Kevin was good last week, Sunday came around and he got his weekly release. I decided not to lock him up this week. We don’t do that every week, sometimes we do it for two weeks, sometimes for two days. Just not this week. I’ve seen a few conversations our forum from some of you that have good luck with the honor system so I decided to give that a try this week.
Kev and I had sex yesterday (Monday) and we both had a good time, he wasn’t permitted to cum with sex – as is the norm for us. Normally after we finish we just lock right back up, cuddle for a while and go on with our evening. When we aren’t using the cage, things get more challenging since there is nothing there to prevent constant touching. We go through it but it wasn’t pretty.
This morning he woke up and all he would talk about is getting a release. I reminded him that he isn’t locked this week and he should be on his best behavior if the honor system is going to work. If not, our little experiment can end and with the twist of a key we can easily go back to using the cage. The gentle reminder worked for the time being.
He is off work today so one of two things will happen, he is either going to masturbate today or he is not going to masturbate and will nag me to death tonight. If he masturbates today, it will be pretty clear from his behavior but I’ll ask anyway. Assuming he doesn’t pop off during the day today, I know what to expect this evening but I also know that there will be a complete reversal the following day.
Tomorrow he will be extra-loving and I will be showered with attention, massages, conversation. All of the things that make orgasm control such an integral part of our relationship. I truly enjoy seeing both sides of his personality and this feels like the most effective way to get a good balance of both. The worst part is the three day itch; as I call it. For those of you who use the honor system, how do you handle that three day itch? Do you experience the same thing?
- Day 1
No complaining, some conversation and joking about it.
- Day 2-3
Toward the end of day 2 some complaining and a grouchy boy. Obsessive conversation about the cage and reminders about how difficult it is for him. Keep up the teasing and don’t entertain annoying conversations and he will snap out of it.
- Day 4-7
You’ve got a wonderful attentive guy who loves touching and making you feel special. It can get annoying sometimes but just brush him off and enjoy the extra shine ? from him. We normally allow a release on day 7 but sometimes we go longer.
- Day 8-12
This is usually the same as day 4-7 but if you don’t stay on top of some quick daily teasing, he can become resentful or grouchy.
- Day 13+
As you get close to the two week period, he can go through phases that can be somewhat unpredictable. Most of it is generally positive like the previous week but if he starts to act depressed, consider unlocking early. We’ve had great results with 7 or 14 day lockups and generally don’t go longer except with times like Locktober.
It always seems like the second or third day has a brief episode of grumpy boy. There is a definite period of time when his subconscious realizes that he isn’t in control. He realizes that this isn’t a fun little fetishy game and the keys have been handed over to me. His penis is a part of his body that isn’t under his control and each and every time we lock him up, his body comes to that exact same realization after almost the exact same amount of time. You would think his subconscious would learn by now.
When locked, it isn’t as big of a deal because I just wave the keys and remind him about his scheduled release or extension thereof. I am questioning the honor system because without the keys I feel a bit powerless. Maybe that’s just me but I don’t feel the same level of control when I don’t have the ?. I told him not to masturbate today, let’s see what happens.
Edit: Since posting this blog, we’ve gone back to the cage and decided that the honor system isn’t the best for us but I’m glad we gave it a shot.
Let him know the whining about release is getting annoying. Set a rule that he can ask once, and whether it’s yes or no, he has his answer and is expected to abide. If necessary, set a penalty for not keeping that simple request; lock up, miss a release, etc. Remind him that he’s to please you, and he’s not doing that if he’s whining.
That is almost exactly how the conversation goes when I have the keys. When he isn’t locked I don’t feel the same energy. If he isn’t locked I guess I feel a bit powerless. It’s all mental with me I suppose.
I’d think if leaving him unlocked makes you uncomfortable, then you should put it back on him. You’ve already made it clear that was part of the deal in your relationship. In your case, I’m not sure you should approach it from a lack of trust perspective as much as a “this is how I want you” perspective. I find that incredibly hot. Not feeling like someone trusts me makes me quite uncomfortable.
