Guy Thinking Of Cage

From His Perspective Part 2

Part two of some user-requested questions from our forum. For the previous blog, you can check out From His Perspective.

I didn’t expect to be doing another Q&A session so soon but I guess you all liked my answers the first time around. Thank you for the feedback, I appreciate the words of kindness. I am not sure quite what I expected.

You are currently doing one week at a time on the honor system. How long do you think you can go before you are concerned about betraying Emma’s trust?


I really don’t know but there are certainly times even at the seven-day schedule where there are temptations. I would be very concerned about anything longer than two weeks. I do really appreciate her trust in me and having the opportunity to show her my reverence for her.

How would Emma punish you if you were to take matters into your own hands?


We haven’t discussed it but I expect that the cage would become a very big part of our lives for quite some time. I don’t want to let her down, I am really committing myself to the honor system and to Em.

Would you admit it to her? honestly? If you didn’t admit, would she know?

She would almost certainly know, my behavior would change and I would feel guilty as if I was lying to her. There’s no way I could fake the frustration and love that retaining makes me feel.

How often SHOULD you be allowed orgasm?

Even if I was single I think I would practice semen retention. Em has shown me that I am far more productive if I withhold self-pleasure for a scheduled time. My mind even feels more clear. I think our longest was almost a month and that was nearly unbearable.

How do you feel after 1 day, 3 days, 5 days, 7 days, longer?

After one day, I feel nothing really. Three days and I start getting grouchy and irritable. After about the middle of the fourth day, I notice the feelings of frustration and irritation turn into love and compassion. I start to open up and feel more open and connected. We do have frequent sex so each time we have sex and I go without, I do start feeling frustrated for a while. Sometimes it lasts until I fall asleep and other times it passes quickly. That doesn’t seem to go away regardless of the time.

Do you feel resentful to Emma when you are locked or retaining?

In the beginning, I did feel quite resentful and frustrated. I started feeling much better once I realized the amount of effort that she put into teasing. It did also help as my mind stopped expecting orgasms with each time we had sex. The more we communicate my behavior and the reasons behind retaining, the better I feel about it. The more she teases me, the less resentful I become. If I feel like she is forgetting about me, my mind focuses less on pleasing her and more on reminding her that I am locked up.

Do you like teasing even though you are not to be released? Would it be easier if she was to lock and leave it for a week?

We do quite a bit, teasing, sex and even blowjobs so I am not sexually deprived by any means. She simply dictates how sex happens and when I am allowed an orgasm. So yes, as I learn more about myself and her needs I enjoy the teasing very much. I especially like the changes that I feel in myself. Locking and leaving for a week would certainly make me resentful and frustrated. I don’t think it would accomplish many of the positive benefits aside from making my penis unusable for a week.

Have you ever received a prostate orgasm while she was pegging you?

I have never experienced a prostate orgasm.

How large of a toy does she use for pegging? Do you prefer larger toys or smaller toys?

We have three, one is very small just slightly larger than a finger. We haven’t used that one in some time. We have another that is about six inches and another that is about eight inches and wider. The small one is smooth and doesn’t really give any sensation. It is also awkward since it is difficult for her to maneuver into me. The middle sized one is fairly normal looking and somewhat resembles my own in both length and girth. The tip is a bit large but once it enters me it feels more comfortable. The larger one can be painful to enter and I cannot take the whole thing. We normally use the middle sized one. Those are the only strapons that I’ve experienced.

Do you crave pegging or is it something that you do to satisfy Emma?

I do crave pegging when I’ve been locked for more than a few days. I feel like I get more sensitive and aroused when it has been a while since my last orgasm. I also get more submissive and I find it easier to take the receiving role in our sexual experience. That is the part Em enjoys as well. I was very apprehensive about pegging the first few times but Em was gentle with the smaller toy and it wasn’t painful. She always stopped when I told her that I was done so I didn’t really ever have any negative experiences to associate with it.

Do you miss your cage?

The constant self-control required for the honor system can be frustrating and difficult. If I was to miss anything about the cage, it would be the state of helplessness and the constant state of arousal that the cage would keep me in. One thing I don’t miss about the cage is morning erections. Every morning at almost exactly 4:30 am I would get an erection and the only way to relieve it would be to use the restroom. Unfortunately, my body got used to the 4:30 am restroom breaks and now I get up every morning regardless of whether I am locked. I wouldn’t mind if that little side effect went away.

