We’ve been using the cage as a relationship tool for well over a year now. We should have celebrated an anniversary for it. ?? What would you call it, cage day? Check out my previous blog when do the training wheels come off for some background or just keep reading and I’ll try and fill you in.
What has our biggest improvement been? What is the absolute number one thing that the cage has brought to our relationship? Communication. For some reason this little hunk-o-plastic that my fella wears allows him to express himself and his feelings. We don’t do it for some fetish reason, we play into the fetishes sometimes to enjoy the feelings that it gives both of us. Sexual play is fun, teasing is essential but we both know it is just play. Our relationship is strong and the foundation of communication shows up when the cage is present is uncanny.
Does he like the cage? No, he doesn’t love the cage. He has been wearing it off and on for over a year, our lockup periods are about a week at a time. I tease him mercilessly during that time. He is allowed to ejaculate with permission at the end of those lockup periods. Part of his disdain for the cage is probably related to the fact that I do still use it as a punishment sometimes. Previously, I’ve written that the cage should just be a way of life and not used to counteract bad behavior but I’m guilty of it and as such, he groans when I tell him that it is time for lockup. I’ve also rewarded him with weeks of time cage-free when his behavior and communication are good. Have I sabotaged the cage? Unfortunately, I have.
So where do we go from here? Well, the cage has done an excellent job of getting him accustomed to waiting for permission to cum. It has eliminated the masturbation habit and problem that plagued our early relationship. A year has really rewired his arousal to require my approval. He doesn’t fear me but he respects my wishes. He respects my guidance around the sexual side of our relationship. He knows that my hormones don’t overwhelm my judgment as they can with him.
For the time being, we are going to roll without the cage. All of the rules are still in place, everything is effectively the same. We are just going to give it another try. In my previous blog, and in the forum I went through a list of pros and cons and there were far more pros to using the cage than cons but I trust Kevin and I think this will be yet another adventure together. If he betrays my trust, we will, of course, need to go back to the cage. He knows this and has committed himself to our plan together.
So how does this change the direction of the blog? How does life change without lockup periods? The good news is, there is no change to anything in our lives. He is still locked up in that he simply isn’t allowed to touch and I trust him not to do so. He knows that if he betrays my trust, he is to tell me immediately and we will figure out how to address it. I feel like we started off strong, went all the way to corporal punishment and spanking. Which we both enjoyed for a spell but it didn’t add to the relationship, it was more fetish play and role reversal. We didn’t find it to be a tool that would effectively help us manage our relationship. Now we’ve come all the way back to managing his ejaculations with trust. Would it have been possible without a year’s worth of cage training? Absolutely not. The cage has proven invaluable and will continue to sit inside my nightstand for the next time that we need to use it.
The biggest challenge that I see is the formal lack of control. Without the lock, he has the ability to disobey my wishes and I am relying on him to continue to comply. The cage and the key still have a very real effect on both of us. The key means strength, power, love, control and to him, the key means submission, love, acceptance, service. The symbolism of the key in our relationship means so much that I’ve always worn a key necklace regardless of whether he is locked or not. It symbolizes our relationship and not the physical presence of his cage. It means so much more.
What do you think?