often fall asleep with her holding my junk, which feels very close to the sensation of the cage during the day. There are no spikes or discomfort in the device she puts me in. Just the pleasant constant reminder that she controls my release.
I really enjoy your blog! The female perspective is very enlightening, and I have so many questions. As you have been evolving your man to meet your needs, do you also find your self evolving into more of a dominant woman or a more kinky woman? Or were you just born with the desire to control men? Also it seems you have this down to a science on how to bend the will of a man to align with your desires. How long does it take you to “condition” a man who is not submissive or did not know he wanted to be under your control?
Hi Bill. I am so glad that you enjoy the blog! I don’t know that I’ve got this down to a science but I do have a very scientific mind and I enjoy the psychology aspect almost as much as the sexual aspect. So flippin’ interesting how men and women are wired differently. Ask all of your questions on the forum, let’s see if we can try and get some great conversations going!
To answer your question about evolving myself… you are right. I do find myself evolving as well. I find myself trying things, many of them outside my comfort zone. I don’t think that I was born with the desire to control men but I certainly was born with the desire to be in control of myself and my life. Using tools at my disposal to help encourage my partner seems like such an easy decision for me.
Everyone is different. While all of my guys have been unique, it really doesn’t take much to help them harness their sex drive. They need to want and accept my help though and as you noted, that can take some convincing since this is a new experience for most guys.
Thanks so much for the responses, and I will be sure to post future questions in the forum.
Hi Emma, your boyfriend is a lucky man ,to have you by his side,and controlling his semen retention. I have few questions : did your orgasms improved with man who reteins,can you have squirting orgasm(amrita) and others that are healthy for women instead of men. Female ejaculation is absolutely norman and healthy,but some women are embarrassed and shy,could you
look at the topic. What sex position is better for man who reteins, Osho and tantra tell that woman on top is the best,because it makes man lost longer ,and woman can experience more and better orgasms.Do you think it’s natural for women to control men’s orgasm, as they are by nature sexually weaker, they need yours help in this matter.Thanks
Thanks Steve! My orgasms are much better with a man who retains. When we make love, he is much harder and now that we’ve disassociated orgasm with sex, he can last long enough for me to have multiple orgasms. Typically I have three or four orgasms before I am too sensitive to continue. I don’t squirt, I’ve tried. I think some women can and some can’t. I don’t know that any sex position is better for a man who retains but there are certainly some sex positions where I am in charge and if you haven’t already noticed, I like to be in charge.
The man lasting longer is something that will come with practice as the man starts to disassociate the act of sex with orgasm. I do think that women controlling sex is natural. If you look at the animal kingdom, sex is a form of currency with bonobo monkeys. Some dragonflies even fake death to get male dragonflies to stop harassing them for sex.
Females throughout history have been the controller of sex because they have so much to lose with regard to sex. If sex happens and a baby is the result, they want to make sure that the father sticks around so they must control the males that they have sex with to increase those chances. In all of human history, birth control and abortion has only happened in the last few years and women are just waking up to the fact that they can now flip the tables on sex and use it as a way to control and nurture without simply providing sex to the male that they feel is the most suitable mate. Cages are even newer and I am of the opinion is that cages are as revolutionary as abortion and birth control.
Can you expand a little on how you managed to get him to hold off until you’ve had your orgasms? Might even be worth a post of his own.
I really struggle when she slide onto me to hold on at all.
You are right, it could probably be its own post. We used desensitizing/numbing spray at the beginning and we stop when he gets close. Give things a rest and start again. The start/stop can be quite a tease for me.
Yes, it’s likely a topic all its own. It’s not easy to hold back while inside her, especially if she spent a lot of time edging me first. I get very close very quickly.
I do find that after a couple of close edges inside her, I can build up a little resistance to going over the edge, and that allows me to continue and please her. I also use my thumb or finger on her clit at the same time, to bring her to orgasm. Then rinse, and repeat. LOL.
Stopping without my release is difficult, but that’s the usual requirement. Followed by the cage, of course. She particularly relishes that torment for me. So far I’ve avoided creams or sprays to numb things.
She does love the feel of me releasing inside her, and after a long period of denial, it’s amazing. The best. And that’s always followed by licking her after, of course. She loves that, as it’s so “taboo” I suppose.
But I think I last longer and spend lots more time on her pleasure when she denies me during sex. She gets multiple, until she can’t take any more, and I get locked up. What could be more perfect?
My wife is a squirted on occasions, something she feels quite embarrassed about. I agree with the disassociation of orgasm from sex , for me I use a numbing cream , that coupled with viagra is a potent thing.