If one of your male friends were to mention relationship problems, would you recommend this sort of thing?

That is a tough question. I really don’t think I could admit this to any of my friends. I could see myself asking Em to share her secret with my male friend’s wife/girlfriend. I think it would be more effective if it came from her anyway.

How long have you known about this blog? Would you consider registering and commenting on the blog and forum as yourself?

Em is a great communicator and she has told me about the blog since the beginning and I read most of the blog articles after she posted them. Em asked me not to register for now. She wants the focus of the blog to be on her vision and not on me. I tend to get more into the fetish side of things (especially towards the end of my week) and Em wants the site to steer more vanilla. She has asked to review and edit my posts before they go up. She proudly reminded me that she is a control freak.

Your last blog said that you were ashamed and embarrassed, how do you feel now? What made you feel that way?

It is still a bit different, telling the world about my sex life. I am getting more comfortable with spilling the inner workings of our love life. I am just used to this being a private discussion between her and I.

Do you feel like you satisfy her sexually or do you think that she felt sexually unsatisfied so went to kinky to try and compensate?

Knowing Em, sex is much less about physical satisfaction than it is with mental fulfillment. Em loves having great orgasms and we love being physically intimate but to her, sex is about serving the needs of our relationship. I feel like Em is using the tools that she has to mold our relationship to be as fulfilling as possible. I do feel like I satisfy her sexually, she would be the first to tell me the painful truth if I didn’t. Very forthright.

When you were wearing your cage, did Emma ever ask you to show it to one of her friends? Would you have?

I think I probably would have if she instructed me to do so. Em and I have a few friends with similar relationships and it is both awkward and comforting when I know that they are aware of my cage and I am aware of theirs. Her female friends would sometimes joke about “their caged guys” and I found that part humiliating and part arousing. Em’s best friend and her husband practice retention and he and I discuss our plight from time to time. We’ve all gone out and discussed it openly as well. It normalizes in conversation pretty quickly.

Emma has mentioned in previous blogs that your penis size is average to somewhat below average. Are you self conscious about this? Does it bother you when she writes something like this in the blog?

It is accurate and I can’t do much about it. She had previous boyfriends that were larger and smaller than me so I am somewhere in the middle. Em can get sore quickly so I think my smaller size might allow us to make love longer. When I am retaining I have more stamina so we can go for 30+ minutes. I am getting more comfortable with knowing that the internet is anonymous so it doesn’t bother me to share this kind of info.

Have you discussed sharing her with another guy? With the recent blog about compersion is that something you would want to feel while she enjoys a different man?

I’ve told Em that I want her to be satisfied, and I am comfortable with our relationship. If she wanted to go this direction I would be interested. I imagine that it would be very hot watching her, she is undoubtedly my favorite porn star.

Do you ever have PIV sex during the same session that Emma pegs you? How are those sessions different?

We do sometimes. When Em pegs me, it is about asserting dominance but I do want to be clear that it isn’t about hurting me. It is more about showing me how to best love her. Some of the fetishy sites make it sound like pegging is about punishing or hurting the man. I can’t speak for others but with Em, it is never about that. Sometimes the closeness of this kind of session gets her in the mood for more. More often than not, she desires that I put the strapon on and use it to pleasure her. It goes without saying that we take a break to clean it thoroughly and put a condom on it before penetrating her. I enjoy laying with her when we are both physically exhausted from loving each other in our own way.

What are the three most important lessons you have learned about proper behavior, i.e. towards women/your wife?

I’ve really come to understand that women are not sex objects and I am not owed sex by a woman even if I am in a relationship with her. She is free to share her body and sexuality with me if she chooses but a relationship or even a ring doesn’t entitle me to anything. Women have the reputation for being the more emotional sex but I’ve found that men have just as many emotions and they cloud us from being able to truly communicate. We have male emotions that prevent us from emotionally connecting with women, only through controlling our sexual hormones do we open the lines of communication.

I’ve grown closer to Em, to my mother, my grandmother and other women. I feel like my eyes are open to a different way of projecting myself and communicating with the women in my life.

What the did the spankings teach you, i.e what behaviors did they stop or instill in you?