Makes sense to me. I enjoy trying different things and I enjoy the fact that I feel less confident without locking him. It is all such an amazing roller coaster of emotions. Tease, denial, frustration, empowerment; all of these emotions are just so much fun and make us all feel so very alive.
Lock him up! I think the honor system is a load of bullshit. If I get denied on the honor system, it hurts. I feel the full blow of rejection and I get annoyed and bitter. I then take matters into my own hands. I am then more distant with my wife.
If I am locked up and get denied, it somehow goes from a negative experience to a positive one. I immediately think “She is not rejecting me. She just doesn’t want sex right now, and if I pressured her to have sex when she doesn’t want it, well then I wouldn’t really enjoy it as much if she were 100% into it. No biggie, I will ask again tomorrow.” I give her a big long hug, stare into her eyes, tell her I love her and we both feel very connected and intimate.
I have no idea why being locked changes my outlook to be so rosy in this situation, it just does.
I would like to explain my experience. I lived a wonderful relation of devotion and submission for almost two years, mainly based on trust an honour. I never lied her except one time after about two months of our relation. In a very tight couple the woman can simply discover if the man lies about masturbation cheking frequently his reactions, the dimension and colour of testicles, the sensibility of nipples and others signs.
She punished me because I betrayed her trust twice, the first with masturbation, the second because I didn’t tell her spontaneously. For one month I was not allowed to sleep with her, I couldn’t lick her to orgasm (only lick her clean after her orgasm reached with fingers and toys) and got 1-2 hours of edging every day (much more during we) and she excited me in every way with no possibility to orgasm (for example with her scents because I was very aroused by her smell, for example armpits licking and sniffing without deodorant after night or after gym, for me it was incredibly arousing, and I was never allowed to use cold water on cock and balls). After one month I was in tears every night.
In the end she forgave me and we loved tenderly, but I never lied again.
So be quiet, for a woman it’s simple to discover if the man lies about masturbation, expecially if he must wait at least one week (better two or three) for release because after at least one week the male sensibility is completely different than after masturbation, there is no way to hide it.
Just one thing: if you want to be sure keep him caged for one week, then remove the cage during the second week and ask him to resist all the second week without cage, you will see very interesting reactions (for example sometimes I asked to be allowed to wear again the cage) and the struggle to resist temptation. Consider that if he masturbate you will immediately understand
That is interesting. You asked to wear the cage to prevent yourself from being tempted to take things into your own hands.
If he masturbates, I will immediately understand? I am not sure that I follow what you mean.
yes I frequently asked her to wear the cage after the firs week of denial, but usually she preferred that I was free to count only on my will to serve her.
I’ll try to explain better how to detect if a man marturbated, in my experience after at least 5 days of teasing and denial there is no way to hide it to your Queen. according to my experienxe She can check many details and can do simple tests to compare reactions with the typical behaviour after some days of denial and discover if the man masturbated in the last 12-24 hours, so also without the cage the man must obey and resist temptation
Ah, the 3 day itch, I know it so well.
When we started our journey 2 years ago I went from daily masturbation to only being allowed release every 3 days.
I’m now on a 7 day schedule but still get urges about day 3.
We work the honour system. Because I know and understand that retention makes me a better person I have a strong enough will not to cheat. We both benefit.
Once he is on board with the program a simple word on two on day 3 should re focus him. That’s the aim.
HOW TO DISCOVER IF YOUR MAN HAD A FORBIDDEN ORGASM
I think that after some days (3-5 days for example) of teasing and denial it’s impossible to hide to the dominant woman if a man had a forbidden orgasm.
In my experience she knew me very well because she checked my reactions day by day after orgasm, so she was able to detect immediately if I had an orgasm in the last 12-24 hours.