I will be honest and say that the spankings taught me that Em was capable of being very dominant and assert herself in ways that I didn’t know were possible. We found that we spent more time repairing both physical and emotional damage than we do by using my ejaculations as the corrective measure. We first discussed spankings after I had been locked for almost two weeks, I was hungry for anything sexual that I could get my hands on. Em and I have found that my mind starts wandering towards the BDSM side the longer that I am locked.

I much enjoyed the idea of being spanked but that only lasted for the first few minutes. Once I started feeling intense pain to the point of tears, I regretted my decision. I wanted to be strong for Em so I rarely used our safe word even when I was sobbing. Em didn’t give up, she would apply some aloe to my red and bruised bottom, give me a huge hug, thank me for being open to allowing her to correct me in such a way. Then she would send me to the corner for 45 minutes to an hour to think about what I had learned.

Emma has mentioned that she loves teasing and you’ve said that you love being teased. Can you share any examples of things that she has done to tease you?

I came up with so many but Em cut this one off and told me to save those for a follow-up blog. Some of them are pretty saucy and creative so stay tuned!

That’s all for now but I’ll be happy to answer any more questions that you might have. Just remember to post your questions in the forum. Thanks for letting me share. Cheers! ?



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Interesting and enjoyable series of blog posts, Kevin. Thanks to you and Emma for sharing.

My girlfriend and I are doing it more from a fun, secret, sexy, kinky point of view. So many different approaches. Fun ahoy!


I am tickled by how this is not supposed to be a femdom site, but it is full of clear femdom signaling.

* For example, how does pegging constitute evolving him?
* How does spanking or punishing him evolve him?
* Does calling out his “average to below average” penis size seem at all like a form of small penis humiliation? How does that evolve him?

Emma, in the rules of your relationship, are you allowed to have sex with whomever you please whenever you please, but your hubby can only have sex with you and only when you permit it? I am trying to understand how far you two take this game as a couple and what is permitted.



Emma is the Dominant partner here, she calls the shots. Kevin is the sub, he has no say so. He has to accept what Emma chooses. It is Emma’s choice if she wants to cuckold Kevin, she makes the rules. Kevin needs to stay locked and accept this. This helps develop Kevin’s role as a sub and develop his emotional connection with Emma. This is a proper FLR.


Not sure there is a universal definition of a “proper FLR” because it is subjective and defined by the couple involved. Although I suppose each of these statements could be argued as technically true, I suspect that Emma may have a different perspective on the labels implied in each of them. In the end, all that matters is what Emma, Kevin and now Andrew want and need out of their relationship individually and collectively.


Dear Emma, Dear Kevin,

Thank you for explaining his perspective and being so honest. I have to say i am a little bit concerned about two things you said.

„Had a couple of what can best be described as tantrums. I went to bed crying a few times from the sheer frustration and my need for sexual release. She was very clear about this being a term of our relationship. If I didn’t learn to adjust, we were simply over.“
„Em is very clear about many of the things in our relationships being non-negotiable.“

Honestly that sound from my perspective that Kevin has to choose between two options that he both doesn’t like.

I althow have a couple of questions.
When you orgasm, do you orgasm through masturbation, a handjob, oral, PIV or something else?
Emma: Do you masturbate on your own, or does Kevin gives you every orgasm you want to have?


We’re interested in learing more about the non negotiable part… how did you come to this conclusion and how did Kevin come around to accepting it?


It does… and I love your writing style. See, with us, it was different. I got the idea while watching an episode of Californication — you know the one I am talking about. I bought him a cage and started testing the waters – but it always came off and it took weeks for him to put it back on. He’s super worried about going outside the house with it on, worried that the submissive angle of it, so I’m doing my best to figure out how to be more domineering and getting him used to it.


This is interesting to see from his point of view. I want to try pegging some time with him but we havent done it yet. Soon.


Love this blog too, as much as the first. I really do love these Q&A’s that you do Emma. thank you.

“It did also help as my mind stopped expecting orgasms with each time we had sex.”

When this happened in our relationship it was an enormous milestone for us. This one thing is the single most beneficial thing in our relationship when it comes to the to the incredible sex my wife and I have now. Who would’ve ever thought that a man would enjoy sex way more after having his orgasms be significantly restricted, and I mean significantly. How crazy is that that the dull ache I get in my balls is enjoyable?

Thank you for this marvelous series of Q&A!



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