I try to explain the main signs:
1 color, dimension and consistency of testicles (after some days of T&D they swallow and become bigger, harder and sensitive)
2 sensibility of cock and speed in edging (you can test how long it takes to edge him by strocking gently and slowly his cock after 1 day, 3 days, 5 days etc, you’ll see that time will decrease for example from 10-15 minutes to 2-3 minutes or less)
3 quantity of precum during edging (after some days depending from his own characteristics precum will flow spontaneously also before reaching the edge or in any case when he reaches the edge, while just after orgasm precum usually is absent or very low)
4 quantity of spontaneus precum soaking his pants every evening (after one week of hard T&D pants in the evening are normally soaked with spontaneus precum, after 12-24 hours from orgasm this usually doesn’t happen)
5 sensibility of nipples (after many days they are very sensitive)
So if the woman check frequently all this signs (for example every morning and evening) it’s impossible to hide a forbidden orgasm.
For this reason, expecially in the first times it’s better to keep him caged for example for 5 days and then remove the cage. In this way the man must use his own will to resist temptation and to obey and satisfy woman. I can assure that this is a wonderful emotion, even if it is very frustrating and hard.
The man must keep in mind that in case he lies the punishment will be sure and very hard…
In many cases after one week I was used to ask to be allowed to wear the cage (but usually she never accepted).
My maximum period was about one month, but usually it was 10-15 days, sometimes less, sometimes more .
She developed also specific training to enforce the man’s will, very frustrating and hard but also very effective and enjoyable…
Let me know if you need more details
I understand you can’t lock him all the time. Same for us – real life gets in the way (especially if you travel by air…not quite ready for TSA in my cage!).
But, caged or not, it seems a no self-pleasure rule should be expected and enforced. That’s what you want, and he should be willing. In my case, my wife, since we met, has stated that she didn’t think “that” should be necessary any more, so I asked her “so you’re saying I should never?” and she said yes. To this day, I’ve met that requirement. Only once, while on travel, with her on the phone, without her presence and participation. For me to release without her involved seems like cheating.
I think the cage makes it better, and more certain, but a deal is a deal, right?
The flip side is to ensure he gets lots of teasing. For me, after the 3rd day in the cage, with intermittent teasing, I will have some precum leakage and achy balls. Of course, when I tell her this, she does not seem particularly concerned with my predicament.
I like her already!
We tried the honor system but there are several problems with it. He doesn’t trust himself so I can’t trust him. The cage is something tangible and a secret that the two of us have. It is a constant reminder to him throughout the day and through the night when he has thoughts that may inspire.
The cage makes it real, it’s a sexy secret we share (I especially like it “in public”), and the key is her means of knowing she has control. And the constant reminder of her control is exquisite. I love seeing it around her neck, ankle, or wrist. She’s not such a fan of the aesthetics of a real key, so sometimes it’s a symbolic little diamond-studded key she wears. Nothing sexier to me than to see the key dangling between her breasts while she’s wearing something sexy and we are out to dinner…and of course, I’ve been in the cage for a while.
She does trust me, and I’ve not given her reason to doubt that I comply with her wishes. She sometimes leaves me the key if I have to be out and about running errands, etc, “just in case of a problem”. (Our spare key is hidden in a lock box she has the combo to). While I may be tempted on occasion, I’m sure she’d know, I’d be guilty and have to tell her, and then I’d have disappointed her. No thanks.
“For those that use the honor system, how do you handle that three day itch?”
After practicing orgasm control for nearly 10 years now, there is no longer a three day itch. The three day itch existed when I wrongly assumed I was entitled to an orgasm after a certain amount of time, which is unhealthy. When it comes to orgasms, I’m not entitled anything. That was right about the time in our relationship when my average number of orgasms per year allowed went from 10-15, to 2-4. Since then, I’ve naturally learned to replace my desire for an orgasm, with my desire to be a better husband that is essentially in a constant state of arousal> Bliss.